EVERY SINGLE MM I have known to leave hasn't done it for 2 years or longer

[HisSweetThing]

Okay, the title of this thread is actually a quote from GreenEyedLady taken from something she posted on a thread a while back. I hope that's okay. I actually searched for GEL's comments. I like the things she has to say and I wanted to hear more! So, if EVERY SINGLE MM you have known to leave hasn't done it for 2 years or longer, it is in my best interest to stay in the affair for at least 2 years?

[fooled once]

Is this a joke?

 

it is in my best interest to stay in the affair for at least 2 years?

 

Are you thinking if you stay in the affair for at least 2 years, you will "win" him?

 

LOOK at the posts on here from women who have been in affairs way more than 2 years --- and they are STILL the OW and the MM is STILL with his wife?

 

WHY would you want to be the OW for at least 2 years? Do you think that by then, he will chose you???

[Lyssa]

It doesn't work that way, HST.

 

There are OW here that have been waiting for more than 2 yrs, some up to 5 yrs and yet MM has not left his W.

 

Do you think MM will leave within that 2 yrs? The only way to know if he'd really leave is to tell him that you have had enough (unless you are really okay with being his second best) and even that does not usually work out the way OW want.

[whichwayisup]

If a MM really wants to be with his OW, he won't let the affair drag on, he won't continue to lie, cheat, betray his wife and family. He'll basically CRAP and get off the pot and not string along two women for his selfish needs.

[Mino]

I think I understand what the poster is saying. Most MM will not leave a M for a short term A. I tend to agree with this, why would one just jump out of M and not be sure of the op. Give up all that quickly? Of coarse I think this is wrong, logically, it would make sense and not decieve everybody. But if I think about it, my mm left for the first time on the 2 year mark, then on the 3, then on the 4:sick: ugggggghhhhhhhh

[norajane]

I think I understand what the poster is saying. Most MM will not leave a M for a short term A. I tend to agree with this, why would one just jump out of M and not be sure of the op. Give up all that quickly? Of coarse I think this is wrong, logically, it would make sense and not decieve everybody. But if I think about it, my mm left for the first time on the 2 year mark, then on the 3, then on the 4:sick: ugggggghhhhhhhh

 

If he's truly unhappy in his marriage, he will leave whenever he doesn't want to be married anymore. Lots of people get divorced even when there is no affair or OW. They divorce because the marriage isn't working, and not just because they have an OW to go to.

 

If he's not leaving even after x years of affair, his marriage is working for him well enough not to leave even for an OW. He may have never been unhappy and thinking about a divorce, not unhappy enough, anyway.

[Mino]

If he's truly unhappy in his marriage, he will leave whenever he doesn't want to be married anymore. Lots of people get divorced even when there is no affair or OW. They divorce because the marriage isn't working, and not just because they have an OW to go to.

 

If he's not leaving even after x years of affair, his marriage is working for him well enough not to leave even for an OW. He may have never been unhappy and thinking about a divorce, not unhappy enough, anyway.

Norjane, my guy has been in his own place for almost a year, But he is a flipflpper.. He has not gone back yet.

[norajane]

Norjane, my guy has been in his own place for almost a year, But he is a flipflpper.. He has not gone back yet.

 

I know, sweets...and I'm sorry for all the flips and flops he's put you through.

 

I was replying to the general question of why would a MM leave in only a few months before being sure of the OW. He doesn't have to be sure of the OW. He just has to be sure he doesn't want to be married to his wife anymore.

[Mino]

I know, sweets...and I'm sorry for all the flips and flops he's put you through.

 

I was replying to the general question of why would a MM leave in only a few months before being sure of the OW. He doesn't have to be sure of the OW. He just has to be sure he doesn't want to be married to his wife anymore.

