I think I have NPD or something similar

[jasminetea]

I'm really concerned I've got a personality disorder. I've made an appointment to see my GP but I'm not sure how to broach the subject without sounding a total tool and being laughed out of the practice. Anyway, the earliest I could get was two weeks time (as its not urgent) so I was wondering is there anyone here who's got some experience of NPD and other disorders that could give me any pointers?

 

The main reason I think I have something pretty severe is because I fly off the handle for the most stupid things and I take out all my negative feelings on my husband - who, frankly, does not deserve this in any shape or form - he is a completely wonderful person. I've been to a stress management course and I'm booked to go on an anger management one (starts July 8th) but I wonder if I need something more; the stress management didn't really teach me anything new and implementing the techniques only helps so much. If only there was a pill!

 

Why oh why can I not be a nicer person!? Especially to the love of my life?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Your post made me chuckle! I don't think someone with NPD would automatically assume that something is wrong with THEM. You'ld be here asking how to make sure your H knew that he deserved your bad treatment!

 

It could be anything, hormones, pms, some type of other disorder. Tell your GP about your moodiness and flying off the handle. IMO they listen better if you don't try to diagnose yourself. Just describe your signs and symptoms and ask for a referal, if you think you need one, to talk to someone, but I woulds save that for the end of appt.

 

In my experience, people who question/ want to keep check on their psychological and emotional well-being usually don't have too much to worry about.

[jasminetea]

Blimey, I can't tell you how lovely that is to read. Thanks so much

 

I love the advise to not diagnose and just describe the symptoms. Maybe that's part of the problem - over thinking what's wrong with me. Oh, there I go again!

 

I really wish I knew how to just stop taking things out on my H. Its like I'm either testing him to see how much he'll take before he breaks or that I get frustrated that he's such a good person and I'm not.

 

Roll on that appointment!

[carhill]

Why not make an appointment with a psychologist rather than a GP? This assumes you get routine physicals and are otherwise in good health. A psychologist can more properly evaluate you and generally their schedules are more flexible so you can be seen more quickly.

 

If s/he, after a couple of evaluations sessions to gauge your history and state of mind, feels you need referral for medication, then that can happen. IMO, take it one step at a time and focus on the specialists who can treat you.

 

If you haven't been in for a physical in the last year, then for sure do that, and get a comprehensive blood panel done as well. You could have endocrine issues and not know it. Even something as simple as hypertension can cause brain function changes.

 

IMO, don't jump to conclusions. One day at a time

[jasminetea]

Thanks Carhill. I'm not sure I can get an appointment with a psychologist without being referred? Do you know differently? I'm in the UK and I can't afford to see a psychologist privately.

 

I have bloods done every year, the last one was two months ago and they've been within normal limits every time.

 

One day at a time sounds very sensible! Thank you

[carhill]

IDK in the UK. Here, my wife just called one up, someone one of her clients knew, and he saw us the next week. Our insurance cut the hourly rate, but I still paid for it out of my pocket, about 100.00 per session.

 

So, in our case, no referral was required. I would think it wouldn't be, for private sessions, but, if you're in a national health care system, then things would likely be different.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Jasminetea,

 

Is this relatively new in onset?? The possiblitlity that this is physiological rather than psychological is very possible. Get checked out then get the referal.

[Trialbyfire]

If you or your husband have some form of extended health benefits from work, counsellors are usually covered, up to a certain number of visits. Check it out.

[hoping2heal]

Yes, I second that NPD wouldn't be on here because they think a problem is with them. If you trully had NPD what you would be saying is : "Why can't my husband be more understanding and not piss me off all the time?"

 

In fact, you wouldn't even CARE that you were taking things out on your partner if you trully had NPD, because NPD by nature is "all about you" and rather than you feeling badly for how you treat others, you're upset that others aren't feeling badly for how they treat you (just an example) .

 

It sounds like you may have some issues with anger perhaps, do you come from an abusive background by any chance?

[jasminetea]

Carhill - yes, I think its different with the NHS, I need to be referred as far as I know.

 

Hoping 2 heal - definitely issues with anger - that's why I've booked on to the anger management course. I had a great upbringing, but one sister was pretty nasty to me - jealousy - and I'm pretty sure that's effected me. I've also had a couple of traumatic things happen to me since growing up. I don't want to go into them, they weren't that bad, but I'm sure they haven't helped with my self-esteem.

 

Ifwisheswerehorses - Its not that new in onset. I think its because I'm now with a man who is truly wonderful that I feel really motivated to get a grip. Also, getting angry with me would put a stop to it, but he never gets angry with me, so I need to find a way of stopping myself. Does that make sense?

 

I just don't know how to get over any bad stuff that's happened and live in the moment rather than the past. I don't set boundaries for myself and I'm not sure how to and that's really dorkish.

 

Thanks all so much for advice etc. Please keep it coming if you can