Platonic friend...that touches my...?

[xpaperxcutx]

My impression with this is that he is horny, in between girls and he wouldn 't mind being FWB. Of course saying this directly might offend you, so he is going about it in a round about way.

 

Then he is not a really good friend is he?

 

The only types of guys who would go risking their friendship for a relief are the ones who have too many girl friends and decides that foregoing one or two wouldn't matter.

[LoveLace]

My impression with this is that he is horny, in between girls and he wouldn 't mind being FWB. Of course saying this directly might offend you, so he is going about it in a round about way.

 

 

Well he's been non stop saying things like "we need to get laid" and like I said, lots of sex talk all of a sudden; but he's really not a FWB kind of guy. He's a relationship, one-woman kind of guy. If he were to straight out ask me about FWB though, I'd say h*ll no what are you crazy?...because if I want FWB, I wouldn't pick him for that. It would be someone I didn't care about as much. And I'd tell him that. BEG I totally see why you have that perscpective, but since I know him as well as I do, I don't think FWB is on his mind, but I guess there's always the possibility that I'm wrong and just don't know him as well I think.

 

And Shadow, he HAS taken things to another level, by multiplying his attention and time with me by 10....by flirting with me and touching me, etc...to me, and to most other people, that IS another level, compared to how our friendship was before this. And believe me when your on the receiving end, it's definitely another level. Whether or not he means for it to feel that way, or feels that way himself, is a different story. I'm pretty guilty with mixed signals myself, I admit. So for all I know, he's in the same place as I right now. I, too, discuss meeting men, and men in my life, with him. Because dating is one of the things we talk about, as friends. Probably the same reason he discusses it with me, obviously. Attraction or not, it doesn't mean that one of us is going to just stop talking about that kind of thing...unless of course we were dating each other, and we are not.

 

And your right papercut, that's why I pretend not to notice when he does something like touch my ars, or comment on putting his tongue in my mouth...I either ignore things, or laugh at them because I assume he's joking...even though really, I"m not sure if he's joking.

[xpaperxcutx]

LL, one of the few reasons I like about having a close guy friend ( which for me is rare because 99% of my friends are female) is that I can bombard him with questions on the opposite sex. I'm exactly like you. Sometimes it's easier to talk about your sex and dating life with a guy than one of the girlfriends because they are honest. They tell you the truth without the sugar coated words.

 

The point is, no friend would intentionally physically or romantically seduce you unless they're attracted to you or incredibly drunk to the point where they just accidentally " slipped" their tongue inside your mouth.

 

The key word being " intentionally"

[Jilly Bean]

LL - didn't you have a whole thread recently devoted to how you feel you have no clue as to when a guy is interested or not?

 

I still vote this guy is just a friend.

 

If you were sitting on your butt, I still don't see how he touched you in any way that could be construed as sexual or provocative. Maybe he just accidently brushed you when he stood up, or cupped you to keep himself from bumping into you?

 

I just see you going down that road again of manifesting something that doesn't exist. You thought that he was interested last year, and when you confronted him with it, he said he thought of you only as a friend, and I don't think that has changed. Pretty much everything you're writing about him now, is identical to what you wrote about him last year.

 

I think the core issue is, like you wrote in the other thread, that you genuinely lack the skill set to process male attention properly. Moreso, you seem to get into this head space of living a fantasy in your mind, and creating scenarios that don't seem to be based in reality. I don't think it's intentional, I do think it comes back to you not getting men.

[LoveLace]

Saw him last night, good times, he was buying all of my friends rounds of drinks, got along with everyone, it was cool, they all think he's cool, of course.

 

Today he's on his date, and texting me while he's there. For gosh sakes, man, seriously, he can't not contact me while he's on a date?! Maybe that means it isn't going good? I don't know, but geez I would never be texting any guy while I'm on a date, unless of course it's a nightmare of one! He isn't saying much about it, just b.s.'ing with me. But I finally said, hey, have fun I'm going to the pool..aka, put your phone down and pay attention to your date, dude!

