***success stories wanted***

[Nuala83]

SUCCESS STORIES

(sorry I posted this on the break up forum by mistake so I'm posting again here)

 

I'd love to know (and I'm sure others would too) if there's anyone out there with reconciliation success stories. I'm not interested in replies that say "It'll never work so don't even bother". You can post them on the 'It'll never work so don't even bother' thread

 

Although reconciliation is not always possible, it does happen for some. It's a fact! And I thin it'd be really nice to hear some happy endings. They probably wont be your own story rather that of someone you know but it's all relevant.

 

I'll start off:

 

Couple 1 (my aunt and uncle)

Got together when they were teenagers and had been going out for 4 years when he moved a way to another city. They stayed in contact for the first month (they weren't that far away) when one day his mate called her out of the blue to inform her the relationship she had with him was over (with her boyfriend that is she wasn't with the mate!). She was heartbroken not only to have been dumped but to have had it done over the phone by another person!He dated others, she dated others and they had no contact for almost a year and a half. During this time, he made a lot of changes in his life and one day, out of the blue he came back. Turned up at her door, told her he missed her and wanted her back. It took a lONG time for her to forgive him but evenually they did get back together and they've now been married 34 years. Not an urban myth I assure you but a true story.

 

Couple 2 (my friend)

Got together with her boyfriend in college, were together for about a year before splitting up. It was a very messy prolonged breakup with her screaming at him and him throwing a kettle through the window (shattered glass everywhere!) and punching a hole in the wall. After they broke up, she went out with others but he didn't date. The kept in contact though it was very minimal. After a few months of this, she called him (she initiated the breakup by the way) just to chat. This went on for a few weeks and they became friends (they kept telling us all they were just friends) and a short while later, they decided to give it another go. They're split up one furhter time about a year later but now they're getting married in 2 weeks time. I'm not a bridesmaid hahahaha!

 

Now, anyone else who has a happy story to share, please share it! Yes some relationships wont get another chance but some will so don't let anyone else tell you it's hopeless.

[screwedup&regretful]

I apologize for posting in your thread without your requested success story. I wish I had one to post and perhaps some day, it'll be mine, but I wanted to know from your "Couple 1" success story.

 

1) How long is a LONG time for forgiving?

 

-and-

 

2) What the heck did your uncle DO to get her to forgive him?

 

I need a couple of pages out of their success story.

[Ratikal]

The first time my girl broke up with me, I just won her back. I guess I made her feel bad about what she did, but she just went out with a guy that reminded her of me.

 

I stopped talking to her, and then she comes crawling back wanting to be friends, which so happened to be a time I was trying a new relationship (didn't go well btw). After awhile, we decided to try it again and it worked out...for a while...

 

The point is, I got her back, and I really hope I get her back the next time as well.

[skreen23]

ok now i have three of the top of head.

 

1: My Parents

My mother split up with my father for a while when they were going out. Not too sure how they got back together but they were married with the usual ups and down until he passed away 2 years ago.

 

2: My Sister and Boyfriend

My sister and her boyfriend went on a break at his request a few years ago. Eventually they got back together and are getting married in august (I'm giving her away, was looking forward to going with my fiancee but alas not to be).

 

3: My Friend and his Girlfriend

My friend split up with his girlfriend a while (she initiated it) and he had no contact with her for ages. So one day he found a load of presents at his door and a letter from her. Anyway they're back together and seem very happy.

 

By the by, i'm thinking of printing t-shirt saying "I went on this support forum and all i got was this lousy NC advice."

Also sorry for the vague stories but i am a man and kind of drift off when people bring up their relationships, bad i know

[screwedup&regretful]

skreen23,

 

Good t-shirt. If I could wear it anonymously, I'd buy one.

[Nuala83]

I apologize for posting in your thread without your requested success story. I wish I had one to post and perhaps some day, it'll be mine, but I wanted to know from your "Couple 1" success story.

 

1) How long is a LONG time for forgiving?

 

-and-

 

2) What the heck did your uncle DO to get her to forgive him?

