EVERY SINGLE MM I have known to leave hasn't done it for 2 years or longer

[Reggie]

I think it is always best to end an affair. It hurts the people involved in it, damaging their self esteem and causing all types of internal conflict with their morals. It also hurts the BS and children. I see no valid argument for continuing hurtful , destructive behavior.

[4everloveu]

I think when people have long term A, it very hard to end. Even those it going to hurt people around you.

[Reggie]

You don't stay in a lousy marriage until you find a replacement! At least adults don't do that. Maybe a whiney little piss ant of a man might need to do that, but no REAL man HAS to wait until there's a new cook/housekeeper lined up! ICK!

 

I agree with this. A person with integrity does not have an affair to assess his future options. Rather, he or she knows he is not happy, has exhausted all efforts to fix things, then let's the spouse know of his plans to leave and divorces. Then, he can date honestly and find someone that is honest and compatible.

I know this is nothing new, but both parties to an affair must see that each has demonstrated that they do not honor the boundaries of marriage and do not honor the vows. So, I would imagine, trusting each other is difficult, if not impossible.

[Mino]

You don't stay in a lousy marriage until you find a replacement! At least adults don't do that. Maybe a whiney little piss ant of a man might need to do that, but no REAL man HAS to wait until there's a new cook/housekeeper lined up! ICK!

Thats was the absolute truth, LOL,

[Spark1111]

Interesting posters. I have never heard of the 6 month leaving the spouse rule. I have heard of the exit affair, when the WS believes the marriage is hopeless and uses it as an excuse to cheat, get caught and get booted to a new life.

 

I can only speak of my experience. My WS affair was almost two years in duration. On DDay I told him to go get her. He ended it.

 

In the course of all sorts of therapy, he has revealed that the more time he spent with her, the more he realized that it was not meant to be. She still had feelings for her exH, almost obsessively so.

 

If those intoxicating hormones that provide that wonderful rush when a romantic relationship is new begin to fade between 1.5 and two years, doesn't it stand to realize that that may be a breaking point in a relationship, any relationship? Not just between affair partners?

 

It seems if doesn't solidy into a serious committment by then, the chances may become LESS, a lot less .

 

I know that there are and can be exceptions to this, and all sorts of extenuating and mitigating reasons, but I have read that generally, the two year rule in a relationship is a huge turning point, either for better or for worse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know it can and has for some who post here, but for the majority

[amymarieca]

Yeah, I guess you missed my story...

 

The poster of this thread is clearly asking if there is a general time frame for when married men leave their wives. I am simply stating that most of the time they do not. If you scan through the threads in this section, you are not likely to see many of them saying “The married man I was having an affair with left his wife and now we are living happily ever after.” You are obviously the exception to this rule. I really don’t like when women state their situation as though it can happen to many other people too. It gives some naïve women this sick and twisted sense of hope, when in reality, it probably won’t happen to them.

 

There is also another belief that most married people who have an affair with you, will also have an affair ON you. Let’s hope you are the exception to that rule too.

[GreenEyedLady]

The poster of this thread is clearly asking if there is a general time frame for when married men leave their wives. I am simply stating that most of the time they do not. If you scan through the threads in this section, you are not likely to see many of them saying “The married man I was having an affair with left his wife and now we are living happily ever after.” You are obviously the exception to this rule. I really don’t like when women state their situation as though it can happen to many other people too. It gives some naïve women this sick and twisted sense of hope, when in reality, it probably won’t happen to them.

 

There is also another belief that most married people who have an affair with you, will also have an affair ON you. Let’s hope you are the exception to that rule too.

 

I guess you missed my post about AP's not being the most reliable posters.

 

And I guess it doesn't help all the people who think MARRIAGE IS THE END ALL BE ALL argument.

 

Plenty of people get divorced. That's why the divorce rate is over 50%.

[GreenEyedLady]

There is also another belief that most married people who have an affair with you, will also have an affair ON you. Let’s hope you are the exception to that rule too.

 

So I guess it's a good idea that I don't accept urban legends as law.

[jj33]

Gel whats an AP? Affair partner?

[GreenEyedLady]

Gel whats an AP? Affair partner?

 

Yep. AP means affair partner.

[Mino]

Us women don't need some little milk toast, spoon fed, pathetic excuse for a man, do we Mino!? Our men need to be able to be self sufficient and live alone rather than live with someone they despise JUST so they don't have to be alone.

 

Just wanted to add and make CRYSTAL CLEAR that none of this was a commentary on your situation hon, and I'm sorry for the pain you must be going through.

 

But you seem like a strong woman, and I hope you took my posts in the spirit in which they were intended.

lol, Absolutly, and by the way... I am doing FABUlOUS!! AHHH, feels so good not having to deal with all that Drama anymore;)

[Mino]

Us women don't need some little milk toast, spoon fed, pathetic excuse for a man, do we Mino!? Our men need to be able to be self sufficient and live alone rather than live with someone they despise JUST so they don't have to be alone.

 

Just wanted to add and make CRYSTAL CLEAR that none of this was a commentary on your situation hon, and I'm sorry for the pain you must be going through.

 

But you seem like a strong woman, and I hope you took my posts in the spirit in which they were intended.

and guess what, he is still living alone... wonder how long he can last:laugh:

[Reggie]

I guess you missed my post about AP's not being the most reliable posters.

 

And I guess it doesn't help all the people who think MARRIAGE IS THE END ALL BE ALL argument.

 

Plenty of people get divorced. That's why the divorce rate is over 50%.

 

And even higher among folks whose marriages started off as affairs:).

[OWoman]

I think it is always best to end an affair. It hurts the people involved in it, damaging their self esteem and causing all types of internal conflict with their morals. It also hurts the BS and children. I see no valid argument for continuing hurtful , destructive behavior.

 

The only person who got hurt by my A was his xW (karma, I guess). It was a great source of energy for him, allowing his kids greater access and a new kind of R, and it helped repair his self-esteem from all the damage imparted to it from his xW and the M. The moral conflict he experienced he addressed in counselling and resolved through leaving his xW, once he accepted that he couldn't fix her and that he wasn't responsible for doing so. There was no moral conflict for me at all.

 

The "hurtful, destructive behaviour" was his M, not the A, and ceasing to continue that was the best thing he'd ever done.

[OWoman]

If those intoxicating hormones that provide that wonderful rush when a romantic relationship is new begin to fade between 1.5 and two years, doesn't it stand to realize that that may be a breaking point in a relationship, any relationship? Not just between affair partners?

 

It seems if doesn't solidy into a serious committment by then, the chances may become LESS, a lot less .

 

I know that there are and can be exceptions to this, and all sorts of extenuating and mitigating reasons, but I have read that generally, the two year rule in a relationship is a huge turning point, either for better or for worse.

 

This does make sense. I suppose how well that applies to an A would depend on how "normal" that R is, in the sense of how much time the APs get to spend together, under what range of conditions, etc. In some cases where the A is all moonlight and roses, that initial stage could last longer, I'd guess, or if the A is like some we've seen here where the OW and MM see each other regularly under pretty humdrum daily life conditions, the "romantic fizzle" could be shorter lived. But I agree with teh general point - that once you move to "normality", you get a stronger sense of whether it is or is not something that could survive longer term.