:osorry misunderstood, but back to the question, most mm are cowards in there own way, to have an A in the first place, then to try to at least fix M. I just see them as weak men. Its been a long hard day... i guess I am babbling:o

[norajane]

:osorry misunderstood, but back to the question, most mm are cowards in there own way, to have an A in the first place, then to try to at least fix M. I just see them as weak men. Its been a long hard day... i guess I am babbling:o

 

You've had a long, hard week, it sounds like. Go pamper yourself a little. Bubble bath with a glass of wine and a good night's sleep might help.

[GreenEyedLady]

Okay, the title of this thread is actually a quote from GreenEyedLady taken from something she posted on a thread a while back. I hope that's okay. I actually searched for GEL's comments. I like the things she has to say and I wanted to hear more! So, if EVERY SINGLE MM you have known to leave hasn't done it for 2 years or longer, it is in my best interest to stay in the affair for at least 2 years?

 

Sheesh!

 

Have you actually read my posts?

 

Talk about taking things out of context.

 

OP:

 

No MM who isn't using an A as an exit from the M, is going to leave for the unknown. It doesn't make any sense for anyone, including OW.

 

Your partner has to see you in different situations. For the most part, A's don't progress to that due to the constraints.

 

It's known vs. unknown.

 

But you miss the key to my posts.

 

The key is getting what you NEED from the R and your partner. Alot of OW are unhappy with what they are getting and they are treated poorly. Some are relatively happy with the way things are.

 

Just because you wait 2 years, doesn't mean he'll leave anyway. But I've never seen a MM leave for a short-term A. And if you had done a poll on the forum, you'll see that the majority of MM NEVER leave, no matter how many years it's been.

 

If you think it's in your best interest to stay in an A for 2 years, that's your choice. I can already tell by your tone that you're not here for support or encouragement.

 

And don't ever start a thread about me or another member. It's against guidelines. And next time I'll report it.

 

GEL

[jj33]

Youve got to be kidding right?

 

People whose As go smoothly dont post here. Theres loads of research that says that men who are going to leave for an OW do so after 6 months or not at all.

 

So there are as many theories as there are stars in the sky.

 

But its crazy to stay in it for 2 years thinking you need to "audition"

 

Value yourself more than that... if you dont then its most likely you will NEVER have a future with him

[HisSweetThing]

Sheesh!

 

Have you actually read my posts?

 

Talk about taking things out of context.

 

OP:

 

No MM who isn't using an A as an exit from the M, is going to leave for the unknown. It doesn't make any sense for anyone, including OW.

 

Your partner has to see you in different situations. For the most part, A's don't progress to that due to the constraints.

 

It's known vs. unknown.

 

But you miss the key to my posts.

 

The key is getting what you NEED from the R and your partner. Alot of OW are unhappy with what they are getting and they are treated poorly. Some are relatively happy with the way things are.

 

Just because you wait 2 years, doesn't mean he'll leave anyway. But I've never seen a MM leave for a short-term A. And if you had done a poll on the forum, you'll see that the majority of MM NEVER leave, no matter how many years it's been.

 

If you think it's in your best interest to stay in an A for 2 years, that's your choice. I can already tell by your tone that you're not here for support or encouragement.

 

And don't ever start a thread about me or another member. It's against guidelines. And next time I'll report it.

 

GEL

 

Wow! Sorry. I really wasn't trying to offend you or misquote you in any way. I didn't mean to come off with a negative tone either. I really do apologize.

 

I did read your other posts and I think I understood everything else you were saying. But now I'm a little afraid to assume anything. That was just the one point I was trying to clarify and get a little feedback on. I did type it after a long, exhausting day right before I went to bed, so maybe it didn't come out as I intended. I'll ask the moderator to remove this thread.

[HisSweetThing]

Youve got to be kidding right?

 

People whose As go smoothly dont post here. Theres loads of research that says that men who are going to leave for an OW do so after 6 months or not at all.

 

So there are as many theories as there are stars in the sky.

 

But its crazy to stay in it for 2 years thinking you need to "audition"

 

Value yourself more than that... if you dont then its most likely you will NEVER have a future with him

 

Thank you jj33.

