BearPower Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Thought it would be helpful for people to start posting here during their attempts at NC. I know I have had a hard time and keep breaking it. So post here for 30 days. At the end of each day, make a post as a 'time stamp' to show yourself you can do it. Tell everyone how you felt, your highs and lows etc. Infact, post as much as you like, even if you want to break NC to rant at them during your initial 30 days, do it here instead. If your ex contacts you at all during your 30 days, post here and see what other people advise you do, circumstances depending of course Good luck!! SoulBear Link to post Share on other sites
Nuala83 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Ahhh good idea Soul! It's been 5 days since I last spoke to my ex but I'm not doing NC....though I may reconsider. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 I started off very strict NC and I can completely understand the reasons for doing it, however I think sometimes the strict, almost fanatical enforcement of NC, can make the process more gruelling and stressful. Ideally you don't want to be counting whether a day, week or month has passed since you last spoke. There are also situations where contact is necessary; for closure, to sort out loose ends, return belongings, share important news etc. I began with the intention of blanking my ex forever but I realised I was being too black and white. We have spoken since to return belongings and discuss what went wrong. In some ways this did set me back, but it would have been something i'd have needed to do at some point, whether sooner or later. So though I completely agree with NC as a tool to recover from the breakup, I think its important not to be excessive. There maybe reasons that you WILL need to speak to your ex. The only times NC should be completely fanatical are in situations of abuse, situations where you truly do not want reconciliation or friendship (you no longer want them in your life) or situations where you know they will not respond (i.e. you've text them 5 times and they've blanked you). Otherwise if need be, contact CAN be useful, but by contact I don't mean checking up on them every day, asking how they are etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BearPower Posted June 14, 2009 Author Share Posted June 14, 2009 Nikki, I agree. But the 30 days can help you get your head on straight. My ex ASKED for 30 days. for 2 months she asked and I ignored her, I disrespected her wishes and now I am paying for it- quite possibly ****ed up any chance of reconciliation. Very selfish and foolish of me. If in a situation as are most on here, where by you really need to back the hell off (like myself) and you dont want to screw things up even more than they are, 30 days NC can be refreshing and helpful. Thats why I said if your ex gets in touch, post it on here, and there are enough people who KNOW THE SCORE to give you good advice on what to do....Sure there are folks who will say '**** them, let them go, move on. But there are also people who MIGHT get a chance to reconcile, if thats what they TRULY want, and I for one would love to help those people. Even if you break NC to 'sort things out', write it here, and let people advise you how to go about handeling the situation depending on where your head is at, and what YOU want to do. If you really do want it to be over and move on, then sure, break NC and sort out what needs to be sorted out and move on. Im on day 3 today. I know my ex wont get in touch for at least 2 months, but if she does, you can be sure that I will post on here before I do anything. That goes for replying to emails,txts or phonecalls. I trust there are enough people here to give good advice on each situation should it arise. Link to post Share on other sites
HellsandBells Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 For me it's been abou 8 hours! We've broke up 5 months ago and I've had many failed attempts at NC, always failing when I get upset, such as yesterday. Deleted him off facebook yesterday and this afternoon sent a message saying thanks for being patient, no hard feelings, explained why I'd deleted him off facebook, and wished him and his new girlfriend good luck for the future. He replied saying me saying that meant a lot and he was sorry again, etc. So hopefully I can do it this time! 8 hours and counting! Link to post Share on other sites
Leveller Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 It'll be 30 days this Saturday, apart from a wave and a 'hi', having a hard time with it as you know. Will keep you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Today was a hard day. I woke up after horrible dreams of me be lonley and desperatly trying to talk to him. Even though I have had a few wave of emotions. I am doing ok. I am doing NC by telephone, just emails for things that need to be worked out. I do let his daughter call him. He did email a few times for buisness today. I did have to discuss bills and sent him an email about them. I even told him a bit how I was doing and said I hope he had been feeling better. He had told me he was depressed. I haven't received a response. I did have an overwhelming urge to call him today. After speaking with a friend about opening doors for friendship. I do want to forgive him and have somthing civil as a result. But no i did not call. I know I will eventually have to speak to him but I am enjoying my space, today was not the day. I have made rules no talking about my feelings or our relationship. Someday we may even beable to talk on messenger lol. Well here is hoping. Link to post Share on other sites
