can't forget her

[joe mama]

Hi everyone!

 

My ex and I broke up about 11 months ago. It's a long story.....but basically it was my doing because I chose to move accross country for grad school.....and made no attempt to try the long distance thing.

 

Needless to say, the program didn't work out (long story), and I missed her a lot, so I withdrew and returned home after the 2 1/2 month summer semester.

 

When I got here, she wouldn't speak to me or return my calls. I understtod that she might be mad at me and moving on, but when I left she seemed totally fine with it. She said we would still be friends.

 

So I let it go. Didn't attempt to contact her for about 6 months I think.

 

Which leads up to 5 or 6 weeks ago. I called her and we spoke VERY briefly....I said that I couldn't believe I was hearing her voice.....and she replied "is that all you want"....I said no, that I had a lot to say......then she said she had to go.....she just said "I can't".....I told her I understood and said goodbye.

 

I let it go another month or so and called again. She hung up without even saying a word.

 

Now I know it's prety clear that she has moved on here....and I should be doing the same thing.....but my question is this.....

 

This girl touched my very soul.....that I still feel that way may be evidence that I'm not even over her.....I don't know......but I am dating right now.

 

I want to believe that she still has feelings for me too...(wishful thinking?).....because she is so reluctant to speak with me or see me.

 

So my question is this......what do you yall think I should do......give it some more time? See how I feel a few more months down the road? Try to forget her altogether? Send her a letter and spill my guts? (she's worth it)

 

How about this......can ex lovers ever be 'friends'? That is, if I still have a desire to contact her....could I truly be over her? And if I'm over her completely....would I still possiblly want to speak with her....

 

Thanks for any help on this one ladies and gents..

[Tony T]

Some ex lovers can be friends for a while, until one or the other finds someone else. But you are deceiving yourself. You do not want to be her friend, you want more. You are still in love with her and she knows it.

 

You lost out on this babe. She's got her head together. She made the decision when you left to move on with her life. Obviously she loved you very much and she knew the only way to get over you was to lose contact. She is doing just that. The best you can do is help her out but NOT CALLING HER.

 

More than likely she's got a new guy now and she doesn't want you interfering with her feelings or that relationship.

 

So respect her space, allow her to move on, and learn that life doesn't happen for your convenience. When you deal with love, you are dealing with delicate human beings and their feelings.

 

You made the decision to go off to school and that was a correct one. You have to look out for your education. There were probably ways you could have continued to nurture your relationship with this girl and you didn't count on your schooling being cut short.

 

Her duty was not to wait around just in case things didn't work out. She does not want you for a friend at this time so forget it. There are thousands if not millions of ladies out there that would be perfect for you and you should focus your energies at that pool.

 

This girl was very rude to you the last time you called her. That was her hint to you to keep away.

 

I can't for the life of me understand why you have a desire to call her again and have her hurt you even more. You must be a real glutton for punishment. I'm not trying to be mean to you at all here but you have GOT to understand how all this works. When love is OVER, it is OVER. Very few get a chance at the same person a second time. FORGET THIS GIRL!!!

 

This lady is really pissed and the more you try to contact her, the more pissed she will get. Some ladies in this circumstance eventually call the police and/or get a restraining order. My gut feeling is that you are likely a very lucky man because you may have found out she was a turkey even if you would have stayed around and not gone to school.

[billy the kid]

hey jo, many times during your life you are going to meet girls and women that you will fall in love with, some times they will not love you back.. it happens... just always hold this person close to your heart and be glad for the time you spent together, try your best not to be bitter, it makes it worse....you know the old saying about setting them free... do it, if it was ment to be it will....and by not being bitter you keep your heart open to love...

Hi everyone! My ex and I broke up about 11 months ago. It's a long story.....but basically it was my doing because I chose to move accross country for grad school.....and made no attempt to try the long distance thing. Needless to say, the program didn't work out (long story), and I missed her a lot, so I withdrew and returned home after the 2 1/2 month summer semester. When I got here, she wouldn't speak to me or return my calls. I understtod that she might be mad at me and moving on, but when I left she seemed totally fine with it. She said we would still be friends. So I let it go. Didn't attempt to contact her for about 6 months I think. Which leads up to 5 or 6 weeks ago. I called her and we spoke VERY briefly....I said that I couldn't believe I was hearing her voice.....and she replied "is that all you want"....I said no, that I had a lot to say......then she said she had to go.....she just said "I can't".....I told her I understood and said goodbye. I let it go another month or so and called again. She hung up without even saying a word.

 

Now I know it's prety clear that she has moved on here....and I should be doing the same thing.....but my question is this..... This girl touched my very soul.....that I still feel that way may be evidence that I'm not even over her.....I don't know......but I am dating right now. I want to believe that she still has feelings for me too...(wishful thinking?).....because she is so reluctant to speak with me or see me. So my question is this......what do you yall think I should do......give it some more time? See how I feel a few more months down the road? Try to forget her altogether? Send her a letter and spill my guts? (she's worth it) How about this......can ex lovers ever be 'friends'? That is, if I still have a desire to contact her....could I truly be over her? And if I'm over her completely....would I still possiblly want to speak with her.... Thanks for any help on this one ladies and gents..

[LT]

It sounds like his ex is very angry with him...and my guess is that there's something else involved here since he wrote that she seemed fine with the separation when he left.

 

She is giving him the classic cold shoulder, often given by soneone who feels it's a way of getting back at someone who's neglected them. Was there any communication while you were away? (she might feel you *should* have called her/wrote her more, etc.) Did you enter into another relationship that she would know about?

 

You also mentioned that her using the phrase "Oh is that all you want." Evidence that she feels somehow used by you.

 

Try not to stalk her but if there's a way you can find out what she's so angry about (mutual friends? family?) you might be able to make amends somehow. But play it cool -- respect her space and don't insist on airing *your* feelings to her. If she's interested in your feelings she'll ask. The real key now is HER feelings.

Some ex lovers can be friends for a while, until one or the other finds someone else. But you are deceiving yourself. You do not want to be her friend, you want more. You are still in love with her and she knows it. You lost out on this babe. She's got her head together. She made the decision when you left to move on with her life. Obviously she loved you very much and she knew the only way to get over you was to lose contact. She is doing just that. The best you can do is help her out but NOT CALLING HER. More than likely she's got a new guy now and she doesn't want you interfering with her feelings or that relationship. So respect her space, allow her to move on, and learn that life doesn't happen for your convenience. When you deal with love, you are dealing with delicate human beings and their feelings. You made the decision to go off to school and that was a correct one. You have to look out for your education. There were probably ways you could have continued to nurture your relationship with this girl and you didn't count on your schooling being cut short. Her duty was not to wait around just in case things didn't work out. She does not want you for a friend at this time so forget it. There are thousands if not millions of ladies out there that would be perfect for you and you should focus your energies at that pool. This girl was very rude to you the last time you called her. That was her hint to you to keep away. I can't for the life of me understand why you have a desire to call her again and have her hurt you even more. You must be a real glutton for punishment. I'm not trying to be mean to you at all here but you have GOT to understand how all this works. When love is OVER, it is OVER. Very few get a chance at the same person a second time. FORGET THIS GIRL!!! This lady is really pissed and the more you try to contact her, the more pissed she will get. Some ladies in this circumstance eventually call the police and/or get a restraining order. My gut feeling is that you are likely a very lucky man because you may have found out she was a turkey even if you would have stayed around and not gone to school.