Is brain damage reversable?

[muse08]

I am in the midst of ending a relationship with a guy who was in a car accident over 10 years ago, which put him in a coma for a month. He also had an operation to remove a dead blood vessel in the frontal lobe of his brain. The scars are still visable if you look close enough. When I first met him, yes I did notice that his personality was a little "different", but I ignored some things and got used to it...some what. Now after dating him for about 6 months I've noticed more things about his behavior and reactions that I'm not sure I can deal with.

 

He did tell me that he had to learn how to walk all over again. I believe his cognition has been affected as well. There are some things that shock me in conversation because he doesn't know some simple pieces of common knowledge. I'm embarassed to tell people because I feel for him. And being around others is difficult (and rare now) because I'm realizing that some people will purposely challenge and/or ridicule him once they notice how he is.It's not until these issues come up in conversation, that I realize he doesn't know it or hasn't heard of it. I'm serious...

 

Can anything be done about this? Further therapy??

 

Thanks for all responses.

[Island Girl]

Have you asked him?

 

A friend of mine is the same way and for the same reason.

 

She has been told she will always have missing "pieces" but she can relearn information.

It is a constant process for her. Each time I get frustrated (it happens sometimes) I remember how frustrating it may be for HER. And that this is her life while I get to live without all of that.

 

I am so shocked people make fun of him or ridicule him? How old are they? And why don't you say anything to them?

I'd call them out on their lack of compassion and let them know they are in the real world now and expected to behave better than that. If they want to be like that they should go back to high school.

[muse08]

thanks islandgirl! yes, i do realize how frustrating it probably is for him. i've asked him about it once or twice. he got defensive the first time and thought i was trying to call him "slow".however i have let him know that i'm only concerned.

 

to clarify things...no one has ever openly made fun of him...around me. i have no problem putting people in their places when i feel they're being unjust. trust...lol. but i really appreciate your compassion and advice.not many of my girlfriends have met him in person only my family. mother is the worst critic and says i can do better.she's referring to other issues in his life.so you'd have to know the whole story. however...i don't like for ANYONE to try past judgement on someone because of one thing when the person can be wonderful in other areas. so this is the dilemma i'm dealing with now and it's not easy, believe me. if i were to have kids with him would the kids be affected? i don't know how to ask him if he was like this before his accident or not...not sure if i can deal with this on a long term basis,ya know? i don't want to offend him,but I will find a tactful approach. suggestions are more than welcome! he cares for me a lot so he says, but at this point i'm curious because i'd still like to offer him some advice for the future even if we dont end up together in the future.

[sb129]

If you can't cope with it, do him a favour and get out of the R.

 

He deserves to be with someone who will accept him for everything he is. You can't pick and choose the characteristics you want to "improve".

[sb129]

And no, your future children wouldn't be affected, his brain damage is the result of an accident, not a congenital abnormality.

[Chrome Barracuda]

If we had something that could regenerate broken or damaged brain tissue within people that get into car accidents and whatnot. That'd be awesome.

 

I think that's what they was leaning into the direction with stem cell research.

 

You never know what scientists will think up next.

[Island Girl]

I'd approach the conversation by opening with "Obviously I really care about you and I would really like to understand you better. But at the same time I don't want you to be uncomfortable. Does it bother you to talk about your injury?"

 

And I would ask him if he remembers what it was like before the accident. Was there anything that was different or changed because of it.

 

My friend does not mind questions about what happened or how it impacted her. She appreciates it. She has said it makes her feel like people want to really understand and she'd rather have that than assumptions or dismissals.

(Sometimes when she is upset about something it mimics an "episode" where she is kind of disconnected and it really gets to her if people dismiss that she is upset because of the injury.)

[muse08]

you're so right...this is why, as i stated earlier, i am in the midst of a break-up with him.he's finding it difficult to accept that i no longer want to be in our relationship anymore. we're still communicating, though not as often. but i know that he deserves someone who accepts him for how he is and it's not my obligation or choice to "fix" him. so i appreciate your comment and i'm working on making or disconnection more solid and not so painful...

[carhill]

Can anything be done about this? Further therapy??

 

Cognitive and occupational therapy can help. A lot depends on him. Frontal lobe issues can and do affect personality. If the injuries are static and not progressive, he should stabilize and potentially improve, as time and therapy help redirect other parts of the brain to take over the tasks of the injured area.

 

I dealt with some of these issues with my mother, who had part of her brain removed due to a bleeding stroke, and can offer some support and hope. She had to re-learn everything, from feeding herself to walking to toileting, at the ripe old age of 80. She did so and managed to live independently with care for a few more years before dementia finally ended that. All that said, the damage done was permanent. She never regained the vision lost in the left half of her eyes (brain damage) and her personality changed somewhat and that was permanent.

 

If you do not feel connected with the essence of this man, do not continue with him. You both will face many challenges in life and he needs to know you have his back, and he yours. After six months, if both of you have been open, you should know if you have that connection, regardless of whether you think it will work long-term. If you have the connection, I'd advise continuing, and perhaps getting some joint counseling.

 

I wish you well

[Chrome Barracuda]

you're so right...this is why, as i stated earlier, i am in the midst of a break-up with him.he's finding it difficult to accept that i no longer want to be in our relationship anymore. we're still communicating, though not as often. but i know that he deserves someone who accepts him for how he is and it's not my obligation or choice to "fix" him. so i appreciate your comment and i'm working on making or disconnection more solid and not so painful...

 

It's not his fault he's the way he is...

 

I mean is that the only reason you are breaking up with him? brain damage?

 

That's messed up. remember lady if you do bad things to people, they might come back to you.

[muse08]

btw...he has healed rather well considering. he was in a coma for a month and now works as a truckdriver.it's just that when it comes to certain decisions and actions and conversations, that i notice some issues.

[muse08]

oh most definitely not...brain damage is not even the MAIN reason i'm breaking up. there's baby mama drama and other decisions he's made in his past that would affect any woman who he ends up with. so i'm here getting feedback about brain damage only...the other issues are what they are and will be dealt with as we see fit. he is still a wonderful person, but not the best fit for ME...