MinusTwo Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Hey everyone, I've been with my girlfriend for the last 1.5 years. We recently (2 months ago) became long distance (a 1.5 hour drive). Yesterday, I could sense there was something wrong, and I got it out of her. She doesn't feel the same. She said she is starting to view me more as a friend. She said she needed to drive down to tell me in person. When she got here, she was very emotional, and said she didn't know why she felt that way because any girl would want to date me etc etc (fluffing, I know). After telling her how I felt, we decided that we would try taking a break to see if that helped, because she hasn't completely lost interest in me, she just isn't as interested as before. She said it doesn't feel weird or awkward when we kiss or hug, it just isn't the same. This morning she told me that when she left to come and see me, she was sure she wanted to end things because she didn't know what she wanted, but after seeing me in person, she felt a little better about us and decided to try and work things out. My birthday is in 2 days. She still wants to come and spend it with me. But, I don't think it would be a good idea because we're planning on taking some time apart to asses the situation. Should I tell her that I don't think it's a good idea? I don't want her to come over and be intimate with me, and give me a false sense of hope because it's my birthday, I feel like if we're really going to give it a shot, we need to start now. Am I right in thinking this? Also, she said that during the break, she still wants to talk. Is this a bad idea? In a sense, she would still be able to talk to me whenever she wants, and this wouldn't really give her time to miss me right? I want to go about this the right way to give us the best chance of working. But I don't want to come across as being cold.. do I ignore her texts? Or do I text her back late? Do I even answer her calls? Should I tell her that if we're going to be on a break we need to cut communication? Just hurting right now and need some advice. Thanks everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
azraf Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 hey buddy, i was going through the exact same situation as you and when someone says this kinda things, usually theres a 3rd party involved. i may be wrong about your relationship but my ex said the same thing and later on i discovered there was someone else. ive only broken up for a week with no contacts whatsoever as i needed some space and time to heal. give each other some space to think whats best. i wish u all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It is devestating to hear . What are your ages? Are either of you at a transitional period perhaps? As cliche as it may be, Pretty much every friend I have who was with someone in their late teens had split with them by mid 20's. It usually in the end was a case of "outgrowing" eachother and the relationship. Often times the dumper would say "he/she didn't do anything wrong, he/she is a great girl, I have a lot of love and respect for them I just don't feel the same way anymore, I wish I did but I just don't" . Call it a case of, you loved a certain food when you were a kid, but now that you're older you just don't have a taste of it. I'm not saying that for sure is what happened here, it's just what it SOUNDS like is going on here. You'll only know more by communicating with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MinusTwo Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 Thanks for the quick responses. I hope it's not that she met someone else, that would be hurtful. Though she says that she wants to take a break from seeing each other, but doesn't want us to see other people. Yep, Im 26, and she's 21. She is definitely at a transitional period in her life. By giving her space, do you think I should not talk to her? She just texted and I don't know if I should text back or not. Just trying to do what's best for us. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Thanks for the quick responses. I hope it's not that she met someone else, that would be hurtful. Though she says that she wants to take a break from seeing each other, but doesn't want us to see other people. Yep, Im 26, and she's 21. She is definitely at a transitional period in her life. By giving her space, do you think I should not talk to her? She just texted and I don't know if I should text back or not. Just trying to do what's best for us. Ah, well that may explain it. Hate to say it, there are exceptions to everything of course but on a majority it's been myobservation that 21 year old girls are flakier than a crossaint. I don't think it's intentional either, I just think that's part of a very "transitional" period in a persons life, and may be more so or less so depending on where they are at in life. This sounds like a case of flaky behavior, yeah I would give her space. It may not bring her back to you, but if she doesn't come back nothing else would anyway, the best thing you can do for you both is give her what she asks for and also get yourself out of that situation for right now. You can't control another person, a lot of people on here will tell you you can contorl or manipulate them, but it's a load of crap, and if you do get someone back becauase you manipulated them into it, do you really want that anyhow? So, don't misunderstand me when I tell you to give her space; do it because she asked for it, and look out for yourself too, if it's going to be too much stress to play her yo yo game, don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MinusTwo Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 Yeah, second time dating someone her age. Hard times. Anyhow, everyone seems to recommend no contact on a break etc, but should I ignore her calls/texts? I don't know if she'll take that as my being rude or something... I'm definitely not going to contact her, but I don't know what to do if she contacts me.. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Yeah, second time dating someone her age. Hard times. Anyhow, everyone seems to recommend no contact on a break etc, but should I ignore her calls/texts? I don't know if she'll take that as my being rude or something... I'm definitely not going to contact her, but I don't know what to do if she contacts me.. That's up to you. Do you want to take her calls? If so, then take them. If you don't want too right now or you think it's just going to add salt to the wound, then don't. Just decide where you stand, be honest with her about it, and stand where and how you said you would. Do you like winning games because you cheated? I personally don't, it's not fun. It takes away the whole spirit of the thing right? The same goes for playing mind games to get a person to "come back". If a person can't be with you when you're being straight forward do you really want that person anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MinusTwo Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 I just want to give her a chance to miss me, so she can see if that's what she wants or not. But at the same time, I don't want her to think I'm just being a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Since when does doing what's right for you, make you a dick? It doesn't ever. I can think of a whole list of things once could do to be a "dickhead" but not accepting contact from someone who doesn't want to be with them to preserve some of their own sanity is just not one of them. Yes, if she misses you and decides she wants you, she will come back. That's how it works, but she may not. I was only encouraging you not to delve into further manipulative behavior out of desperation, I've read a slew load of it on here, and I'm highly doubtful it works in the big picture. That's all I was saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MinusTwo Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 I know what you mean. I actually do care about her. I care a lot more about her than I do about getting her back. I told her that I just want her to be happy, and that whatever she decides, I'll support her decision. And if she decides she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, then I'll be happy to be her friend. I truly meant what I said, and I don't want to play any games to trick her into being with me. I want her to be with me because it's what she wants. That being said, she told me she wants to try and make it work, so I want to give it the best chance I can. If she needs some time to miss me, then maybe I need to not be so accessible, or she won't have a chance to. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Well best of luck to you. It sounds like you got your head on straight. Link to post Share on other sites
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