DaGmen Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I started dating a girl I really like about a month or so ago. We have gone out on 2 dates so far, and we have our third this upcoming weekend. I am in my late 30s, she is in her mid 30s. I am definitely not looking for just a good time, my intentions are very much to settle down with someone and soon hopefully. That being said, next week I am relocating to the west coast. So this will be the last time I get to see her until....who knows? Obviously, starting next week this will become a LDR type of thing. My question is, do I tell her how much I really like her and/or ask her the tough question of, is she as into me as I much as I am into her? Or do I just play it cool like its just another date and leave it at that? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I started dating a girl I really like about a month or so ago. We have gone out on 2 dates so far, and we have our third this upcoming weekend. I am in my late 30s, she is in her mid 30s. I am definitely not looking for just a good time, my intentions are very much to settle down with someone and soon hopefully. That being said, next week I am relocating to the west coast. So this will be the last time I get to see her until....who knows? Obviously, starting next week this will become a LDR type of thing. My question is, do I tell her how much I really like her and/or ask her the tough question of, is she as into me as I much as I am into her? Or do I just play it cool like its just another date and leave it at that? Thanks! Well, that is tough. You like her, but it's only been 2 dates, so hard to really get a feel for things yet. Has she said anything to this point on your relocating? I would honestly just enjoy the 3rd date and keep things casual. Stay in touch when you move away and see how things go. Maybe it's just me, but telling a girl after 2 dates how much you like her would be a bit of overkill. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaGmen Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 Well, that is tough. You like her, but it's only been 2 dates, so hard to really get a feel for things yet. Has she said anything to this point on your relocating? I would honestly just enjoy the 3rd date and keep things casual. Stay in touch when you move away and see how things go. Maybe it's just me, but telling a girl after 2 dates how much you like her would be a bit of overkill. She has not said anything about my relocating except that she is happy that things worked out for me the way they did. She really liked the house I bought. I should mention that even though she lives on the east coast she was born and raised on the west coast. Her parents and whole family is out west. She plans on moving back west at some point anyway. Maybe as soon as this fall. I tend to get very insecure when I am dating someone I like for fear of getting rejected. I like to have resolution on things and thus I always tend to get serious, perhaps too soon! Should I even bring up the subject of how we are going to manage this "thing" that we have? Or not? Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 She has not said anything about my relocating except that she is happy that things worked out for me the way they did. She really liked the house I bought. I should mention that even though she lives on the east coast she was born and raised on the west coast. Her parents and whole family is out west. She plans on moving back west at some point anyway. Maybe as soon as this fall. I tend to get very insecure when I am dating someone I like for fear of getting rejected. I like to have resolution on things and thus I always tend to get serious, perhaps too soon! Should I even bring up the subject of how we are going to manage this "thing" that we have? Or not? I understand how you feel, and being my 30's I understand the desie to find a compatible partner. I would not bring up that discussion yet, it's pretty heavy for only have been out a few times. Enjoy the 3rd date, and see how that goes, and then I'd indicate you've enjoyed the time spent and would like to stay in touch. If it works out, it works out and maybe she will end up out that way. Don't force things too soon, or put too much pressure on both of you at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
musgrrl Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Your story sounds exactly like mine. I met my SO the end of November 2008 and we dated for a month before his job relocated him to the west coast on January 1st. We spent our last night together on the east coast on New Years Eve. It was so sad. I didn't know what was coming next for us. I just knew I didn't want it to end. Things just evolved. I didn't know when he left whether he felt strong enough about me to continue our LDR. So I would ask him questions just to clarify. What I found out is that he felt very much like I did about everything but shows his love by doing instead of saying. My advice to you is to ask her questions. You don't have to profess you love to her, but you can ask her questions to see how she feels. Get clear on things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaGmen Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 I think I am going to just enjoy the date/day and just play it cool. I will use your advice on just asking questions. I will just tell her that I really enjoy the time we spend together and would love to keep moving forward and see where things go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaGmen Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Well we had our date yesterday in the city (NYC) spent pretty much the whole day together. We met around 1pm went to a Broadway show. Then afterwards we went out to dinner with some friends of hers, a married couple, spent a few hours there enjoying dinner and the company. After dinner she walked with me to the train station, on the way there I gave her a small gift, nothing major, a nice book from BN. She really loved it, coz it was from her favorite movie. She seemed genuinely touched by the gesture; she gave me a nice big hug! We did not discuss or get into the future at all. At the end I just told her you let me know when you have a free weekend and I will gladly come out for the weekend! Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Well we had our date yesterday in the city (NYC) spent pretty much the whole day together. We met around 1pm went to a Broadway show. Then afterwards we went out to dinner with some friends of hers, a married couple, spent a few hours there enjoying dinner and the company. After dinner she walked with me to the train station, on the way there I gave her a small gift, nothing major, a nice book from BN. She really loved it, coz it was from her favorite movie. She seemed genuinely touched by the gesture; she gave me a nice big hug! We did not discuss or get into the future at all. At the end I just told her you let me know when you have a free weekend and I will gladly come out for the weekend! That sounds really nice. I would make an effort to stay in touch once you've moved and see how the conversations go, as well as if she reciprocates your efforts to stay in touch. If you find she doesn't return your calls or emails much, then you'll have your answer. On the other hand, if you're talking a lot and still enjoying the conversations, maybe you could go back to visit or vice versa. In the mean time I would do my best to focus on her as a wonderful person and friend whom you like, but leave it there. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Why haven't you kissed her? Friends hug. You do not want to build a wonderful friendship with her. You want her in your life romantically. You have had a couple of dates, yet no kisses? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaGmen Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 I am very conservative when it comes to the physical contact stuff. I don’t like to push the agenda. I always tend to let the lady make the first move, or wait for very obvious signs. I feel it is better to be overly cautious than to overly aggressive. Based on my interaction with this lady thus far I have not felt the moment has been right. If it is truly meant to be then our time for such things will come soon enough. And yes I am interested in this lady for romantic purposes; I can totally picture myself having something long lasting with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 hmmm...yeah. Where I come from we let the men make the first move. But we're southern. Girls will not kiss a guy first. Kissing is a man's job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaGmen Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 Well I moved to the west coast last week. Since I left all that I have gotten from her is about 3 emails. She knew I was moving to a place I absolutely love and into the house I have always dreamed of. But she has not called me once, which is nothing new. At this point, I have to keep my distance, literally and figuratively. Right now I cannot say that she is as into me as much as I am into her. In my last email to her I added sentence at the end asking her to let me know if she has a free weekend coming up and I will gladly fly back! Let's see if that brings me anything? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaGmen Posted July 6, 2009 Author Share Posted July 6, 2009 Well, outside of a series of text message conversation one day this week we have not exchanged any other form of communication. I am not sure what to make of this girls intentions? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 Well, outside of a series of text message conversation one day this week we have not exchanged any other form of communication. I am not sure what to make of this girls intentions? My guess is after a couple of dates and no move for anything romantic she is unsure of yours! You could have kissed her -- easy way to tell if there's a spark or if your kiss brings her to her knees -- and then talked about possibly continuing the connection after you left. Now it seems you have a budding friendship that has gone bi-coastal. If you didn't get too deep then it will be difficult to connect and both of you have to have the same perspective for that to happen. I hope it does because I know you really liked her. I just wish you would have made a move before you left. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaGmen Posted July 8, 2009 Author Share Posted July 8, 2009 My guess is after a couple of dates and no move for anything romantic she is unsure of yours! You could have kissed her -- easy way to tell if there's a spark or if your kiss brings her to her knees -- and then talked about possibly continuing the connection after you left. Now it seems you have a budding friendship that has gone bi-coastal. If you didn't get too deep then it will be difficult to connect and both of you have to have the same perspective for that to happen. I hope it does because I know you really liked her. I just wish you would have made a move before you left. One thing I should mention, if I did not before, is that we are both East Indian. This tends to make things a little different, in terms of the physical contact stuff. Trust me I really did want to kiss her, really bad. But with Indian girls I have to be a little cautious and safe or else it could ruin the whole thing. I have not heard one peep from her since last week when we had that text msg chat. I am really starting to freak out, in my mind, it is filled with negative thoughts and I am tempted to ask her point blank do you want to go any further or not. And you are so right; I really, really do like this girl a whole lot. I wish she would give me some sign or verbal reassurance! Please help me figure out what I should do here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaGmen Posted July 8, 2009 Author Share Posted July 8, 2009 Oh I also should mention, that I have more than clearly made my intentions known to her. I have verbally told her that I really really like her a lot and that I throughly enjoy spending time with her. Plus I have made intentions pretty clear via several other comments, emails and text messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DaGmen Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 Well its over! She told me I am a great guy but that she needs a lot more time to get to know someone. She stated it takes her a long time to develop feelings for someone and that she needs to spend a lot of time with someone in order for that to happen. Thus given the distance that separates us she said it would not be possible to make this work. We spoke on the phone after she sent me the email above. It was a good chat we agreed to remain friends and if we are in each other’s town we would look up each other. Yet another one bites the dust for me! [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
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