waitingpatiently Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Hi. This is my first time posting in these forums. I have visted a lot on here just to read the different topics, and I really like this website. I just need help myself! Okay, my ex I should say "broke up" with me by not calling me for almost a month.This wasn't the first time he did this. The only reason I took him back the first time was because he needed time to think. I guess I was desperate because I shouldn't have waited that long to wait for somebody to decide what they wanted. When he did decide to finally call a couple of weeks ago I did not answer. It's now been about 48 days NC. And for the past week he's all of the sudden been blowing up my phone, but I still haven't answered. He's left no messages, he's just been calling non-stop. It just makes me mad because how does he think he can just keep dropping me and picking me back up?? I have became a lot stronger compared to a month ago, but for some reason I keep having these urges to actually pick up and answer his calls. What do you all think I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Hi. This is my first time posting in these forums. I have visted a lot on here just to read the different topics, and I really like this website. I just need help myself! Okay, my ex I should say "broke up" with me by not calling me for almost a month.This wasn't the first time he did this. The only reason I took him back the first time was because he needed time to think. I guess I was desperate because I shouldn't have waited that long to wait for somebody to decide what they wanted. When he did decide to finally call a couple of weeks ago I did not answer. It's now been about 48 days NC. And for the past week he's all of the sudden been blowing up my phone, but I still haven't answered. He's left no messages, he's just been calling non-stop. It just makes me mad because how does he think he can just keep dropping me and picking me back up?? I have became a lot stronger compared to a month ago, but for some reason I keep having these urges to actually pick up and answer his calls. What do you all think I should do? Stay NC!! It's the only way to heal for you.. If you answer it's back to square one..trust me on this.. Link to post Share on other sites
andy2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I am at 29 days of strict NC. And I know I won't break it soon at least few months from now. I am selfish since then: only thinking of myself and concentrating on career and future. because I wasted my precious time on a stupid girl......but not anymore. Life is beautiful, I try to live at fullest. Link to post Share on other sites
guitarplayer1234 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I on Day 16 of NC, I started it off right away the day after we broke up and I have to say I'm very proud of myself. I didn't delete him off facebook but I've been avoiding it pretty much, and have not updated it. He text me on day 5 just wanting to check up on me but I didn't respond as hard as it was. I know I'll have to eventually break no contact by the time school starts because there's no avoiding him but hopefully I can keep it up until then. Link to post Share on other sites
waitingpatiently Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Stay NC!! It's the only way to heal for you.. If you answer it's back to square one..trust me on this.. Yeah you're probably right. I'll take your word for it. I was doing soooo well, then he started calling and I didn't know what to do. But I will stick to NC. It seems to be the best thing for me to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BearPower Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 woohoo!! I have finished trying to do NC!!!! Im free as a bird now, and one day, dear ex, you will regret your decision, and one day, dear ex, karma will come and run over your dogma ahahahaha Link to post Share on other sites
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Broke nc yesterday. He told me to call him. I don't regret it. It pushed me out of denial. I am trying to go with the flow. I have been depressed alot. Its eating me up. I feel ill hardly eat, hardly sleep. My body aches. I might as well have the flu without the fever and chills. I try to tell myself I am ok. It dosen't feel like it. They say it will go away. I am still waiting. Its been about 2 and a half months now. Still taking it one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Day 3. I have a feeling I will break it soon. Today is supposedly our official 4th year anniversary. UGH. Help me help me. Link to post Share on other sites
andy2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 hi fabulous anniversary is nothing but a format of timeline. Maybe breakup happened for good reasons. I hurt too much when my ex didn't wish me on my birthday since breakup was very recent how damn she can forget !!.....But that is good for me in order to heal quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
guitarplayer1234 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I'm on Day 18 of NC I can't believe its been this long. Last night was rough...I really wanted to text him but I knew it could have just left me feeling even more down. And right now I'm doing good, I've been thinking I do want him back but at the same time I would be just fine with moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Hi, I've got a year of no contact. Still think about her every day. Still hurt but moving on with my life. It gets easier but the pain is always beneath the surface. Sorry to be a bummer. Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 hi fabulous anniversary is nothing but a format of timeline. Maybe breakup happened for good reasons. I hurt too much when my ex didn't wish me on my birthday since breakup was very recent how damn she can forget !!.....But that is good for me in order to heal quicker. le sigh....it's ok...i'm ok....good thing it wasn't a 25th anniversary lol. my ex wished me all the holidays and whatever lol.............effing bastArd won't stop contacting me. Even with me blocking his number, he finds a way to get to me. That is why 3 months after break-up i still cry. I swear he deliberately does it to string me along. UGH! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts