wow123 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I was with my ex for 7 months. The majority of the relationship was great but we hit a rough patch the last month or so and she broke up with me. We still speak occasionally and she says she doesn't wanna try again "right now". Do girls ever change their minds and come back? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I was with my ex for 7 months. The majority of the relationship was great but we hit a rough patch the last month or so and she broke up with me. We still speak occasionally and she says she doesn't wanna try again "right now". Do girls ever change their minds and come back? I can tell you what won't change her mind and that is staying in contact with her often. Especially if you are begging/pleading or otherwise trying to convince her to come back. The more you do that, the more you try and cage her into a relationship. And what happens when people are backed into a corner? They run. Far away from you. Your best bet is to leave her alone. If her heart is to change it will happen on it's own. Nothing you say or do will "convince" her to love you. You can, however, make things worse by trying to twist her arm to take you back. History has proven that never, ever works. Link to post Share on other sites
Leveller Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I can tell you what won't change her mind and that is staying in contact with her often. Especially if you are begging/pleading or otherwise trying to convince her to come back. The more you do that, the more you try and cage her into a relationship. And what happens when people are backed into a corner? They run. Far away from you. Your best bet is to leave her alone. If her heart is to change it will happen on it's own. Nothing you say or do will "convince" her to love you. You can, however, make things worse by trying to twist her arm to take you back. History has proven that never, ever works. I agree with CaliGuy. Hw long were you two going out for and how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 7 months...both mid twenties Link to post Share on other sites
Leveller Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Sorry the length of time was in your original post. Short answer is a definite yes but with qualifications. Given your ages and the length of time I would suspect it might be problematic possibly, especially if you are both part of a larger community with a schmogersboard (spelling???) of choice, but as CaliGuy said give the lady all the time and space she needs. Solve any problem/s you had in the meantime if possible...i.e. remove the roadblocks and, if the chance comes around, treat it as a new relationship or a Mark 2 version of before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 Thanks for the advice. Hopefully I will get the chance to make things right but I know the odds are against me. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I honestly think women almost never want what they know they can have. There is no challenge, and its boring. They would rather pursue someone whose feelings are a mystery, and 'conquer' him so he takes her over all the other choices he has. By staying in touch with her, and even floating around the idea of getting back together, youre giving her a pretty clear indication that youre waiting around; meaning, she knows she can have you at any time. What you should do is dissapear. Dont respond to meaningless texts/emails/calls, dont be her back up plan, and since she wanted to break up, she gets nothing from you any more. Its not cruel, or manipulative, but you have to be getting your needs met for it to be worthwhile, and I doubt hearing over and over that maybe someday she might want to try again leaves you with a warm fuzzy feeling. I dont think women come back all that often, at least genuinely. I think she might come back if shes in a rut, feeling down, or just got dumped herself, but it will only be temporarily. Unless she comes to you, says she made a major mistake, is very sorry, and will do what it takes to win you back, its pointless to even consider it. Being dumped once sucks. Being dumped by the same person more than once is gutwrenching. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 I agree. Everyone loves a challenge especially women. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 The best way to get her to come back is to quietly get on with your dating life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 I'm pretty sure she met someone else while we were having problems which is why she broke things off. Easier to find someone new than fix problems even though they were nothing big. I guess I will have to see what happens when/if that ends. By then who knows where I will be at. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I'm pretty sure she met someone else while we were having problems which is why she broke things off. Easier to find someone new than fix problems even though they were nothing big. I guess I will have to see what happens when/if that ends. By then who knows where I will be at. No offense to the women here, but every girl thats ever dumped me (sadly, happened more than a few times), and every friend Ive had that was dumping her boyfriend did so only after having an eye for someone else. Women rarely come back because they usually have your replacement lined up before breaking it off, or at the least a booty call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 Yes, all 3 times I have been dumped there has been another guy involved. It sucks but it always happens that way. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Women keep back burner guys around for just this sort of situation even IF she didn't find someone specifically new. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 He was new. Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Hey man, at least you know that special someone is still considering it!! I mean you know her better, so you be the one to judge he real intentions, but it does sound a bit back burner-ish. So i think YOU in a way are far more lucky to have this response than the straight up 'gun2face' method my ex used. Funny, we both get different reactions, and both hope for the others reaction. Life can be cruel bro!! SoulBear P.S, BCCA or CG, Please would one of you ask the mods if they can un-suspend my SoulBear account please? I would be most greatfull ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 Thanks Soulbear, Normally I would not be willing to be the back burner guy. Unfortunately I feel that if I would have done the right thing she would still be here. If I get that chance and I still have the same feelings I will give it a go. I'm not counting on it though. I'm gonna live my life, try to heal, and if it happens it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Bro, same boat. I to feel if i had done the right thing, yada yada..... But whats done is done, it happened like this for some reason or another. I can relate you the 'healing' side of the different reactions we have had. I had your ex's reaction shortly after the breakup, the more I pushed, the more final it became That said, if you do want the gun2face method you can always do a me, and just nag the hell out of her and make every mistake in the book till she actually doesnt want you to contact her for the forseable future Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I want to further my statement to your thread title, changed to 'Do girls ever lose their minds?' Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 Im sorry u got that reaction soulbear. We have actually been broken up almost 2 months now and still wont say she never wants to try again. I have tried to get her to tell me that. I guess she doesnt want to say that incase the new guy doesnt work out or shes trying to spare my feelings who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 ach its ok man. Im 2 months and abit too. We could only be stronger for it in the future anyway. But im NOT counting on that. Just count yourself lucky to a certain extent, and if i was you, I would be going very LC to NC for a while. Wish I had. At what point did she spare your feelings when she got a new guy and was still talking to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 She said she wanted a break. She still called me and acted like we were together but we weren't hanging out. Still saying she loves me and doesnt want to break up. In that time she met someone else and finally dumped me so she could date him saying she didnt think that things between us were gonna work out. We went NC for a few weeks which she broke. Now LC. Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I would stay away from the LC for a while. Dont let her think she can just waltz matilda back into your life again. Meeting someone else, is not a break. thats a break up. Show her what she is missing, man!...or rather let her remember while her interest in you is still peaked. I wish I had just dropped off the face of the earth when I had the chance. How bout doing a month or so NC? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 I went NC. After a week she called twice. I called back 2 weeks later (3 weeks NC). She said she didnt know why she called and was talkative for a while then got weird and went cold. I think waiting 2 weeks to call back pissed her off and did some damage. She wants to feel wanted not unwanted...I know her very well...no matter how she feels about someone if she feels they dont want her she walks. Link to post Share on other sites
gorgio Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I disagree with some, and agree with others. My girl left me because I was a challenge and went with someone safe who was on the sidelines while she was with me. Which now makes me ask myself if I should be on the sidelines too for her since I want to prove that I can be there for her. Right now in NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 Gorgio, I feel like I can't win. Mine almost left once toward the beginning because I was a challenge and she didn't think I was that into her. I let my guard down, told her how I felt and became too available and she left for good now. Link to post Share on other sites
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