mint_tea Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 This hurts so much. I opened up my heart to him. He told me he just likes me as a friend, and that we're better as just friends. I truly love him, and I have for more than a year. He's attracted to me, but I'm just a friend. Everyone said that he must be head over heels for me because of the things he does for me, the way he treats me, talks about me...but I am just a friend, and that's all I'll ever be. I am in so much pain. I want it to stop. When will "acceptance" kick in? Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Acceptance will kick in when you are ready to accept what he has said. If you're looking for acceptance to kick in in just a matter of days, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news by saying that it might be a while before you can truly accept him as a friend and only a as a friend. The way to move forward is to listen to your emotions and don't fight them. If you feel like crying, then cry. Don't hold back. Get all of the bad stuff out of you. You also need to try to keep yourself busy as much as possible to keep your mind off this situation. My heart goes out to you, this is such a rough thing to deal with. I've been though it once before and I'm going though it right now. It's almost impossible to think that all of the time you spent with him that he didn't at least on some level feel what you felt. It just doesn't seem possible. You will get through this and you will be stronger because of it. Look at it this way, at least you know where you stand with him. It's unfortunate it wasn't the answer you were looking for, but you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlygal Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 If he was honest with you then it is time to buck up and move on, if you continue being sad you could build up resentment and then ruin what sounds to be an outstanding friendship. Be thankful that he chose to be honest with you rather then stringing you along. That truely is a sign of a great friend. Link to post Share on other sites
playlislay Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 You just want to thank your lucky stars that he had the balls to tell you to your face, its much better than being stringed along by some funkwit (one of my good mates) for 5 months to then sleep with them and be ignored!!!!! Raaaaaaar!! Although I realise that this is not the issue. The issue is that you obviously really like this guy and when the feelings arent reciprocated but appear to be on the surface, THATS when it hurts and causes confusion. As stated above, it is time to move on sweetie. There are plenty of men out there that will treat better than he does and will throw in some love too! Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome84 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 mint... I'm sorry. I've also been there and it isn't fun. It took me 2 years to get over him because I was really in love with him. We were friends for 6 years before that. We are still friends now... but it took a long time before I could bring myself to be a good friend to him without resentment. Just be prepared for a rocky road if you plan on staying friends with him. ***Just for the sake of other threads... I just want things to be clear that the 'Friend' I speak about currently in other threads is not the same friend I am talking about here in this thread.**** Link to post Share on other sites
Author mint_tea Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 Thank you all for the kind words. It's hard. I think what makes it harder is that we had sex a couple times over the past year and a half... Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome84 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 I think what makes it harder is that we had sex a couple times over the past year and a half... Yep. That is what happened to me too! If it was me...... I'd dump him as a friend.... but that could be because I am a mean b**ch now cause of all the crap I've gone through. Only reason why I can be friends with the friend I speak of is because we are in two different states now. I'd let him know... 'so I'm good enough to sleep with but I'm not good enough to be with...but you still wanna be my friend.... um yea... FU!!!!' Unless you like the FWB situation. But I'm guessing you don't since you are heartbroken. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 For him to sleep with you and string you along that way...ouch. Take some time for yourself and don't include him in your life for a while. If he asks, tell him you need space. Take as much as you need. Start paying attention to other guys your interested in, if they should appear. The best thing would probably be to try and let the friendship fade away all together. Because his mind is made up, making a friendship with him too difficult for you, and not fair to you. Sorry this happened, must be hard! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mint_tea Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 The best thing would probably be to try and let the friendship fade away all together. As hard as it is...I agree. He's a really good friend, and it sucks to lose him - this is the guy who, when he thought I might be in a rape situation, started driving an hour from his place with a baseball bat. And when my ex - his friend - broke up with me, he held me while I cried for hours. But he really strung me along. In September he said he liked me and wanted us to be together - and then took it back. I asked him why he did that when we were talking the other night, and he said he did like me, but he was drinking, and afterward thought it was a dumb thing to say. And to top it off, there's someone else he likes and I'm preventing him from being serious with this person. I was like gee, thanks :/ Unless you like the FWB situation. But I'm guessing you don't since you are heartbroken. I never liked it...and he KNEW it wasn't what I wanted. I guess he figured, "She must want it since it's happened a couple times." He seems to think things are just fine and dandy because at 2 am this morning he texted me asking if I was awake, something he does a lot. I didn't answer. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Definitely sounds like a guy that cares for you a lot as a person. I say keep ignoring him. In time, you will either be moved on or he will realize what he lost, but you shouldn't count on the latter...there is only 1 way he can have you, period. I say that because you don't want FWB or just friends - leaving only 1 happy option for you. He won't realize this if you also pretend like it's "fine and dandy". He's happy with half of you but your not happy, so try to start the process of healing while you can. Good luck, it won't an easy thing to get through, but you will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mint_tea Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 He just texted me again...I asked a friend whether I should ignore him and she said, no, or else it'll look like I have sour grapes. She said to text back, "Got a migraine, can't talk". So I did, and he said "ok" . I read your post *after* the fact and now I wish I hadn't said anything to him. :/ Should I stop talking to him altogether? