feeling so down rt now..

[hisprincess4eva]

Hey there everyone...

Im feeling so down right now, i can help it but cry! I was suppose to go see my SO in 2 weeks for a week or 5 days. I emailed him today asking if i shud confirm my booking. He told me how hard his semester is going to get over the next comin days. He told me "i dunno babyy if it is a good idea to visit coz im going to b super busy and i don't want u to feel neglected". He said he will call me later on to discuss more about it.

 

I am so sad right now . I really want to go visit him...now that he is only 4 hrs away from me by flight. I wishh i can go see him even for a day! I hateee med school. I hate the fact i have to wait till aug to see him again! It jus hurts.. i can't help it. I miss him so much! i was lookin forward to this mini trip so much for so long.

 

I jus hope i can at least see him for a weekend. ahhhhhhh =(

[hoping2heal]

Hi princess,

 

sorry you are feeling down. Must be very disheartening. Have you met him in person yet?

[hisprincess4eva]

thanks for ur reply "hoping2heal"

 

Yes! i have met him in person! In fact our realtionship wasn't LDR till 4 months after our relationship! he lives 30 mins away from me back home! He is jus in another state for his 3rd yr of med school.

 

I feel so down rt now, i dunno what i can do to help myself. I replied back to my SO tellin him how it is okay and when he calls me i will jus go on skype or something because i have no mins on my cell phone.

 

He then replied back asking if i was mad at him? cuz i sounded mad to him, and i said "no babyy im not mad at u". I even went on aim, cuz he is usally signed on there when he studies. And left a msg saying "babyy im not mad at u, im jus ehh and i will be finne. I will talk to u later tonight".

 

I hate miscommunication problems via email. I hope my SO does call me. He has an exam in 3 days and i know its tough on his side, but it will make me feel 10 times better hearing his voice.

[Island Girl]

And left a msg saying "babyy im not mad at u, im jus ehh and i will be finne. I will talk to u later tonight".

 

Is this how you usually communicate via e-mail?

[hisprincess4eva]

Hey islandgirl.. yes this is how we usually communicate via email.

 

I was jus feeling super sad, and i didn't want to tell him because it is not his fault that his semester is getting harder for him. So that is why i went on aim and left a msg.

 

I emailed him again explaining to him how excited i was to go see him and stuff and now it is okay if i cannot come. because i totally understand it. I asked him to call me once he gets a chance so he can tell me further about it

[Island Girl]

Hey islandgirl.. yes this is how we usually communicate via email.

 

Perhaps this is why there are so many miscommunications?

 

I was jus feeling super sad, and i didn't want to tell him because it is not his fault that his semester is getting harder for him. So that is why i went on aim and left a msg.

 

I can relate -- there have been plenty of times when I am upset about our paperwork or it having been so long since I have seen him. And I know he can't do anything at all about it.

 

I used to just try and deal with these kinds of feelings on my own and not "burden" him with them but that sometimes caused problems because he could tell something was wrong but I wasn't talking to him about it so he would just assume things.

 

When I would "vent" it out completely on paper and just send them things got much MUCH better.

I would just explain how I was feeling and that I knew he couldn't do anything about it -- that I didn't expect him to either - but I would detail how I was feeling and why about ALL of it.

 

When he'd get those letters he started understanding how I felt and that there wasn't anything wrong - in fact all was so right except circumstances.

 

And then we bonded more about being able to discuss how circumstances sucked without one of us feeling guilt or responsibility about it. ---- I hope that translates. I am not sure if the wording is entirely accurate...

We just didn't see it as something that was put on the other person to "fix somehow" anymore.

 

I emailed him again explaining to him how excited i was to go see him and stuff and now it is okay if i cannot come. because i totally understand it. I asked him to call me once he gets a chance so he can tell me further about it

 

How do I say this.

 

I hope you can utilize this time apart to explore your communication further and not get into a pattern of stifling your thoughts and feelings due to fear of how he'd react, etc.

 

This is the time that you can gain a more clear understanding of how each of you process information and feel about different things.

 

And that won't happen if when you feel upset you just dismiss it in your communication with him and put it aside. It IS still there. And it does affect you.

He will care about it and want to know about it because he cares about YOU.

He'll just understand you and how you perceive things a lot better.

It will encourage him to do the same thing.

 

I just have noticed a lot of tumultuous posts from you and I think this would go away and you'd feel a whole lot more secure when external situations come up if you shared it all and built that level of communication.

 

It's hard. I mean it takes effort to be that open and detail your emotions/reactions. But I can tell you it is so worth it.

