Mayday, Mayday!

[Mino]

Hi there, Have you read my post " was almost there"? You know If I look back, and gee i got a lot to look back on, almost 5 years, I can see what chapter your on. The Mc chapter. I actually sent my xmm to mc with his w, I knew that they were the masters of shoving everything under the carpet. So I insisted. It lasted months, not two sessions. Sure he moved out a week after mc ended. But look it means nothing, it means nothing when they get their own place, you move in, it means nothing in the year of S. If I could change anything I wish i would have found the strength to step back, allow him to go on this journey on his own, until the D papers were signed. Really...

[Awesome84]

Let's hope he isn't intending to make her his OW too.

 

That's exactly what I was thinking.

 

While I was reading all the replys... I was dying to post 'what if the T is HIS other OW'.... Just a thought!

[sb129]

 

And what divorce couple actually seeks out therapy unless they're trying to work out their relationship and get back together?

 

Great point.

 

Oh dear. FOH- I can't help but agree with Touche on this one.

 

Sounds like your MM is chickening out, and we all know that once hes chickened out once, it just keeps on going and going and going- he knows he has you on a string.

 

Sorry- I don't want you to be hurt or unhappy either.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

And if it isn't, do you have a plan? Will YOU put a time limit on this and walk away if he doesn't do what he says he's "going to do" by the end of the summer?

 

In a way you are on hold. Sure, you're living your life, but your future remains in his and his wife's hands..

 

Actually, last Feb I said I'd wait a year, then I wanted him all to myself, and things had to be in motion long before then. Things are in motion, and he can't see it taking that long. I said a year because of other events in my life that would make it difficult for me to make any decisions during a specific time period, so this summer is perfect, otherwise, things wait in the wings til next Feb.

 

I have a ton of things in my fulfilling life. Having him on top of all that is a bonus, a dream, and not something I would "absolutly die" without, no drama here. Having him on top of me, hehe, will have to do for now

[White Flower]

Any news yet of the talk with the W or even the talk with the therapist?

[Trimmer]

Can I just stop and point out just how much damage these kids are going through because all three of the adults in this relationship are too spineless or selfish to make a damn decision and stick with it?....

 

I have absolutely NO OPINION as to which direction this situation should go, nor do I particularly care. I DO have the opinion that people need to do what they feel they need to, but they need to do it with the idea of making the children feel as safe and secure as possible throughout the transition. For some reason, this seems to be completely lost on some people, and I am really sad for those kids.

Amen to this. This seems so very clear to me.

 

We often hear the refrain "oh, kids are resilient," but the people offering that are usually saying it as an excuse not to have to worry about them. Yes, they can be resilient, but they need to be well supported through the incredible trauma and loss. Like the OP, these kids are just beginning their period of trauma, and who knows how long it will last. I'm sad for them, too.

[Full Of Hope]

My MM has had one counselling session with the BS. He thinks the next one will be the one where he says he's done.

 

He called me on his way home from the appt (they met there in separate vehicles).

 

He tells me everything. I am skeptical, but he knows I have one wall up protecting my heart. He understands. Everything will be resolved by the end of summer.

 

I'm not on hold, I am living my life, discovering 'me'.

 

You hang in there MWC.

[Full Of Hope]

After the call that started this "mayday", he went home to talk to his wife about the future of their marriage. He basically told her he had to get out, and they needed to develop a plan to make it happen soon. The kids were at sleepovers, so they were not available to talk to.

 

Yes, this is what he told me. Yes, I believe it's true.

 

To clarify, he is in therapy alone. His W demanded this when she found out about us the first time.

 

 

It was awhile before I heard from him....almost an entire day. I was a nervous wreck...bit my nails down to nothing. Last night, while watching TV, I was startled when I heard a key in my front door. There are only two people who have a key to my place...my ex-husband and him.

 

I'm happy...wait, let's make that ecstatic to report that I am 0 miles away...at least for now.

 

You probably won't be hearing from me this week

[Touche]

And the rollercoaster begins again.

 

This is SO obvious. Wow.

 

HINT: You didn't hear from him for an entire day after this big announcement? He had a fight with his wife and came crawling back to you after his wife threw him the hell out like yesterday's trash.

 

There's a reason you didn't hear from him. Had he gotten exactly what he wanted he would have been calling the "love of his life" to announce it and shout his newfound freedom from the rooftops. Boy, are you naive!

