banser123 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I think it is true that someone should not have to convince their ex to come back. Their ex should want to come back on their own. But it also depends on the situation. I am in a situation where it seems my ex is scared. If that is the case then a nice letter or a talk trying to convince her not to be scared is not such a bad idea. At least thats what I am being told by some of my friends. And it makes sense to me. My problem is I dont know 100% if the reason she left is because she is scared. I think it is tho. She told me she was scared numerous times but still tried. Now she doesnt even talk to me. She has not showed up to work in 6 weeks or even answered my bosses calls so I have reason to be concerned. I tried to text her and she never responded to me as well. My question is if she has no feelings for me then why cant she at least answer my text. I only texted her asking if she was ok and telling her I was worried because she has not been heard from in weeks. I didnt mention anything about our relationship. I feel as tho she could have said she was ok then told me she was busy if she didnt want to talk. But she never even answered me. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I'm back with my ex, to an extent. In fact, today was the 3 year anniversary of our breakup. We're just taking things slowly and casually, and having a good time. -TP happy....er Link to post Share on other sites
caz83 Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 What's the story with you and your ex teacher's pet? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 TP, start by not remembering it was 3 years ago today that it was your break up. Remember, clean slate?? Link to post Share on other sites
xXxshootingstarxXx Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I've been NC for 6 months now, still single, still wondering about my ex (maybe i'm in denial or I've read too many fairytales about 'happily ever after' ) he's been dating someone else pretty much the same length of time too (and for all I know he's still with her <- lucky women! ) However, despite all the above. . . I still believe there's a chance oneday that we'll reunite. . . Anyway, back to the topic... Couple 1. My Auntie and Uncle dated in their early 20's, they were together about 6 months when my Auntie started flirting with another guy and got with him for a short while. