Is It Love, Is It a Crush, What Do I Do???

[Creed]

WOW I had no idea it would be this long, sorry for writing a book, this is like a very very blunt and generalized version of my feelings and the 1,000,000 thoughts in my head. Please read it though I am terrified to give someone my heart because I'm almost 16 and have NEVER had a girlfriend (pathetic I know).

 

So my friends were bugging my for months to make a Facebook, and eventually I caved in and made one. On there, I met this girl who was absolutely a blast to talk with. We both go to the same school, and hadn't ever really talked. We saw each other at school the day after I met her on Facebook, and we both stopped in our tracks, tried to hide our goofy smiles, and went separate ways.

 

Ever since that moment I had been thinking about her nonstop, just like any other crush I have ever had. But I realized that once again I had to cut her out of my life before my feelings for her grew too much, and it left me hurt when I liked her and she didn't like me back. So I started talking to her less, pulling away, even though I wanted more than anything to get closer to her. She finally asked me what was wrong, and I broke down and yelled "I am trying to fall out of love with you!!!"

 

We talked about it, and she didn't flip out or anything like I had imagined she would. I was 99% sure she had no feelings for me, and I was like an annoying "cling on" to her. She was fine with it though, and let it go. A few days later (after going through hell internally) I told her over Facebook that she had to help me stop liking her. She was really confused, and asked why. I told her that I couldn't bear to continue to have feelings for someone who didn't return those feelings, because I had come to the realization that she absolutely didn't like me back, and I didn't want it to go on to a point where it would REALLY hurt later.

 

She was upset with me for trying to suffocate my feelings, and she kept saying "just accept it, please... it's not good for someone to ignore their feelings for someone." I saw that as "accept it so you can stop annoying me and I can get on with my life."

 

I kept dreaming of her, and thinking of her, and I was ignoring her plea for me to accept my feelings. After a while I lashed out and demanded to know why she gave a s*** how I felt or what I did to myself internally. And out of nowhere, she said that she DID like me.

 

I was in shock. I have never heard from someone I liked that they liked me in return, and I had no idea what to say. I will be 16 in a month, and in a month and 11 days she will be 15 (I know her birthday by heart). I have never had a girlfriend, and I am terrified out of my mind because I am not ready to engage in a relationship with someone, and I told her this. She (thank heavens) said she wasn't ready to be in a relationship either, because she had been hurt in past experiences with boyfriends, and I TOTALLY understood (was relieved actually).

 

So, we decided to just be friends, and I agreed to stop stifling my feelings, but I wouldn't act upon them, and neither would she. I was always talking to her when I saw her, and sending her messages on Facebook, and she was my life. Then I read something that made me realize that I had to

 

1) Be less of a wuss when it comes to what might happen.

and

2) Give her some space, because I kept trying to be there all the time, when I really needed to give her some space, because (most) girls don't like "clingy" guys.

 

So that is what I am doing now. Giving her space. But there is a problem still.

 

When I first saw her, everyone else in the hallway disappeared, and went into slow motion. Like a movie. I thought nothing of it, until she invited me to her friend's pool party. Apparently she told her friends about me, and they approve.

 

I was sitting on the edge of the pool, talking to my friend when I saw HER (I'll refer to the girl I like/she likes me as HER) friend pick HER up in her arms in the pool, and carry HER across the pool straight to me.

 

Not a big deal except... When her friend picked HER up and I looked at HER, everybody else disappeared. The sunset was gorgeous, and all I saw was HER gliding across the beautiful water straight to me. I looked into HER eyes, and my heart stopped. SHE was staring me right in the face, with this smile that I can't describe with words. Like SHE wanted to kiss me right then, the most exhilarating smile I have ever seen. Everything happened in slow motion again, and my brain shut down, and I felt like I was staring into HER heart.

 

Then HER friend's mom called everyone out of the pool for pictures (it was a going away party because HER friend was moving). Still smiling at me, she climbed out of the pool next to me and left me there. Speechless.

 

Even after that, I STILL was denying it was more than a crush. Then I began having thoughts about her. Thoughts like "I wanted to wake up next to her in bed on a sunny morning, and hold her in my arms forever and never let go, feeling her every breath inhale/exhale, every heartbeat. I wanted to be as close to her as I possibly could, and never let go."