[Jilly Bean]

Today he's on his date, and texting me while he's there. For gosh sakes, man, seriously, he can't not contact me while he's on a date?! Maybe that means it isn't going good? I don't know, but geez I would never be texting any guy while I'm on a date, unless of course it's a nightmare of one! He isn't saying much about it, just b.s.'ing with me. But I finally said, hey, have fun I'm going to the pool..aka, put your phone down and pay attention to your date, dude!

 

It means you're a FRIEND.

[Lyssa]

Women! Is everything about sex with you?

 

You clearly had a spider or some kind of bug on your ass that he was brushing off. If not that, then the only explanation that makes sense was that he was going for your wallet.

 

:laugh:

 

LL, if he wanted sex or to see you exclusively, I'm sure he would have said something by now.

[Awesome84]

These situations are hard analyze (if they should be at all).

 

Lovelace, I have a 'Platonic' guy friend as well that does little things to imply that he likes me... trouble IS... is that he's already with someone. I like him alot but I never will let him know that unless he was ready to 'Be With Me'.... Otherwise, I will have to think of him as a friend and try not to look at every little thing he does as 'a sign'.

 

He texted me while I was on a date but I just texted him back once, and he texted me back but I never responded because it is rude to my date. Truth is... I would have rather been with him and talking to him instead of my date but I have to bring myself to reality and tell my self ALL THE TIME... 'We are JUST friends!!!!'

 

I think you should do that too until he tells you he wants to be with you... he may very well like you and may be attracted to you even....but he may think you are going nowhere because you are friends and you will always be there.

 

If you want him to be MORE than a friend... I would suggest seeing less of him and make him miss you. If he REALLY wants to be with you (as more than a friend) he will follow you and eventually cave.

[Awesome84]

Also I want to add... (since someone posted the "Harry Met Sally" Men and Women can't be friends excerpt).... Sally had to give up the friendship in order to get Harry.

[LoveLace]

Jilly I'm not sitting here trying to figure out why he texted me or anything, I was just saying that even though we ARE friends, even if of the same sex, even if my best girl friend was texting me random pointless things during a date, I would be thinking, what the heck, is this date suckin or what?..either way, I think most people would consider it rude, and that part is odd since he's not a rude guy normally, he's pure gentleman with manners... maybe texting during a date isn't all that big of a deal nowadays, I don't know...point is, I'd find it odd for any of my friends to do it...unless to say, "hey, I can't wait to get outta here!" or something funny like that.....but whatever, so he likes to text me a lot, big deal. It's nothing new.

 

He called me immediately after the date to tell me the scoop, and basically sounds like he had an "ok" time and was "kind of" attracted to her...but he was up front with her about his travelling job, and the fact that, if she wants a guy that's around all of the time, he can't give her that. So he just concluded it as a nice day with a nice person. He IS supposed to move away, before next year, for his job. He reminded me on the phone today that he doesn't want to get too involved with someone only to move away on them. I think that's pretty decent of him, and even as just his friend, I will miss him like crazy when he goes.

 

And he wants to hang out, again, with me tonight.

[shadowplay]

Jilly I'm not sitting here trying to figure out why he texted me or anything, I was just saying that even though we ARE friends, even if of the same sex, even if my best girl friend was texting me random pointless things during a date, I would be thinking, what the heck, is this date suckin or what?..either way, I think most people would consider it rude, and that part is odd since he's not a rude guy normally, he's pure gentleman with manners... maybe texting during a date isn't all that big of a deal nowadays, I don't know...point is, I'd find it odd for any of my friends to do it...unless to say, "hey, I can't wait to get outta here!" or something funny like that.....but whatever, so he likes to text me a lot, big deal. It's nothing new.