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mint_tea Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 Annnnnd he just texted me again, asking if I still have that migraine. I do, so I curtly replied, "Yes." He said, ":/ alright back to sleep then." I said, "That's the plan." "Sorry. Night" Why is he contacting me so much? For the last couple weeks he was distant, then the other night I tell him my feelings. They aren't reciprocated, but now he's texted me 3 times in 24 hours? Stop messing with my head, B :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Joyvke Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Seems some guys like to mess with your head. Was a guy I liked, who I considered being a really good online friend. Not ashamed to admit we did things online. He always saw me as a friend. I told him some really horrible things in February cause his (now ex) gf was being a complete biatch to me. He was dead to me. In April he comes back, relation not going well. When the relation ends after a month, we mail back and forth 30- 40 times a day... yet I'm still "a friend". Not his type, but he could do those things, that makes me wonder alot. It's just as it used to be before I told him eh was dead to me, though we stopped contact again because I want to meet and get rid of w/e I'm feeling, but he doesn't see the point because I never will be more. It hurts, cause you wanna show them how good you are, but they won't give you a chance. Perhaps an idea to ask him why he's contacting you so much and that you need a break so you can sort out your feelings for him or so. Good luck /hug. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 I am in so much pain. I want it to stop. When will "acceptance" kick in? I'm sorry for your pain. IMO, the best way to deal with it is like he has died. No contact whatsoever, mourn the loss. Maybe in a few years when you're older, have a new and healthy relationship and are completely detached from him emotionally, you might regain a platonic relationship, if there ever really was one. Right now, today, block his phone number and other contact methods and erase him from your life. He made a choice. That choice has consequences. He has to grow up to and understand he can't have his cake and eat it too. Good lesson in life for him. Link to post Share on other sites
johnathon creek 09 Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 ill not reject u my number is 07845104264 if u want 2 chat Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 Since you were also involved with his friend they got to compare notes about you and what you are like in bed. He doesn't repsect you at all. I would act as if he was dead also. You kind of played yourself by sleeping with him with no committment beforehand. Hope you learned a very valuable lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 ill not reject u my number is 07845104264 if u want 2 chat OMG!!! Who is this person? Link to post Share on other sites
subdued Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 Annnnnd he just texted me again, asking if I still have that migraine. I do, so I curtly replied, "Yes." He said, ":/ alright back to sleep then." I said, "That's the plan." "Sorry. Night" Why is he contacting me so much? For the last couple weeks he was distant, then the other night I tell him my feelings. They aren't reciprocated, but now he's texted me 3 times in 24 hours? Stop messing with my head, B :/ If you want to know why he is texting you so much than ask him. I don't know you, nor your friend. I have no idea what he is thinking. And you seem to not know either. If he is a good friend, then ask him. Link to post Share on other sites
subdued Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 I'm actually kind of surprised by some of the responses. I have no idea why people assume what someone is thinking based on so little information. I also have no idea why people lie. Why say you have a headache? Why not tell him the truth about your feelings? Why not ask him why he slept with you? You just might find out that what he is thinking is totally different from what you think he is thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 OMG!!! Who is this person? Call him and find out. Link to post Share on other sites
HER PRISONER Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 For him to sleep with you and string you along that way...ouch. Take some time for yourself and don't include him in your life for a while. If he asks, tell him you need space. Take as much as you need. Start paying attention to other guys your interested in, if they should appear. The best thing would probably be to try and let the friendship fade away all together. Because his mind is made up, making a friendship with him too difficult for you, and not fair to you. Sorry this happened, must be hard! That is a very good view I relly like it ... he doen not desirve u as a gf .. u r better .. and needs someone better Link to post Share on other sites
TabulaRasa Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 He's not your best guy friend. He's not really your friend at all, because friends don't treat one another that way. Move on. And above all, don't be available to him. Link to post Share on other sites
complication Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 What is with the pessimistic narcissism in this thread? Speaking from a guy who has been friend-zoned, your best bet is to play hard to get. Be less available, less contact, and say you're busy if he contacts you. But do not stop being friends with this person, it's horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 Look, it's pretty simple.....friends are people we share with, gain support from, lend support to, and love. We don't play hard to get with friends, avoid their phone calls, say we're busy. That's not what friends do. The OP has an unbalanced 'friendship' with a man who is sending her a ton of mixed signals. In fact, I'll opine that it's not a friendship at all, if not for her attraction to him. If her attraction went away tomorrow and she met another guy, I'll bet they wouldn't even stay in any sort of contact. Does that sound like 'friends'? Feeding someone's ego, even incidentally, does not make them one's 'friend'. It's positive action, love and care which make friendships. In my considered opinion.... Link to post Share on other sites
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