ButterflySky Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Married for 19 years, 3 teenagers. After a year of MC, seperated for an entire year, 2008, and 6 weeks before D was final, I panicked and had him move back in, calncelled D. He never wanted the D to begin with. It was hard to do it on my own, so much work. We are both interested in the marriage but we are not interested in each other. Both in our mid 40's. We are polar opposites, we live like roommates, no sex. We basically live seperate lives and do not interact much unless talking about the jobs, the house or the kids. Friends tell me this is no way to live. I am starting a new IC this week, to learn how to deal with the depression and hopelessness. Mostly we are together for financial reasons, to provide for the kids, to pay for the house, to keep the kids in the house. I dream of a real marraige with someone, someone who actually is similar to me and enjoys doing the same things, etc. I don't know how long I can go on like this. I guess the IC will help me there. Is anyone else living this way? How do you cope? Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Many people are happy just being "roommates" as you put it, because they have company and friendship, and a stable home for their kids, and financial security. It sounds like you want to be married, just not to him - you want the stability that comes with marriage but you don't want this particular guy to be your husband. Personally I wouldn't be happy living like that, because I want love and sex and romance and all the rest of it, and I couldn't be content being just "roommates". I've been in long term relationships where we were just rooommates, and it was bearable for a period of time, but I couldn't imagine living like that for the rest of my life and that was a major factor in those relationships ending. The truth is that this sort of situation makes your marriage ripe for an affair - one of you will eventually meet someone who pushes your buttons and gives you what you're not getting at home. The questions you have to ask yourself are: Are you prepared to live in a sexless and loveless relationship like this indefinitely? What will you even have in common once your kids have grown up and left home? Are you prepared to live an entire life without experiencing true love and passion? If you're going to get a divorce it's better to get one while you're young enough to remarry, rather than waiting until your kids are grown and you're much less likely to have that option. You're clearly not happy in your marriage and you're staying for materialistic reasons - only you can decide what's more important to you, stability and financial security or the chance to find true love and happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
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