Because I don't feel crappy enough...

[MistyK]

So today BW sees my garage door open and assumes I just got home (which I had). She went into a rage, drove by again, then told MM that she was going to come to my house to confront me. He called me promptly to warn me, so I immediately am upset. Right as my exH was dropping off my kids (it was his weekend) she pulls in front of my house (on the wrong side of the road), and by this point I'm so pissed that I wave at her as she's stopping. She screams out her car window that I had an affair with her husband and I'm a slut in front of my kids, my ex and most of my neighbors. This is on top of her previously calling me to scream obscenities at me (I was nice to her in return and apologized for her pain), driving by my house constantly, watching my mail and my trash, and she tried to run me over as I went to retrieve my mail one day. So I called a friend of mine's husband (who happens to be a city cop) just to call her and ask her to knock it off and already she's turned this whole thing into a dramatic production about what a bitch I am. I can take her yelling at me, I can deal with a lot, but she crossed the line when she pulled this crap with my kids. I'm an uber-protective mom and I will not deal with this kind of crap from her. Yet, I still feel like total crap for being involved in any of this in the 1st place.

 

And, I was just notified yesterday that my car is now beyond repair and I cannot afford a car payment. Great.

[KikiW]

I can understand someone being incredibly hurt by an A and being very angry, but that is absolutely no excuse to do what she did in front of your children.

 

It sounds like she is stalking you. Are you making a note of when you see her? If you haven't, then you need to start - I cannot stress the importance of taking notes enough. Call your friend's husband (the cop) and talk to him about your options.

 

If she tried to run you over, she's really focusing on you, and that's dangerous.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Are you still seeing the MM? And why the heck hasn't he left her yet? She seems like a lunatic. Understandably, she is upset, but even in her situation some maturity and discretion should be used.

 

My exBF who I had been dating over a year, and had been separated from his wife for 2 years before I met him, flipped out when she found out his two kids and my two kids were "alone" together one evening. Two of them were over 12, and 10 & 11 for the other two, perfectly legal to leave alone for a couple hours, but just because he was out with me (the sl*t)

 

Some women just thrive on the drama.

 

And people wonder why men cheat.

[MizzBlue72]

I think this is TOTALLY unacceptable of the BW NO MATTER HOW MUCH she hurts. Let her yell and her hubby ... he is the one that cheated. Totally inappropriate for in front of the kids and your neighbors. I would get a restraining order against her.

 

I am sick of always being the one to feel bad for when I or any of the rest of us were the OW, when the BW gladly lets the MM walk right back in, and it is ALL the OW's fault.

 

For a long time, I thought that I deserved for people to think of me this way - but NO MORE. When you start involving the kids, and neighbors this is pure and simple harassment.

[bentnotbroken]

Are you still seeing the MM? And why the heck hasn't he left her yet? She seems like a lunatic. Understandably, she is upset, but even in her situation some maturity and discretion should be used.

 

My exBF who I had been dating over a year, and had been separated from his wife for 2 years before I met him, flipped out when she found out his two kids and my two kids were "alone" together one evening. Two of them were over 12, and 10 & 11 for the other two, perfectly legal to leave alone for a couple hours, but just because he was out with me (the sl*t)

 

Some women just thrive on the drama.

 

And people wonder why men cheat.

 

They cheat for the same reasons women cheat. It is easier to do the worng thing than the right one.

 

You are so right some women do thrive on drama. As demonstrated by numerous OW. Though I think the ages of the children mentioned was appropriate to leave at home alone, not all mother's feel that way. And if I were in her shoes I would be curious as to how you raise yours and if I would want my children to stay with them no matter the age. Some of us want to know as much as possible about the children and their backgrounds that our kids stay with. We kind of like to chose our own sitters. So legal age to stay alone, doesn't not equal responsible age to stay alone. Maturity and discretion along with a healthy dose of common sense and personal standards could have been used before either woman was a BW. She should have been pissed.

 

As for the op, the bw was wrong. But this can of worms were opened by you. As much blame as you place on the BW's actions(which again is wrong)you have to look in the mirror and know you placed your children in the position to be exposed to someone who is more than a little angry. I don't know if she has children or not, but the same anger and pain you feel was directed at your children, was directed at her's if it applies. I am sure she feels like you crossed a line too.