 

Have fun letting him use you, I guess.

 

Trust me, he'll be back with the wife.

 

This guy is slick. He's got both of you EXACTLY where he wants you. I swear, and I don't mean to be mean, but I can't honestly decide who is more deluded here...the wife or you as the OW.

 

Or maybe some women just have really low expectations...*shrug.*

 

Have fun! Well be here when you get back.

[2sunny]

you hang in there... he has a long tough road ahead if he is to actually divorce.

 

just because he's by your side now doesn't indicate he won't head back home at any given moment.

 

just wondering... why wouldn't he at least be a decent person and call you to let you know he had left home and on his way over? seems the decent thing to do. he just figures you're sitting around waiting for him to use his key?

[Touche]

Why would anyone expect "decent" behavior from someone who continues to deceive two women?

 

He didn't call because he wasn't that thrilled about being kicked out. He had to go to his second choice who he knew would be waiting with open arms.

 

I'm sure he'll tell her that he wanted to "surpise" her though.

 

And she'll believe it.

[Full Of Hope]

He wanted to surprise me...that's all...and he did!

Be back soon

[Full Of Hope]

Why would anyone expect "decent" behavior from someone who continues to deceive two women?

 

He didn't call because he wasn't that thrilled about being kicked out. He had to go to his second choice who he knew would be waiting with open arms.

 

I'm sure he'll tell her that he wanted to "surpise" her though.

 

And she'll believe it.

 

LOL...I missed this post before. Just so you know, he wasn't kicked out. He's here on business. Well, "business."

[Touche]

LOL...I missed this post before. Just so you know, he wasn't kicked out. He's here on business. Well, "business."

 

OH dear, FOH.

 

And are you serious about the post about the "surprise?"

 

OMG, this guy is so textbook.

 

Ok, he wasn't kicked out. So he's still living at home. I get it. I guess I can't always call it right!

[Full Of Hope]

OH dear, FOH.

 

And are you serious about the post about the "surprise?"

 

OMG, this guy is so textbook.

 

Ok, he wasn't kicked out. So he's still living at home. I get it. I guess I can't always call it right!

 

You've got to stop posting now, I REALLY need to go!

I will admit, when I see you're the last post I can't stay away!

[Touche]

You've got to stop posting now, I REALLY need to go!

I will admit, when I see you're the last post I can't stay away!

 

Oh jeezzz, FOH. Ok, I'll stop posting.

 

Have fun I guess. Hope you don't get hurt.

[sadintexas]

Sweet Jesus, Fire in the hole. Red Alert, Red Alert. You go , girl. A man will move mountains for the woman he loves. Banzai!!!!

 

Reggie, you crack me up sometimes.

[NoIDidn't]

LOL...I missed this post before. Just so you know, he wasn't kicked out. He's here on business. Well, "business."

 

So he didn't come specifically to see you then?

 

So he is still living at home with his W as he is likely to go back there after this business trip is over?

 

Wow. And I thought I used to be naive?!!!!

 

FoH, you are going to get hurt when the truth comes out. This guy is a professional cheater and his W has likely dealt with this before. I don't feel sorry for her as she likely knows who she is dealing with in her H, but you don't. You haven't a clue of how he set this whole time period up to get you worried and then bring you down with his "surprise".

 

Good Grief. I love a soap opera as much as the next man, but not if it were my life.

[whichwayisup]

I'm telling you, hire a PI so you KNOW what's what. Yes you love him and trust him at his word, but just know this man IS a liar and a cheater. He's going about this all wrong and is still lying to his wife.

 

Anyway, good luck and whatever the end result is, I just hope all of you can handle it.

[sadintexas]

I know everyone here has the best intentions trying to make the OP understand what can be seen from your vantage points. But she is seriously convinced that this is happening the way the MM says it is, and I don't think anything that is said will convince her otherwise. She has a lot of faith in the MM, and that's sort of sweet in a very naive way. Maybe her faith will be well founded and this will turn out exactly according to plan. But, I think...

 

...this situation is going to be a HUGE learning experience for her. We've all had those moments right? Where we had to experience something to learn from it. I know my most valuable lessons have been learned the hard way. I never was one to learn from other's mistakes

 

So I plan to follow her story and congratulate her if if works out for her, and be here to offer support if it crashes. I don't think she's really looking for anything else.

