shadowplay Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 TBF -- I think it's easy to dismiss men who reject you when it's just a few. The problem is when it seems like no guy is interested in you. That's hard to deal with. I had a similar problem to Meagan in high school. I wasn't very attractive, and it was remarkable the difference in how men treated me. It's like I was some sort of untouchable, they looked right through me, would never speak to me. I was completely invisible to them. At least other girls would acknowledge my existence, but I realized just how superficial men are. They seriously won't acknowledge you unless they have some low-level interest in bedding you. This wasn't just the majority of guys; it was all guys. I went through all of high school barely exchanging a sentence with another guy who wasn't related to me. I did try to engage them on a few occasions, but it never went anywhere. I'm guessing you've always been attractive, so you probably have no idea what it's like. For example, do you think your fiance would have been so helpful in that first encounter if you weren't attractive? Would he have even bothered getting to know you? Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 As for women who aren't pretty, being treated in a shabby way by men, I don't agree. The ones with horrible attitudes are treated this way but then, that's regardless of looks. How can you really know, unless you've lived it? I didn't have a bad attitude in high school. In fact, I was pretty friendly despite being depressed inside. Didn't make a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 However the "poor" average women don't get asked out as much as their beautiful sisters. They don't get as many chances to get to the second point where they show their great personality. Exactly, if you can't get your foot in the door, what's the point? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 How can you really know, unless you've lived it? I didn't have a bad attitude in high school. In fact, I was pretty friendly despite being depressed inside. Didn't make a difference. High school sucked for alot of us, male and female. But life ain't high school. Meagan's problem, bluntly, is that she has all the depth of a coat of paint, and all the beauty advice in the world is for naught. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 TBF -- I think it's easy to dismiss men who reject you when it's just a few. The problem is when it seems like no guy is interested in you. That's hard to deal with. I had a similar problem to Meagan in high school. I wasn't very attractive, and it was remarkable the difference in how men treated me. It's like I was some sort of untouchable, they looked right through me, would never speak to me. I was completely invisible to them. At least other girls would acknowledge my existence, but I realized just how superficial men are. They seriously won't acknowledge you unless they have some low-level interest in bedding you. This wasn't just the majority of guys; it was all guys. I went through all of high school barely exchanging a sentence with another guy who wasn't related to me. I did try to engage them on a few occasions, but it never went anywhere. I'm guessing you've always been attractive, so you probably have no idea what it's like. For example, do you think your fiance would have been so helpful in that first encounter if you weren't attractive? Would he have even bothered getting to know you? Exactly! You have to have been someone who was ugly, then later became attractive to really understand our perspective. It is so depressing. I was suicidal, thank god I worked on my outward appearance because I wuold not be alive today. Men just totally see right through you..don't even want to exchange a few words with you if you aren't attractive in some way. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 True, but don't underestimate guys: most are not stupid and understand this dynamics and prioritize accordingly. Actually there are many beautiful women who may have troubles marrying or establishing solid relationships. Makes perfect economic sense, actually: looks fade, so a gorgeous girl with no other major qualities is a depreciating asset to be dated and dumped once the looks fade . An average girl with greatr traits and personality on the other hand is better positioned to draw consistend long term returns on her assets on the marriage market because even if her looks fade, her other assets make her more desireable partner in the long term . There. Cynical enough for you? Sure, occasionally there is the best of both worlds, but the odds are slim, so why waste time thinking about it? I honestly don't see how a marginally hotter girl than my already pretty and great girlfriend would make me any happier??? But would you ever ask a woman out who was just average? Would you bother getting to know her enough to find out what her personality was like? Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Exactly! You have to have been someone who was ugly, then later became attractive to really understand our perspective. It is so depressing. I was suicidal, thank god I worked on my outward appearance because I wuold not be alive today. Men just totally see right through you..don't even want to exchange a few words with you if you aren't attractive in some way. I am the same as you and shadowplay in that i was once an ugly duckling turned swan. But...I still have problems getting dates now...just in a different way. When I was ugly I generally would not get even a 1st date b/c I was ugly...now I do not get a first date b/c I don't put out. So really...what has changed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 I am the same as you and shadowplay in that i was once an ugly duckling turned swan. But...I still have problems getting dates now...just in a different way. When I was ugly I generally would not get even a 1st date b/c I was ugly...now I do not get a first date b/c I don't put out. So really...what has changed? Still, even though you can't get past the 1st date, you