Multiple Sexual Partners

[moimeme]

Nope. Not an orgy thread - sorry!

 

But seriously. I was recently asked my opinion of people who have had many sexual partners. A couple of my fellows had actually lost count The fact is that, in the cases of both these gents, they had 'needed' huge amounts of validation because of their very poor self-esteem. The one with the worst self-esteem even admitted that he had used sex as a method to earn acceptance (yes, it sounds like a line but you'd have to know the guy - it was true).

 

It doesn't bother me all that much what people have done in the past as long as they haven't contracted communicable diseases, but I think that people having LOTS of partners may signal that caution is warranted because there might be some underlying issues which will need to be dealt with. Doesn't put them out of the running, depending on everything else about them IMHO.

 

Lately, there have been tons of posts by people flipped out over their partners' previous sex lives - even when there have been only a few partners. Needless to say, these folks would have a lot of difficulty dealing with people with numerous notches in their bedposts, but what about other folks here? Does the number of your partner's former partners bother you or not? If yes, why? If not, why not?

[Fancy]

I agree with what you said. Yes, we all have a past, but if I learned that a potential mate had been with dozens of women that would raise a very large red flag with me.........not only because of the disease factor, but also because of his reasons for having to sleep with so many women. Could it be sexual addiction, extremely low self-esteem, or what? Oh, the issues!! LOL

[HokeyReligions]

I was curious about how many partners my husband had before me and I didn't know how I would feel when I asked him. It didn't matter - I didn't feel hurt or anything. The only thing that would hurt is if he had partners AFTER me! He didn't care either.

 

If something were to happen and I entered the dating scene again now -- I would be more concerned about disease and, like you said, those red flags would go up if there were a lot of sexual encounters. But it also depends on the person - if I were to date now I would be dating middle-aged men and I would expect that they are divorced or widowed and may have had a whole lotta partners because of some mid-life crisis thing.

 

I have been celibate for so long that I doubt very seriously if I would date anyone steadily because I can't imagine ever having sex again, and I don't think there are many men who would want a long-term relationship / marriage that was celibate.

 

I had one partner before my husband. We had sex three-and-a-half times. I think my husband had sex with 6 or 7 women--I don't remember what he told me now. Only one was a serious relationship where he gave her a ring and proposed, then her father convinced her not to marry him and they broke up. I came along shortly after that. I was a little jealous about her but not because of the sex, more because he had that relationship with her. I was more mad that her father didn't think my husband was good enough for his daughter! Hubby thought it really funny when I got all upset and angry and had a "how dare he" attitude about it!

[bark]

"Does the number of your partner's former partners bother you or not? If yes, why? If not, why not?"

 

"Numbers," like "size," matter to some--and to others,not at all.

 

As a guy, I love it when a woman I'm seeing has had a good size sample of partners--15 to 25. These women, whom I'll describe as "experienced," are usually very comfortable with men sexually and are highly skilled lovers. They are very good in bed as a rule. That does matter.

 

On the other hand, a woman with very few partners tends to be less comfortable and much less skilled as a lover.

I find these women tentative and passive in bed. Not good.

 

So, yes, it would bother me if my prospective 40 year old partner had just 3 or 4 partners. I believe that I, and many other confidant guys, actually would prefer, all things being equal, a very sexually experienced woman. And experience frequently is correlated to the number of partners.

[jenny]

three and-a-half times

 

does the fraction denote the er..base you were at?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Posted a "oh crap, please help me" thread of my own several years back on this very subject! So I know exactly how some people feel since I've been there myself.

 

For me, there are two things that cause me concern regarding a potential partner who has had more partners than he can count or remember the names of.

 

Like you, the first is the likelihood of him having contacted an STD somewhere down the road. Never even had a cold soar myself, so I'm a paranoid germ fanatic! One blister, one wart, one suspicious looking bump…and I’m heading for the door!! I know it sounds terrible, but I just won’t risk carrying around any lasting memory that will cause me embarrassment when I have to explain it to another potential partner later.

 

Second, I worry about their ability to remain monogamous. I realize this might be considered an unfair "judgment," but if someone has had soooooo many sexual partners than its not likely they have learned how to commit to any one person for any length of time. It might also indicate that they have a difficult time differentiating sex from love.

 

I want to know that I am with someone who has experience when it comes to long-term relationships. Someone who is not delusional about the amount of work and dedication it takes for two people to stay together once the butterflies and weak knees wear off. I don’t want some “boy” who’s going to bail out on a relationship the second the “lust” is gone and the newness of the relationship has settled down into a quiet comfort. Nor would I want to end up with someone who is so insecure, that he would need to seek the attention of other females to validate his manliness.

 

While I don’t believe that its fair to hold someone’s past against them (everyone can change), I do take it into consideration when deciding if that past might pose some risk I might not care to take for myself.