This is the one…the one you’ve all been waiting for

[NoIDidn't]

I wouldn't say I'm married to my job, but I definitely love it. If things don't work out with a transfer, I've decided to give it up. This was a very difficult decision for me. I've worked for this company since I graduated college...it's the only career I've ever had.

I will move his way, buy a house, get the kids in school....start a new life.

Could I quit now and move? Of course I could....but I'm not quite ready for that. There is a little more I would like to accomplish before I give it all up for love LOL.

Plus, I would like for him to be well on his way to divorce before I make a move like that. I may be full of hope, but I'm not a complete idiot.

 

DO NOT! I repeat, DO NOT move your kids across the country until you have seen the divorce papers and know they are on file in a city registrar's office where they filed.

 

Its one thing to ruin or uproot your own life, its totally another to do it to your kids.

[whichwayisup]

Your husband will just let you up and move, take the kids away from him? And you say your kids are young too.. Do you have shared custody with your husband?

 

Go to search and look in the files with the username imstunned. It's unbelievable how many MM LIE and are very good at it.

 

Read Heartbroken's threads..They're most recent.

 

You shouldn't go into this with such blind trust. Your truth is based on what he is telling you and it may not be the 'actual' truth of what is going on.

[NoIDidn't]

He has kids. She has kids. But she seems to think that he would just up and leave his kids and be with her and hers?

 

How odd?

 

I didn't think this way when I was 28. Very odd.

[NoIDidn't]

Your husband will just let you up and move, take the kids away from him? And you say your kids are young too.. Do you have shared custody with your husband?

 

Go to search and look in the files with the username imstunned. It's unbelievable how many MM LIE and are very good at it.

 

Read Heartbroken's threads..They're most recent.

 

You shouldn't go into this with such blind trust. Your truth is based on what he is telling you and it may not be the 'actual' truth of what is going on.

 

 

Also she should check out truthaboutdeception.com. All this talk about "I trust him, I have no reason not to, or I shouldn't be in a R with him" shows that she would really benefit from reading this site as well.

[Full Of Hope]

You didn't reply to my earlier post..

 

Again, he is giving up ALOT to be with you.

 

Please keep in mind that this MM of yours has lied to his wife. If he can lie and deceive her, the woman he married, the woman who was pregnant by him afew times, he can and WILL lie/omit truths to you. I don't mean this meanly, but what makes you believe that he is always honest with you, telling you the truth?

 

It makes me sad to think that you do believe he's sleeping on the couch, not having sex with his wife. If you believe this, then you're fooling yourself. Open your eyes, take a step back and try looking at your situation from a different angle. Maybe, just maybe, you'll see the red flags flapping that we all see.

 

Again, if I didn't think I could believe the things he tells me, why would I bother with him at all? You have to trust people at some point. Not everyone...but I would not be dealing with all of this if I didn't think he was the one for me.

Why would I be willing to turn my life upside down for someone I couldn't trust? I wouldn't. I think you all assume he's lying because it's what you're programmed to believe. "How could a man who cheats on his wife be trusted?" I can't answer that for any of you. I can only answer for myself...and I trust my guy without exception...

[whichwayisup]

You know, I'm actually not sure when that happened. Seems like it just did. One day we were having some drinks, the next we were planning a future together. It all happened very fast.

 

And what you need to realize is, since this moved fast, he could change his mind. He could re-think things..Or he could leave his wife, and then decide he misses her, the kids and all that they shared, and go back home.. It happens.

Why did I move forward? He was (and still is) an addiction for me. I just can't get enough of him.

 

Then this isn't "love" it's sexual lust and an addiction. If it was true love then you wouldn't be competing for him - And, you would want what was best for him, even if it wasn't you.

[Full Of Hope]

How long is he married anyway?

 

How old are the kids? If they're under 12 it's highly unlikely, in my opinion that he will leave.

 

I'll tell you what other feeling there's nothing like...how about when he tells you he's sorry but he wants to work it out with his wife? That feeling will be like nothing else either, I suspect.

 

 

He's been married for 12 years, and yes...the kids are young.

 

How does one become this cynical?

[Touche]

I wouldn't say I'm married to my job, but I definitely love it. If things don't work out with a transfer, I've decided to give it up. This was a very difficult decision for me. I've worked for this company since I graduated college...it's the only career I've ever had.

I will move his way, buy a house, get the kids in school....start a new life.

Could I quit now and move? Of course I could....but I'm not quite ready for that. There is a little more I would like to accomplish before I give it all up for love LOL.

Plus, I would like for him to be well on his way to divorce before I make a move like that. I may be full of hope, but I'm not a complete idiot.

 

Is anyone else seeing the contradiction there, or is it me?

 

Glad to know you're not a complete fool Full Of. And I for one, never thought you'd be mean enough to let the kids know that you were responsible in part, for the breakup of their parents' marriage. I don't think you'd do that, for what it's worth.