 

And I have thought about "what if she gets breast cancer and has a breast removed, what if she loses her hair, what if she is changed in an accident, will I love her when she is old." And I STILL felt like I would love her more than anything if any of that happened. I wanted nothing more than to be there for her forever, to spend my life with her, to go through hard times together, to give her flowers on a Tuesday with nothing to celebrate Just Because.

 

So I don't know what to do, and I vent my emotions through playing guitar, so I play "Your Guardian Angel" - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and "Rock Your Soul" - Elisa. After playing those and similar songs nonstop for about a week, she tells me that she wants to do a contemporary dance solo to "Rock Your Soul" - Elisa next year at her dance recital (she is in a dance program, and is extremely talented; when she invited me to her recital this year I was ecstatic, and I almost cried during it).

 

So now I am 99% sure I am totally in Love:love: with her, and I am to scared to go into a relationship with her, even though (she at first claimed that she wasn't ready to go into a relationship) she is pouring more and more of her heart to me, opening up to me where she trusts me because that part of someone can make you feel vulnerable. I think she is slowly letting herself be ready to get into a relationship, and I am too paranoid that I would to something wrong and screw up, and ruin it with my true love (which I think only comes once, and I think this is the one).

 

I am scared that she might be ready to be more than friends, and I'm not, because I'm unsure of what might happen and I'm afraid to find out. All I know is that I am slowly becoming less afraid to let what happens happen, and I fear that that might jeopardize "us," because we have only known each other for about two weeks now, and I don't want this relationship to cave in because we gave in to our feelings and didn't give ourselves a chance to build a strong foundation...

 

Any tips?

[boogieboy]

YOURE THINKING TOO MUCH!!! Stop obsessing. You'll scare her away.

 

Just relax, if she likes you, let nature take its course. You know already not to be too clingy, jealous or possessive. Just be cool, you'll be fine.

 

Your already fell in love with her, so theres no use backing out now, you'll just torture yourself. You dont want to get in a habit of bieng afraid to commit, people have to go to therapy and lose many relationships later in life because of that kind of thinking.

 

Make sure you dont make her envelope your entire bieng. You still need to have a life outside of her....do things with friends, study for school, activities, dont allow yourself to let her be 100% of your being.

 

Once you guys start making out, you should be able to get the confidence to know you have her, and you wont obsess over her so much.

 

btw, for future reference, you dont go professing your undying love for someone you havent made out with yet. You take a chance and ask them out, and you let them be attracted to the fantastic person you are, so they can work on getting with YOU! Get it?

[Creed]

I'm trying to stop obsessing over her, and I think I'm doing a little better. I have really really improved as far as having a life outside of her, and she is taking notice, and enjoying our time that we do have together more, and I think she is taking notice that I am really trying to give her more space, and that I am trying to do a good job because I care about her.

 

As far as making out, I think that's a LONG way away, and I can't even imagine it, because just seeing her smile gets me more exited than even a fully naked body of any other girl. I was so proud of myself, at the pool she was talking to me. Dripping wet. In a bikini. And I didn't look at anything but her face the entire time, without the slightest temptation to do otherwise. I've never had a person draw me to them this way... It's like I am in love with who she is, and the fact that she is the most beautiful girl ever made is like a bonus.

 

I haven't confessed my undying love for her, I keep it to myself around her, because I don't want to scare her away. As for asking her out, we have both agreed to be only friends right now, but... we are kinda both wanting to move forward, even though neither of us has confessed...

 

Do you think it's too early to try being more than friends? I am terrified to make that step, and I feel like a pussy, but... it's true.

[boogieboy]

Yeah you are a pussy. Theres no "Friends", she either likes you or she doesnt. But since shes a 16 year old girl, shes not going to make the first move. You have to. Dont waste any more time and get it going. If you waste anymore time, she might get distracted by another guy who makes his moves faster than you do.

 

Shes just a girl, her smile is NOT worth more than a naked body, and you dont wait to make out. If she likes you, she wants to. Since shes young, you have to take it slow, but you cant wait weeks for that. Its sweet to romantisize about her, but you are making TOO big a deal about a girl you havent even kissed yet, about a girl you dont even know where you stand yet. This isnt a movie. If you mess it up you will put yourself into a depression because you made the expectations too high.

 

You cant take her so seriously and put her up on a pedestal before you get anywhere with her, she will smell this on you and lose her attraction to you...if she has one. if you know she likes you, plan a date, know where youre going, get close, watch for her signs, and make a move.

[Creed]

she isn't 16, she's 14, will be 15 in about a month-ish. Neither of us is ready to kiss yet.

[Creed]

Also, my assumptions that she is ready to go on are just assumptions, and in the event that she isnt ready to move on, but I am what do I do?

[dunstable]

I could not bring myself to read your entire post, it was too excruciating. You are 15 and she is 14. You don't know what life is let alone love. You are both driven by extremely strong teenage sexual urges. All I am going to say is that if you haven't had a steady relationship for 2 years, it's too soon to be talking about love. Slow down.

[Creed]

I don't have any sexual urges for her. I don't want to have sex with her, I want to be with her.

[vesper16]

Just talk to your crush! Nothing major and definitely DON'T pour your heart out to her... just have a normal conversation with her. Well done on managing to obsess about her less... it takes discipline to check your thoughts so keep it up!

 

I was six years older than you when I had my first major crush and even though you're still really young, the experience is pretty similar!! Nothing happened then because I was too chicken to make a definitive move... we've actually been talking a bit more recently (minus the obsessing) and are better friends for it (just friends for now but that's ok given our current situations), so good luck! You just don't know what will happen, the trick is to not have too high expectations.

[Creed]

Ha, thanks for those words. I think boogieboy is right though, I have to stop putting her up on a pedestal, and see her as a human being... That being said I'm going to talk with her about how we feel about eachother and see if she is ready to be in a relationship. I kept trying to make this into a huge deal, but I just need to see it as "I will be dating her," and nothing more, not like I totally love her.

 

If/when she is ready to go out with me, I will agree that I am ready, because I see now how much of a pussy I was being, and I think I'm ready. All I have to do is wait on her to be ready (because she has feelings for me, but she has been screwed over buy past boyfriends, so I understand and will give her a bit more time. Also she needs more time because we have only known each other for two weeks, so we can just slowly slide into a not-so-serious relationship, and get to know each other as we go out and hang out more.

 

Thank you guys SO much for your advice, I think it's really helped me a lot; my head isn't as hopelessly confused as it was before.

[Creed]

Ok so now that I think I am ready to man up and go out with her, do I tell her that, or wait for her to tell me she's ready? I mean if I tell her that I am ready I will still wait for her to be ready, but should I just not say anything?

[boogieboy]

Ok so now that I think I am ready to man up and go out with her, do I tell her that, or wait for her to tell me she's ready? I mean if I tell her that I am ready I will still wait for her to be ready, but should I just not say anything?

 

Just plan something fun and follow though. Im glad you checked your feelings so you dont become needy. Shes ready NOW. Just ask her out. Make sure you have something planned. Doesnt need to be a big deal, just plan someplace where you can talk and get to know each other, and then something to do afterwards.

[Creed]

She isn't ready NOW. I told her I was no longer afraid of what might happen, and that if she still needs time take all the time she needs, but not to wait on me, because I am ready. She went through a lot with past boyfriends.

 

Was that a bad thing? I feel like I am waiting on her now, but I am ready to do that.

[boogieboy]

She IS ready. Maybe not to fool around, but shes ready for a date. If she says shes not ready to date, then shes not interested in dating YOU now, and you will be waiting for nothing...while watching her hanging aroud some other guy.

[thegoodlife]

Just tell her you're ready to make it official and be with her, and that you understand if she's not ready yet and will still wait, but just put it out there. Don't let this turn into a waiting game on both ends. Who knows, maybe she is ready now but hasn't said anything because she's waiting for you to say something; yet you're doing the same thing.

 

I did read your entire post and thought it was adorable personally. I had the same feelings at your age and it turned into my first relationship that lasted 2+ years. Enjoy this, go with how you feel, and have fun with her. You both sound like such sweet kids.

 

But anyway, you don't have to be forceful, but just put it out there so she knows (you don't want to play the waiting game for TOO long or there's a chance you will get "friendzoned"). And then the ball is in her court.