BlueEyedGirl Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 LL, let us know how diner goes. I still say he is interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 LL, let us know how diner goes. I still say he is interested. Well then your right up there with what my friends say, the ones that have met him anyhow. Sunday we visited a tavern where my girl friend works, and she was taking pictures for a collage (however you spell that), she aimed the camera at us and he so proudly threw his arm around me, put his cheek up to mine and we smiled happily. Oh lord, lol, now our picture will be hanging somewhere around there... He wanted to do dinner because he's usually not off work at his other job early enough for that, well they asked him to stay later this evening after all. He was overly apologetic and said he probably sounds like a jerk, I said of course not. We haven't yet figured out our schedules for this week but dinner won't fit in, then he's out of town for the weekend, so I don't know what will happen. Right now, more than anything, I keep thinking about the moving factor...it just makes me sad to think he obviously won't be calling me from 1,000 miles away to say he wants to get together, regardless of what we are to each other, it makes me sad. I try to just not think of it, in order to keep truckin and havin fun, but when the time comes, ouch. This has been nagging at me more than what he might be thinking or feeling about me...it's almost like it's not that important, when I realize how much I'll miss him in general. Ugh oh well, only time can reveal...thx BEG! Oh you just KNOW I'll be back, haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 Oh sheesh, well, we hung out last night and had an awesome time. He took me to a tavern where he's friends with everyone. It didn't take long for the sex talk to start up again, getting about as personal as you can with someone without actually having sex with them...from both sides...there was one thing I told him about me and boy did he shoot me a look of pleasant curiosity... He felt like "getting crazy" so we journey'd downtown for some music. You see, just last night, he ran into his Ex...the one he was so forbiddenly crazy over. He started opening up about running into her and he was having a pretty hard time with it. All I could do was hug him and tell him I know what he's going through because I went through such a strikingly similar situation over the last 3 years. I can't help but just totally feel for him and he's incredibly appreciative of that. And it does hurt me a little, to see him feeling hurt. More flirting started flying around, too, he playfully said "so what are you doing later?"...and I said, "Well, you.." and we blush like crazy and just start laughing so hard we can hardly take it. My car was at his place and we had already decided I would crash there instead of driving. 1st he took us out for a late breakfast and we ate ourselves sick. Back at the house, we were ready to crash right away..he got me comfortable on the couch and we quick-kissed good night. He went into his room. I decided to remove my skirt to sleep more comfortably, and right at that time he walked out and said, "Do you need a shirt or something?..."....I was standing there in a thong and grabbed the blanket to cover me...he immediately turned around and said "I'm sorry I swear I didn't see anything!"... This morning we just watched some TV and chatted. Then I had to get home. Today it's like you know, we are the most awesome of friends but getting drunk and flirting like we do, could be dangerous territory. I don't know how we control ourselves so well...considering the sex talk gets WAY out of control...I mean last night, I could easily have tried to initiate something, and I'm thinking he wouldn't resist. But this morning I was glad that nothing went down like that...for obvious reasons... I'd sum it up as this: 2 wonderfully platonic friends that are attracted to each other and have the most wonderful of times together. And I think that it crosses our minds to totally take advantage of that sitch but miraculously we seem to both know better. Oh I'd love to be physical like that with him...but last night, I didn't even think about trying to make it happen, because it's not something that feels like the right thing to do, even in the most opportunistic of moments. And I'm sure he feels the same. The question is, will this building intensity bring us to throw in the towel and do something we might regret later...part of me feels the need to confess something to him, but why bother because I think it's pretty clear to both of us already.... So yes it's very platonic, however not like any other platonic friendship I've had, that's for sure. It's definitely unique. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 LL, if you were out all night, drunk and flirting, and then he caught you in the thong and turned his back immediately and went into his bedroom, he's JUST NOT INTERESTED. This guy has had numerous chances to make a move. He hasn't, because he's just not interested in it. Please. Let this go, hon. I think getting carried away with the fantasy of this guy wanting you, which is not reality, is just hindering you from allowing someone in your life who IS sincerely interested. Please don't let C be an invisible crutch and barrier to finding someone who does want you romantically. It's not fair to you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Several movies keeps popping up in my head after reading your update LL, and all I can say is if you break the platonic boundaries you might regret your actions. He's moving 1000 miles away, that distance will create awkwardness between the two of you if you confess your feelings or become sexually involved. You definitely don't want him disappearing on you do you? Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 LL, if you were out all night, drunk and flirting, and then he caught you in the thong and turned his back immediately and went into his bedroom, he's JUST NOT INTERESTED. This guy has had numerous chances to make a move. He hasn't, because he's just not interested in it. Please. Let this go, hon. Jilly's assessment makes complete sense to me. Just wondered, who's idea was it for you to sleep on the couch, yours or his? Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 LL, It's obvious he doesn't want something serious. I also was going to point out that the couch thing isone more sign that he's not interested. IME, a guy who is into a girl would never dream of letting her sleep on a couch. He'll offer his bed and won't take no for an answer. Generally, will offer his bed and offer to take the couch (all the while hoping they'll both end up in bed). Plus, like Jilly said, he had ample opportunity to make a move last night. He didn't. So stop wondering and analyzing this one LL. Stop hoping it will turn into something more. It isn't. And if you initiate something, be ready to be relegated to being a FWB. It's clear he isn't initiating because he doesn't want to lead you on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 My idea to sleep on the couch. He offered the crash and I immediately asked about an extra blanket and the couch. He hooked it up and I slept like a baby! I didnt update to "analyze" the situation. There's nothing to analyze. We are platonic friends that flirt, just like I said. And yea he didn't initiate anything last night, but neither did I! And it's like that for a reason. #1 He's not over his Ex and #2 he doesn't want anything serious, with anyone, because #3 he's moving. Just because I come to update doesn't mean I'm trying to "figure" it out...I HAVE figured it out, that's what I came to say. I'm not complaining, in the slightest. Even though we flirt like crazy, it doesn't mean we want to "go there". We KNOW better than to go there...obviously. His reasons for not "going there" might be different than my own, but at least we both know better for one reason or another. I get accused of saying I think he's interested because I slept on his couch...um no, I don't think so. What I say is he's attracted, but attracted and interested are 2 different things, far as I'm concerned. It could be he's only a little attracted. And oh yea, he touched my rump again last night, this time rubbing it in circles. You know, whatever. Point is, I never once said that anything last night means he's "interested", just that I think we are attracted to each other. Again, 2 different things. He's going out of town this weekend and I'm glad, because I feel like I need a break from the whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 My latest thoughts are that he would be open to FWB but is not so sure about a relationship. You said that he is a decent guy, but even decent guys get horny. The fact that he is not trying actively to sleep with you shows that he values your friendship and doesn't want to mess that up. However if you were to make a move, he would most likely sleep with you and not feel as guilty about "using you". He either doesn't want an actual relationship with you or is still on the fence about it. If he wanted one, he would say something especially because he knows that he has rejected you before. My advice: if you want FWB jump him, otherwise hang in there and do nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 "so what are you doing later?"...and I said, "Well, you.." I was standing there in a thong and grabbed the blanket to cover me...he immediately turned around and said "I'm sorry I swear I didn't see anything!"... Ok, This went from desperate to humillating. Just horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 19, 2009 Author Share Posted June 19, 2009 Nah Ad, didn't humiliate me, I was laughing. And the flirt was a joke anyway, just as we treat all our flirts, do it and then laugh like it's a joke. BEG I think you are right. Half of me might be interested in FWB, the other half would rather leave it just the way it is. Tonight is a girls night, tomorrow I'll be at a city event and I'm hoping to tell him I met someone new when he's back . Someone actually suggested to me that I tell him this anyway, but I don't want to lie to him or be doing it for all the wrong reasons, I want it to be the truth! Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 That's what I don't get. If you're happy to be just friends who are attracted to each other, why would you focus on all the sexual tension between the two of you? And wonder what it means that he touched your ass? I have plenty of male friends so I can tell you: it's normal for straight friends of the opposite sex to have a certain level of sexual tension between them. I even had one of those "if we're not married by the time we're 40" friends. (Who's getting married this summer... There goes my back-up plan!). We were definitely attracted to each other, but not as a couple. I never had to analyze it or anything. So what is this thread about if it isn't about trying to figure out if there is something more then friendship and attraction? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 That was a question that started the thread, Kam. But in spending more time with him and such since then, I was finally able to figure out that it's exactly what you describe...a normal platonic friendship with attraction, all normal. Now we know that just because attraction is there too, it doesn't mean that "more" is. It just took some more time with him and rational thinking on my part to see that for what it is. No doubt that I'm a whole other level of happy when he's around; no doubt that I think about intimacy with him. But that's all normal, too...especially with all the time we spend together, it's probably inevitable. Doesn't mean there's really "more". The things he says about his Ex, the good things anyway, are not things he'd say about me. His physical infatuation with her is intense. It's why he can't let go. She still calls him, so he can't let go. It's like re-living my patterns with Dan all over again. I think the fact that I can so easily put myself in his shoes and truly be there for him, is one thing that gives our friendship some of the value it has recently sky-rocketted into. The difference is he's still struggling with it, but I'm not. Then it so happens that we both need to "get some" so we talk about sex all the time. And we are 2 attractive genders, so naturally jokes and flirting with each other will surface. We also have several common interests like history and music. But if it boils down to "more", even if we think about it, I don't believe either of us think it's something to act upon - it's all great, it's valuable, enjoyable, and normal. But sometimes I wouldn't doubt if he wished I was his Ex in her body ; he's said before that he wishes he could get along with her, the way he does with me. And I certainly wish I could put C inside of Dan, too...even though really, C is more hot Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 why did you strip down to your underwear if you weren't in private? I'm assuming you were in his living room so he could have come in at any time, as he did. Something about the whole thing reeks of desperation to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 why did you strip down to your underwear if you weren't in private? I'm assuming you were in his living room so he could have come in at any time, as he did. Something about the whole thing reeks of desperation to me. um, okay, guess I have to explain that more in detail. I was on the couch in the living room. We said good night, then he went to his bedroom down the hall. I laid down to try and sleep and several minutes went by, when I realized I was just too uncomfortable trying to sleep with a jean skirt on, for gosh sakes. But my shirt was cotton so it was a lot nicer to sleep with just that and undies. We said good night...as if I expected him to walk in right as I stood up to remove my skirt after that, yea right. I didn't expect it at all, that's why I jumped when it happened. I had a feeling I'd wake up before him in the morning to throw the skirt back on...which I did. The couch was very comfortable, but I don't care where I am, sleeping in denim is not. It was nice that he offered me something but I so happened to already be taking care of that situation right as he thought of it, apparently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 Fair enough. I had a very different mental image. Yes as drunk as he was, I figured he was snoozing by then. And besides, by offering me a shirt, you know a chick's going to be sleeping in just a shirt with undies anyway, just as I did... Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 The things he says about his Ex, the good things anyway, are not things he'd say about me. His physical infatuation with her is intense. It's why he can't let go. She still calls him, so he can't let go. That could account for his behavior. He's attracted to you but still in love with his ex. He desires you but doesn't want to lead you on because he doesn't see you as ever becoming his love. Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I had a feeling I'd wake up before him in the morning to throw the skirt back on...which I did. You come over as uncomfortable with nudity. I had a platonic girl friend once that used to stay talking till late at night and we would both shed our clothes while in the living room to be comfortable and if she stayed the night because it had got late we would sleep naked in the same bed without having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 21, 2009 Author Share Posted June 21, 2009 Well hey, in a situation where it's clear that the person WANTS to see me naked, I have no insecurities. But in a sitch when I DON"T know that, or when its not supposed to be that way, the insecurities come out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 Hahaha, well, I have quite the confirmation that we are "just friends", for sure. He was outta town for work and Sunday we texted some, around midnight he sent me one that said we will catch up when he gets back... But he called me the next day, before even leaving the airport, to tell me he got some last night! I said I'm jealous (because I need some too!), he said, "I know"...and he wants to hang out this week to tell me more about that and his weekend. I wasn't surprised by this news in the slightest, but I'm not understanding why I'm the 1st person he thought about before getting laid, then the 1st person he thinks of after! Kind of like the date he went on...1st person to call after, has to me! I also don't know why the news couldn't wait until he was actually back, but he just couldn't wait long enough to even get back in town to tell me...anyway the impression so far is that it was a one night stand. If I got laid, I can't think of any platonic friend, including him, that I would be so quick to call and tell...I'd likely catch them up to it later, but it certainly wouldn't be an urgency to call him and tell them. I guess I'm just like his best friend in the world right now, I don't know. Anything and everything that might happen with a woman, good or bad, it's almost like telling me all about it is more important to him than the women themselves! There's no significant reason for posting it, no wondering what it means blah blah blah, it's just beginning to bother me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 why I'm the 1st person he thought about before getting laid the 1st person he thinks of after! 1st person to call after, has to me! why.. couldn't wait until he was actually back I can't think of any platonic friend, including him, that I would be so quick to call and tell certainly wouldn't be an urgency to call him (poor LL) Link to post Share on other sites
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