Lying about drinking....

[amaysngrace]

that logic is messed up. It is like saying I want to quiting smoking before I use the patch.

 

The drugs allow you to get rid of the physical part of the addiction while working on the pyscological part of the addicition.

 

Plus the rate of prelaspe are very high among addicts often they have trouble adjusting to life after rehab. basically the drugs/alcohol has been a coping method they have used for years and they have to learn how to cope in other ways.

 

Lying is a huge part of addiction too. he lies to you his family counselors himself.

 

I am sorry it is tough to go through.

 

When you stop drinking by taking a pill you are just replacing one addiction with another. Or it could lead to one anyway.

 

It's not even relevant to him though. The medicine he'd be taking is for OCD. He's taken it before and it made the desire to drink go away. Actually no it didn't. The desire was still there but he had no urge to act on the desire.

 

If he ever goes for medicine for the OCD he won't drink. But what if he wants to stop the meds? He'll be right back to drinking.

 

Which is why he wants to stop drinking on his own. Before he even begins to think about what to do for the OCD if anything.

 

Thank you for being supportive but it's not tough for me to go through. This is my BFs battle. It's his and his alone.

[amaysngrace]

if hes a real drunk hes a depressive at heart

 

if hes a real drunk hes unhappy

 

if hes a real drunk he feels the need to get numb

 

maybe you can resolve these issues with him or maybe theyre beyond your control

 

but you need to be honest about why he needs to get numb

 

it really is that simple

 

Ah ha....this is much better.

[amaysngrace]

he seems to be tring. alot of people it takes awhile for it to sink in and work.christ i couldn't tell you how many x's i said i was quitting,till it stuck. keep standing in his corner for him,be his so called cheerleader. if he's serious about it, he will eventually get it right.it is a lifelong fight. is he doing meetings? remember 90 in 90.

 

Thank you. I hope this time he has it right. Congratulations to you.

 

What does 90 in 90 mean?

[blind_otter]

Being in love with an alcoholic is very hard. It really is probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with because it is relentless. Right when you let your guard down, it gets worse. Strangely enough, you take longer and longer to let your guard down but somehow they always seem to fall off the wagon each time you let your guard down.

 

Anyways, alanon. I know that most codependents are terrified of alanon, and they find all sorts of random excuses not to go. But it really is a good place to get support.

 

I wish I could be more supportive or hopeful, but I'm not and I can't be. It's hard to stand by and watch someone slip again and again on a muddy slope. They push your hand away, the one reaching out to help them. they fall on their face. Then they cry about it to you and keep slipping, and they totally ignore the easy stairs that are right next to them. Sucks.

[amaysngrace]

Being in love with an alcoholic is very hard. It really is probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with because it is relentless. Right when you let your guard down, it gets worse. Strangely enough, you take longer and longer to let your guard down but somehow they always seem to fall off the wagon each time you let your guard down.

 

Anyways, alanon. I know that most codependents are terrified of alanon, and they find all sorts of random excuses not to go. But it really is a good place to get support.

 

I wish I could be more supportive or hopeful, but I'm not and I can't be. It's hard to stand by and watch someone slip again and again on a muddy slope. They push your hand away, the one reaching out to help them. they fall on their face. Then they cry about it to you and keep slipping, and they totally ignore the easy stairs that are right next to them. Sucks.

 

B_O you are an alcoholic and stopped.

 

Who is to say maybe my BF shares your same strength? Not everyone is your guy. You aren't. And quite possibly my BF isn't like him either.

 

Your post makes no sense to me whatsoever. You are proof it can get done yet you are being pessimistic about my guy.

 

Why?

[Touche]

Amay...wow, I have so much to say on this and yet nothing really. I know that doesn't make sense but I just always thought you two would make it.

 

I guess all I can say is hang in there and if you expect the best you will get the best. Let him know what you expect of him. Hopefully he will live up to your expectations whatever they may be.

 

Hugs, Amay!

[amaysngrace]

Amay...wow, I have so much to say on this and yet nothing really. I know that doesn't make sense but I just always thought you two would make it.

 

I guess all I can say is hang in there and if you expect the best you will get the best. Let him know what you expect of him. Hopefully he will live up to your expectations whatever they may be.

 

Hugs, Amay!

 

Thanks Touche.

 

I don't place expectations on him. He has expectations of himself. He wants more from life than just drinking it away. Mostly it was causing him health concerns. His insides started to hurt. In his body it becomes poison.

 

He knows for him there is a better way to deal with the stress life brings. He may not know what it is exactly but he will keep searching until he finds that better way to deal. So far so good. At the moment he is probably surfing. And tomorrow at the crack of dawn he will surf some more instead of hitting the beach at 11 am and missing the best waves.

 

For him that's reason enough to not drink. Plus there are a bunch more.

 

I tell him straight up how he gets when he drinks. It is like it gets the best of him. Who he becomes while he drinks is so much worse than who he is sober. He thinks it gives him more personality. I think it ruins his great personality. He becomes an ass hole. A boring one at that.

 

Oh I also told him I am not going to be hanging out with him on Saturday nights if he drinks them away. I told him the highlight of his life is beat to me. And I refuse to spend my weekends that way. I live for summer. I only get two weekends per month free from my kids. So I told him I will be making other plans because I want to enjoy my summer this year.

 

Maybe that had something to do with this?

 

Whatever works I guess. He did make it clear that I didn't nag him though. He is doing this for him.

 

[NotSoSmiley]

I feel for you-I really do. My ex was an alcoholic and his father was an alcoholic. Your boyfriend can have all the support in the world but if he doesn't want to stop drinking, he isn't going to. He is just going to tell you and his father what you want to hear. It is amazing when they can sneak a drink. Most of the time, you will only notice it when they are NOT drunk because their body is missing that stimulant.

 

The question you have to ask yourself is: am I happy? Do I want to keep thinking that he is always lying to me? Am I ever going to truly be able to trust him? If you aren't happy and you can't trust him, then you have to decide what is best for you.

 

Unfortunately, he has decided that what is best for him is to drink-that is most important to him. Can you live with that? If not, get out while you can. The longer you wait, the harder it is - trust me!

 

All the best to you sweetie-I know it isn't easy!

[stuckinoz]

But the lying sucks.

 

Yes it does! My husband is a functioning alcoholic, he used to lie to me all the time about his whereabouts during the day. I'd phone & say "Hey, where are ya"...He'd tell me he was working at such & such a place. Well I never believed him -So I had him followed one day & caught him red handed via a photo from a friend - he was at that moment at a bar. He still lied - said it was someone elses truck.3

 

What I have learned thru the years is this....when someone wants a drink they will to go any extent to have it. If it means lying, they will at any cost!

 

Please forgive the comment, but Alcoholism is not a disease. It's a [COLOR=#990000]choice[/COLOR].

100% agreement! I don't care what AA says, or what anyone for that matter says that it's a disease....That's bullcrap!!! I know for a fact my husband could have stopped at any time - He choose not to. Once I left the marriage & 2 +years later - He has finally gotten his **** back together! He does not lie about his whereabouts anymore - (Yes, I check from time to time) He does not do the happy hour gig every night anymore like he used to. He does not come home drunk every single night of the week - like he used to. He does still drink...But it is WAYYY different than it used to be. Not quite 100% change - But I'd say 85% & improving all the time. So I say bull**** to the disease & you need help to quit! He didn't get any - except a swift kick in the @ss from me!!

 

OP - Yep - The lying is just as bad in my book as the drinking itsself - Now, what do you do about it - Well, you're not married to him - so maybe walk away!

[stuckinoz]

....Before it's too late!