I can't cope

[James]

I'm an 18 year old guy from England. I've got a real pain weighing on my heart and I'm wondering whether anyone can help me. I recently split up with my first love. Her name is Katy. We were together for 18 months. However, during the final 2 months, I began to get kinda bored with the routine, secure nature of the relationship. Basically, I wasn't happy. I thought about it for a while and then, two weeks ago, I decided to stop pretending and tell her it was over. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make but, although it sounds corny, I felt like I had to call it off BECAUSE I cared so much about her.

 

Anyway, she was devastated and I was crushed but, two weeks further down the line, I was beginning to feel at least a touch of hope. That was until today.

 

I found out that she is going out on Saturday night and that she is going to a nightclub which is renowned in the area for being 'Sex central' in the area. Apparently, she wants to pick up a guy to "let me know what it feels like" - although she knows I haven't been with anyone since her. I'm just so worried. She's hardly streetwise and she's just so innocent and unsuspecting. I just can't seem to deal with the thought of her getting hurt or even treated badly by some other guy. I really can't cope with the thought. I feel a range of emotions - sad (I miss her), angry (at her for wanting to hurt me) & angry at her friends (for urging her to do this). I don't know what to do. Please help - its driving me insane.

[Tony T]

You said you broke up with her because you were bored with the relationship and you weren't happy. You may refer to your post to read those words you wrote.

 

A BREAK UP IS A BREAK UP. You have no more say on what she does with her life. You set her free and if you have morals, ethics, and convictions, you will live by your word. Sure it hurts you but you must move on.

 

You don't need to keep track of her anymore. You are not seeing her and her life is her life. Let her go wherever she wants to go and do whatever she wants to do. It is not for you to say. Stop receiving messages about her activities, cease any and all communication with her...and just plain move on.

 

Does it make sense at all to be fond of a girl who would go out to the sex district just to "let you know what it feels like?" Perhaps SHE wants to see what it feels like. Don't waste your time thinking about it.

 

Now breaking up because you care so much sounds really odd as well. You were bored, you weren't happy in the relationship but you did care. OK, I'll try to understand that.

 

Now if you REALLY care about her and about yourself, move on and delete her from your hard drive. If you are going to obsess with this thing, let this be a lesson that when you are bored with something, hire a consultant that will help you get excited again...don't get out of the situation.

 

I have lived in England and I know some of the loveliest, sweetest and kindest ladies live there. So you can't tell me there aren't more out there for you. And until you get some age on you, chances are you will become bored with each new romance in time. Eventually, you will learn that love and contentment, however boring, is the best thing on earth. But for now, raise some hell!!!

[Miranda]

James, you broke it off with this girl.

 

If you find yourself feeling angry, jealous, sad, etc., that she is seeming to go on with her life without you, then you need to talk to her about your feelings. Otherwise, you will need to let this go.

 

I don't know how well the communication was in your relationship, or how the break up was...but..

 

do you REALLY think she will ever trust you after you broke it off?

 

18 is a very young age. I'm 30. The first love I had at age 17 is still a pleasant memory. You may need to move on.

[CHER]

Since you broke up with her, you have no right to be in her business like that. Ask yourself if you really love her or do you just find her more convienent that being alone? Leave the girl alone until you figure out what you want.