 

See a lawyer, find out what you can do legally to protect your children. What you are dealing with are all things that could have been avoided

[bentnotbroken]

I think this is TOTALLY unacceptable of the BW NO MATTER HOW MUCH she hurts. Let her yell and her hubby ... he is the one that cheated. Totally inappropriate for in front of the kids and your neighbors. I would get a restraining order against her.

 

I am sick of always being the one to feel bad for when I or any of the rest of us were the OW, when the BW gladly lets the MM walk right back in, and it is ALL the OW's fault.

 

For a long time, I thought that I deserved for people to think of me this way - but NO MORE. When you start involving the kids, and neighbors this is pure and simple harassment.

 

 

 

Kids should never be involved, neighbors....oh well.

[lkjh]

is this world backwards, how was she out of line? You bang her H and screw up her family but yet she can't let your kids and ex know what you have done. If you don't want these labels then don't hook up with married men.

 

I m sorry if this sounds mean but its true. Nothing in your life is safe now. You have crossed a big line and have to deal with the repercussions

[lkjh]

Mizzblue,

 

your post just makes me laugh, if you are tired of feeling bad for being the OW then stop being the OW.

[MistyK]

Are you still seeing the MM? And why the heck hasn't he left her yet? She seems like a lunatic. Understandably, she is upset, but even in her situation some maturity and discretion should be used.

 

My exBF who I had been dating over a year, and had been separated from his wife for 2 years before I met him, flipped out when she found out his two kids and my two kids were "alone" together one evening. Two of them were over 12, and 10 & 11 for the other two, perfectly legal to leave alone for a couple hours, but just because he was out with me (the sl*t)

 

Some women just thrive on the drama.

 

And people wonder why men cheat.

 

 

Yes, I'm still seeing him. He moved out several months ago. Prior to that, they were separated in the house for several months and the divorce was filed in April. The news of the affair is not new - it's been nearly a year.

 

She made the initial accusation today and the threat to confront me in front of the kids she and MM have together. It's so sad for all the kids involved.

[bentnotbroken]

Yes, I'm still seeing him. He moved out several months ago. Prior to that, they were separated in the house for several months and the divorce was filed in April. The news of the affair is not new - it's been nearly a year.

 

She made the initial accusation today and the threat to confront me in front of the kids she and MM have together. It's so sad for all the kids involved.

 

 

Yes, it is. So sad that neither of their parents considered the fallout before they begin this adventure. A whole year, to get over pain, anger, frustration and the desolution of a family. What is she thinking?

[MistyK]

is this world backwards, how was she out of line? You bang her H and screw up her family but yet she can't let your kids and ex know what you have done. If you don't want these labels then don't hook up with married men.

 

I m sorry if this sounds mean but its true. Nothing in your life is safe now. You have crossed a big line and have to deal with the repercussions

 

 

Whoa, I DIDN'T MARRY her. I didn't cheat on her, nor did I leave her, MM DID. I took responsibilty for having my own affair, and he will have to too. No one forces someone to have an affair. You take it up with your spouse. Besides, I was willing to deal with her phone calls, but bringing in my children is way out of line no matter how you look at it.

[jwi71]

Wow.

 

A few things. The BW couldn't care less about you. your kids, your neighbors or anything else. So stop thinking she gives a d*mn about your family. She doesn't. Now, I don't agree with her actions at all. I simply want you to see things from her eyes. She's out to hurt you as much as you (and the MM) hurt her. And if that means hurting your kids...she sounds like the type to do it. Obviously...you need to tread very carefully. So...be safe.

 

As far as stalking you...you need to get police reports and into the DA's office sooner rather than later. A BW yelling obscenties on the street will get her a sympathetic scolding from the cops...unless she is a repeat offender. Hence the starting of a paper trail now. Not later.

 

Considering her actions...maybe you and the MM should cool off a bit...maybe slow it down. Every contact simply feeds this fire. I know...it poses a short term "loss"...but lets think long term here. What's a few months of limited contact compared with your future together? Think big picture. Try and make the divorce as easy as possible which almost necessarily means limited contact with the MM. The smoother the better.

[MistyK]

I simply want you to see things from her eyes. She's out to hurt you as much as you (and the MM) hurt her. And if that means hurting your kids...she sounds like the type to do it. Obviously...you need to tread very carefully. So...be safe.

