Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 I dunno just the idea of demanding things is so forward to me. I would never dare say anything so direct as "GET ME THIS AND THAT SUCH AND SUCH." Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Shift your perception Prolix. Hot girl wearing nothing but your shirt. Does that do anything for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 New conversation: ":(" "Hm?" "Gimme." Seriously that just drives me up the wall. She sounds so self-entitling. Am I being crazy here? She just reminds me of all the other girls I've dated that have just wanted me to keep giving them things. "Shift your perception Prolix. Hot girl wearing nothing but your shirt. Does that do anything for you?" It does as long as she doesn't then demand I start buying everything else for her! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Rule #1 - Do not take a woman whom you've never met seriously. Trust me, if you continue upon this path of thinking, you will never meet her, nor other potentials who may in fact be compatible with and interested in you. Lighten up. I'm pretty serious and you're causing me to reach for the bottle Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 No, she's serious. She wants me to send her a shirt. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Rule #1 - Do not take a woman whom you've never met seriously. Trust me, if you continue upon this path of thinking, you will never meet her, nor other potentials who may in fact be compatible with and interested in you. Lighten up. I'm pretty serious and you're causing me to reach for the bottle What have you got? Gimme...a cupful! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I could have so much fun with this. What's her address? I've got a few polyester shirts from the 70's that are looking for a new home.... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 What have you got? Gimme...a cupful! TBH, this place has been dry since the wife moved out. I do have quite a selection of psych meds though. Bottles and bottles OP, it's probably after 1 am where you are and tomorrow is a school day. Be thankful you're getting that really cool Ivy League education and there are tons of girl fish in the sea. No worries. Get some sleep... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 I don't know how to handle this current situation. Maybe I'll send her a really ****ty shirt I never wear anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Send her one of those Freebie shirts you always get given at college! But, as Carhill says, sleep in it first... then spray on some of your cologne (if you can afford to part with a spritz of cologne, that is ) Here's my take -- you attract what you expect... so you are afraid of having yet another g/f who's a Taker... a self-fulling prophesy. How old is she, anyway? If she is 18, then give her some leeway! Has she started college? There are other explanations possible, you know... for example, that medicine she didn't go get for herself... always better for a family member to Bring you the medicine if you have a headache, or whatever... she lives differently to you -- she's part of a family group, you are a lone person... she expects help, support and interaction, you are watching every penny and used to doing it all for yourself... On the other hand... if she IS spoiled and dependent, then her past track record is the best indicator of her future behavior... but that is leaving out YOUR behavior and reactions... so... are you going to put her straight and say Nope, I don't believe in spending money on your for frivolous reasons... I gotta take care of a lot of expenses and I don't want you to Expect stuff from me... I am a partner, not a parent, to you...she's going to have to grow up. You don't have to put up with that, you know? Just put her straight... actually, she might want to know that you are a penny pincher or not generous -- or whatever the equivalent fears SHE might have of a future b/f of hers... and how do you know she's not generous?! People who take, know how to give... Just want to caution you that Because you are waiting so long before the two of you meet IRL, when you Do finally meet, it's going to be very difficult to make a snap decision about whether you wish to continue a relationship with her or not... because of all the time and effort invested in her so far. You are going to be making her 'more valuable' to you by the time you meet her, and it's going to be difficult to see her clearly, and make a good judgment call. Another point is: if you are attracting Needy Girls... what's up with you?! That's no coincidence... either you are putting out signals that attract those kind of girls, or else you are searching for those girls that need you... ??!! Remember, Character is a Constant. Why would she suddenly change (and for the Better! ha ha) once you meet up? So -- what's your plan after you two meet up in a few months time? She gonna stay in your place? Then -- yeah... she's going to expect meals and stuff from you, as your honored guest... so... where are you two going to stay? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 TBH, this place has been dry since the wife moved out. I do have quite a selection of psych meds though. Bottles and bottles OP, it's probably after 1 am where you are and tomorrow is a school day. Be thankful you're getting that really cool Ivy League education and there are tons of girl fish in the sea. No worries. Get some sleep... Prolix, just tell her to send you her thong first and then, you'll be more than happy to send her your shirt... Go to sleep Prolix. Don't get so wired about...things... Link to post Share on other sites
BubblyPopcorn Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I think you BOTH come off as a little high maintenance, just in different ways. It's my shirt, you can not have it, I work very hard for this shirt, it's mine, all MINE!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 It's not the shirt itself. It's what the shirt implies down the road. I don't want this chick demanding that I get her everything at the drop of a hat. Last time I had a girl accuse me of being too stingy, it was my ex who wound up cleaning me out of thousands of dollars, when you add it all up. So, poke fun if you want, I'm not really laughing about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 A note: I'm already done with school. Quad major -- I'm used to staying up late anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I think you BOTH come off as a little high maintenance, just in different ways. It's my shirt, you can not have it, I work very hard for this shirt, it's mine, all MINE!!!! Lol, I agree, it's a matter of perception... he's stingy, she's needy... who is looking at whom? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 I don't see how I am so high maintainance. I don't ask anyone for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I don't want this chick demanding that I get her everything at the drop of a hat. Just because she MIGHT demand you get her stuff... does NOT mean you must! Talk. Explain yourself (she might run miles n miles away from you, willingly if she knows the Real You). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Athena: Did you read the first post of this thread or so? I mean this falls in line with the other red flags I mentioned. I totally had this predicted. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Athena: Did you read the first post of this thread or so? I mean this falls in line with the other red flags I mentioned. I totally had this predicted. yes I did... I read every single post... did You read post # 85? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Yes. But the problem is that there is no real plan. She would likely stay at my place if things got to it. But I would expect her to help out with expenses if she were living there, at least for the time being. Like, I do not intend on fully supporting someone else unless I am making extremely decent money, and if that person is a truly appreciative one. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 People have different Values... whereas you value hard work, independence, and thriftiness... for all you know, she might value family network/depending on each other/sharing, spending as a sign of her family's wealth (to show off to you?! Come on... why is she telling you about each and every purchase she's made, and how much a Concealer cost her?!)... is she trying to Impress you? If so, she needs to be told WHAT actually it is you value, so she can impress you in the right way... Allow me to share a story with you. Years ago I was living in Holland... our kids made friends with a local Dutch girl... they taught her to speak in English. I invited her parents over for dinner one night.... lol... where I thought I was being a generous, caring, host (like my family taught me to value), the other mother thought I was Wasting My money and Showing off with the food! See -- she valued thriftiness, and I valued generosity... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 I don't see how it would impress me though? All it does is scare me because that's a cost I don't want to get stuck with. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Yes. But the problem is that there is no real plan. She would likely stay at my place if things got to it. But I would expect her to help out with expenses if she were living there, at least for the time being. Like, I do not intend on fully supporting someone else unless I am making extremely decent money, and if that person is a truly appreciative one. She needs to know this, so she can think about if that is what SHE wants... I mean, how is she supposed to contribute to the expenses if she is visiting you? Will she have a job lined up immediately?! You cannot only Give IF you are assured 'true appreciation'!! In love and relationships, you GIVE from the heart and not expect anything back... and... usually, the other person does exactly the same! Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Prolix, Why do you constantly compare her to your ex girlfriends? That said, I'm absolutely floored how you can be surprised by this whatsoever. Look at the way she treats her mother, I mean her own mother? How can you honestly be surprised (because that's almost how you act) that now she would begin the same behavior with you? You almost seem like you're looking for a way out of this relationship, yet at the same time convincing yourself you're justified in doing so tbh. The shirt was flirting, clearly. Yes, maybe she'd really like you to send one, but the spirit of the gimme gimme I think is her flirting, more so than being demanding. but it's as if you want us all to say "yes! she's demanding! get rid of her!." This could just be a method of self sabotage though, I guess that would also make sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Athena: Every girl I've dated just starts demanding things and expecting things left and right once I do that. I would love to be able to give, but I find that people take advantage of it so heavily. I know I probably come across as such a penny-pincher but I mean, most people don't know what it's like paying for all your own stuff ever since the age of like 14 or so. Especially college, working through school, paying for food, housing, clothes, while handling intense workloads (I was also valedictorian in high school and near the top of my class here in college)... it's hard as hell work. I HAVE to be smart with my money, otherwise I simply cannot function. Link to post Share on other sites
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