boyfriend abuses himself.

[cherryblossom36]

it seems like every time my boyfriend and i have an argument, he ends up getting mad and hits himself pretty severely. he starts out on a war path and throws / hits anything in his path [with the exception of me].

 

the way it always starts is when i tell him what he's doing wrong in the relationship. he always takes the full blame of everything and hits himself for it. i even try to stop him but he just continues to tell me nothing is wrong and he deserves to be hit.

 

i hate seeing him do this, i've suggested he talk to someone but he just insists nothing is wrong. it's very scary for me, because i fear he could hit me eventually. i've even gone as far as discussing it with his parents [he's 17 and i'm 18] but they just say he gets mad and you have to talk to him when he calms down. well even after he's calmed down he doesn't talk. anyone have any suggestions on what i should do?

[wuggle]

A couple of things concern me here:-

 

the way it always starts is when i tell him what he's doing wrong in the relationship.

 

i've even gone as far as discussing it with his parents [he's 17 and i'm 18]

 

First off, why does it always start off this way, sounds like you are being very judgemental and casting blame , struggling to believe it's always his fault.

 

Secondly, if the guy has issues, what the f**k are you doing talking to his parents about this. Maybe they caused the underlying problems in the first place ? (or at least at age 18 the issues probably started at home) at best you would be undermining his confidence.

 

How about talking to him as an equal ??

[hoping2heal]

If he's only 17 it's very likely there is something in his upbringing gone wrong, in fact the very fact that you've told his parents and they seem to find this to be perfectly acceptable and normal behavior alone, signals they don't have their ducks in a row.

 

When you say you tell him what he's doing wrong in the relationship, can you give an example of how you approach the issue?

 

He seems to feel very frustrated with himself when you share such things with him, and I'm not saying it's your fault, but how are you approaching him about it?

[LisaUk]

Self injury can occur for various reasons, it may be that he feels he has to punish himself for upsetting you, it may be that he can't cope with the emotions he feels during an argument and uses SI to produce physical pain to detract from the emotional pain he can't handle. There are various reasons for SI, most commonly an emotionally abusive childhood. I do find it odd, that his parents think this is acceptable and healthy behaviour, it does suggest, along with his age that his problems stem from home. For more info on how you can help him and what you can do to change the way you approach discussions about relationship problems, have agood look round the web, there is plenty of good articles and advice. You also may want to try and encourage him to seek counselling.