snoopy43 Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 i know how u feel gizmo my ex left me a year ago and it still hurs like hell i canto get any closure she lives not far from me and she is now with someone else i dont realy know why it hurts so much i think may be it was because we were together 5 years what ever i done forher good enough she moved the goal posts to many times she was never satisfied keep your chin up it will get better Link to post Share on other sites
willingtotry Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Originally posted by imjustagirl That'd be great in my case, but we both work in the same facility...right down the hall from one another. Neither one of us has plans to move to another facility or get another job any time soon....guess that teaches me not to date anyone in the same working establishment as your own. Btw...we're "trying" to be friends...and it's definatley not immediate...but then, it's only been a few days..le-sigh... ~justa~ I understand what you're going through. I too work in the same facility with a girl that I was dating for a year. She broke it off with me. She is definitely not getting a new job anytime soon, and neither am I. If I were to date anyone else on the job, it would NOT be on that level. It really *stinks* when things go wrong and you have to see the person on a regular basis and cope with it. This girl and I spent on average 5 out of 7 days a week with each other, sometimes more. At first, she didn't want to have anything to do with me. Now she calls and stops by to check on me. Is out of pity, who knows.... Its just a part of life, another experience. Learn from it and realize what happened, the warning signs or what you could have done differently. Just keep your ears and eyes open. You don't ever want to feel this way again do you??? Imagine if you constantly keep going through all this heartache over and over again. Give that heart a rest, have a little fun, and do things with others (NON-SERIOUS) Normally the person who does the dumping doesn't feel as bad as the person who is dumped. You're "trying" to be friends... Ha, easier said than done. Don't even bother. Its amazing that we stay away from the pot on the stove because it burns us, but when we've been burned sometimes in a relationship, we want to keep touching the pot. From what I've learned, let the person come back to you if you got dumped. If they don't, then it wasn't meant to be. On another note, go out and have fun with other people. It doesn't mean that you have to get all serious with someone else - YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYWAY - you're only going to hurt yourself more and that other new person. Give yourself time to get over the other individual, *IF* that happens, in the meantime - TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.... Last thing, tread carefully if they start coming back. We all can get carried away from the first sign of interest again. Perhaps they want to be friends. Perhaps they miss you, but does it mean that they necessarily want you back. Not really, so still accept their phone calls, see what they have to say, but by all means, don't put your foot in your mouth, and PROTECT YOUR HEART... Some people who dump others, use the other person as a crutch because they think they can always depend on them. Don't always give in to their whims, end the conversation early, see if they act surprised. If they do, they're definitely used to you being a crutch for them... Link to post Share on other sites
BraveGirl Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 "When we've been burned in a relationship we want to keep touching the pot." That sums things up so well. I want to go back for more and more. In a way you cannot believe the rejection, so maybe you go back for more to check it really is there (the rejection). Then you can analyse every single word and tone and work out if it was supposed to burn you. Everyone else can see it does except for you yourself. My ex is across the road at his sister this week and I can hardly stop myself going over to say hello to get rejected just once more! Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 Just imagine how wrong things will go when you go over there and don't. The best and only scenario that will work is if he comes to visit you. Then be cool, be nice, and take it slow. Wait for him. It will happen. I hope it will, because I am in the same boat and need some hope of my own. But running over there and making an appeal will NOT work. Link to post Share on other sites
BraveGirl Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 Well have managed to stay in all evening even though I can see his light on. I did send a very calm and very considered note saying this may be a good chance to put bad feelings behind us and make peace. I guess I'm trying to be so nice so that he feels moved to be nice back. I don't mean romantic, just thoughtful. Maybe he'll come for a coffee, maybe he won't. Been sitting watching a movie all evening thinking how fine a line it is between when he was here sitting with with me a few weeks ago, and him now sitting across the road in his own space. 20 metres and it's like a thousand miles. Once he travelled 3000 miles to see me, now across the road he can't even say hello. How can that be? Link to post Share on other sites
LauraD Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Bravegirl, and others, I don't think there is anything wrong with using hopes for a later make-up to get through the pain and sadness of the present. I have found that through breakups, sometimes the only apparent cure is the love of that one person returning, and the hope for that grows all-encompassing. But let me remind you all, the true cure for heartbreak really is TIME. Which coping strategy you utilize while passing through that time is completely personal. As long as your hopefulness does not tiptoe into obsession, why not look at the situation in this light? I have been through a few breakups, one from a 7-year relationship. I found that through these breakups, I felt better when I subconsciously expected a reconciliation down the line. That was my motivation. The motivation to keep working out, to eat healthfully instead of seek refuge in food, to keep a positive attitude towards college, work, daily mundane tasks, etc. I found that by the time I realized there would not be a reconciliation, I no longer cared, but had made it through X amount of time, and was still alive and kicking. Link to post Share on other sites
BraveGirl Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 I like what you said LauraD, very honest. In fact I think that''s how I've been coping the last few months while we've been trying to reconcile. I was on such a self improvement course, emotionally and physically. It worked fopr a while. He came back for a bit. But now I have to admit I've hit rock bottom, and while I want to do what you say, I actually cannot now. I have found myself saying the last few days that I just wish I could hate him. That seems such a pity. The good memories are so so painful and at the moment the only way to blot them out seems to be with hate (dreadful word, who wants to hate someone anyway?). But I can't hate him. I've tried to be so so so nice and it has got me nowhere. So what is the answer; if you feel love you feel hurt, if you feel anger you feel hurt... I wish we could just make peace. Link to post Share on other sites
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