 

I have much more sympathy for her and her situation than she imagines, and I don't know what I would do in her shoes. I do think MM has made things harder for her than they needed to be by being wishy washy in a roundabout attempt to soften the blow. Again, I totally understand her anger towards me, I even expect it, but I really got upset about her involving my children. I know it's a stereotypical line, but I never wanted nor intended to end up with a MM. It's a long story, but it's not like I set out to hurt her. I have apologized to her on numerous occasions, and I meant them sincerely. But you can't put toothpaste back in the tube.

 

 

As far as stalking you...you need to get police reports and into the DA's office sooner rather than later. A BW yelling obscenties on the street will get her a sympathetic scolding from the cops...unless she is a repeat offender. Hence the starting of a paper trail now. Not later.

 

I suppose I've been viewing her bizzare behaviors as my pennance for what I've done, and lest anyone here think otherwise, I have very much received my karmic comeuppance. I think that many BW tend to think that for an OW, the relationship with a MM is all roses and romance. It just isn't. It's a very painful, anxiety-ridden firewalk. And most times, the MM drops the OW like a hotcake when push comes to shove.

 

Considering her actions...maybe you and the MM should cool off a bit...maybe slow it down. Every contact simply feeds this fire. I know...it poses a short term "loss"...but lets think long term here. What's a few months of limited contact compared with your future together? Think big picture. Try and make the divorce as easy as possible which almost necessarily means limited contact with the MM. The smoother the better.

 

Interestingly, today there was nothing to set her off other than I had my garage door open, which I often do for hours every day. Not like I was seen with MM. In fact, we still do not go in public locally so as not to have an appearance of rubbing her nose in it. Unfortunately, I really don't think there's any way to avoid triggers. My LIVING and BREATHING is enough to set her into a frenzy. (She really believes that if I got hit by a bus, things would be better than they ever were with her and MM.)

[Chrome Barracuda]

You knid of brought this upon yourself...

 

Think about it you said the divorce was filed and they was seperated beforehand, are you sure about that, is that one of the little lies MM told you.

 

You would have had to have an inkling of what catastrophe you was bringing into you and your children's lives when dealing with this MM?

 

I mean yet he's still married, and I give you anything he's still sleeping with his wife.

 

Her reaction to you, is extreme, downright murderous. but some people cant deal with all those emotions and they snap.

 

The thing is you brought this into your house by having an affair with this man while his family lives right across the street?! come on! that's a beatdown waiting to happen where im from.

 

I'm sorry your going through this, if anything file a restraining order and or move. If you feel your life is threatened beyond the limit, than maybe it's time for you to go, other than make excuses about why should you leave, what's more important, your life or your possible death?

 

I mean as evidenced this woman is apparently unhinghed! lol.

 

Something just doesnt feel right based on her extreme reaction to you, why now? why the outburst now? doesnt make sense.

[MistyK]

Chrome, She lives nearby, but not across the street, thank GOD. She does not NEED to drive past my house to get to hers, but ALWAYS does. I always politely ignore her but today for whatever reason, she came here looking for a fight.

 

Regarding the divorce, I called the prothonotary's office in the courthouse myself, so I know that to be true.

 

I'd agree with you about him sleeping with her were it not for my overhearing her bitching to him on the phone about the complete lack of sex.

 

I refuse to move in principal. My children should not be forced to be uprooted because of my actions or the actions of the "unhinged".

 

I don't get why now either, except that it may FINALLY be getting through her head that he's not coming back because within the last week, some legal stipulations were made with regards to the kids and support. Maybe that made it real for her and then she snapped when she saw me....I dunno. I have always consistently avoided any contact with her to the extent that there has been times she'd pass me driving and I'd have to change where I was going because I'd see she was going there. I did my best to give her lots of space, but again, I don't think she's going to be content until I blink out of existence because she wants to believe so much that it would resolve things with MM.

[lkjh]

You may not be married to her but you still took it upon yourself to enter her life, family, home, and just about everything else. Just because you are not married to her does not mean that it is ok to disrespect her marriage and yourself. I mean really what did you get out of hooking up with a married man other than a lack of self-respect?

 

You made the decisions to be apart of her life and now you have to deal with it

 

Let me ask you something, if you didn't care about her family and what happen to them why should she care about yours?

[lkjh]

You may want to believe that you are doing things to make this easy on her but the fact remains that you are a major tool in the destruction of her life. You are officially a home wrecker

[boldjack]

Misty, It is very unfortunate that children are forced by the actions of their parents, to undergo this type of traumatic incident. You blame the BW for this, but part of the blame is yours for having the affair , in the first place. Do you really think that your actions will have no affect on your kids? As a parent, I am aware that my children will be judged by my behavior. I am also aware that my children will judge ME for bad behavior. Have you thought how you will explain this to your kids? The BW's anger will continue for a long time, and yes you are partly to blame by accepting his advances. Ask yourself, is this the kind of moral lesson you want to give your children?