 

I need a couple of pages out of their success story.

 

I don't know how long it took for her to forgive him (I never asked) but they married about 18 months later.

 

I have no idea what he did to get her to forgive him. Once again I never asked, I was only told this story by my mum (my aunt's sister who was left to pick up the pieces when my uncle left).

 

I do know that my uncle had a sports car which he sold to buy my aunt an engagement ring.

[Nuala83]

ok now i have three of the top of head.

 

1: My Parents

My mother split up with my father for a while when they were going out. Not too sure how they got back together but they were married with the usual ups and down until he passed away 2 years ago.

 

2: My Sister and Boyfriend

My sister and her boyfriend went on a break at his request a few years ago. Eventually they got back together and are getting married in august (I'm giving her away, was looking forward to going with my fiancee but alas not to be).

 

3: My Friend and his Girlfriend

My friend split up with his girlfriend a while (she initiated it) and he had no contact with her for ages. So one day he found a load of presents at his door and a letter from her. Anyway they're back together and seem very happy.

 

By the by, i'm thinking of printing t-shirt saying "I went on this support forum and all i got was this lousy NC advice."

Also sorry for the vague stories but i am a man and kind of drift off when people bring up their relationships, bad i know

 

Interesting. In the first two couples do you know who initiated the getting back together and wether they had any contact during the breakup?

[banser123]

Nuala, these are beautiful stories. I was wondering if you could take a look at my thread called "I need thoughts, hurting badly" in the friends and lovers section, by banser123. Maybe you can give me a positive best case scenario to my situation. I am hurting deeply and hope you can help. Thanks

[not_a_happy_camper]

this is a lovely thread, but I just hope it doens't give people who are wanting to get back together false hope!

[Thornton]

My Mum and Dad dated for a year before they broke up, then they kept in contact as penpals and dated other people, my Mum even got engaged to someone else. Then my Dad was taken ill, and my grandma wrote to my Mum to say her son wouldn't be sending any letters for a while because he was seriously ill. My Mum went to visit him in hospital, dumped her fiance to get back together with my Dad, and the rest is history. They were married for 36 years before they finally divorced due to irreconcilable differences resulting from my Dad's depression.

[Nuala83]

this is a lovely thread, but I just hope it doens't give people who are wanting to get back together false hope!

 

Yeah I did think of that but then I thought, most people in the beginning stages of a break up have false hope anyways regardless of what anyone else tells them.

 

I guess I'm just an optimistic sentimental fool!

[caz83]

I think this is a really nice thread. Sometimes I find people on here are so negative and if you say anything that sounds slightly hopefull you just get shot down and told 'get over it, it will never happen'. Yes, most of the time we know this, but sometimes when ur having a really bad day with it its nice to hear some stories that give you a little bit of hope back. Even it is false hope. Sometimes thats what you need to hear.

 

When my boyfriend left I met up with a friend for a chat about it and she had a friend with her who I had met a couple of times but didnt know that well. Anyway, this girl said that she lived with her boyfriend and thought everything was fine, then one day he gave her some money to go out and get herself a dress for his brothers wedding they were going to, so she went shopping, came home showed him the dress etc and he just said 'i dont love you anymore' and that he was moving out. He moved back to his parents and she was going crazy, she kept driving past his house and texting him and calling him and every time they spoke he would just say ' I dont love you anymore'. So one day she decided she had had enough and stopped calling etc. then 2 months later she got the 'I miss you' call from him. They have been back together for three years and are now engaged.

[Nuala83]

I think this is a really nice thread. Sometimes I find people on here are so negative and if you say anything that sounds slightly hopefull you just get shot down and told 'get over it, it will never happen'.

 

Yeah I think that too Caz. The truth is that some of the people who are on this site will be successful in reconciling and I think it's kinda sad when people see a glimmer of hope but are advised by others that 'it's nothing, move on!' Although I do agree with moving on since you can't pin your hopes on getting back together.

 

I also question some of the people who give extremely harsh negative advice, especially the ones who have been on the site for years and have posted thousands of times. If they've moved on, why are they still here? Sorry if that sounds rude but I've been thinking about that a lot.