[GreenEyedLady]

Theres loads of research that says that men who are going to leave for an OW do so after 6 months or not at all.

 

I know, that's the theory that's always pedaled to the OW.

 

But who are they getting their data from? FMM and FOW. Are they really going to tell the truth? And FBS's who are relying on what their cheating spouse has told them?

 

I'd bet that data is completely skewed because you are relying on people's word and people don't want to look bad.

 

I can't believe that some people that my H knows thinks we met and moved in together right after they separated. No, they've never asked, the ones that didn't already know, just assumed.

[NoIDidn't]

God, I'm slow!

 

All this time, I thought she was saying that the MM hadn't done "it", not the "leaving" part.

 

LOL.

 

I thought the research said if the MM didn't leave within 6 months, he was less likely to do so on his own?

 

Either way, setting a timeline is just setting yourself up for heartache.

 

Just like if you are demanding that a single guy marry you on a timeline. No different here. Men do not like to be put on a woman's timeline.

[jj33]

Thats what I thought NID and it makes sense - most people knew each other prior to the A, lots of the As where people leave are exit As.

[NoIDidn't]

Thats what I thought NID and it makes sense - most people knew each other prior to the A, lots of the As where people leave are exit As.

 

I don't know why HisSweetThang thinks she is in an exit affair. Her own H set the whole thing up. That guy was never planning on leaving his W. And he isn't planning it now.

 

Two years later, his W might kick him out. But I doubt he'll be heading straight for HST.

[amymarieca]

There is a reason why people say "married men never leave their wives."

[GreenEyedLady]

There is a reason why people say "married men never leave their wives."

 

Yeah, I guess you missed my story...

[OWoman]

There is a reason why people say "married men never leave their wives."

 

To make themselves feel better?

[OWoman]

Yeah, I guess you missed my story...

 

...and mine

[NoIDidn't]

You guys' stories are so rare, it makes the saying almost true.

 

It wasn't true for you guys, but it still remains true for the vast majority of OW.

[MistyK]

Sheesh!

 

No MM who isn't using an A as an exit from the M, is going to leave for the unknown. It doesn't make any sense for anyone, including OW.

 

Your partner has to see you in different situations. For the most part, A's don't progress to that due to the constraints.

 

 

GEL makes an excellent point here. A MM will usually leave only if he decides that the marriage itself is over - why is why it doesn't happen that often. The merits of an OW's relationship with a MM needs to be evaluated by him seperately. Really, you wouldn't really want him leaving for you, would you? (Aside from leaving you open to the same kind of betrayal this kind of fickle heart could inflict, it moves the responsibility for the divorce to you, if it ever gets that far. IMO, MM that leave "for the OW" go back to the BW 99% of the time.)

 

I think waiting around 2 years hoping that this time means something is a recipe for disaster. For one thing, it's going to increase your expectations so high that when it doesn't happen around the 2 year mark, you'll be devastated. Secondly, it just increases you emotional investment in someone who has yet to indicate they have ANYTHING to offer you in the future. And, you will have let everything good that could have happened for you in those 2 years pass you by. Trust me, you'll be pissed when that hits home.

 

As a reference, I know a woman in an A with a MM for over 9 years. She finally couldn't take it anymore and saw him with the W in public. She screamed in the W's face: "did you know I've been f*cking your husband?" The MM and his W walked away while the MM muttered something to his wife about their being a lot of crazy people in the community. When this ridiculous attempt to end her MM's marriage failed, she rammed her car into his. In short, she went completely nuts over someone who couldn't have cared less about her. He was giving her the message to just wait an dhe'd leave. (Obviously a lie). But why in the world you'd want to wait for someone who won't even give you that promise is beyond me.

[4everloveu]

Would it be the same for SM to wait for MW to leave after long term A. If a MW is in A for long terms, do you think she will leave.