stuartnorton Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Me and my wife have been together for 2 and a half years. We have known each other on and off for 15 years and dated when we were younger. We have both been in bad marriages before and when we started again it was perfect.It was a really good relationship and loved each other very much. She has 2 children from a previous marriage a boy 9 girl 7 who are great and who i love very much and they love me. Last August my ex-wife commited suicide which affected me badly but not for 3 months. In October her mum was diagnosed with cancer and died in January my wife cared for her mother throughout her illness and i supported her throughout. My wife asked me to marry her and we did in December. A couple of weeks after the funeral she started getting snappy at me and on mothers day said she doesnt love me anymore and on 6th May asked me to leave the home she wants a seperation. Its been 4 weeks and she is adament the relationship is over and i havent seen the kids she hasnt let me. We spoke a couple of days ago i told her how i feel she said she doesnt want to open up to me in case i think we are getting back together. She started crying when i told her everything and she said i feel like i'm losing my best friend. She said we should talk again at the end of June and maybe i could see the kids again because they are missing me. I just dont understand why she wants to end our relationship though and wont do anything to save it. Where do i go from here? I love her so much and she says since her mum died shes changed and cant change how she feels. She wishes she could but doesnt understand why she feels this way.Help! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Your wife is in a lot of pain. Maybe because she is hurt she wanted you to hurt as well? I really have no idea what she could be thinking. There could be a hundred different reasons for why she feels this way now. And if she doesn't understand then how could anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Stuart, I know you have posted in another forum, and I know you have received sound advice there. The problem is, I think you actually need time away from each other to enable you both to get your heads around the situation. It's risky, but I think you should suggest to her that you both agree to stay in No Contact mode for two weeks (or whatever time you decide). And absolutely stay out of each others' lives for that period. Agree now, to a time-frame, and a definite day and time to hook up again and review your positions. From what you have said, it sounds as if she is distancing herself.... It's a great shame. At the one time where you could both do to mutually support each other, you are tearing one another apart.... I'm sure she's in pain too. But tell her this period of time is to really look at the situation in the cold grey light of day. It's not a time to go and do other stuff as a prelude to subsequent 'freedom'. This is serious. If she decides to break up with you, she will never see you again...... And mean it. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Last August my ex-wife commited suicide which affected me badly but not for 3 months. In October her mum was diagnosed with cancer and died in January my wife cared for her mother throughout her illness and i supported her throughout. My wife asked me to marry her and we did in December. You were together before either of these events, deaths, tragedies. You both suffered severe emotional loss and in the midst of those feelings, in the middle of all that grief, decided to get married. Probably because you both needed to feel some security and some happiness. Its possible that your wife is not complete in her grieving process. Its possible that although you both needed to feel some security and happiness during your grief - it wasnt each other you needed. But still, a committment was made. Neither of you should just walk away until the decision has been explored. Has she seen a grief counselor? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stuartnorton Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 I've asked her the same questions.She said she loved me when she married me and its only since the death things have changed. She has refused any kind of counciling or anything and sees no future in us been together. We are not contacting for 2 or 3 weeks now from sunday gone. Link to post Share on other sites
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