trauma04 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Hey, I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I met C in March and we've been hanging out fairly consistently since. She always wanted to hang out in a group, and I was okay with that because I had just gotten over a tough breakup and I was looking to meet new people. I am happy to say that I am over the ex now and am very content with my life as is; that isn't the problem. I quickly developed an interest (or crush) in C. She is normally a fairly shy person so I was the one always making moves. In the beginning, she seemed truly interested in me. She always asked me to come out with her and her friends, and was very disappointed if I couldn't make it. It was one of those situations where her friends knew a lot about me before they met me (I assumed because she talked to them about me, and I hoped it was a good sign). She even became upset when I was hit on by another girl at my birthday party. Shortly after, she started contact with her ex again. He cheated on her and she tells me she does not want to get back together with him. She was an absolute mess after the breakup. Earlier this week, we all went out clubbing and she saw her ex there. She immediately began hitting on guys to try and make her ex jealous (oddly enough, she refused to dance with me.. only strangers). Recently, she's also seemed more distant with me. She never wants to dance with me when we go out (nor does she dance with ANY guy for that matter; only her girlfriends). I'm hestitant as what to do. She showed extreme interest in me in the beginning, but that seems to be waning. She is clearly not over her ex, and I'm not sure if her "interest" might just have been some sort of desire for attention to raise her self-esteem after the breakup. Do you think this girl is worth pursuing at this point? Or are her emotions too volatile at the moment to really build a solid foundation of a relationship? What I'm worried about is slipping into the 'friend zone' if I start hanging around her without making a move. And if I make a move now, will I end up being a rebound? Or even worse, there's still the possibility of rejection because I misread all the signals from her and I damage our friendship right now. I realize this is just a crush, and I'm perfectly content being friends and moving onto someone else. But I would really like to explore where a relationship with this girl will go. What's the best way to do that? Girls, I need your help. You're way too hard to understand... Link to post Share on other sites
Author trauma04 Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 Really? 30 views, not one reply? Bump. Anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
intrinsic Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 That's kinda weird. She might be interested, who knows, but sounds to me like she's as confused as you are. She's clearly not over her ex, as you said, and it's probably not a good time to try to pursue her because in the best-case scenario, she'll use you as a form of revenge or something of a crutch to get over him. Worst-case, she'll think you're trying to take advantage of her vulnerability. I think, maybe, she's not up for relationships at the moment. She dances only with her girls and isn't showing a whole lot of interest in guys, you said? We chix usually do that when we're hurt - crawl into our shells for a while and take our girlfriends with us, leaving guys on the outside to wait around, perplexed. Were I you, I'd step back, give her some space, make her miss you a little, and if it's meant, she'll come around. Considering she doesn't seem to be doing too well, I'd not risk damaging the friendship. When she's acting a little more down-to-earth or what have you, then it might be better to see where you and she can go. For now, let her go through whatever she's going through, and just be there if she needs you. Sorry you're dealing with this.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author trauma04 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Thanks for your reply intrinsic. That's pretty sound advice. That was my first instinct as well and what you said does make sense. I guess it's just frustrating because I got over my ex quite fast (I consider myself quite a quick healer for these kinds of things) and she is taking longer. I do get the impression that she is interested... or was. It's not like she isn't interested in any guys though. She still goes out with her girlfriends to "pick up guys". I'm not sure what this entails, though I know she is not one to fool around. Haha, I'm pretty sure she just like the attention/free drinks. Is that common for girls to do after a breakup? It would be for guys; kind of a way to snap you out of your depression (whether its emotionally healthy or not). For right now, I think you're right. She tends to turn down any one on one plans with any guy. She only seems to spend one on one time with her girlfriends. I suppose that's normal after a breakup, right? Alrighty, thanks for your advice. I'll give her space. Let her sort things out for herself. I'll be there if she needs me, but I don't think I'd want to start anything with a girl who has all of her affairs in chaos because of a previous relationship anyway. I'll try to back off a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I think you have said it yourself- she is clearly still messed up over the ex. The behaviour you have described is pretty indicative of someone sorting through a painful situation. I think you need to do yourself a favour and write this one off for now. Link to post Share on other sites
intrinsic Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 It's not like she isn't interested in any guys though. She still goes out with her girlfriends to "pick up guys". I'm not sure what this entails, though I know she is not one to fool around. Haha, I'm pretty sure she just like the attention/free drinks. Is that common for girls to do after a breakup? It would be for guys; kind of a way to snap you out of your depression (whether its emotionally healthy or not). Common? I don't know. But it would very much make sense, like you've said. It could be attributable to that. For right now, I think you're right. She tends to turn down any one on one plans with any guy. She only seems to spend one on one time with her girlfriends. I suppose that's normal after a breakup, right? Yep, I would say it's pretty normal. Take good care of you and good luck with things Link to post Share on other sites
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