[musgrrl]

I'm sorry that you feel disappointed. I can tell you from my experience that your SO probably wants to spare you from feeling angry because you spent money to see him and he can't give you the attention that you deserve. That's worse. I know it's frustrating.

 

My SO and I were supposed to see each other late last month, but his schedule is so unpredictable that he told me not to book the tickets because he knew that I couldn't rebook them easily. Instead he is going to come here, but we haven't discussed when this will be. It's on my agenda the next time we speak.

 

This is one of the frustrations that come with LDR's but you are not alone in how you feel. I'm sure many on here have been where you are right now.

[hisprincess4eva]

Thanks for ur reply musgrrl.

 

ahh i know that mayb something will come up and i might be able to go see him.

 

Things jus got worse for me here, or i might be OVER-REACTING as always.

heres what happened:

 

I emailed my bf today asking him if i can confirm my bookings (since the prices go up every week) he then replied saying "he doesn't know if i shud come, because his semester seems to be getting harder and harder and he is going to be super busy. He doesn't want me to feel neglected if i do come there, therefore he said he will call me later on tonight to discuss it further"

 

 

I emailed him back saying "aww =( ahhh =/, its okay. Babyy i don't have no mins on my phone. So when u miss call me i will either come on skype to call u or txt me and i will call u through skype". he then replied asking me "babe u sure? r u mad???", i replied back saying "I am okay babyy, i am not mad at you!".

 

 

I had a feeling he will be online, so i thought its best to go online and explain to him how i am not mad, i am jus really sad because i was looking forward to it. But i guess he was idle so i jus left a msg and signed off.

 

 

I also emailed after wards telling him that "i am not mad, im jus sad and it is okay. Everything is fine and i will get better soon, just call me back when u get a chance"

 

 

He didn't reply back to that email of mine, hrs later i get two unknown miss calls and i thought it was him so i emailed again asking.. if he did call me so i can call him. (i get no reply again).

 

 

I guess he is busy studying for his exams that are coming up in 2 days and he is really stresssed. Later tonight my mom explained to me how i shud call and jus leave a voicemail so that he will feel better if he is too stressed or still worried.

 

 

So i called and left a voicemail. and now hopefully i hope he calls me back or at least emails me back.

 

 

I dunno what to do, im feeling so down rt now.

 

 

being in a LDR Is hard and it is so hard to be in a LDR with a bf who is so busy with studying. This is something he wanted his whole life and i understand that.

 

 

What can i do to make myself feel better??

[Island Girl]

What can i do to make myself feel better??

 

Sorry hisprincess4eva.

 

I tried to address this is my long post.

 

This is the insecurity I was talking about.

 

I gave you suggestions in there. It would really help you.

 

Until you do I'm afraid there will be a lot of times like this for you.

[hisprincess4eva]

Thanks Islandgirl for ur reply.

 

Sometimes i am able to handle myself and sometimes i really can't!

The fact that he is always busy, and we barely talk on the phone kills me.

 

I know i am acting childrish rt now, but it jus kills me when i have to wait n wait for him to reply to my emails and call me back.

 

I absolutely understand how he is busy, stressed and super tired of everything. But sometimes i get so scared thinking "what ifs"

 

I know that "what ifs" are never true, but still. LDR is very hard at least for me, and my SO is my everything. I do not want to lose him in any way.

 

I know for a fact my babyy will not let go of me because of small misunderstanding like this. I know he is stressed, tired and super worried about his exam. Therefore i shud jus give him some time, whenever he feels like he is ready to talk i know he will call me or msg me.

 

I seriously hate bein away from him, and i hate all these small things that "i feel like" affects my relationship!

[Els]

Oh honey, I totally feel for you.

 

Med school sucks. My guy has to bring his notes when he comes to visit me for these two weeks because he'll have an exam soon after term starts, so he needs to study during the hols as well!

 

Ask yourself this: what would happen if you did go there and he was really busy; could only spend an hour or so a day with you and maybe the weekend? Would you be okay with it? Would you still feel that it's worth your trip? If you do, if you'd rather spend the time and money to go there for that much of his time, rather than wait til August... then you should tell him. I'll bet he's worried that you'd be unhappy about that and he doesn't want you to be.

[Island Girl]

Thanks Islandgirl for ur reply.

 

You're very welcome. I have been there.

And that was before I knew of LS so I was adrift with my own thoughts ALL the time! It so completely sucked.

 

Sometimes i am able to handle myself and sometimes i really can't!

The fact that he is always busy, and we barely talk on the phone kills me.

 

I know. I felt like this too.

We could never talk on the phone very long because it was expensive to do so. So even though we talked often back then -- it would be only 20 minutes or so usually.

 

Extended conversations would happen but we had to keep them to a minimum.

 

And meanwhile I had an average of 23 hours in my own head about missing him, what is he doing right now, wanting to talk to him, etc.

 

It was maddening.

 

I know i am acting childrish rt now, but it jus kills me when i have to wait n wait for him to reply to my emails and call me back.

 

I know how that feels.

 

And is isn't necessarily childish. But it does show that there are deep insecurities that you have about your relationship.

 

Several of your posts have alluded to this as well. That is what I am hoping you'll work through.

 

And HE is the only person who can assist you in resolution. But to do that he has to understand what you are thinking and feeling -- and how your mind works.

For him to have that understanding of you - you have to put it out there.

 

I absolutely understand how he is busy, stressed and super tired of everything. But sometimes i get so scared thinking "what ifs"

 

It is these "what ifs" that make you crazy. And he can help you with those so they aren't so prevalent or when they do pop up he can do small things to help you deal.

 

My husband only started doing certain things because he now knows how I am and how I process things. When something happens he has learned how I will perceive it, etc. So he can give me what I need.

And I am now the same with him.

 

For instance. I know when he gets mad it is better for me to lay it out there and leave him alone.

He processes much better if he has time to himself.

And there are so many things like that.

 

I know that "what ifs" are never true, but still. LDR is very hard at least for me, and my SO is my everything. I do not want to lose him in any way.

 

If you truly KNEW that the "what ifs" couldn't be true then you wouldn't even be thinking of losing him.

Especially over things like this.

 

You do have insecurities and fears. And he should know that too. He can help you so they don't run away with you.

 

I know for a fact my babyy will not let go of me because of small misunderstanding like this. I know he is stressed, tired and super worried about his exam. Therefore i shud jus give him some time, whenever he feels like he is ready to talk i know he will call me or msg me.

 

Again. If you really truly knew this. And really 100% believed it then something like this wouldn't send you into a tailspin.

 

I am not saying you are wrong or anything like that.

 

I am trying to tell you that you seem to keep all of your fears and thoughts like this to yourself where they just sit and stew and flare up when given the opportunity.

 

If you open up and get this out - to him - in a sharing way where you just explain your thoughts and feelings. How you get triggered, etc. Then he can understand your process and help give you what you need to be comfortable and secure.

 

If you don't then anytime something happens you will drive yourself crazy -- and you aren't getting any closer to him either. Now is he able to really understand you in those ways.

 

An LDR can create a knowledge of the other person that is extremely intense and so incredibly intimate.

But it takes effort to put it out there -- your internal self -- raw, insecure, scared, etc.

But when that part of you is received and cared for - even cherished - then a complete trust is forged.

It is then you will truly know what it feels like to be safe in the relationship. And the "what ifs" melt away.

Seriously.

 

I used to be the "what if" QUEEN.

 

It never ever happens anymore.

 

I seriously hate bein away from him, and i hate all these small things that "i feel like" affects my relationship!

 

Well, I hope you open up and share. Your relationship can be stronger from things like this.

 

Or you can keep them to yourself and try to stifle them - usually communication will be affected and the other person knows something is wrong - but not what. So that can then cause insecurities or pulling back -- and then there are problems going on that is all completely misunderstandings.

 

It sounds like you have had plenty of these.

 

I hope you put the effort in to try to address all of this so they don't happen anymore.

[hisprincess4eva]

Once again IslandGirl thank you soo much for making me feel so much better

 

U know what i realized as i was reading your reply to each of my sentences. How i am so scared in the inside when i have no reason to. How i drive myself completely nuts when something small happens. How i assume things automatically without even thinking about it.

 

You are definitely right, i need to CLEAR myself out when i communicate with my bf. I need to tell him how i really feel, cuz he is the only person who can help me and reassure me.

 

I need to let go of these insecurities because all the do is make me cry and feel bad when i have no reason to.

 

I need to be strong and that can only happen when i am more opened up with my bf and not to scared to tell him things.

 

I will talk to my bf about this, the next time we talk in person or on the phone or via skype. That way he understands me a bit more and does not completely go blank.

 

I think since i was overreacting a way bit too much here, he finally decided to let things get settled up on my own and then talk to me once i am calmed down.

 

Thank you IslandGirl for showing me... it really did help me.