mydarbin Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Hey guys, I just turned 21, and Im still a virgin, for various reasons. I cant get any dates for the life of me. Ive tried bars, but when other guys start hitting on the same girl as me I just dont find it worth my time to compete with them so I just leave. Ive kissed a girl on 2 separate occasions since I was 15 (no exaggeration). I think I have pretty good traits though, I can cook, im not afraid of cleaning, and I have pretty good technical skills. Bad thing is though, i dont have much in common with people. I dont watch hockey (it is popular at work and in the area... but... BOORING), (or cable TV for that matter... TV is a waste of time)... and for the TV I do watch, it is cartoons (venture bros, aqua teen hunger force), anime, or obscure movies. I hate most of the **** hollywood puts out. I find most popular bands boring, because most of their songs are about relationships.... I simply cant relate to their songs. Im learning guitar, but once again, I only know songs that most people wouldnt know. So because of my interests, I have nothing to talk about with people I havent met/dont know. I hate club music with a passion.... Every time I go to the bar now, i get depressed when I hear sexually charged lyrics... And when im drinking with my friends, sometimes they play this stupid "Never Have I ever" game, and I just say stupid **** when my turn comes while everyone else talks about their sexual experiences... And then, a few nights in college, my roomate would come in with a drunk girl and start having sex with her while I was in the room... I ****ing flipped out on them on multiple occasions because it made me insecure, but after that, I think they told the rest of the residence because everyone sort of treated me like an *******. As for my standards, they are not super high, just as long as the girl is taking care of her health, and has a decent face, really, thats all I care about. So, why the **** havent I ever really gotten into a relationship yet? I got close in college but one of my friends stole her before I could ask her out.... Im starting to get impatient... But I dont want to start things with a prostitute or whatever desperate, drunk-ass trash I can get at the bar... i can wait a little. Ive tried plentyoffish, but no real success yet, maybe a couple convos... one of them looked promising but she turned out to have a kid... thats one thing i cant settle on... im only 21, ive never even went past kissing yet... no way in hell am i going to look after someone elses kid just for a little compassion. Am I being unrealistic here? I know I want to blame everything on bad luck and circumstance, but in reality, I am probably at fault and just dont know any better. But the fact is, I still dont know how I can improve. Ive been trying so long that I just dont know how much longer I can go unsuccessful before giving up completely. /End rant Link to post Share on other sites
ABrokenWing Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 You are only 21. You have a lot of time left. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 You sound quite bitter... Do you think this comes across when you are out and being social? Link to post Share on other sites
Warheart82 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Hey bro, I'm 21 as well, Ive only had sex with 2 girls at the moment, but that is because I'm selective. If there is one thing I have learned thus far in life its that desperationg is a COMPLETE AND UTTER turn off to women. From your post, it wouldnt suprise me in the least if you wore your desperation on your sleeve when you went out and its probably very easy for women to pick up on. Then there is another problem, you are out there looking for love. In my opinion, you don't go out there and look for girls, it happens. Every girl I've ever dated I've met through random coincidences while just living my life. If you just go about your daily life, working, school, whatever you do and you can be happy being yourself and single, you will get girls its just a matter of time. Hope that helps you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lights Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I'm dangerously close to 30, and I'm in a similar situation as the others. Too many things in my life do not change, regardless of my efforts. To this day I have no idea what it takes. Everything I've attempted, seen, or heard of seems to be just another lie... If you just go about your daily life, working, school, whatever you do and you can be happy being yourself and single, you will get girls its just a matter of time. Stuff like this doesn't help anyone. Living one's life, even if one is single by choice during that time, doesn't necessarily mean that one will get women to be interested in one. It is not merely a matter of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Warheart82 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 It is a matter of time, women can sense desperation like piranas can sense blood lol. If you are desperate, I'm not suprised you havent been able to land a woman. Think about it, would you want to date somebody who was utterly desperate to date any man that came her way? I for one would be completely turned off by that. Independance is key. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 It is a matter of time, women can sense desperation like piranas can sense blood lol. If you are desperate, I'm not suprised you havent been able to land a woman. Think about it, would you want to date somebody who was utterly desperate to date any man that came her way? I for one would be completely turned off by that. Independance is key. 35 and nothing. No sex, no kisses, no love, just painful lonliness. I try to hide my desperation, but can't. When I call a woman, they know and want to get off the phone within 45 seconds. They can hear the desperation in my voice. Link to post Share on other sites
Lights Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 It is a matter of time, women can sense desperation like piranas can sense blood lol. If you are desperate, I'm not suprised you havent been able to land a woman. Think about it, would you want to date somebody who was utterly desperate to date any man that came her way? I for one would be completely turned off by that. Independance is key. Independence of what is key to what? Care to prove that it is a matter of time, and to prove that living one's life will automagically put one around desirable women by mysterious coincidence and make them interested in one sexually? Sorry pal. If you don't know how to directly teach someone the relevant skills to get people to treat one positively while they live their lives, just say you don't know. Don't spout platitudes; they don't help anyone. There are many of us here who do live our lives, and yet the "matter of time" hasn't been what you say. Link to post Share on other sites
kahn2154 Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 22 male here. Never even kissed a girl. same ... Link to post Share on other sites
kahn2154 Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Actually just remembered I turned 23 a week ago, so 23 year old virgin ugh Link to post Share on other sites
andy.macca Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 haha just turned 20 so I guess I am new to the club! Not really that worried tbh. Never had a gf, only kiss was with a girl in a game of spin the bottle. Don't remember her name or what she looked like but my friends tell me she wasn't bad at all, so I'm at peace about that. It'll come, and if I have to wait until I get married that is cool as well Link to post Share on other sites
retiredguy Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Mydarbin, relax and play it cool. You're uncomfortable in the meat market. Fine. There are lots and lots of women who share your opinion. I suggest putting yourself into a number of no-pressure social situations where eligible women are present-- clubs, political activity, volunteering, evening courses, etc. Dress well, smile, don't be afraid of who you are. If you see someone interesting, talk to them. A few words is all it takes to get the ball rolling, but don't latch on to the first woman who shows some interest. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
on_point Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 In my opinion, YOU ALL NEED TO FIND YOUR MASCULINITY! Unfortunately, it doesn't come easy to all of us, myself included. I'm 24 now.. absent father for the most part and had no guidance on how to embrace my masculinity. However, I educated myself and sought after the understanding of my masculine self. And so I encourage all of you to do the same if you're looking to attract a WOMAN. Ive tried bars, but when other guys start hitting on the same girl as me I just dont find it worth my time to compete with them so I just leave.I understand you completely on this, however, it is IN OUR NATURE AS MEN to compete for the attention of women, to a certain extent. Find your masculinity and women will be attracted to you, I can guarantee that. Link to post Share on other sites
on_point Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 I'm dangerously close to 30, and I'm in a similar situation as the others. Too many things in my life do not change, regardless of my efforts. To this day I have no idea what it takes. Everything I've attempted, seen, or heard of seems to be just another lie... Stuff like this doesn't help anyone. Living one's life, even if one is single by choice during that time, doesn't necessarily mean that one will get women to be interested in one. It is not merely a matter of time. Lights, when I read this post I couldn't help but think of a "victim mentality" It sounds like you've given up.. that you don't believe in yourself anymore.. People are attracted to value.. and if you haven't invested heavily into yourself, who can blame anyone for not being attracted to someone who hasn't spent the time on the most important thing, themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
asireen Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 The most important thing is that you have age on your side. Be a little open minded. Older women, below average looking women, women of other races or nationalities, etc. Try to identify women who want you, rather than who you want. As you gain in experience, you will know how to approach the women you like. And most importantly, age is on YOUR side today, it will not stay forever. Link to post Share on other sites
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