[skreen23]

Well i'm not too sure with my parents but i do know my mother initiated the make-up. With my sister her boyfriend was unsure of the relationship, but she talked to him once a week by phone, eventually he came back.

To be honest i think every situation, like every person, is unique. The reason i came on this site was to find a situation similar to mine with a happy ending. I know most of my friends were/are convinced me and my ex will get back together, but who know. But i do know that some of the advice here can be a bit on the negative side. Sometimes, no all the time, i wonder why this part of the site is called second chances. It should be called "Tell your ex to go **** themselves."

[caz83]

I came on here for the same reasons, just to find someone with a similar story to mine that had a happy ending. I know I shouldnt want him back, but I do and some people on here make me feel like I should be embarrassed or ashamed to say that. Everybody needs a little bit of hope, If I didnt have that bit of hope I wouldnt beable to get up in the morning. I came on here to hopefully find some stories that would make me feel a little bit better, or just remind me that reconcilliations do happen. Thats why I think this thread is so nice and stories like this are probable what most people came on here to read.

[skreen23]

Yeah, sometimes you want to read a few stories that will warm the cockles off your heart and make you go "Awwwww" rather than stories that make you want to slit your wrists and go "Arrrrgh."

[Nuala83]

I know I shouldnt want him back, but I do and some people on here make me feel like I should be embarrassed or ashamed to say that.

 

I'm glad you said that.

 

No one should be made to feel embarassed for wanting someone back that they loved dearly. It's perfectly natural.

[Taucher]

Yes I agree with everyone. I am somewhat hopeful at the moment. But I am also sad, defiant and looking forward to this new, single stage in my life. I have changed and am changing for the better. But I still want her back, and why not?

 

Anyway, I have 2 couples who got back together.

 

Couple 1 - My parents.

My Mum and Dad separated in 2001. My mum had a massive breakdown (which she has still not completely recovered from but she is getting better, slowly). Anyway, my Dad just could not take the break up - he wanted her back so much. My Mum got a new boyfriend (he was 24! She was about 55 at the time - that was wierd) and my dad saw a woman briefly (same age as him). Anyway, over the years they were apart (they lived 20 miles from each other) they became very close. Last year, they bought a big house and got back together and genuninely are happier than I have ever seen them.

 

Couple 2 - My best mate and his gf.

My mate met his gf in (I think) 2000. They got together in 2001. She was Swedish living in London. They went out until 2004 where she just announced one Saturday morning that she doesnt feel the same about him any more and that she is leaving him. Completely out of the blue as far as he was concerned. She moved the SAME DAY back to Sweden to be with her parents and did not contact my mate, answer his calls or email him or ANYTHING for 4 weeks. I lived with him at the time and he went through hell, like most of us here. However, on week 7 of NC, she calles him and says she wants to try again - simple as that. She moved back to London and they bought a flat together. They are STILL together and are engaged.

 

T

[Nuala83]

Awww such lovely stories.

 

It's amazing how people manage to try again even after the most horendous breakups.

[paperchase]

I can't tell you the number of I times I've seen a thread looking for success stories; asking if NC works for reconciliation purposes; asking if NC is right or if another method is better; worrying that NC will push away the person who dumped you; asking the meaning of some meaningless gesture like an innocuous text; asking what if means if someone wants space; whether you should stay NC on your ex's birthday and the list goes on and on. I can't tell you the number of times I've posted these very questions myself and then rejected the sound veteran advice I received.

 

The one thing you'll notice about this thread is that most of the posts are from new members. They are full of hope and denial, still smarting from their breakup and searching for ways to win back their ex. I'm not here to dash anyone's hopes but hope is the worst thing you can have when you are dealing with the pain of getting dumped. And it's the worst thing to hold on to if want to maintain even a glimmer of a chance at getting back together. It's not until you've given up hope and truly don't care, that the opportunity for reconciliation might arise. Then again, it might not.

