Do I love her or not?

[SuperHands]

About a year ago I met someone from online dating. I wasn't attracted to her, but we got along well and decided to stay friends. After spending more time with her, i realised how incredibly well we clicked. She had every quality I looked for in a person and made me feel amazing to be around. She felt like home, but i still didn't fancy her.

 

A little bit later i began to feel like i was falling in love with her. I couldn't get her out of my head. I could see my future with her and her by my side. After a few days of this, i decided to tell i had very strong feelings for her.

 

Anyway, the next day i woke up feeling bad. That i had made a bad mistake and all the feelings of togetherness disappeared. I sadly had to tell her this and some how we remained friends.

 

Anyway, after spending a bit more time with her over a few months, i gave up on the idea of anything happening and was happy to just stay as friends. At this point, things started to develop between me and her friend and after a couple of months we got close but i had to call it off because the feelings came back again.

 

I had this overwhelming sense that we are meant to be together. I can't get over how comfortable and right I feel around her. However, in the last few days, these feelings have turned from what i thought was love to dis-interest again. When only last week a thought about her brought a smile to my face, it now makes me feel bad. But i don't know what this bad feeling is.

 

I have to ask myself if i'm scared? Is it guilt that I have hurt her friend?

 

I fear I have broken the relationship and should maybe move on, although i think it will be years before i find someone this right for me.

[xpaperxcutx]

You're overcompensating her friendship for something more because you're alone and you want to be in a relationship.You're being unfair to her.

 

You're better off having her as a friend rather than gf because you don't even know if you love her or not.

 

I'm actually astonished that she would put up with you. I would not a close friend to tell me they like me only to have them take their words back. I would kick them to the curb.

[SuperHands]

I'm not entirely sure i'm overcompensating. I mean i placed her squarely in the friends zone along time back and was happy with that. I didn't try to persue it any further. The re-emergence of these feelings have come from nowhere. I've never felt so complete as when I sit next to her.

 

And yes, I can hardly believe she spoke to me after i back tracked. Maybe it's because in her heart of hearts, she feels that something is supposed to happen between us, and felt it was best to keep the relationship going despite my actions.

[xpaperxcutx]

I'm not entirely sure i'm overcompensating. I mean i placed her squarely in the friends zone along time back and was happy with that. I didn't try to persue it any further. The re-emergence of these feelings have come from nowhere. I've never felt so complete as when I sit next to her.

 

And yes, I can hardly believe she spoke to me after i back tracked. Maybe it's because in her heart of hearts, she feels that something is supposed to happen between us, and felt it was best to keep the relationship going despite my actions.

 

Do not question her intentions until you have your own sorted out.

 

Do you hang out with any other girls? If that is not the case, then you're obviously hanging around her too much to confuse conformity for love.

 

How long ago were you in a relationship?

 

I feel that if you act on your impulses as opposed to instincts you would find yourself in a position of losing her as a friend. Simply because your feelings come and go and you backtrack on your actions without thinking about her feelings.

[Trialbyfire]

If you have to question whether you're in love with her or not, you're not. It appears that she's your emotional tampon.

[xpaperxcutx]

If you have to question whether you're in love with her or not, you're not. It appears that she's your emotional tampon.

Very well put.

[SuperHands]

Yes i have another girl mate I hang out with. I'm not sure why that would matter though.

 

It's been 2 years since my last relationship. I'm not a lonely person though and i'm not desperate to have a relationship. Yes, i would love to have one, but i'm very careful to make sure that I'm not getting into a relationship, just to satisfy my need for companionship.

 

I am very aware of my impulses, which is why this time, when the feelings re-surfaced, i didn't go in all guns blazing. She has no idea of how I feel right now and I wouldn't say anything, unless I was deadly sure.

[xpaperxcutx]

Yes i have another girl mate I hang out with. I'm not sure why that would matter though.

 

It's been 2 years since my last relationship. I'm not a lonely person though and i'm not desperate to have a relationship. Yes, i would love to have one, but i'm very careful to make sure that I'm not getting into a relationship, just to satisfy my need for companionship.

 

I am very aware of my impulses, which is why this time, when the feelings re-surfaced, i didn't go in all guns blazing. She has no idea of how I feel right now and I wouldn't say anything, unless I was deadly sure.

 

Step away from this emotional rollercoaster and try to meet other girls. By separating yourself a little from your girl friend you'll be able to see clearly whether your feelings were really true or not.

[SuperHands]

Thanks for offering your opinion paper cut. It helps.

 

I have been reading about all this love thing today and it seems I had most of the symptoms. But why they went away so quickly, i do not know.

 

I'm more inclined to go looking elsewhere, but it may mean I have to stop hanging around her which will hurt for a bit.

 

I guess if she really is the one for me, i'll come back.