[sugarmomma]

She tried to run you over with a car? Wow!! Please be careful.

 

Not sure if you watch Snapped, but it is real reality.

 

I would get an order of protection at the very least.

[MistyK]

You may want to believe that you are doing things to make this easy on her but the fact remains that you are a major tool in the destruction of her life. You are officially a home wrecker

 

Again, I do feel badly for my role. But, in this Pollyanna world you describe would the martial problems they had that lead to the affair not exist because I "resisted his advances"? Seriously? Understand, it takes 2 people to make a marriage work and two to screw it up. I'm not responsible for HIS decisions, only mine. I do not think of him as bearing any responsibility on the dissoultion of my marriage (I left when I realized my A was happening because I wanted out, I was not "caught"). And so, similarly, I don't think it's fair to pin all of her problems on me. That's all I'm saying.

[KikiW]

No, it's not fair to pin all her problems on you, but you are a major factor. I'm not saying she behaved appropriately, and I personally couldn't see behaving that way in front of children, but the fact remains that her world has been completely shattered by her husband and YOU.

 

Your apologies apparently don't mean anything to her, because it doesn't correct the problem. Her world is still shattered, you are still seeing her husband, and she wants to hurt you like you hurt her.

 

Again, this doesn't excuse stalking or violent behavior, so protect yourself.

[LaGazelle]

Again, I do feel badly for my role. But, in this Pollyanna world you describe would the martial problems they had that lead to the affair not exist because I "resisted his advances"? Seriously? Understand, it takes 2 people to make a marriage work and two to screw it up. I'm not responsible for HIS decisions, only mine. I do not think of him as bearing any responsibility on the dissoultion of my marriage (I left when I realized my A was happening because I wanted out, I was not "caught"). And so, similarly, I don't think it's fair to pin all of her problems on me. That's all I'm saying.

 

It can, but often does not necessarily take 2 people to destroy a marriage. One person with unexpressed needs, wants, and ego/psychological issues is more than enough. I don't know the story here re what, if any role the MM's wife played in the destruction of their marriage, but just because you are with her husband does not make you a better woman for him than she has been. Not all wives are responsible for the MM's betrayal.

[MistyK]

It can, but often does not necessarily take 2 people to destroy a marriage. One person with unexpressed needs, wants, and ego/psychological issues is more than enough. I don't know the story here re what, if any role the MM's wife played in the destruction of their marriage, but just because you are with her husband does not make you a better woman for him than she has been. Not all wives are responsible for the MM's betrayal.

 

I'm not in any way suggesting that she is responsible for him cheating. That is all him. I am only suggesting that they obviously had issues with each other before he stepped out of the marriage. We can all argue the inappropriateness of his decision to cheat vs going to counseling and trying to work it out or just leaving the honest way, but that didn't happen here. It just annoys me that suddenly I've become the CAUSE of the problem rather a symptom of it. But if that's what she needs to believe ok. My problem is her putting both my kids and her kids in the middle.

[KikiW]

Yes, you are correct. There were obviously some issues in their marriage and it was his decision to act on the impulse to stray.

 

But you accepted the responsibility of having to deal with whatever comes along with getting involved with a married man. Do not hold yourself up as though you are an innocent bystander in this situation. You are an active participant. You made the choice to embroil yourself in his life, which includes his wife and children.

 

She is returning the favor.

[MistyK]

I don't think I'm an innocent bystander by any stretch. Perhaps it's because I've never been in her shoes, but I guess I assume that if I were, my venom would be mostly directed at him. I do not imagine that I, or any other OW, has demonic powers of seduction no man can resist. It's ridiculous. And likewise, he did not magically hypnotize me into cheating on my xH and having an ongoing A. It just seems like OW are constantly demonized and held fully responsible while these MM are excused as "just men" with no control of themselves.

 

And again, I understand she's hurt and that she has a good reason to be pissed at me, I'm hurt too (though one could argue I brought it on myself), but how is lashing out at me, a year after d-day and he's been moved out solve anything? The only thing that makes any sense is if maybe he's telling her he wants to work it out and she found some evidence to the contrary - then it'd be a new betrayal and maybe that's something I need to give more thought to....