 

He called me immediately after the date to tell me the scoop, and basically sounds like he had an "ok" time and was "kind of" attracted to her...but he was up front with her about his travelling job, and the fact that, if she wants a guy that's around all of the time, he can't give her that. So he just concluded it as a nice day with a nice person. He IS supposed to move away, before next year, for his job. He reminded me on the phone today that he doesn't want to get too involved with someone only to move away on them. I think that's pretty decent of him, and even as just his friend, I will miss him like crazy when he goes.

 

And he wants to hang out, again, with me tonight.

 

Just ask him what's up already!

[LoveLace]

Just ask him what's up already!

 

 

Nah. He's clear that he doesn't want "too serious" because he's moving away in 8 months, a couple 1,000 miles away, and says it isn't fair to him or to someone he might get serious with. Last night a friend of mine said she saw him looking at me a lot, yadda yadda, anyway she's convinced he's just holding back because of the moving (and/or the friendship) It already sucks that my good friend will be moving so why make it more complicated...if he decided he was into me enough to pursue more on his own, well then fine, but obviously the moving would be a huge issue, so I see no reason to ask him "what's up" anymore. It's all pretty clear now to me. Unless he adds some giant move to this mix, case closed.

[BlueEyedGirl]

Regardless of the fact that you tend too read too much into things, I feel like he IS contacting you WAY too much for a platonic friend.

 

I think you should ask him. So what if he is moving away, plans can change....

[LoveLace]

Regardless of the fact that you tend too read too much into things, I feel like he IS contacting you WAY too much for a platonic friend.

 

I think you should ask him. So what if he is moving away, plans can change....

 

 

Even though I knew he was moving eventually, I didn't realize it was really just 8 months away until yesterday. We didn't hang last night because he had a gig and I was pooped. I was laying in bed trying to sleep, and it hit me how much I will miss him, then OMG I started crying...my other friends are either married and too busy most of the time, the single ones I do have tend to be a pain the ars, and he's always been the happy medium for me outside of all that. He's been there for me at times that most other people couldn't be, and brings positive vibes to my life...I look up to him and it motivates me to look forward in life in general..I mean, we have a lot of important people in our lives and all, but once in a while you get someone that truly inspires you and always puts a smile on your face...

 

He called again at midnight, wondering if I ended up going out or not, but I was in bed...so I said well I'm off tomorrow...and he said yea we should get together...before, there were reasons for getting together....like because I was stressed about school and needed a drink, or he wanted to talk about his mess of an Ex, etc,....now it's like, we are doing it just because we want to...want to make time for each other...

 

I guess your right BEG.

[WineCountry]

Tread carefully here. He may just want to get laid. Which, you said, he DID say. ( When you mentioned he was saying you both needed to get laid ).

 

As far as the texting on a date..depends. I have a male friend that we have both talked to each other while out with someone, although our SO's knew who we were and could hear our conversations.

 

I'm thinking this guy may be horny, and is thinking..I never thought about banging my friend, but now, that may not be a bad idea! Hey..it happens.

[LoveLace]

Tread carefully here. He may just want to get laid. Which, you said, he DID say. ( When you mentioned he was saying you both needed to get laid ).

 

As far as the texting on a date..depends. I have a male friend that we have both talked to each other while out with someone, although our SO's knew who we were and could hear our conversations.

 

I'm thinking this guy may be horny, and is thinking..I never thought about banging my friend, but now, that may not be a bad idea! Hey..it happens.

 

 

I know what you mean about the texting on dates, but it sounds like you are speaking in terms of an SO, not a 1st date, like this one. Anyhoo, you could very well be right about the "banging" me..lol..but hopefully we wouldn't do that without talking about those possible consequences 1st...if I know him like I think, he would be just as concerned about that part as I would...then again, Harry and Sally didn't do that did they?!

[Land Shark]

...then again, Harry and Sally didn't do that did they?!

 

True. But Sally was a bit of a whore. All those preppy types are sluts at heart.

[LoveLace]

True. But Sally was a bit of a whore. All those preppy types are sluts at heart.

