My red-flag senses are tingling. What would you do?

[2sunny]

posted by Prolix:

 

I just don't know anymore, honestly. All signs and intuitions point one way, yet you all point another. My signs have just never failed me.

 

 

no, you came on here saying this...

 

 

My red-flag senses are tingling. What would you do?

I have a fear that the girl I am seeing is going to be a high-maintainance spoiled brat, basically. We're currently in a long-distance relationship and have not met yet. I am a college student.

 

 

 

all signs and intuition have been to leave right from your very first post... but you keep defending against what your gut has told you all along.

 

she has done a beautiful job of expressing to you that she expects someone else to take care of her... and wants to know if that guy is you?

 

soooo, it's a yes or no answer - is that guy you?

 

if it's yes - then continue seeing (if that's what you call this pretense of a relationship).

 

if it's no - then just tell her so you can quit wasting your time and energy on the wrong gal.

[WineCountry]

posted by Prolix:

 

I just don't know anymore, honestly. All signs and intuitions point one way, yet you all point another. My signs have just never failed me.

 

 

no, you came on here saying this...

 

 

My red-flag senses are tingling. What would you do?

I have a fear that the girl I am seeing is going to be a high-maintainance spoiled brat, basically. We're currently in a long-distance relationship and have not met yet. I am a college student.

 

 

 

all signs and intuition have been to leave right from your very first post... but you keep defending against what your gut has told you all along.

 

she has done a beautiful job of expressing to you that she expects someone else to take care of her... and wants to know if that guy is you?

 

soooo, it's a yes or no answer - is that guy you?

 

if it's yes - then continue seeing (if that's what you call this pretense of a relationship).

 

if it's no - then just tell her so you can quit wasting your time and energy on the wrong gal.

 

 

Okay, Sunny did a much nicer, kinder way of putting it than I did.

[Lucky_One]

I wasn't insulting your reading capabilities or your comprehension.

 

I was, however, pointing a finger at a poorly written and worded response from a woman whose words make your pulse race - and trying to point out the HUGE difference in your prose compared to hers.

 

So if the way to get through to you is to write like she does, then hey - I'm game!

 

And yes - you are now backpeddling on what your spidey senses are telling you.

[Prolix]

But now I've got senses telling me two different things. I can't trust my senses because I have to understand that they are not fully rational. If I did, I would never date again because of the money thing.

 

The fact of the matter is that I have been extrapolating her interactions with her parents to how she may act with me in a closer relationship, but there are other signs as well that show she may not follow suit.

 

Lucky One: That logic is flawed but I'm too lazy to debate it. If I want to get nitpicky here, the way she speaks/talks could be better.

 

 

 

 

In all, full,100% honesty: Yeah, I may be settling. We're not on the same level of intellect, but I rarely find girls that are anyway. They're hard to find, in my experience. On the positive side though, there are elements to her personality that I have not found in other women, which I do find appealing. I just feel like I am so incompatible with most people.

[filipinafriend]

if you can afford that high maintenance girl, why don't you try?

[Lucky_One]

We're not on the same level of intellect, but I rarely find girls that are anyway. They're hard to find, in my experience.

 

Daggone - talk about patronizing. And you should demand your tuition back from your prestigious Ivy League school, if you can't find women there on your intellectual level.

 

You are thinking with the little head, and that is fine. But at some point in the future, your over-inflated big head is going to say, "For freak's sake, GF, can't you talk like you even graduated from high school???" The intellectual aspect is going to kill you sooner than the money will, but the money thing will kill her desire for you first, because she isn't smart enough to notice that you two are totally incompatible on an intellectual level.

[Prolix]

Daggone - talk about patronizing. And you should demand your tuition back from your prestigious Ivy League school, if you can't find women there on your intellectual level.

 

You are thinking with the little head, and that is fine. But at some point in the future, your over-inflated big head is going to say, "For freak's sake, GF, can't you talk like you even graduated from high school???" The intellectual aspect is going to kill you sooner than the money will, but the money thing will kill her desire for you first, because she isn't smart enough to notice that you two are totally incompatible on an intellectual level.

 

Really, there is no need for the snide commentary.

 

I'm not thinking with "the little head." I'm not trying to be arrogant either. It's hard to find girls who are at the same level, even at school, and that's the truth. It's simply HARD to find smart people worth dating.

[bean1]

Prolix:

 

Intellect goes far beyond what grade you received in a college course. Be intelligent enough to recognize that you are not unique in your ****ty upbringing and working for a college degree. Those are a dime a dozen nowadays, myself included, and if you spend your time talking to girls recently out of high school then you probably don't realize this yet. Open your eyes to the world beyond you.