 

But somewhere within you you must know that what you're doing here is very, very wrong. I hope one day that another woman doesn't do to you what you're doing to her.

 

And I hope you find a man who wouldn't DREAM of even doing such a thing as what this jerk is doing to his wife and family.

 

As to the last post of yours about trust. That's where the delusion comes in. The kind of trust you're talking about has a name. It's called BLIND TRUST. Know what that is?

 

It's trust that has nothing to back it up. It's trust based solely on lust, and intuition and fantasy.

 

Tell me ONE thing...just one concrete thing, that tells you that he can be trusted.

 

And it can't be something he TOLD you. It has to be an ACTION.

 

I'll eat my hat if you can even come up with one thing.

[Full Of Hope]

DO NOT! I repeat, DO NOT move your kids across the country until you have seen the divorce papers and know they are on file in a city registrar's office where they filed.

 

Its one thing to ruin or uproot your own life, its totally another to do it to your kids.

 

Wouldn't dream of it...no worries there.

[Full Of Hope]

Your husband will just let you up and move, take the kids away from him? And you say your kids are young too.. Do you have shared custody with your husband?

 

I have the greatest ex-husband in the world. He has a lot of flexibility with his career. Even if we moved he would be able to see them as often as he wants to. He wants me to be happy.

 

(Yes, I'm aware of how crazy this sounds)

[Full Of Hope]

He has kids. She has kids. But she seems to think that he would just up and leave his kids and be with her and hers?

 

How odd?

 

I didn't think this way when I was 28. Very odd.

 

You forget that it's me who plans on moving...so he can still be near his kids.

[jwi71]

Have you informed your xH (ex-husband) that you are moving across country and taking the children?

 

I find it utterly shocking that your xH would allow this...I figure at least a lawsuit and several months delay while he very poignantly points out this is very disruptive to the agreed settlements and his children. He may not win...but he sure as hell can throw a monkey wrench into this (I would...not to be mean to my xW, but to keep my children near me).

 

What ACTIONS has he taken and can prove? Any? Can he PROVE what he says?

 

Your D was done in 30 days? 30 DAYS?

 

You divided assests and arranged custody in 30 days...wow...unbelieveable.

[NoIDidn't]

Again, if I didn't think I could believe the things he tells me, why would I bother with him at all? You have to trust people at some point. Not everyone...but I would not be dealing with all of this if I didn't think he was the one for me.

Why would I be willing to turn my life upside down for someone I couldn't trust? I wouldn't. I think you all assume he's lying because it's what you're programmed to believe. "How could a man who cheats on his wife be trusted?" I can't answer that for any of you. I can only answer for myself...and I trust my guy without exception...

 

Its not (only) the fact that he's cheating on his W that leads people to say that. If you check out the link that I put up (truthaboutdeception.com), you will find that we lie most to those that we KNOW won't suspect us of lying to them (friends and family). That's how he was treating his W, but sounds like she was smart enough to snoop and know that something was going on.

 

I think it would behoove you to think more critically about what he is saying. I am not saying assume that he is lying. I am saying line up what he says with what you actually see him doing.

[Touche]

He's been married for 12 years, and yes...the kids are young.

 

How does one become this cynical?

 

Wow, 12 years! OMG! He's sooooo overdue then. wow.

 

As for how did I become so cynical. I'm not dear. It's called experience. Some would even call it wisdom (at my advanced stage in life:laugh:.)

 

I'm no genius. I've just been through a lot in this life. I've seen it all. I was single for a long time and I've been married for a long time. I've weathered the whole stepmother storms, I've gone through divorce, I've weathered storms in our own marriage with a stepson and a child of our own and times when we weren't so loving, and on and on and on.

 

And I'm ashamed to tell you why I came to LS in the first place. I'm no angel. I know what can happen when you're married a long time.

 

And I also know then when you have a family and love your spouse, as I'm sure he does after 12 years and young kids, you don't just walk away. You work it out and you grow together.

 

So call me cynical if you want. Or call me experienced and knowing. It's your call.

 

I know which one I am.

[bentnotbroken]

Again, if I didn't think I could believe the things he tells me, why would I bother with him at all? You have to trust people at some point. Not everyone...but I would not be dealing with all of this if I didn't think he was the one for me.

Why would I be willing to turn my life upside down for someone I couldn't trust? I wouldn't. I think you all assume he's lying because it's what you're programmed to believe. "How could a man who cheats on his wife be trusted?" I can't answer that for any of you. I can only answer for myself...and I trust my guy without exception...

 

 

So did his wife at one point. See how she got shafted.

[NoIDidn't]

Your D was done in 30 days? 30 DAYS?

 

You divided assests and arranged custody in 30 days...wow...unbelieveable.