 

Sally wasn't the whore...Harry was the one sleeping with woman after woman while they were friends...hehe..she just dated a guy or two..

 

It was cute yesterday, when he texted me and said "would you maybe want to get together to watch the baseball game later?"

 

We had another marathon of talking about relationships and dating and such. At one point he said you know, people probably think we are together while we're out like this...I said yea but I don't care...and he said he doesn't care either. I wish I would have thought to say, "we might as well date then huh!"...but I didn't.

 

I was thinking of just telling him I've thought of him a little more lately in the physical attraction kind of way, and I'm not asking for anything, just being honest and getting it out there because it's something I don't want to hide from him. But that I love things the way they are now too. He'd likely not be surprised (I'd think) and would likely just say he appreciates my honesty. Then I'd hope we can continue to hang out as usual. And if he takes it as a green light to move in, I'd love it, but if not, he's moving far anyway and we still have a great friendship...

[Jilly Bean]

I was thinking of just telling him I've thought of him a little more lately in the physical attraction kind of way, and I'm not asking for anything, just being honest and getting it out there because it's something I don't want to hide from him. But that I love things the way they are now too. He'd likely not be surprised (I'd think) and would likely just say he appreciates my honesty. Then I'd hope we can continue to hang out as usual. And if he takes it as a green light to move in, I'd love it, but if not, he's moving far anyway and we still have a great friendship...

 

I just don't get this at all.

 

You revealed your romantic feelings to him last year, and he told you he wasn't interested.

 

I don't see why you would humiliate yourself for more rejection by going back over this.

 

If he was interested, he would have made a move, since I think you make your feelings pretty well known.

 

Personally, I think he just likes the attention and adoration he gets from you. Fills in the dry spots until he finds a new GF.

[Awesome84]

It was cute yesterday, when he texted me and said "would you maybe want to get together to watch the baseball game later?"

 

We had another marathon of talking about relationships and dating and such. At one point he said you know, people probably think we are together while we're out like this...I said yea but I don't care...and he said he doesn't care either.

 

It sounds to me like he really likes you. I wonder what his 'hangup' is..if there IS any.

 

My friend is always 'play punching' me. It's weird. He'll punch me hard in the hip. So I end up punching him back. He always wants to fight (in a friendly way). LOL. See... there I go... reading too much into stuff.

[Awesome84]

 

You revealed your romantic feelings to him last year, and he told you he wasn't interested.

 

LoveLace... did he have a girlfriend back then when you told him?? Maybe NOW since he's single... he realized he likes you.

 

But then again... it could be like Jilly said... he likes the attention because he knows how you feel. If that's the case... he's a jack*** for stringing you along.

[LoveLace]

It sounds to me like he really likes you. I wonder what his 'hangup' is..if there IS any.

 

My friend is always 'play punching' me. It's weird. He'll punch me hard in the hip. So I end up punching him back. He always wants to fight (in a friendly way). LOL. See... there I go... reading too much into stuff.

 

Lol, well even in grade school the boys tended to show their affection this way...

 

Jilly I'd only be telling him about the attraction I've felt lately, not that I want to marry him for gosh sakes. He's a person I'd be comfortable being honest with and there's nothing humiliating about that. It would just be something to get off my chest and then be something out there on the table but it doesn't mean anyone has to do anything about it after that. As I've already said here tons of times, he's the kind to just appreciate the honesty, not the kind to think of it as a breaker deal for the friendship. You could be right he just likes the attention, yea well so do I...and being truthful with my friend is just that, it's not asking for or expecting anything, the way he feels has nothing to do with me just wanting to be truthful. Maybe that would be "humiliating" for you, but I don't embarrass or humiliate that easily...humiliating would be "I love you sooo much and I want to be with you forever!!!"...not only that but it wouldn't even be the truth! And last year it wasn't even the same kind of friendship it is now. Back then he didn't call me every damn day and want to hang out 3X a week. We had JUST gotten back into touch, and all he said was he was faithful to his GF at the time, not "I could never see you as more than a friend". Things were SO different then. We knew so little about each other...by talking with him NOW, it's addressing a completely different situation. And it's not a humiliating thought for me, at all, because I'm just that comfortable with him. Sorry.