 

Be intelligent enough to recognize that acting as if you are more intelligent than other people (and expecting perfection from others) means that you have a long way to go in self-improvement.

[carhill]

It's simply HARD to find smart people worth dating.

 

Then grab an internship and/or job this summer and focus on your future education and career. In another 10 years you'll be established and successful and intelligent women will seek you out and life experience will have taught you how to deal with that. No more online chats with materialistic girls. Win-win

[Lucky_One]

I'm not being snide. But you certainly come across as patronizing and arrogant, and you have an extremely high opinion of yourself (and a very low one of other people). This is going to be a pretty large detriment to having adult relationships.

[Prolix]

bean1: By "smart" I don't mean booksmart/good grades. You guys are making assumptions that need not be made.

 

I'm not expecting perfection in others. You guys berate me for "overlooking things" and "expecting perfection" at the same time, when clearly that doesn't make much sense. I'm not looking for perfection, which is exactly why I am able to let certain things slide.

 

I understand that nobody is perfect, but the type of woman I would ideally want is one I don't think exists in large numbers.

[Girlygirl1977]

But now I've got senses telling me two different things. I can't trust my senses because I have to understand that they are not fully rational. If I did, I would never date again because of the money thing.

 

The fact of the matter is that I have been extrapolating her interactions with her parents to how she may act with me in a closer relationship, but there are other signs as well that show she may not follow suit.

 

Lucky One: That logic is flawed but I'm too lazy to debate it. If I want to get nitpicky here, the way she speaks/talks could be better.

 

 

 

 

In all, full,100% honesty: Yeah, I may be settling. We're not on the same level of intellect, but I rarely find girls that are anyway. They're hard to find, in my experience. On the positive side though, there are elements to her personality that I have not found in other women, which I do find appealing. I just feel like I am so incompatible with most people.

 

Regarding intellect - this is why sticking with your college friends or friends of those would have helped you. . .probably with ambition too. .

[Prolix]

Lucky_One: If I have a high opinion of myself, it is only because I've accomplished things nobody else has done (not getting into details here). If I have a low opinion of others, it is because I frequently encounter people who will directly lie to my face and use me.

 

 

Girlygirl1977: I've dated girls here in college. The type of people here are just not the kind I want to have a long term relationship with.

[bean1]

Lucky_One: If I have a high opinion of myself, it is only because I've accomplished things nobody else has done (not getting into details here). If I have a low opinion of others, it is because I frequently encounter people who will directly lie to my face and use me.

 

A lot of people on this planet have done far greater things than you but remain humble and do not appear arrogant. This, I think, is a true sign of intelligence and awareness.

[Girlygirl1977]

I understand that nobody is perfect, but the type of woman I would ideally want is one I don't think exists in large numbers.

 

Well then you should ditch this girl because she doesn't sound/seem like the top of the pyramid.

 

Btw - I have also attended college in the same league. I was just at my 10-yr reunion and many people are married to or with people from our school. The similar intellect thing is important to most people as far as lifelong companionship and it's not a surprise that people often find similarly intelligent people from the schools they attend due to selection requirements. . .

[Girlygirl1977]

Lucky_One: If I have a high opinion of myself, it is only because I've accomplished things nobody else has done (not getting into details here). If I have a low opinion of others, it is because I frequently encounter people who will directly lie to my face and use me.

 

 

Girlygirl1977: I've dated girls here in college. The type of people here are just not the kind I want to have a long term relationship with.

 

Your class has how many people? And the school? I doubt random girls from the internet provide a better chance of someone you would like to have a long term relationship with. You start to see patterns in life over time. . .you will find people often go with people from school, work or perhaps childhood. . .less so random internet. This is due to life experiences, intelligence etc. which helps to foster ties and context.

 

Exactly what is it about the girls in your college that makes them bad? I'm not doubting you but would be curious since you have nixed a large group of people.

[Prolix]

bean1: I'm not talking about "absolute greatness," bean. I'm talking about upbringing.

 

Girlygirl1977: A lot of people marry from school, sure. But again, there are just so many incompatibilities. Mainly, self-serving dishonesty.

[Girlygirl1977]

bean1: I'm not talking about "absolute greatness," bean. I'm talking about upbringing.

 

Girlygirl1977: A lot of people marry from school, sure. But again, there are just so many incompatibilities. Mainly, self-serving dishonesty.