 

I could post on here about my case which, in some respects, is a success story because I was dumped with no hope in sight for another man and now I'm back in a committed relationship with my ex. I made all the usual mistakes after getting dumped, then went NC and finally began to honestly move on and lo and behold she came back...begging. Obviously, there's more to the story than this but we're back in love, going to couple's counseling and talking about a long term future again.

 

So what's it like? Strange. Uneasy at times. The dynamic is different. She's madly in love with me again and in love with the ideal of us. She's back where she was when I thought there was no way she'd ever leave me...but she did and it's hard to forget that. So although I'm back in love, I'm guarded and very apprehensive about letting that guard totally down.

 

I really don't know how the story will end; at times I'm not even sure what I want. So just remember, things are never the same once someone devastates you, even if they give you a second chance or you give them one which is the right way to look at it. If they come back because you begged them you're going to get heartbroken all over again. They must come back because they want to. Well, I'm getting a little off topic so I'll stop.

[caz83]

If they come back because you begged them you're going to get heartbroken all over again. They must come back because they want to. .

 

I totally agree and yes I am heart broken and devastated, and yes I want him back. But I said right from the start I wouldnt want him to come back just because I talked him into it. I want him to come back because he misses me and he wants to come back. I just dont like being told negative things all the time like 'oh get over it and move on'.....yes, I know that. I want to move on. but its hard. That's why I came on here to talk to people who have been through the same thing and will listen to my thoughts, however silly they are. I get all the 'sensible' advice from my mum and dad. But some times I just want to talk and say what I am thinking and compare stories and yeah, have a bit of hope for a while without getting shot down. Yes we are new to the site, but thats why we came here and sometimes I think that the people who say all the negative things forget how they felt when they first joined and just wanted to to talk and vent without being judged.

 

When you say you made all the mistakes after being dumped before you finally want NC, how long after the breakup did you finally go NC? Only because I think I have left it too late (for reconcilliation purposes) and now the damage has already been done. And how long after NC did she actually contact you?

[shine_on]

It occurred to me that I know loads of couples that got back together!

 

Couple 1: They were together for three years. They broke up lots of times, maybe maybe five or even more. She loved him from day one, he had issues with commitment and also had a wild lifestyle and was more used to being single. Anyways they always seemed to just get back together despite both claiming when they broke up each time that it was over for good! The (seemingly) last time they broke up she moved away (about two hours drive away). She was sick of being taken for granted, and even when she came back to visit they would be friendly but she was so over him and wasn't even interested in getting back with him. She met someone else in the new town, and was seeing him for about six months. Long story short, she met up with her ex again. They slept together. Didn't get back together though. She fell pregnant, moved back to her own country (thousands and thousands of miles away). He moved to her country. They have a beautiful little baby are happily married and are buying a house together and they are so happy and in love!

 

Couple 2: My friend went out with this guy, they dated for 6 months or so. He dumped her, came crawling back a few weeks later she said no! THREE years later, found each other on facebook, they got back together and dated for another 6 months or so. Broke up again. And now 1 year later, they are kindof tentatively seeing each other again. I think they are destined for each other.

 

Couple 3: He dumper her, out of the blue, saying that she can't stop him living his life (or some such rubbish). Six months later, he comes back, saying he made a terrible mistake and she is the love of his life. She laughed in his face!

 

Couple 4: I know of this couple that got back together after being apart for about 8 years or something! They were each others first boyfriend/girlfriend when they were teenagers. I don't know the details of the break-up. But eight years later having both dated other people they got back together and are getting married!

 

Couple 5: Broke up. Not sure of the reasons why. Had a big fight and she just stormed out. I think they just moved in too quickly or something. Were both looking forward to single life. Were broken up maybe six weeks or two months. Still in the same group of friends so were in contact. They got back together! Two years later, they moved back to their own country and are looking at buying a house, and talking of marriage and babies etc. They are made for each other.

 

I know of lots more couples that got back together. One friend was engaged to the same girl twice. They broke up and got back together numerous times. But at least they gave it a shot. They are good friends now even though they are both seeing other people. Other friends have gotten back together, have had another few happy years together and eventually broken up.

