where are we headed?

[craig841]

OK...me, 18yo guy just about to leave school, her the same age and same situation. I met her first when I was 14, and didn't think much of her as although she was quite attractive she had the reputation being a slut, something which I've never been too keen on (I've always thought of myself as too emotionally mature for my age!).

As I started to get to know her over the next 2 years or so I told her very early on that I liked her and she said she didn't like me that much and so we became friends. As we both grew up we talked on and off and no attraction reappeared...until now, and it's a very different sort of attraction.

We started talking quite often, and I realised that we are just such similar people...we are both musicians so we have something in common and occasionally we will think of the same things and even once the same word. I feel that I can only be myself with her and I trust her entirely. The main difference between us is this: because of her looks, she has had boyfriends falling at her feet for a while and is therefore quite outgoing and used to it, and I'm more reserved and although I used to be much worse am quite insecure in some ways.

Another thing I discovered is that I'm the only person she talks to on the phone...she doesn't talk to anyone else even at her school and doesn't text very often. What the hell does that mean?

Anyway she has a bf atm...who is not serious at all, something she told me directly and she said she didn't want a serious bf yet. I will definitely see her in later life...she's going to music college and I think I will see her there a lot. I've been trying to convince myself that I don't like her and that we are just friends but it's not working. What do you guys reckon I should do?

And before you say 'you're in school you're too young'...just please don't cos it doesn't really answer my question. Thanks a lot.

[craig841]

I should also mention that we are both going through some tough exams atm so she hasn't had much time to see me...and in the past I have been described by her as 'intense' which to some extent is fair, but having grown up I am a lot more relaxed than I was and think I am a better person. I suppose my question wasn't well posed...I'm thinking I should wait until I start seeing her again a year from now and see what situation she is in then, but is this the best line to take?

[WTRanger]

Are the two of you going to the same college? I really wouldn't count on seeing her much during her freshman year at college. You think guys throw themselves at her feet now, wait until college. She sounds like she likes that attention too, so she'll pretty much disappear on you.

 

Right now it sounds as if she keeps you around becuase you are a source of stable attention to her. She knows no matter what, you'll chase her and be there for an ego boost when she needs one. She gives clues all over the place, especially when she says that while she has a boyfriend, it's not serious.

 

You're best line to take is to go find another girl. Maybe keep this one as a friend and a friend ONLY but I don't think she'll come calling for you anytime soon.

[craig841]

Not going to same college but will be there once or twice a week for lessons with my teacher I think.

 

Part of the problem is that although she is in this relationship (which she wants to get out of) she is madly in love with another guy who she will probably not see ever again in a few months and who doesn't like her back...at all. In a way she isn't thinking straight. I take your advice into account, but the only way to know for sure what happens is to wait, right?

[craig841]

Right I'm also heading back to this thread as things have also developed.

 

I invited this girl to my school prom and we had it not too long ago. She spent a lot of time with me and said it was the best time she'd had in ages, even spending half an hour with me and my parents talking at the end (this is a uk leavers ball it's a bit different).

 

There were lots of little things she did on that night in which she showed genuine interest, from laughing at my poor jokes, wiping chocolate on my face and offering to lick it off (lol) and us holding hands and her returning a squeeze.

 

After she went off at the end of the night my mum said to me "just wait and she'll come back to you". My mum is generally right about these things.

 

What really shocked me was her asking for my home address so she could send my parents a card thanking them for the evening, her reason being that she wanted to stay in their good books. Wo. That sounds serious.

 

The strange thing is that on the same night she wanted to confess to the second guy that she liked him. And she is going on hols with her bf quite soon. This is getting complicated.

 

Is my line to wait for her to sort herself out as things are obviously a bit weird and see if she does indeed come back? We're talking a bit more regularly now too. Various people have said not to pressurise and to sit it out...can someone help me understand what she's going through? Thanks.

[funwithpaint]

i would be very careful in these coming days. Maybe try to switch things up on her. Change the way you talk to her and such feel her out to see what gets a better reaction out of her. If the "new" gets a rise out of her you can decide whether or not to keep going.

[craig841]

Thanks funwithpaint. I'm trying to toe the line between showing affection and being creepy, and have been paying her compliments and stuff, but it seems very plain to me that things are awkward with her boyfriend around and she doesn't act to hide it. I haven't spoken to him a lot, but she says he's very possessive and it seems like maybe he is doing this a lot.

 

I was at a party yesterday, and I walked onto the dancefloor while she was there. Through peripheral vision I saw her catch sight of me and then make a move to sit back down. This happened 3 times. Do you reckon her bf has said something and told her not to go near me?

 

When he wasn't there we had a little chat outside where she made eye contact and we had a normal conversation, but when I was saying goodbye in front of her bf she gave me a small hug and a quick goodbye.

 

I hate this tension that's building up but I'm hoping I can sit it out...as we've promised to keep in touch. Is waiting still the best line?