are better off this way than before. At least now, you have an opportunity or hope that you will find somebody, before it would have been nearly impossible. Or you could have been just a jump off (the ugly girl that guys use to get off) Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 It's true I don't have any personal experience being unattractive. But...one of my closest, oldest friends is what I and others, would deem as not very attractive, facially and body-wise, albeit relatively slim. She's never had a problem getting dates and for that matter, pretty good-looking men. She's now been married for a number of years to a man who's very attractive. Her personality and disposition is very friendly. She's a smart lady, has a great sense of humour and a wonderful heart. She's just plain, fun to be with, interesting and confident but not overly-so. With this in mind, why is she able to do this and not others? Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Right Donna. That's why I need to imporve on my physical appearance so I can showcase that. If you aren't that pretty, men don't really care what you have to offer But if they "unwrap" that pretty package to find insecurity and shallowness inside and they still WANT the package, they aren't a good man in the first place. If, however, they find qualities like strength of character, honesty, and depth and they rejoice in that discovery, then THAT is the man you would want. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Still, even though you can't get past the 1st date, you are better off this way than before. At least now, you have an opportunity or hope that you will find somebody, before it would have been nearly impossible. Or you could have been just a jump off (the ugly girl that guys use to get off) not really...b/c when you are attractive the standards and the expectations from men increase ten-fold. Now b/c I am attractive, I suddenly have to be expected to put out? I have turned into a complete sex object...how is that any better? It's not me who is doing it. I don't dress provacatively or act a certain way- I am business professional. It's just that being attractive has a sexual connotation with it..."oh she's pretty, she'll put out." As far as the business world, when you are attractive, you are held to different and higher standards than everyone else. I am the newest person at my job and yet somehow I have to speak at every social engagement we have...b/c I look good in a suit...and I am making the same...if not less...pay than everyone else. being attractive is not a blessing- it's a curse. When you are ugly, people like you for you. When you are attractive, people only like you for your exterior and more often that not, don;t care to want to get to know the person inside. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 It's true I don't have any personal experience being unattractive. But...one of my closest, oldest friends is what I and others, would deem as not very attractive, facially and body-wise, albeit relatively slim. She's never had a problem getting dates and for that matter, pretty good-looking men. She's now been married for a number of years to a man who's very attractive. Her personality and disposition is very friendly. She's a smart lady, has a great sense of humour and a wonderful heart. She's just plain, fun to be with, interesting and confident but not overly-so. With this in mind, why is she able to do this and not others? That's all she has ever known is being unattractive/plain. She doesn't know anything different, and was able to adjust. She's comfortable with it. Some people can do that. And she probably has an above average personality which helps her out a WHOLE lot. Maybe if I had an above average personality, I wuoldn't have needed to become pretty. But I didn't, so I had to do som ething to save myself from being totally ignored by men and never ever finding a man. A lot of people don't have an above average personality, that extra charming, funny, likeable crazy charismatic attitude that a large population of people gravitate to. Sure, I am nice, can be funny, and talk about some interesting things but I am not bursting with personality because that is just not who I am. We all can't be that way. So we try to focus more on our looks to compensate for that I knew a girl like that, who was very obese/unattractive but had this magnetic personality, she had a lot of male interests which made it easy for her to have access to men. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 That's all she has ever known is being unattractive/plain. She doesn't know anything different, and was able to adjust. She's comfortable with it. Some people can do that. And she probably has an above average personality which helps her out a WHOLE lot. Maybe if I had an above average personality, I wuoldn't have needed to become pretty. But I didn't, so I had to do som ething to save myself from being totally ignored by men and never ever finding a man. A lot of people don't have an above average personality, that extra charming, funny, likeable crazy charismatic attitude that a large population of people gravitate to. Sure, I am nice, can be funny, and talk about some interesting things but I am not bursting with personality because that is just not who I am. We all can't be that way. So we try to focus more on our looks to compensate for that I knew a girl like that, who was very obese/unattractive but had this magnetic personality, she had a lot of male interests which made it easy for her to have access to men.So, why not work on your personality? Why expect the world to change their perceptions when it's a whole lot easier for you to change your perceptions. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I knew a girl like that, who was very obese/unattractive but had this magnetic personality, she had a lot of male interests which made it easy for her to have access to men. Now here's an "AHA" moment, Meagan. Read what you just wrote above and THEN tell me looks are the most important thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 not really...b/c when you are attractive the standards and the expectations from men increase ten-fold. Now b/c I am attractive, I suddenly have to be expected to put out? I have turned into a complete sex object...how is that any better? It's not me who is doing it. I don't dress provacatively or act a certain way- I am business professional. It's just that being attractive has a sexual connotation with it..."oh she's pretty, she'll put out." As far as the business world, when you are attractive, you are held to different and higher standards than everyone else. I am the newest person at my job and yet somehow I have to speak at every social engagement we have...b/c I look good in a suit...and I am making the same...if not less...pay than everyone else. being attractive is not a blessing- it's a curse. When you are ugly, people like you for you. When you are attractive, people only like you for your exterior and more often that not, don;t care to want to get to know the person inside. That's an interesting theory. I had a male friend, who made this comment about attractive women who take good care of their appearance. He said that he gets annoyed when women wear makeup, hair extensions, false eyelashes and doll themselves up to look like Barbies yet don't want to engage in conversations with every man, and be bubbly and put out. That shows you the expectations that men have for attractive women. Since you are attractive, and obviously work on your looks (makeup, etc) than you should be talkative, nice, to every man that approachs you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 Now here's an "AHA" moment, Meagan. Read what you just wrote above and THEN tell me looks are the most important thing. Right. But having a magnetic personality is something that you are born with IMO Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Right. But having a magnetic personality is something that you are born with IMO Kind of like race, I'd imagine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 So, why not work on your personality? Why expect the world to change their perceptions when it's a whole lot easier for you to change your perceptions. Work on your personality by becoming more charming, funny, etc?? Sure you can always change your mood and become happier but things like charm, humor, charisma is stuff that folks are born with. I have an average personality Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 That's an interesting theory. I had a male friend, who made this comment about attractive women who take good care of their appearance. He said that he gets annoyed when women wear makeup, hair extensions, false eyelashes and doll themselves up to look like Barbies yet don't want to engage in conversations with every man, and be bubbly and put out. That shows you the expectations that men have for attractive women. Since you are attractive, and obviously work on your looks (makeup, etc) than you should be talkative, nice, to every man that approachs you. yes but if every man I meet expects me to put out, why in the world would I even want to talk to them? I'm looking for a sense of genuineness...which is hard to come by when you are attractive...especially when you want to date attractive men. I am attractive...and it's normal for me to want to date someone who also is. Maybe that's why I am getting treated like this...but am I just supposed to date some ugly fat guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Work on your personality by becoming more charming, funny, etc?? Sure you can always change your mood and become happier but things like charm, humor, charisma is stuff that folks are born with. I have an average personality Meagan, I give up. You're determined to be a victim. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 yes but if every man I meet expects me to put out, why in the world would I even want to talk to them? I'm looking for a sense of genuineness...which is hard to come by when you are attractive...especially when you want to date attractive men. I am attractive...and it's normal for me to want to date someone who also is. Maybe that's why I am getting treated like this...but am I just supposed to date some ugly fat guy? You might have to lower your standards. What type of women do really good looking men tend to date? Do they go for plain janes?? Maybe they don't want you taking away all the attention in the relationship if you are just as attractive as they are Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 You might have to lower your standards. What type of women do really good looking men tend to date? Do they go for plain janes?? Maybe they don't want you taking away all the attention in the relationship if you are just as attractive as they are umm...no lowering standards is not an option. I don't do ugly or fat...b/c I'm not that. It's not fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 umm...no lowering standards is not an option. I don't do ugly or fat...b/c I'm not that. It's not fair. I don't know because I am in the same situation. Everyone I like don't like me. And those who do like me, are just not my type (some of the men I've been attracting seem soft and kinda gay) Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Do research on amazon.com or on the internet for body dysmorphic disorder. Some females who are not happy with themself have it . I do not mean that you have it. It is just information related to the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I don't know what else I can bring to the table. I really don't know. But I still feel like I need to work on my outward appearance more. I feel that if I were lighter with keener features I'd get the acceptance I want from men Well since there is no way you can change your skin tone or your features, why don't you take some of the energy you invest on your "outward appearance" and invest it in some hobby? That way, you wil have something more to bring to the table. What do you like to do? What do you find interesting? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts