LoveLace Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 We all know how good of friends me and C are. Last night he was telling me about an interesting woman he just met online but not in person yet. Then I had a couple of married girl friends out, and he actually didn't mind going to hang out there with me. We had a good time; anyhow, as he got up to excuse himself to the bathroom, I was sitting next to him on a stool with my legs crossed, kind of a short skirt on but not horribly short...anyway, he'd normally place his hand on my back or something in this situation, but instead his hand went right for a light tap on my rump! No way was this an accident! I pretended not to notice...he's never done anything like this before...was he trying to kop a feel, or what?! Link to post Share on other sites
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 You ever see When Harry Met Sally? I think this exchange will explain it: Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends. Sally Albright: Why not? Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. Harry Burns: No you don't. Sally Albright: Yes I do. Harry Burns: No you don't. Sally Albright: Yes I do. Harry Burns: You only think you do. Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge? Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you. Sally Albright: They do not. Harry Burns: Do too. Sally Albright: They do not. Harry Burns: Do too. Sally Albright: How do you know? Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too. Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU? Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then. Harry Burns: I guess not. Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 You ever see When Harry Met Sally? I think this exchange will explain it: Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends. Sally Albright: Why not? Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. Harry Burns: No you don't. Sally Albright: Yes I do. Harry Burns: No you don't. Sally Albright: Yes I do. Harry Burns: You only think you do. Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge? Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you. Sally Albright: They do not. Harry Burns: Do too. Sally Albright: They do not. Harry Burns: Do too. Sally Albright: How do you know? Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too. Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU? Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then. Harry Burns: I guess not. Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York. One of my favortie scenes ever! So I guess you are saying, we shouldn't be friends... Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I also subscribe to the idea that "platonic" male friends are faking it on some level, maybe even to themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 So I guess you are saying, we shouldn't be friends... I don't know enough about the situation to say whether or not you should be friends. If you offered up the booty, my guess is he's probably say yes, whether or not that would be a good place for this particular relationship to go to is not for me to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 I don't know enough about the situation to say whether or not you should be friends. If you offered up the booty, my guess is he's probably say yes, whether or not that would be a good place for this particular relationship to go to is not for me to say. Why, because he touched it? To me this is a total expression of physical attraction...and we haven't gone there before...great, guess it's time for "the talk"...not soley because of this but it's time... Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Why, because he touched it? To me this is a total expression of physical attraction...and we haven't gone there before...great, guess it's time for "the talk"...not soley because of this but it's time... didn't you already have a talk with him about this in which he said he only saw you as a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
nobody's girl Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Gotta disagree somewhat with the whole notion that there can't be platonic relationships. My best friend is a guy. I've never been attracted to him nor he to me. Even after his divorce when we were both single. He's now engaged and has even asked me to be "best man" at his wedding. Sometimes a tap is just a tap. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 didn't you already have a talk with him about this in which he said he only saw you as a friend? +1. I thought he told you a few times he only viewed you as a friend. I caution you about addressing this yet again, as it could make him feel awkward all over again. But, how did he tap your butt if you were sitting down? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Gotta disagree somewhat with the whole notion that there can't be platonic relationships. My best friend is a guy. I've never been attracted to him nor he to me. Even after his divorce when we were both single. He's now engaged and has even asked me to be "best man" at his wedding. Sometimes a tap is just a tap. None of my male friends would do this. It's the boundary of respect I insist on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 None of my male friends would do this. It's the boundary of respect I insist on. Exactly. And it's not like C to cross a line of respect this way. For him it's pretty new and different and on top of all the time he's insisted on spending with me lately, all the money he's spent on me, all the calling and meeting my friends and some verbal flirting, etc, time for me bring it on the table, period. Jilly this sord of thing has only come up between us once. Almost a year ago...he had an LDR GF at the time and he just said that he was faithful to her (that's been over quite a while now) and that our friendship is important to him. After that we just hung out once in a while, but these last 2-3 months, it's been 1-2X a week and it's always him that does the calling. He's only in town 4 days a week and he makes it a point to give me at least 1-2 of them. Goes on and on about how great of a time we have, sex talks got intense, verbal flirting has started going on, he's invited me to "crash" at his house, the list goes on and on, and now this. The friendship has grown to be WAY more involved than it was when we 1st touched base again over a year ago. He drives from the other side of the city, just to hang out with me. One night he did this and he also spent $100 on us. Btw, he was able to touch my rump because I was sitting on a tall stool, with no back. Couple weeks ago, he made some comment about putting his tongue in my mouth. Sheesh. I do believe there can be truly platonic things. Just as I began to settle into it with him, he suddenly wants gobs of my time and company, and sure makes an awful lot of effort for something that only brings friendship..to each his own...I have lots of friends men and women, but none of us put this kind of effort into each other. He's an awfully popular guy, and pretty outgoing, so I don't know why he picks ME to be this way with, when he's certainly got plenty of "friends" to choose from. My best friend met him for the 1st time last night, and later she texted, "he's great! all kinds of chemistry there!"...so apparently she observed he and I interacting. Even though with friends, he and I managed to hold our own private conversations. Hey, he's probably just what you'd call the coolest platonic friend ever, nothin's wrong with that, I certainly have no complaints about how great it's been, but given what has appeared to be a sudden, frequent clinging to me, I gotta let him know that it's a little mind boggling. I'm not afraid either, because he's the type to just appreciate my honesty, no matter how he feels. I have no worries Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Sorry hun, he never viewed you as a platonic friend, he wants that rump in his bed. Hes just now starting to make moves because he cant stand hanging with you anymore without some kind of advancement going on. I suggest you stop hanging with him cuz its just gonna get worse. Unless you just want the attention. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I also subscribe to the idea that "platonic" male friends are faking it on some level, maybe even to themselves. That's because they are. Almost every intergender friendship probably starts off with a little attraction. It's only as time passes and both people have settled that retaining the friendship comes more into play than trying to pursue a sexual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Land Shark Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Women! Is everything about sex with you? You clearly had a spider or some kind of bug on your ass that he was brushing off. If not that, then the only explanation that makes sense was that he was going for your wallet. Link to post Share on other sites
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I don't know the history here, that may be a disadvantage or it may be an advantage. Assume the following is true: he either wants to escalate to an FWB arrangement, or is interested in a real relationship. Is that bad? A no-go? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 he was telling me about an interesting woman he just met online was he trying to kop a feel, or what?! (Here).... Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I get ya, LL. But, if a man is interested in a woman, he isn't talking about other "interesting" women he's meeting... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 i think you need to decide what you want from him. you either leave the whole thing alone and stop second guessing it so that you can remains just friends or you start dating after having the dreaded "talk" and run the usual scenario of things not working out - then you won't have him as your friend after that btw - men hate "the talk" Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Yup, he wants to escalate it. I'm just surprised he's been so slow about it given all the time he's spent with you and that you are obviously attracted to him. Is he very shy? As someone else said, platonic male/female relationships only seem to occur when both parties are settled. Example 1: Two ex's who were never very sexually compatible are now in middle age and meet up every week or two for coffee to talk about what's been happening in their lives and with not the slightest sexual interest in each other. Their partners often join them for the coffee meeting. Example 2: Both are in committed relationships but maintain a close email friendship at long distance knowing that nothing can ever happen between them due to distance and suspicious spouses. Example 3: One of the couple in the friendship is gay. Anyone want to offer more scenarios? Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I But, if a man is interested in a woman, he isn't talking about other "interesting" women he's meeting... Yes he could be if he's trying to hint he has plenty of opportunities but still prefers her. A dangerous strategy, I would agree, he would probably do much better to say he has eyes for her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 Yes he could be if he's trying to hint he has plenty of opportunities but still prefers her. A dangerous strategy, I would agree, he would probably do much better to say he has eyes for her alone. I didn't think men used "strategies"...if I think of him in particular doing so, it's because I know he's extremely intelligent and looks at everything from a psychological point of view, because he studied it and seems to think he's an expert at it or something, lol. In other words, it wouldn't surprise me if he's one to play with your head, just to give him a fun opportunity to analyze your reaction. C is the most analytical man I've ever met. But in general, I just didn't think guys did stuff like that... Landshark, I'm not saying that it means he wants to do me, I'm saying that the only men who have ever touched my ars, were men that found me attractive - and not platonic friends...acquaintences maybe, but not great buddies of mine. If that means a guy wants to do you as well, I don't know. Yea 2sunny I'm not up for a "talk" myself, really. But sometimes I get in moments where it feels necessary or desired, then when it comes down to it, I'd rather just avoid it...and go with the idea instead that whatever happens, happens. That's where I am today. Supposed to see him tonight, but I'm not making any plans to intentionally "talk" about anything. I'll be with some other friends just going to see him play, so I just plan to have fun and not make it a night about "me and him" - no thanks. I'm sure he'll join us after the show and b.s. with everybody and that will probably be the most of it...unless of course, he chooses to sit aside with me for some conversation time, that's fine. But I'm not going there as if to expect it. When he's working, I generally keep out of his hair until he can really hang out. I like what xpaper said, about it becoming a matter of "retaining" the friendship. That's more likely how this will end up, I have a feeling. As far as what I want, there's only 1 thing I know for certain, and that's that I DONT want to ruin the friendship. I'm sure he wouldn't want to, either. Boogieboy what you say makes sense, but if a guy wants advancement, he shouldn't talk about other women he's meeting, and put his hand on my ass an hour later. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 In a friendship ( between a man and a woman) where do know when to draw the line? It's easier to go over the borders with friends of the same gender because they understand, and any type of a serious relationship never came to play from day one. But then you have a friend of the opposite, whom you can initially be attracted to but due to various reasons never got together. You can joke and be friendly intimate without there being any misconceptions about each other, because the fact remains, you're just friends. So when one goes over board with the touching or the sexual puns or innuendoes, do you simply take offense or brush it off? The usual response would be to brush it off because you've been in enough of the same scenario where you've probably acted like an idiot in front of them and they still managed to forgive you. So to overanalyze or think about their actions would be irrational of you, because then that would mean you're confused about the friendship, ( as in LL's situation). Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 LL, don't draw any conclusions or get your hopes up, with one inappropriate action. Until or if he ever indicates true interest, the rest is moot. Even in my dating "friends" pool, the guys wouldn't do that. For that matter, I've never had an SO touch my butt in public. I can't stand that, AT ALL. It's disrespectful. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Something about this just doesn't add up to me. He's had ample opportunity to take the friendship to another level, and he's far from shy. He sounds like a pretty direct, confident guy. Plus, he knows you're attracted to him. If he were truly interested in anything more, especially a relationship, he would have already made a move. The most I can see is that he's somewhat attracted to you, but not enough for a relationship. He may be sending out feelers in regards to an FWB. But he also doesn't want to look like an arse by coming right out with it. If you're interested in an FWB, then you could try making a move and seeing how he reacts. He may also be on the fence like you because he values your friendship and doesn't want to ruin it for some cheap sex. If you're not in an FWB, then don't get your hopes up about him ever asking you out on a proper date. Not gonna happen. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 My impression with this is that he is horny, in between girls and he wouldn 't mind being FWB. Of course saying this directly might offend you, so he is going about it in a round about way. Link to post Share on other sites
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