[Nuala83]

 

The one thing you'll notice about this thread is that most of the posts are from new members.

 

Thank god! I've gotta say I find it very strange that there are veteran members on here at all who have upwards of 4000 posts and have been on the site for years! If they're so over their ex's, wtf are they still doing here??? It's almost like they're trying to convince themselves of their own advice.

 

but we're back in love, going to couple's counseling and talking about a long term future again. So what's it like? Strange. Uneasy at times. The dynamic is different. She's madly in love with me again and in love with the ideal of us. She's back where she was when I thought there was no way she'd ever leave me...but she did and it's hard to forget that. So although I'm back in love, I'm guarded and very apprehensive about letting that guard totally down.

 

I really don't know how the story will end; at times I'm not even sure what I want. So just remember, things are never the same once someone devastates you, even if they give you a second chance.

 

I really identify with what you're saying here. I looked for ways to win my ex back, then I came across some advice, put it to practice, started feeling better about things and now am not sure f I'd take him back if that's what he wanted. This little voice in my head keeps telling me "HE LEFT YOU!". We're still in contact (him initiating it not me) but the weird thing is that now I'm starting to care less (I still care but it fades a bit day by day) he's starting to want to see me more.

 

You're right Paperchase. Even if people do reconcile, that's not the end of the matter. There's gonna be a lot of working things out to do before you get a happy ending.

[WiseOne1]

Well I have a 2 storys from personal experience, and a couple from friends experience but they shouldnt count, because they were just plain strung over the other person.

 

But Im only going to mention 1 story and its about me and a Ex that got back together after her ex BF came back "out of the blue" and ruined our relationship, he just disappeared for 9 months, didnt break up with her or anything.

 

Then he comes back out of no where and wants to be friends, and once he found out she had moved on, he wanted her back, really it was her fault for letting him come between us, so she broke up with me for about 2 months and claimed that she wasnt dating him, she ws just alone. And then he disappeared again for no reason, she then wanted to get me back, and kept throwing hints and I was a fool enough to take her back.

 

Our relationship was never the same, I felt betrayl, and felt like she should have never allowed him to come in between us, because in reality it still was her fault and not his.

 

So we stayed together for about 9 months and broke up again, now I hate her with a passion, I never want to talk to her again, and instead of doing that little "NC" steps, I did something even better, changed both of my numbers and deleted my old email address that she knew, now I can promise that she will never contact me again.

 

So yea I guess thats 2 stories in 1, her ex that came back, and when she came back.

[paperchase]

Thank god! I've gotta say I find it very strange that there are veteran members on here at all who have upwards of 4000 posts and have been on the site for years! If they're so over their ex's, wtf are they still doing here??? It's almost like they're trying to convince themselves of their own advice.

 

 

 

I really identify with what you're saying here. I looked for ways to win my ex back, then I came across some advice, put it to practice, started feeling better about things and now am not sure f I'd take him back if that's what he wanted. This little voice in my head keeps telling me "HE LEFT YOU!". We're still in contact (him initiating it not me) but the weird thing is that now I'm starting to care less (I still care but it fades a bit day by day) he's starting to want to see me more.

 

You're right Paperchase. Even if people do reconcile, that's not the end of the matter. There's gonna be a lot of working things out to do before you get a happy ending.

 

 

I view those with high post counts differently. They are major contributors. My post count would have about 300 but a 20-some page thread was somehow deleted. Whether dealing with heartache or not, this forum is a good read. I check back in as a reminder of what not do do when in love.

 

The feelings you have about starting to care less are good, but don't fool yourself into thinking you are in the clear. Healing is not a linear process and of you are honest with yourself, you'd probably admit that you'd jump right back into a relationship if your ex were sincere about reconciliation.

 

One thing I've very confident about: if you were unfairly dumped the best thing to do is NC and not break it until or unless your ex gives you unequivocal signs that they messed up and want to fix things. They should be as desperate in their desire to fix things as you were to keep things in tact when you were first dumped.

 

Take care.