 

"Self-serving dishonesty". . .what you dated 2 girls in your class and that qualifies as the girls are not worth dating long term? I won't name my school but it continues to churn out outstanding individuals. This is the same for my grad school. . .these men and women are going for similar people though. . .and they aren't all "self-serving and dishonest". . . .good luck with the random internet girls who are of course more likely to not be that way (sarcasm).

 

Open your mind a bit - staying closer to home may not be all that bad. This doesn't even just mean your college but these people also have friends etc. They will likely have smart friends b/c people like to relate to each other. You are more likely to have intellectual counterparts in that circle of friends and friends of friends. Plus amazing - you could be in same city and get to know them in the flesh and blood. This would help you determine if they are right for your more quickly than internet chat. ..and webcam!

[Prolix]

"Self-serving dishonesty". . .what you dated 2 girls in your class and that qualifies as the girls are not worth dating long term? I won't name my school but it continues to churn out outstanding individuals. This is the same for my grad school. . .these men and women are going for similar people though. . .and they aren't all "self-serving and dishonest". . . .good luck with the random internet girls who are of course more likely to not be that way (sarcasm).

 

Open your mind a bit - staying closer to home may not be all that bad. This doesn't even just mean your college but these people also have friends etc. They will likely have smart friends b/c people like to relate to each other. You are more likely to have intellectual counterparts in that circle of friends and friends of friends. Plus amazing - you could be in same city and get to know them in the flesh and blood. This would help you determine if they are right for your more quickly than internet chat. ..and webcam!

 

Here at school, most people are financially well off. I'm not. And by well off, I don't mean rich.

 

I mean, intellect isn't everything. I've dated a few girls who were smart and on the same intellectual level. Doesn't always make for a good relationship. I think I am simply incompatible with most people and not lovable.

[Girlygirl1977]

Here at school, most people are financially well off. I'm not.

 

Ivy League schools have the largest endowments and you would be surprised at the % of class which receives financial aid. Plus you should not dismiss a whole group of people because of their finances (again I believe the spread of socioeconomic status is more than you think). You have a serious chip on your shoulder. I thought you cared about personalities etc. . .

 

Your internet gal doesn't sound like she is doing badly either - and that didn't stop you there. . .

 

Anyway - I'm at work now and can't keep responding here. You def have some work to do on yourself. I also don't think your intellectual abilities or ability to support yourself goes beyond some other people I know. They are still able to date. . ..not trying to hurt you but you aren't 1 in a million.

[Prolix]

I am fully aware at how many students receive financial aid. I don't know anyone else who has to pay for everything themselves. My mother's financially well off but that doesn't mean I get any of it. It means I have to pay the full price tag and fend for my own food, clothing, expenses, etc. Couple that with a refusal to co-sign loans and you've got a ****ed situation.

 

And I DO care about personalities, which is again the point I have been trying to drive home for pages now.

[Girlygirl1977]

I am fully aware at how many students receive financial aid. I don't know anyone else who has to pay for everything themselves. My mother's financially well off but that doesn't mean I get any of it. It means I have to pay the full price tag and fend for my own food, clothing, expenses, etc. Couple that with a refusal to co-sign loans and you've got a ****ed situation.

 

I will say it again - you are not one in a million. Btw my bf paid for his own Ivy League education without parental support. I didn't have the same exact situation but somehow we get along! Amazing right?

 

Anyway - I will say it again - you are not one in a million. And if you will only date someone in same shoes or dismiss those who aren't in that situation - you are f-ed! Btw internet gal doesn't even fit those standards nor the intellect and a multitude other issues. . .

[Prolix]

I guarantee you are incorrect. You're telling me he was a student fulltime while working fulltime, paying for education + food + all expenses himself, at least four majors, 3.95+ GPA?

 

And I'm not looking for someone with a similar background. I'm looking for someone who understands that relationships take work and honesty. That seems to be rare nowadays. I keep encountering people who want to be taken care of, which is the case with too many girls here at school.

[Girlygirl1977]

I guarantee you are incorrect. You're telling me he was a student fulltime while working fulltime, paying for education + food + all expenses himself, at least four majors, 3.95+ GPA?

 

And I'm not looking for someone with a similar background. I'm looking for someone who understands that relationships take work and honesty. That seems to be rare nowadays.

 

He was doing all of that except he didn't keep as high a GPA.

[Prolix]

I severely doubt that. I have never met anyone else who has done the same. Where did he work? How expensive was the tuition? How was he able to keep the cost/benefits rolling correctly? What are his majors?

 

Even if such things are true, you must understand that it is rare. I am almost certain though that those details can't be correct.