When to move on...

[JanuaryNK]

Please, please help me. I feel like my heart is breaking apart...

 

My husband and I have been separated for a few months now (per his request, not mine), as he said that he wasn't sure that the direction that his life was going in was one that could include me anymore. However, he says that he hasn't made any final decisions, and that he's just trying to do what he needs to do for himself right now (this was supposed to be a temporary thing, though, and it's now turned into him moving into his own apartment, and has dragging into month after month after month). I'm doing my best to respect that, and have been doing the same for myself to the best of my ability, though it hasn't always been easy. It came as a shock when he announced that he wanted to separate, so I wasn't prepared to be on my own. Since then, I've done my best to take care of myself, and the two of us have done fairly well to share the responsibility of caring for our 1 year old daughter in a fair way. We still get along as far as co-parenting goes quite well, but I have to admit that, while we're out of the awkward phase with each other, it's still pretty painful for me to see him (especially since I know that it's not painful for him to see me), and I have to see him pretty much daily when I pick up/drop off our daughter. Anyway, my question is this...being that his focus seems to be set on everything other than this relationship (and since he has told me, verbatim, that he isn't in love with me anymore), when do I give up on the idea that this relationship can be reconciled? I mean, there's this nagging voice in the back of my head that tells me that this relationship just isn't going to work out if he isn't in love with me anymore, especially given the fact that he's making NO effort to make this work anymore. However, my heart just doesn't want to give up. There's still this big part of me that just can't let go. This is the part of me that is still in love with this man, the part that remembers how great this relationship once was, and that isn't willing to give up yet. It's so hard to have my heart and my head conflict each other like this. I'm feeling so lost. I just don't know what to do. Please, please help me.

[Gunny376]

Its over when you feel just 'numb' and there's not any feeling left, no hatred, no love anything for the other person ~ just acceptance.

[PWSX3]

Every situation is different.

In one of my classes I took they had different couples that were apart for a year, some less, some more. What matters is you learn who you are, what you want & what part in the relationship did you have????

 

In my case, my counselor suggested that even if we would have gotten back together that we work on our relationship for a while (like a year) before even moving back in with each other.

 

Even if you want to get back together it isn't something you just jump back into because things will just go back to the way they were.

[hopesndreams]

You move on when you get tired of beating your head against a wall. Sometimes it takes months, but however long it takes, keep in mind...when you do finally move on, it is a euphoric feeling!

[Cinnamon777]

He doesn't sound like he is man enough to tell you it's done to me. You need to be woman enough to put your foot down and say "Enough!". He needs to go to counseling with you to work on things or stop stringing you along. He has said he doesn't love you anymore... he's moved out... he is not working on things... this indicates he believes the marriage is over even if he can't get the words out of his mouth.

 

I think you already know what you need to do... we are here to support you. Be brave and take the leap toward your future. Once you do - the relief will be amazing. It might not be easy, but you are already doing it. You sound strong and steady so I have no doubt that the best years of your life are yet to come.