Another word for.

[wierdmunky]

Would another word for (if there might be such a thing as) self-defeating altruism be doormat?

[blind_otter]

Labelling can be a bad thing, I think. Especially when you use words that have negative conotations, like "doormat."

[Trialbyfire]

I don't think that anyone, not even Mother Teresa, is altruistic, in its purest sense.

 

A doormat does things to please others, due to fear of loss, fear of anger, a desire to please since it makes the other person like them and also to make themselves feel good about themselves.

[Taramere]

Would another word for (if there might be such a thing as) self-defeating altruism be doormat?

 

I'm with Otter on the labelling thing.

 

Some people will take another person's altruism and twist it to suit their own egotistical purposes - with the result that someone who's done them a kindness is made to look like a sucker who's fallen for their mad "skillz" and wiles.

 

Example, this girl I worked with for a bit when I was travelling years ago. She'd spent a bit of time working for a racing stable in Australia. Her dad had got sick, and her employers had paid for her to take a first class ticket home to visit him.

 

Now to me, this would be "best bosses in the world". I think that's a fantastic and very kind gesture for an employer to make. How did she perceive it? "It's the Oirish accent. Turns everyone into putty."

 

It might seem a little thing, but it's these little things that clue you into a person's mentality. Help you differentiate between life's con artists who aren't happy unless they feel they're conning/manipulating/charming the good stuff out of others - and more genuine people who can actually recognise and give a bit of credit for other people's qualities.

 

If I hear someone refer to another person as being a doormat, I'll tend to react by making a mental note to not go out of my way for that person. I with TBF that people may have all kinds of reasons underlying their altruism. Presuming those reasons are relatively harmless ones (wanting to be liked, getting a kick out of making other people happy, approval/validation seeking) then it seems very unclassy to repay another person's kindness with insulting terminology like "doormat".