[dobler33]

I know everyone here has the best intentions trying to make the OP understand what can be seen from your vantage points. But she is seriously convinced that this is happening the way the MM says it is, and I don't think anything that is said will convince her otherwise. She has a lot of faith in the MM, and that's sort of sweet in a very naive way. Maybe her faith will be well founded and this will turn out exactly according to plan. But, I think...

 

...this situation is going to be a HUGE learning experience for her. We've all had those moments right? Where we had to experience something to learn from it. I know my most valuable lessons have been learned the hard way. I never was one to learn from other's mistakes

 

So I plan to follow her story and congratulate her if if works out for her, and be here to offer support if it crashes. I don't think she's really looking for anything else.

 

i kind of agree here. i am SO glad i didn't discover LS until after the end of my EA - i was SOOOOO sure he was going to leave for me and would have a) gotten the whipping of a lifetime and b) totally failed to hear any of it. you just don't, when it's happening. as much as i would like to say that i wish i'd been warned, i know now that i was and was just utterly convinced that my story was different, that this man was different, that i as a mistress was different. realities diverge, and are often a bitch. my experience tells me that FoH will get her heart ground to a pulverized powder in this somehow, but i am no delphic oracle. if she does, we'll be here. if she doesn't, then, as the irish say, fair f*cks to her say i.

[NoIDidn't]

I know everyone here has the best intentions trying to make the OP understand what can be seen from your vantage points. But she is seriously convinced that this is happening the way the MM says it is, and I don't think anything that is said will convince her otherwise. She has a lot of faith in the MM, and that's sort of sweet in a very naive way. Maybe her faith will be well founded and this will turn out exactly according to plan. But, I think...

 

...this situation is going to be a HUGE learning experience for her. We've all had those moments right? Where we had to experience something to learn from it. I know my most valuable lessons have been learned the hard way. I never was one to learn from other's mistakes

 

So I plan to follow her story and congratulate her if if works out for her, and be here to offer support if it crashes. I don't think she's really looking for anything else.

 

i kind of agree here. i am SO glad i didn't discover LS until after the end of my EA - i was SOOOOO sure he was going to leave for me and would have a) gotten the whipping of a lifetime and b) totally failed to hear any of it. you just don't, when it's happening. as much as i would like to say that i wish i'd been warned, i know now that i was and was just utterly convinced that my story was different, that this man was different, that i as a mistress was different. realities diverge, and are often a bitch. my experience tells me that FoH will get her heart ground to a pulverized powder in this somehow, but i am no delphic oracle. if she does, we'll be here. if she doesn't, then, as the irish say, fair f*cks to her say i.

 

Agreed. But I definitely lean more to the heart pulverized and learning experience side than to any success story.

 

But someone is always here on LS to support her one way or the other.

[complicatedlife]

I'm telling you, hire a PI so you KNOW what's what. Yes you love him and trust him at his word, but just know this man IS a liar and a cheater. He's going about this all wrong and is still lying to his wife.

 

Anyway, good luck and whatever the end result is, I just hope all of you can handle it.

 

Definitely agree with this. I know there's an aspect of it that could be considered a violation of someone's privacy because he is married, but you want to protect yourself. The worst thing that can happen is that you find out he is full of it. The best thing that can happen is confirmation of your belief in him. FYI: They're not too expensive, starting at about $400....

[NoIDidn't]

Definitely agree with this. I know there's an aspect of it that could be considered a violation of someone's privacy because he is married, but you want to protect yourself. The worst thing that can happen is that you find out he is full of it. The best thing that can happen is confirmation of your belief in him. FYI: They're not too expensive, starting at about $400....

 

I don't consider hiring a PI a violation of privacy. Its completely legal and confidential.

 

Now, following the person around yourself might put you at odds with local laws in some states, though. LOL

[complicatedlife]

I don't consider hiring a PI a violation of privacy. Its completely legal and confidential.

 

Now, following the person around yourself might put you at odds with local laws in some states, though. LOL

 

Oh, I agree with you, but believe it or not, I have a friend who thinks it's a violation of someone's privacy, and in this case, the privacy of the other person involved (the spouse). I say, "Whatever, it's legal!"

 

Now, following the person around may put you at odds with the authorities and seem stalker-ish, and while I mostly agree, sometimes a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do, especially in THIS kind of circumstance to get the truth...I know I would have taken a fllight out there and done some of my own investigating! I guess I'm a stalker? (scary music)