Els Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 Do you have any talks about the future or any other sort of serious/potentially troubling or worrisome discussions? Or do you prefer to keep the visit a 'paradise' -- just enjoy each other and don't bring any worries into it, and keep them for later, because time is too precious now? Especially if your partner doesn't deal well with such worrisome discussions. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 IMO, there should be balance. I've done what you're doing, and built familiarity and rapport during most of the stay and then broached some more serious and/or intimate subjects late in the stay, prior to departure. I think it best to establish a dynamic of communication about serious subjects in person, rather than via phone/e-mail, simply because it builds upon the intimacy already established and gives clues as to how each person deals with serious subjects, if there is to be a future. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 IMO, there should be balance. I've done what you're doing, and built familiarity and rapport during most of the stay and then broached some more serious and/or intimate subjects late in the stay, prior to departure. I think it best to establish a dynamic of communication about serious subjects in person, rather than via phone/e-mail, simply because it builds upon the intimacy already established and gives clues as to how each person deals with serious subjects, if there is to be a future. This is how we have approached these things as well. The first part of the stay is intimacy and passion. Pure enjoyment without a thought of the issues at hand. Then towards the end, after we are completely on the same page in all other aspects, then we have talks about the plans of things to come, etc. It really has helped to have such a renewed understanding of what we are fighting for and what that eventuality looks like and feels like. We worked really hard at absorbing as much as possible to hang on to knowing what the length of time we were to be separated could be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted June 14, 2009 Author Share Posted June 14, 2009 Thanks, guys. Just to clarify, though: this isn't our first stay together. We've had 2 visits before, although this is the one with the longest break in between and the one that required the most sacrifices to realise. So I guess we already have the familiarity? Still, I guess it'd be a good idea to write down the issues that I have, and keep them for later or when he broaches it? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 How long was the current break between visits? If a number of months, I'd treat it like a first visit. Well, I guess you'll know soon enough Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Thanks, guys. Just to clarify, though: this isn't our first stay together. We've had 2 visits before, although this is the one with the longest break in between and the one that required the most sacrifices to realise. So I guess we already have the familiarity? You already have familiarity but getting back into physical space where all can be experienced at once - sight, smell, sound, of course touch, and ... taste... Just enjoy that again for a while. Just allow yourselves a vacation from the worrisome stuff. Be each other's get away for a little while. Then gently approach those things that you need to discuss. Still, I guess it'd be a good idea to write down the issues that I have, and keep them for later or when he broaches it? If that will help you then do it. But take some time to enjoy each other. Even if he broaches the subject I'd shut him up with a passionate kiss and change his agenda. Certain thing need to be set aside for a little while. They have been present in the relationship for so long -- and will continue to be (I can relate). Just take time for and with each other in the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 You guys were right. I took a break from worrying about ANYthing, and the first few days were utter bliss. And that's an understatement. He called me yesterday while I was away for a few hours, though. While I found it sweet that he wanted to talk a bit even though I'd be back in a few hours' time, I found myself struck by the DIFFERENCE. During the distance I'd sorta gotten used to it, but now the stark difference between a phone call and what we have IRL just stared me glaringly in the face. The call felt so... spartan, as compared to the high of being in each others' arms. I'm terrified of when he has to leave! Also I think I'll have to bring up one particular matter soon because it's something that I think we have to do (related to immigration matters) while he's in this country, and it'll take a few days of waiting in between so we don't have much time. Sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 You guys were right. I took a break from worrying about ANYthing, and the first few days were utter bliss. And that's an understatement. Wonderful. Simply wonderful Elswyth. I am so glad. He called me yesterday while I was away for a few hours, though. While I found it sweet that he wanted to talk a bit even though I'd be back in a few hours' time, I found myself struck by the DIFFERENCE. During the distance I'd sorta gotten used to it, but now the stark difference between a phone call and what we have IRL just stared me glaringly in the face. The call felt so... spartan, as compared to the high of being in each others' arms. I'm terrified of when he has to leave! I know. It is horrible. That is why I sometimes waiver between who has it harder those who can see each other more often but have to constantly readjust or those of us who go longer periods between visits. I mean certainly it'd be great to see my husband often. But I remember what leaving felt like even now -- and it instantly brings me back to a low like I had never felt before - until that day. Just try to enjoy the time together and try not to think about that. Don't allow that eventuality to intrude on this precious time you have together. Also I think I'll have to bring up one particular matter soon because it's something that I think we have to do (related to immigration matters) while he's in this country, and it'll take a few days of waiting in between so we don't have much time. Sigh. Well, with that -- it is one specific thing - then done and over with, correct? If that is the case you can just make it about that - separate it out if you can. And then address the other things after - closer to the end of the visit. Link to post Share on other sites
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