SweetyBear Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I broke up with my boyfriend a little over two months ago. I regretted it within days and really wanted to reconcile, but he will not sit down and talk to me. He says that he wants to. He even makes plans to do so, but they have fallen through each and every time. I have been trying really hard to be patient, but that is SO not my strong suit. I have been trying because I know I hurt him a lot by what he'd consider giving up on him and on our relationship. Anyway, I've been leaving messages and texting and even talking to him a few times during these past months. He says that he's not indifferent to me, that us getting back together is up to me and that he just doesn't have the time to sit down and talk like we need to. I went total NC six days ago. It's really hard because I'm afraid he's just going to get in the groove of his work and life and we're never going to work this out. I love him so much and I made a lot of poor interpretations of his actions in our relationship. At least I think I did. I can't know for sure until we talk. Is NC the right way to go in this case? I don't want him to forget me or to think I'm no longer interested in having that conversation. I am on a roller coaster in that one day I'm thinking well, if he never contacts me, then I have the answer and another day, I'm desperate to talk to him and work it all out and get sad and hurt and then eventually angry because he won't sit down and talk to me. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 If he was really interested in getting back with you, I think you would see his interest a lot more clearly. Frankly, he doesn't seem all that bothered. I would not initiate contact, and tell him that the ball is in his court. he keeps putting the workload back on you. Fine, if you broke it off, then that's for you to live with. I get the impression there's a bit of punishing going on here. He's making you beg. Leave it be, and move on. It's never, ever the same the second time round, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetyBear Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 I think you're right, but it's just a harsh reality to accept. Today is one week of no contact at all. I have a lunch date today with a guy who is very hot and always makes me feel very hot. I am looking forward to it more than I thought I would. An hour of flirting and feeling back to "normal" will be good for me, I think. Thanks for replying. I often feel silly for being in the emotional state I am and I appreciate you taking the time to just point out reality. This has all been very hard for me. I was reading through some of the dating threads last night and I came across one to which most people said if a guy was really into you, he'd make time no matter how busy. I think that's true. Link to post Share on other sites
LukeC Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Not everyone thinks in the same way girls! I am going NC with my ex even though i called the split because she cheated on me and contacted the other guy once or twice since then. The only reason i am going NC is to show her i CAN live without her normally! I want her to chase me.. and so far she has a little, but i wonder how long she will keep it up, because i'm not ready to make a decision to move on or get back with her after only 3 days of NC.. and earlier today I find her telling her friends on Facebook how shes going to go out ever day of the night and she's going to her friends party where the guy she cheated on me with will be there. At first i recived a few messages saying she feels empty and heartbroken I didn't reply even thought i wanted to, if she really loves me that much she'll not give up so easily after 3 days right? I'm quite inexperienced at this stage so i'm sure this hasn't been of much help! But you've been heard and my heart goes out to you! :] Stay strong! Luke x Link to post Share on other sites
Taucher Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 LukeC and SweetyBear; you both left your partners? Most people on this forum are the ones who have been dumped (me included) and what advice are we constantly getting? TO GO NC! LukeC you left your gf after she cheated on you, and now you say 'she'll not give up so easily after 3 days, right?'. Well she will if she ever looks on this forum! She is doing NC on you as that is the way people say is to go. Your partners are possibly on NC and as the dumpers, I feel that you two should maybe make more of the effort. Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 That is the ridiculous scenario of reconciliation stalemate. Nobody knows what the other person's reasons are for NC but if there are at least 2 dumpers on here going NC because they are waiting/wanting for their ex's to reach out, who they dumped, it must be a pretty high amount of people outside this forum doing the same!!! And that is something I do not like at all, the thought that my ex isn't making an effort, coz she might be waiting for me to make a move. And don't forget, people are proud and stubborn. No wonder I've hardly heard from my ex!!! But in all fairness, LukeC's reason for NC is legitimate. And as for this from Sweety Bear - I was reading through some of the dating threads last night and I came across one to which most people said if a guy was really into you, he'd make time no matter how busy. I think that's true. This is a fair synopsis ONLY in the light of you actually being in contact. If you are not contacting him, who knows what he is thinking - I currently think that I can't contact my ex, as if I have no right to, and that if I do, I'm being desperate or ruining any chance of reconciliation at all. I know that if my ex contacted me tonight, tomorrow, whenever, I'd respond. I'm not a doormat. I just want to be with her, and know that reconcilation will take time and that if I don't we will waste away into history. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetyBear Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 My situation is a little odd, I'll admit. I did do the breaking up. It was about two months ago. Within a couple of days, I seriously regretted it and tried to talk to him. We did talk on the phone. He said we really need to sit down and work this out, talk about our relationship and about how to never let it get to this point again. Like I said, it's been about two months ago and he has not yet had the time to sit down and talk. I have begged and pleaded in voicemails, texts and email and occasionally when he's actually picked up the phone. He tells me he loves me and wants to work this out, but he does not have the time to see me. He has stood me up with no call or anything three times during this two months. I had to go NC because every time I contact him and he either responds positively and does not follow through or responds negatively, it hurts really bad and is like a total rejection each time. I don't know what he's feeling because he won't talk to me. So, what he has told me is that he doesn't have time. I hope what I'm doing is giving him the time he needs to think about it without any pressure from me about getting back together. I just think that I did wrong in the first month or so by constantly trying to schedule a time to get together or at least get him to really talk to me on the phone. I'm hoping all he needs is to think on it and in the meantime I'm working on me through therapy and trying to be okay with whatever happens. I was a total wreck because I broke up with him hastily in the middle of an argument in the middle of the night. I do take responsibility for the hurt I've caused him and so if he needs time to get over that hurt, I will give it to him. He knows very clearly how I feel and that I want him in my life again. It's just that two months is a long time in my opinion no matter how busy you are to not work things out if that's really what you want to do. So yes, it was me who initiated the breakup, but I wonder now if maybe he was just relieved. Like I say though, I don't know because he won't really talk to me and I'm done trying to get him to. I have tried everything I can except for just giving him space and time to consider what he really wants or if he can get over me hurting him. Link to post Share on other sites
lizzy_09 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I agree with drummerprince81. This is from your side of the situation SweetyBear. We can't read people's minds for their own reason. But if a man is truly interested, he'd make time no matter how busy. Remember the movie "Notting Hill" when Anna comes to the bookshop, hoping to resume their love affair, though William turns her down. Before she leaves, Anna says the famous line: "I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her". In relationships, people often encounter individual difference, it's not about the good times only, it's also about surviving the storm. You've got flaws, shortcomings and weakness just as he does, and if he can't love you for that, even when you've already shown him that you've regret what you've done and is sincere about going back to him. He'd be a blind fool not to have you back. Cause if you were that heartless, you wouldn't be that considerate or have no conscience at all to keep on hurting him. Maybe you should tell him this, that way he'd know your EVEN. And you go and move on with you life. Don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetyBear Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 I'm not sure what you mean by "even." Link to post Share on other sites
lizzy_09 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 I have been trying because I know I hurt him a lot by what he'd consider giving up on him and on our relationship. This is what I mean by even. By the way, what prompted you to break off with him in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Bear, a lot depends on how traumatic the breakup was. It seems to me that he isn't sure that it won't happen again, and that's why he is putting you off. If somebody broke your heart, how long would it take for you to trust them with it again? If you want him back, forget the e-mails and phone calls, go to him and tell him you're sorry to his face. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetyBear Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 All of you are right that this is from my point of view. I don't even know his point of view because he hasn't talked to me at any length about his view. I am only going off the limited information I have from him. We are supposed to be talking this weekend, probably on Friday, so hopefully we will both know where we stand and can make better decisions based on more information. We broke up in the first place because I felt that he wasn't prioritizing the relationship or me. Since then, I've come to realize that may have been more due to my own insecurities than what he was actually doing or not doing. Thing is, I won't know until we sit down and actually talk. Link to post Share on other sites
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