confused71 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Hi all, I couldn't find my original thread...so heres a brief..ish recap of my story and update. So moved with stbx and her kids from Uk to canada in late 06 due to her finding job.Had a few problems settling in and with eldest step daughter going off rails and going back to UK. September last year...after stbx getting new part time job,hanging out clubbing with new younger workmates I get the old 'love you but not in love,speach and 'I want a divorce' Month later after signing one year seperation agreement..find out shes having affair with guy she met at club (she basically answers her cellphone to him twice while I am in car) Also catch her looking up IVF treatment on internet (she has tubes tied) around same time.Confronted her and she admitted to thinking about having baby with this guy she had known about 2 months WTF? Over months leading up to xmas..lots of toing and froing.....'Ive left him'....'I want to try again'...'I want us to have a child' Stayed round over Xmas only to find out she had started seeing him again (hes obviously smooth talking player type) Left after making ultimatum in which she chooses him.... UPDATE So had been doing fairly well...very limited contact.Still tried to carry on seeing stepkids as best I could ..although painfull.Eldest step came back from UK and have been getting on well with her. Receive the odd text from STBX saying she misses me ...try to ignore then eventually reply only to get the 'as a friend' nonsence. Have even been asked to lend money a couple of times which I did. As far as I know OM is still on scene but does not visit house(my name still on mortgage)...kids have not mentioned him to me yet.. SO...have just found out stbx has gone ahead and spent $8000 on IVF and is expecting twins.......back to square one for me Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Wow! Ouch!! Get as far away, as fast as you can is all i can say.. I have no idea how I would deal with this sittuation..as I would not put myself in it..not that you did on your own accord..but,GO and GO fast!! Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 better check w/ a lawyer to make sure you're not responsible for the twins! and for gods sake quit giving her money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 better check w/ a lawyer to make sure you're not responsible for the twins! and for gods sake quit giving her money. They are OM,s not mine....Has she really gone this crazy to not even wait till we are divorced to do this . Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 They are OM,s not mine....Has she really gone this crazy to not even wait till we are divorced to do this . Man dont give her jack ****!!!!! And get a lawyer make sure this OM is financially responsible for those two kids. If anything why is she asking for money from you? Let the OM TAKE CARE OF HER!!! screw that crap! Link to post Share on other sites
DNU1 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Man dont give her jack ****!!!!! And get a lawyer make sure this OM is financially responsible for those two kids. If anything why is she asking for money from you? Let the OM TAKE CARE OF HER!!! screw that crap! AGREE! Say goodbye... Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Man dont give her jack ****!!!!! And get a lawyer make sure this OM is financially responsible for those two kids. If anything why is she asking for money from you? Let the OM TAKE CARE OF HER!!! screw that crap! agreed, she is using you Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 She's playing you like Maverick plays poker! Free yourself of this toxinc person! You can't do it fast enough! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted July 15, 2009 Author Share Posted July 15, 2009 So am getting unconfirmed reports that she has lost the babies..... Not really sure how I feel about it though. Have managed to maintain complete no contact since I found out she was pregnant. I sent an email to her brother back in the UK telling all details of break up and her affair as it has played on my mind for ages that she has told them complete lies. Received a text a couple of days later from STBX saying I was a 'psychopath' for sending the email. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Original thread : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t167150/ Ouch Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 So am getting unconfirmed reports that she has lost the babies..... Not really sure how I feel about it though. You shouldnt feel anything about it. You really have to be done with this woman, for GOOD. Dude, she's been nothing short of horrible toward you, and deserves NOTHING from you ever again. Remember, the best way to predict future behavior is to examine past behavior...need I say more? Have managed to maintain complete no contact since I found out she was pregnant. Good, now just keep that going...forever. I sent an email to her brother back in the UK telling all details of break up and her affair as it has played on my mind for ages that she has told them complete lies. You know what, even if she started smoking crack and became a prostitute, her family is always going to take her side. Even if its 110% her fault, it doesnt matter. Blood is thicker than water, they are going to take her side, or at the very least, take no side at all. I learned the hard way that doing this was pointless because... Received a text a couple of days later from STBX saying I was a 'psychopath' for sending the email. All he did was call and tell her what you said. He probably believes, or at least wants to, that you are some crazy guy starting drama. His other option is to think his sister is a whacko. Which one you think he's going to pick? Go buy yourself a beer, take a deep breath, and make sure you do whatever it takes to ensure this vile woman is out of your life for good. She's just a cancer man, you really dont need her for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted July 15, 2009 Author Share Posted July 15, 2009 Go buy yourself a beer, take a deep breath, and make sure you do whatever it takes to ensure this vile woman is out of your life for good. She's just a cancer man, you really dont need her for anything. Thanks mate..have been slowly getting my life in order.Had a couple of friends over from UK this last 2 weeks so that, and the lots of beer we drunk has helped. I just cant get my head around all the crazy stuff she has done this last year.Have felt like my head was gonna explode numerous times. But I think I just might survive this train wreck....while she seems intent on putting a noose around her own neck. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 She's mad because your busting holes in the affair. like any wayward spouse they rewrite the marriage to make them be the victim or appear sympathetic to others. But it's lies even if they wish it was true. No one wants to be known as slutting around while your husband sits at home with YOUR kids, your getting your brains smashed out by some pick of the week. Exposing yourself to STD, HIV, aids. No female wants to be known as the whore of babylon. but that's what she's doing, so if the shoe fits. lol. Listen I would just stay no contact, and you should have exposed to both of your families when you found out about the affair, keep her off balance. You could still send out a mass email to friends and family detailing what happened and what's happening now. It's the truth, not a lie. But stay NC and get this divorce finalized count your lucky stars she didnt have these kids while your still married to her. As cold hearted as that sounds. it's about self preservation, screw her. you come first. put yourself in this situation first. I wonder why she didnt carry the babies to full term?? Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 So am getting unconfirmed reports that she has lost the babies..... Not really sure how I feel about it though. Have managed to maintain complete no contact since I found out she was pregnant. I sent an email to her brother back in the UK telling all details of break up and her affair as it has played on my mind for ages that she has told them complete lies. Received a text a couple of days later from STBX saying I was a 'psychopath' for sending the email. Wow, words fail me on this women! You are seriously better off without her, yet I know you are probaly feeling a lot of pain, because when all said and done you loved her right? We are here fro you if you need to talk. As for the writing to her brother, well good on you, but it isn't going to achieve anything, they will always side with her even though she is clearly mental! I was with my ex 18 years, we had set date to marry, his parents knew, he left, they haven't even contacted me, even just to say hope you are ok. They have known me 18 years since age 15, and she signed all her cards to me for the last 5 years "love Mum and Dad S", unbelievable! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted July 15, 2009 Author Share Posted July 15, 2009 Wow, words fail me on this women! You are seriously better off without her, yet I know you are probaly feeling a lot of pain, because when all said and done you loved her right? We are here fro you if you need to talk. As for the writing to her brother, well good on you, but it isn't going to achieve anything, they will always side with her even though she is clearly mental! Thanks for support Lisa. I knew that her family would probably take her side when I sent email...but at least they will look at her a little differently now. I honestly think that if we had remained in UK she wouldnt have dared do any of the things she did, because her family would have found out about it sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Totally agree, you were right and had every right to let her family know the thruth of what she did. However, don't be surprised if they twist it somehow. Either way you have had your say, I'm tempted to have mine, but when you are dealing with people who just cut you out, really it would be a waste of my time and effort that I can spend elsewhere on myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 So I have let myself be dragged back into this hell again. So apparently when STBX lost the babies she nearly died.So after much thought I sent a simple text saying sorry what had happened. I recieved several nasty texts back asking who my spy was and who had been telling me information (apparently she is accusing a her work colleague of telling me stuff because I am friends with here husband.Completely wrong).I didnt reply after that. Then a few days later a got a text asking to go round and she seemed in a terrible state so I did and stayed a little while and gave her some sleeping pills .She was in a complete mess and was blaming herself for all that had happened. Was asked a few more times to come round in week for nonsence stuff and to sign papers to do with selling house (finally) ..she was acting nice and I was wondering where OM was throughout all this. So then eldest stepdaughter got sick with glandular fever .So I was asked to come round and look after her while stbx was at work.I have done my best to still be a dad to both stepkids throughout this whole situation and they appear to still want me and say they miss me. So I stayed round house but was made angry by seeing various stuff of OM's there which shows he hs been staying. So then on monday the eldest stepdaughter posted pics of them all on facebook ,OM included ,all having the previous weekend away like one big happy family. So I blew my top sent text to STBX for them never to contact me again.I immediatly recieved about 8 long winded texts again about how useless I was,breakup was all my fault ,and how I had been a parasite throughout all the marriage.Even blamed for stuff before i had even met her So I am asking for advice about stepkids.I love them lots but I know they are not mine.And I feel I will eventually be pushed away espescialy after divorce.Their real dad has nothing to do with them (more to do with STBX i think ) and I have been their dad for over 5 years. I dont want to abandon them...but this is seriously making me ill and depressed .Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Her intention is to ultimately replace you ~ and I mean completely replace in every sense of the word as her husband, life mate, father to her children in every conceivable way. She's guilting you into helping her out whenever she's in a bind ~ in short? She's seriously using and abusing you! Just as soon as her parasitic @ZZ can find another 'host' to bleed dry mentally, financially, and emotionally ~ you will be nothing but a memory. And she will deny you any and all access to the SD's. She will quote you "Your not their REAL father!" and legally you don't have any rights to them! (Except if you lived in Nevada, where as the SF, if the true bio father couldn't be found ~ you married her with children from another man ~ YOU would be on the hook for paying child support for another man's children! ) Most of the time, the type of women seek to persuade you to 'adopt' them so they can net the same results? (I'm curious? Did you and she ever have that conversation?) Your best long term solution ~ as emotionally painful as it may be? Cut your loses and run! Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Confused71 - Why are you doing this to yourself? Your situation is better than most! No children, house being sold, no maintenance to pay. Why would you want anything to do with the Step Children? They are not your children and you only knew them for 5 years! The psychology of it is like this: 1. She thinks you are obsessed with her and would do anything to please her 2. The worse she treats you, the more you go back for more! 3. She has no respect for you and no desire to be with you 4. You are prolonging your own agony The answer to your problem is simple. Completely abort! This is not just NC. It is about erasing her from your present and future. No answering texts, no visits, no emails, nothing but sweet nothingness! Consider her like a bad habit that you have to give up eg. smoking. You will get the craving at first, but if you are strong minded, you will beat it. You are addicted to a bad habit, give it up now, for your own sanity and well-being. Good luck Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 Confused71 - Why are you doing this to yourself? Your situation is better than most! No children, house being sold, no maintenance to pay. Why would you want anything to do with the Step Children? They are not your children and you only knew them for 5 years! The psychology of it is like this: 1. She thinks you are obsessed with her and would do anything to please her 2. The worse she treats you, the more you go back for more! 3. She has no respect for you and no desire to be with you 4. You are prolonging your own agony The answer to your problem is simple. Completely abort! This is not just NC. It is about erasing her from your present and future. No answering texts, no visits, no emails, nothing but sweet nothingness! Consider her like a bad habit that you have to give up eg. smoking. You will get the craving at first, but if you are strong minded, you will beat it. You are addicted to a bad habit, give it up now, for your own sanity and well-being. Good luck Nomad1 Deep down I know you are completely right.I always seem to be doing ok but then am drawn back in. It doesnt help that I am mostly on my own out here and have nothing else to think about.But I will try and sort myself out and go back to complete NC before i go mental. Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Think about it this way. Nothing you have done has changed anything! You are putting yourself through unnecessary stress. Why? She has spent $8000 to have OM's babies for god's sake! She sounds unstable! Leave her to it. Cut the cord. Free yourself and breathe the air of freedom. Focus on your career. No need to think about women right now. You will find the right one when you are not looking. Do this for yourself cos no one will do it for you. I am a Brit too, from London. This stuff happens everywhere man! Let it go my friend. You will reep the benefit in the long run. Just stop it now. From this day forward, don't answer any text or email. Finalise the divorce. Pretend she is dead. cos she is gone. You deserve better my man. Take care Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Didnt I say to let the OM take care of her ass from now on. Of course you gonna miss the kids you was with them for a minute she knows that's your weakness. but biologically they are not yours, they are not you responsibility anymore. You are not their parent. Also the kids putting up the pictures of the OM, do they know the truth behind why you and the wife are not together anymore and the OM played a part in all of it. If they're old enough you should tell them the truth. And it's your life to live. Move to another state find a better woman and make your own family. Have your own biological family. Gunny was right this woman was a parasite and those kids are gonna be products of their environment. And their mother is the one that's creating it. So screw her. bounce. That isnt your problem anymore. Dont let them guilt you into anything. Change your number. delete your myspace and facebook. Leave. Disappear. Do whatever is neccessary to live your life without this toxic crap! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 Thanks Nomad,Gunny and chrome for all the advice. I should have just broken off from day one.It seems trying to do the right thing was a waiste of time all along.I would never win. Forgot to mention..she is apparently gonna try again with the baby thing???WTF.....baring in mind she nearly died last time if i am right isnt it likely to have a similar result the next time around???does she not even care what she puts her kids through??Who will look after them if the worst happens. Anyway.I will completely disapear from their lives now.its for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 As Gunny says: Run Silent, run deep. As far as your concerned, she fell off the face of the earth. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 buddy, you're gonna have to man-up. block her from contacting you. the only one right now to bblame for your problems is you.every time she bellows, you go running.move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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