xpaperxcutx Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I posted a while back on the dating forum about some drama with a FWB and since then, I have ceased all existing contacts with him. I've been slowly healing, I can go a few days without thinking about him, but then by the 3rd day, images of him would slowly creep back into my head. It's emotionally draining for me because I may be having a really great day but then when I start thinking about him, I feel like I just want to start crying. This past Saturday, sitting home alone prompted me to start drinking by myself and ultimately, by the 5th shot of strong wine, I was tipsy and drunk enough to text him. He called in reply Apparently he was at a wedding, but he managed to ask me how I was, and questioned my drunkenness although I was barely slurring. " Hey, why are you texting me at 1:30 in the morning?" he asked, which to me sounded almost hostile. " I don't know", I replied. " So how have you been?", he asked quickly. When I tried to reply, he rapidly cut off my sentence and told me he was at a wedding and told me he'd talk to me later. And that was it. A somewhat less than comforting 5 minute conversation where I felt even empty than I did while going through NC. He hasn't called or contacted since then. Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I'm so sorry, his reaction must have been very hurtful to you. Maybe he doesn't share your feelings. Maybe he was turned off when he detected you were a bit slurred. I would suggest sending him a short, sweet email saying how you miss him and see how he responds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 I'm so sorry, his reaction must have been very hurtful to you. Maybe he doesn't share your feelings. Maybe he was turned off when he detected you were a bit slurred. I would suggest sending him a short, sweet email saying how you miss him and see how he responds. Yes it did seemed like he was bit turned off. He sounded sincere when he asked me how I was, but I thought he was trying to get rid of me because he hanged up so suddenly. I want to tell him how much I miss him, but it would just make me vulnerable, and I don't want that. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 If you're looking for affirmation from him, I'd forget it. But than that goes for any relationship...we should all be heathy enough that our SO only adds to our feeling of self worth. I've struggled with this in the past, so I'm not being critical of anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 If you're looking for affirmation from him, I'd forget it. But than that goes for any relationship...we should all be heathy enough that our SO only adds to our feeling of self worth. I've struggled with this in the past, so I'm not being critical of anyone. He's not my SO tho.. I don't know know what affirmation I'm not looking for either. I just wonder why he can be so friendly whenever I'm with him or whenever i talk with him, yet when it comes to actually expect him to initiate, he won't. He gave me alot of mixed signals. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 If you're looking for affirmation from him, I'd forget it. But than that goes for any relationship...we should all be heathy enough that our SO only adds to our feeling of self worth. I've struggled with this in the past, so I'm not being critical of anyone. And the only real reason I'm actually obsessing is that I haven't talked to him in three weeks. He does add to my self worth in that he makes me happier whenever we're together. But he doesn't seem to put any effort in adding me to his life. He doesn't text me or call me unless I initiate first. He never even asked me to celebrate his bday with him, even though he had made mention previously that his bday was coming up. I had to find out by myself. He used to be pretty talkative about his life to me, and now it's like nothing, nada, zilch. You can be judgmental about me gopher, because I'm constantly reprimanding myself for feeling this way. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 And the only real reason I'm actually obsessing is that I haven't talked to him in three weeks. He does add to my self worth in that he makes me happier whenever we're together. But he doesn't seem to put any effort in adding me to his life. He doesn't text me or call me unless I initiate first. He never even asked me to celebrate his bday with him, even though he had made mention previously that his bday was coming up. I had to find out by myself. He used to be pretty talkative about his life to me, and now it's like nothing, nada, zilch. You can be judgmental about me gopher, because I'm constantly reprimanding myself for feeling this way. I'm sorry I came across that way Paper Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 I'm sorry I came across that way Paper Actually you didn't, and I wasn't implying you did. It's hard to get my get my point across on the internet. My point was, you should be judgmental because I know how wrong my feelings are and that I should just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Why do you believe that external valuation is self-worth? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 Why do you believe that external valuation is self-worth? It's not self-worth TBF. Maybe I'm just looking for a little acceptance. I know that I have friends who like me, but I also want to branch out and make new friends as well. And meet new people, like him except I hate rejection most of all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 I talked to him last night ( talk as in messaging). It was awkward because we were making small talk as opposed to speaking openly like we used to. I feel like I was holding myself back because I was afraid to upset him. Would it have been really hard just to come outright and type " hey so do you want to do something with me this weekend or tomorrow?" While he doesn't initiate, I shouldn't have withheld myself so much. I could have eased things between us by being more open, but I feel like I've closed myself up from him and turned to avoiding him to give myself ease. Should i have been more assertive? Can I still be? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 It's not self-worth TBF. Maybe I'm just looking for a little acceptance. Why do you need acceptance, if not for your self-worth? I feel like I was holding myself back because I was afraid to upset him. Would it have been really hard just to come outright and type " hey so do you want to do something with me this weekend or tomorrow?" You mean, "Do you want me to come over and have sex with you again?" He told you flat out that this is going "nowhere," Paper. BELIEVE HIM. Link to post Share on other sites
purgatori Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 Just don't. Men are filth; never forget that. Link to post Share on other sites
Asami Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 Why do you need acceptance, if not for your self-worth? You mean, "Do you want me to come over and have sex with you again?" He told you flat out that this is going "nowhere," Paper. BELIEVE HIM. Star, great advice after my recent experience i agree definately believe him Link to post Share on other sites
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