insecurity-jealousy and LDR

[Lovelymisa]

Please help I´m having a hard time dealing with my long distance relationship.

 

I have been together with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and now we have to be apart for a while due to me having to move back home to the states for a while. If everything goes well he will come and visit me for 21 days in August and then hopefully he will realizes how much he misses me and love me and would maybe want to marry me so we can be back in each other arms. That is my ultimate dream come true. That being said, right now I am going nuts. I am so anxious most of the time and I am so worried that he would not miss me and that he would find someone else to replace me. I am trying to put up a strong front so that I can leave with a good impression but its so hard- I just want to cry every time I think deep into the situation. All I can conjure up are negative thoughts- My ticket to come back to the states is in 12 hours….and i am going crazy inside, I feel so scared of the future and of the unknown. Last night his mom was telling him how this weekend (after i´m gone already) he should have a guys night out and relax with his friends. I really tried hard not to react but I failed and flipped out on him =( Just the thought of him going out and having fun laughing drinking and I am all alone in my house oceans away from him makes me so depress. He got upset with me because he never planned anything, he never said he would even go- it was only what his mom said and I jumped to conclusion. He assured me that he wouldn´t go. I still don´t feel better because what if he doesn´t go this time, but what about the next time? I came to realize that I won´t be here for all the memories anymore, the holidays-christmas for example, and I would not know whether or not he go out or not maybe he would just choose to not tell me so we won´t fight…I don´t know why I am being so controlling but this situation is out of my hands and I can´t control anything and it is driving me crazy and i´m a bundle of nerves- Also I heard his brother saying that this coming Friday they should all go out to lunch together with co-workers and i know for a fact that there will be one girl there. She already has a boyfriend, she is one of the co-workers…i know i should not even think about being jealous of her but i am!!! Why does she get to see my bf and be there with him and i´ll be oceans away??? Life is not fair!! I know I need to keep my cool and be on my best behavior and just try to relax but it is sooooo hard. One thing for sure though is if i keep this sillyness up he will NEVER want to marry me and I will push him far away and lose him in the end. I know it is normal for him to still go on with his life here even though i´m not physically here we are not broken up so i am still a part of his life. He can definitely still laugh and have fun without me, it does not mean he doesn´t miss me or love me…but this doesn´t comfort me enough =( Just the thought of him going out, even if there are no girls around, scares me. It is unrealistic to think he would just go to work go home, go fishing (it is his favorite hobby), take drinks with his brother, play the ps3 and go to sleep… What´s amazing is that these are the things he told me he would do, and that he is over the partying days and he does not plan to go out to clubs or anywhere like that without me. He said he just wants to relax save money to visit me and for our future and contact me every day. It just seems too good to be true and I worry for how good it sounds…He gets mad that I dont seem to trust him and that i am thinking for him and thinking of what he would do when he never plan to do anything that would hurt me. im just a mess- Please help me deal with my emotions.

[girl68]

no one is going to read that.

 

try paragraphs.