This is the one…the one you’ve all been waiting for

[Touche]

Dobler, I read your thread when you posted it. It was heartbreaking to say the least. I even shared the story with my MM. He was saddened as well. As I stated above, I'm definitely willing to fight. Realistically, (yes Touche, I can be a realist) this is the biggest competition of my life. I'm well aware of this fact. It's just a non-issue for me because I know the end will justify the means.

 

I now know the full meaning of the word pomposity.

 

I'm not seeing this as being pompous...just extremely misguided. And kind of strange really. I'm so curious about this competition thing.

 

I've always suspected that OW's see it as such but I've never actually seen one say it out loud (or type it anyway.) Odd.

 

And Full Of, guess who usually loses in the "competition?" Sadly, the poor wife will be stuck with this liar though, so she won't really be the winner either.

[2sunny]

and this is why i don't blame the OW - she is just misguided at times by believing his words vs his actions - or - to be precise - his non-actions.

 

it tends to create an atmosphere of delusion or an illusion of sorts - from the OW perspective because she WANTS to believe his words so badly that she sets herself up for a great deal of pain in the long haul.

 

try to view it from a perspective without all the emotions involved - it will make the picture much more clear for you.

[hopesndreams]

I'm not convinced this thread is kosher. It's kinda entertaining though, but it does distract from other posters who are really in need of help. Looks to me as though she has all the answers and is just playing games.

[whichwayisup]

The thing is, he didn't choose this divorce - His wife did. I do wonder if he would have still gone through with leaving his wife and the 'plan' if she didn't find out about the affair.

 

Your hope is based on what he's telling you, problem is, sometimes your reality, what you believe, isn't really what is truly going on.

 

Either way, your MM isn't the fantasic nice guy he claims to be. If he can cheat on the woman he married, had chilldren with, said vows infront of family and friends, you better make sure HE gets counseling to fix his flaw and learn about committment. What he did to her, he could easily do to you.

[Full Of Hope]

Maybe "competition" was the wrong word to use. The competition portion of my relationship has been over for quite some time now. It ended the second he decided to be with me.

A better statement might have been "This is the biggest challenge of my life."

[hopesndreams]

Maybe "competition" was the wrong word to use. The competition portion of my relationship has been over for quite some time now. It ended the second he decided to be with me.

A better statement might have been "This is the biggest challenge of my life."

 

Ummm...not much better. I'm outta here.

[Full Of Hope]

I'm not convinced this thread is kosher. It's kinda entertaining though, but it does distract from other posters who are really in need of help. Looks to me as though she has all the answers and is just playing games.

 

I wasn't posting for answers. I was posting because this forum could use a story with a happy ending and this is it.

I'm not wondering if I should leave him, or trying to convince myself I'm on the right path... You're right. I know the answers to these questions...just as I stated in my original post.

 

What happened hopesndreams? Thought you were on my side

[whichwayisup]

Until those D papers are signed, then he's yours. Until then, he's still very married to his wife.

 

Let me ask, do they still sleep in the same room? Do they still attend family functions together?

[2sunny]

if you are unwilling to answer any questions - then all i have to conclude is that you aren't asking for advice at all - that you only intend to brag and throw this out there again and again.

 

what is it that you are asking for by posting here? especially if you don't answer any questions. people need more information to your progress in order to help - otherwise this is all a moot thread.

[Touche]

I'm not convinced this thread is kosher. It's kinda entertaining though, but it does distract from other posters who are really in need of help. Looks to me as though she has all the answers and is just playing games.

 

You know, I kind of alluded to that earlier. I'm not sure either. But until we know for sure, I guess I'll give Full Of, the benefit of the doubt. Maybe we'll help open up her eyes, if nothing else.

 

Which, and it seems he lied to the wife more than once.

 

Ok, just saw your last post there, Full Of...you say the competition ended the minute he decided to be with you...hmm...has he? Doesn't he still live with his wife? Don't they still sleep together? Aren't you in a different state than he is? How is he "with" you?

 

And again, what does "the end justifies the means" mean? What means? What if he's not gone by the end of the year, which I doubt he will be unless the wife throws his sorry ass out.

[2sunny]

I wasn't posting for answers. I was posting because this forum could use a story with a happy ending and this is it.

I'm not wondering if I should leave him, or trying to convince myself I'm on the right path... You're right. I know the answers to these questions...just as I stated in my original post.

 

What happened hopesndreams? Thought you were on my side

 

oh honey - this hasn't ended one bit... in fact it is only the beginning of a very long and difficult path you have chosen for yourself.

 

like i said... delusional!

[norajane]

Has he done anything to change his position for him to be with me? Yes, he has. Mostly with work. Our boss knows our situation, and they are working together to make some changes within the company so that we will be able to live in the same state.

 

:eek::eek:

 

You told your boss you two are having an affair? Did you tell your boss, did MM tell him, or both of you? OMG, why would you tell the person you work for that you're having an affair? Before MM and his W have filed for divorce? :eek:

 

And your boss agreed to making changes in the company to accommodate a MM having an affair who isn't divorced yet and the OW? It's a business, why would the boss change the company for you?

 

And they are working together? Aren't you part of that? Why would you sit on the sidelines while they are making changes that will affect your job?

 

:eek::eek:

[whichwayisup]

Usually OW who do end up with their MM or an OM ends up with their MW, post about it after the fact. How many threads have we seen that actually turn out to be the opposite of what the plan was?