 

Its possible in Texas. My girlfriend was totally divorced in 60 days due to property division (no kids). I was shocked it could be done so quickly.

[jwi71]

Its possible in Texas. My girlfriend was totally divorced in 60 days due to property division (no kids). I was shocked it could be done so quickly.

 

I'm in Texas and there is a statutory 60 day wait. You can't do ANYTHING for 60 days...then after that you can start...then wait the 6-9 month backlog in the family courts...ugh

[NoIDidn't]

I'm in Texas and there is a statutory 60 day wait. You can't do ANYTHING for 60 days...then after that you can start...then wait the 6-9 month backlog in the family courts...ugh

 

My GF doesn't have kids, so that's probably why they just needed to sign the papers once the 60 days was up.

 

I imagine if they had kids, it would have taken much longer as she is from VA and planning to move back.

 

Sorry about the TJ, folks.

[Full Of Hope]

Glad to know you're not a complete fool Full Of. And I for one, never thought you'd be mean enough to let the kids know that you were responsible in part, for the breakup of their parents' marriage. I don't think you'd do that, for what it's worth.

 

Tell me ONE thing...just one concrete thing, that tells you that he can be trusted.

 

And it can't be something he TOLD you. It has to be an ACTION.

 

Thank you for that.

 

One thing, huh? Any example I would have of this would be too specific. I've tried my best to stay away from specifics as much as possible. You wouldn't be pleased with any of my answers though, as they are all work related. But, he's always come through for me in that arena...

[Full Of Hope]

Have you informed your xH (ex-husband) that you are moving across country and taking the children?

 

Your D was done in 30 days? 30 DAYS?

 

You divided assests and arranged custody in 30 days...wow...unbelieveable.

 

Yes, I have. Like I said, he's a good guy with the flexibility to travel.

 

Yes, we did. We agreed on everything though...nothing to contest. I'm sure that helps speed along the process.

[NoIDidn't]

Yes, I have. Like I said, he's a good guy with the flexibility to travel.

 

Yes, we did. We agreed on everything though...nothing to contest. I'm sure that helps speed along the process.

 

But what about your kids' feelings? Who says they want to move across the country so their mom can be with some guy?

 

These kind of things take time to ease onto kids. I think you are putting the cart before the horse.

[carhill]

I don't travel much these days, but when I do we meet every time. We take advantage of any opportunity we can to see one another. <snip>

 

We see each other about every 6 weeks. For the first 7 or 8 months it was weekly. I really miss those days.

 

Can I gather by this quote that he either visits you or you meet in a neutral travel location, likely dictated by work?

 

When was the last time you were in his home city? I think it's really important to see/experience someone in their home environment. Would you agree? Why?

 

Just so you know, I was an OM at 25 and, many years later, became a MM. Same OP. I've learned a lot about the psychology of infidelity from the man's perspective. Trying to remain positive here

[Touche]

Thank you for that.

 

One thing, huh? Any example I would have of this would be too specific. I've tried my best to stay away from specifics as much as possible. You wouldn't be pleased with any of my answers though, as they are all work related. But, he's always come through for me in that arena...

 

No need for thanks, FOH. I really don't think you're a bad person and certainly not mean...just a little misguided and sorry, deluded.

 

I sure don't want you to give up your anynonimity (sp?) but I was talking about giving me one little measly example of something he's come through with ACTIONS that is NOT work-related but instead related to the relationship you have with him now for one year.

 

What has he actually DONE, not said, that leads you to believe that this is going in the direction you'd hoped it would.

 

As it stands right now, you're seeing even LESS of him than you were before. And while that may be out of his control, if he were really madly in love with you and can't wait to spend the rest of his life with you, he'd at least make sure he saw you a couple of weekends or so a month. I mean his wife already knows about all of this and he's leaving anyway, right?

 

It's wonderful that in the work arena, he's come through for you. But that's not where it counts now after a year is it?

 

I've had many people in the past who have been loyal associates. That didn't mean I would want them as life-long partners. Just sayin'.

[xpaperxcutx]

Thank you for that.

 

One thing, huh? Any example I would have of this would be too specific. I've tried my best to stay away from specifics as much as possible. You wouldn't be pleased with any of my answers though, as they are all work related. But, he's always come through for me in that arena...

 

Now that wouldn't be fair. Without specifics how will we ever know if you guys are going to end up together....

[Can'tGiveUp]

 

Your D was done in 30 days? 30 DAYS?

 

You divided assests and arranged custody in 30 days...wow...unbelieveable.

 

Where I live you have to wait a year for D unless there is abuse.

 

Notwithstanding that, my ex-H and I resolved everything in a 2 hour meeting with a mediator and had a legal separation drawn up and signed before he even left the house. Everything done - custody, visitation, divided assets, transferred property titles - all in about a week.

 

The D was no problem after that. File the papers and wait the 30 days.