[Jilly Bean]

Maybe that would be "humiliating" for you, but I don't embarrass or humiliate that easily...humiliating would be "I love you sooo much and I want to be with you forever!!!"...not only that but it wouldn't even be the truth! And last year it wasn't even the same kind of friendship it is now. Back then he didn't call me every damn day and want to hang out 3X a week. We had JUST gotten back into touch, and all he said was he was faithful to his GF at the time, not "I could never see you as more than a friend". Things were SO different then. We knew so little about each other...by talking with him NOW, it's addressing a completely different situation. And it's not a humiliating thought for me, at all, because I'm just that comfortable with him. Sorry.

 

Humiliating is you telling him a SECOND time that you are interested in him romantically, and him shooting you down a second time.

 

Seriously - he's aware of your interest, and I think if HE were interested, he would have made a move already. You are pretty easy bait, and it's not like he would have to put in much work. In this past year since he's been apart from the GF, he has had ample opportunities to make HIS feelings known. I mean, if your friendship is as strong as you say, and that he values honesty THAT MUCH, what has stopped him from making a move on YOU?

 

Have some pride, LL. Really. Leave him as a friend, and if he makes a move great, but I wouldn't advise anyone in this situation to continue to pursue someone who's already rejected them.

[Awesome84]

Leave him as a friend, and if he makes a move great, but I wouldn't advise anyone in this situation to continue to pursue someone who's already rejected them.

 

I partially agree with these statements.

 

LoveLace, It can be hard for you to stay friends with him if you really like him alot. But breaking off the friendship all together may not be a good choice. I struggle with this all the time with MY friend. I always want to NOT be friends with him because liking him and being his friend at the same time is hard. Crazy... cause it's like I have to be two different people. When I'm with him I am his friend. But when I go home... I love him (behind closed doors). He doesn't know this.

 

However, I do agree with Jilly that if you keep telling him how you feel and he doesn't feel the same way... you're only going to end up being heartbroken and the friendship will suffer. It sure does seem like he likes you though. I say the only thing you can do is let him come to you. Maybe test the waters and be unavailable to him sometimes and see how he reacts.

[LoveLace]

Again Jilly, what you are saying is only your opinion. It's humiliating for YOU to think about, not ME. I"m not afraid to tell someone how I feel after they've been spending so much time with me and calling me so often, which AGAIN, was NOT the situation when this came up so briefly and casually last year. AGAIN it's a totally different situation between us now. And you call it "pursuing", well gee that's funny because he's the one calling me all the time and taking me out all the time. And being honest with someone and "pursuing" are totally different things. It's called talking, not pursuing. Let me explain.

 

Pursuing: "I want to date you".

 

Talking: "I have to be honest with you that I've adored our time spent together and these are my latest feelings about it as a result....but I also do not want things to be different from how they are now."......"Well, LL, I'm glad your telling me how you feel....now here's I feel...." - and that's all there is to that. I know him well enough to know that it would happen that way, and there's nothing he can say to make me feel humiliated or rejected, because he wouldn't WANT me to feel that way, for one thing. Secondly, I wouldn't be doing it to get something out of it, so that kind of makes it hard to feel rejection. I'm more worried about awkwardness between us, than rejection. If I choose to stay quiet, which I probably will because I know it's the better and more necessary choice, it will be because I don't want to create awkwardness. Not because I'm scared.

 

Speaking of pursuing, gee, he just texted and asked me to dinner tomorrow night. Hmm. Funny that he's never done that before. It's all been more casual hang outs up to this point. Never has taken me to dinner, just drinks. This is new. I'm going to tell him yes and go from here. Things will happen or fall into place in whatever way they are meant to.