[carhill]

Hey, since everyone's on the same page and his wife wants a divorce, why not go visit him? Five hour plane ride and you're there. Flying is cheap right now. He can show you all the great actions he's taken to support the words he's spoken. If I were in his place, I'd be happy to. Book that ticket today

[Touche]

I wasn't posting for answers. I was posting because this forum could use a story with a happy ending and this is it.

I'm not wondering if I should leave him, or trying to convince myself I'm on the right path... You're right. I know the answers to these questions...just as I stated in my original post.

 

What happened hopesndreams? Thought you were on my side

 

But you're giving people false hope really. Your situation remains to be seen. There's no happy ending here yet. I mean you've already been "with" him for almost a year and nothing has changed. Not sure why you think it will in the next few months. The guy is still sleeping with his wife you know. But I bet he told you they're in separate bedrooms, right?

[Touche]

:eek::eek:

 

You told your boss you two are having an affair? Did you tell your boss, did MM tell him, or both of you? OMG, why would you tell the person you work for that you're having an affair? Before MM and his W have filed for divorce? :eek:

 

And your boss agreed to making changes in the company to accommodate a MM having an affair who isn't divorced yet and the OW? It's a business, why would the boss change the company for you?

 

And they are working together? Aren't you part of that? Why would you sit on the sidelines while they are making changes that will affect your job?

 

:eek::eek:

 

I know, right? That's why I said this didn't pass the smell test for me. Either this is a totally made up scenario, or the MM is totally lying to her and she's buying this ridiculous story. I mean what's in it for the company? It's ridiculous. I bet he told her the boss is a good friend and wants to help or some such nonsense.

 

Hey, since everyone's on the same page and his wife wants a divorce, why not go visit him? Five hour plane ride and you're there. Flying is cheap right now. He can show you all the great actions he's taken to support the words he's spoken. If I were in his place, I'd be happy to. Book that ticket today

 

How do you know they're 5 hours away by plane? Did I miss something? Wow, that makes it even worse! How the heck is he "hers?":confused:

[carhill]

How do you know they're 5 hours away by plane? Did I miss something? Wow, that makes it even worse! How the heck is he "hers?"

 

No real insight other than seeing "2174 miles away" in her location field. Since I fly transcons a lot here in the US, that's pretty close to a typical transcon, so 5-6 hours depending on direction and winds. About 300.00 round-trip currently. Book today

[xpaperxcutx]

if you are unwilling to answer any questions - then all i have to conclude is that you aren't asking for advice at all - that you only intend to brag and throw this out there again and again.

 

what is it that you are asking for by posting here? especially if you don't answer any questions. people need more information to your progress in order to help - otherwise this is all a moot thread.

 

 

No need to be get bent over, she's not really asking for advice. She's merely stating her own relationship issues and trying to lift up this forum a bit. Although the end result hasn't really come to a conclusion yet, she's optimistic that her story will have a happy ending.

[xpaperxcutx]

No real insight other than seeing "2174 miles away" in her location field. Since I fly transcons a lot here in the US, that's pretty close to a typical transcon, so 5-6 hours depending on direction and winds. About 300.00 round-trip currently. Book today

 

Oh I agree with you carhill, she should just fly out there.

 

The only reason the OP is not with the MM is because of the wife right? Since the wife now already knows of his infidelity, and is seeking a divorce, why not fly out and rent an apartment with him? I doubt since they're in divorce that the wife will want MM in the same house let alone same bed with her.

[Touche]

No real insight other than seeing "2174 miles away" in her location field. Since I fly transcons a lot here in the US, that's pretty close to a typical transcon, so 5-6 hours depending on direction and winds. About 300.00 round-trip currently. Book today

 

Thanks, Carhill. Pretty observant. Well, I'm sure he doesn't want her flying to him and messing up things even more with his wife...so of course he's not urging her to fly there.

 

How often do you guys see each other, Full Of?

[carhill]

BTW, I would never advise the OP to do anything I haven't done myself. If you have any questions, happy to answer

[Touche]

BTW, I would never advise the OP to do anything I haven't done myself. If you have any questions, happy to answer

 

Huh? You flew out to see your MM?

[carhill]

Huh? You flew out to see your MM?

No TJ's and no I'm not gay LOL but I did fly back east to visit my friend (the MW from many years ago) for the first time in 14 years a couple years ago. She was with her daughter who had just had a new baby. The point is, distance is not an obstacle, nor should it be. The MM should encourage this, if his feelings are indeed true.

 

The OP should be looking for clear actions from this MM, not plan A B C D. Each day brings one new action into play. Anything else is just electrons and hot air.

[xpaperxcutx]

No TJ's and no I'm not gay LOL but I did fly back east to visit my friend (the MW from many years ago) for the first time in 14 years a couple years ago. She was with her daughter who had just had a new baby. The point is, distance is not an obstacle, nor should it be. The MM should encourage this, if his feelings are indeed true.

 

The OP should be looking for clear actions from this MM, not plan A B C D. Each day brings one new action into play. Anything else is just electrons and hot air.

 

This is so true. Afterall, they're divorcing because of the affair. I don't understand how the OW would make things worse, unless the wife decides not to get divorced just to spite the husband.

[Touche]

No TJ's and no I'm not gay LOL but I did fly back east to visit my friend (the MW from many years ago) for the first time in 14 years a couple years ago. She was with her daughter who had just had a new baby. The point is, distance is not an obstacle, nor should it be. The MM should encourage this, if his feelings are indeed true.

 

The OP should be looking for clear actions from this MM, not plan A B C D. Each day brings one new action into play. Anything else is just electrons and hot air.

 

Sorry, just trying to inject a little humor into this sad situation.

 

Everything you say here is very wise.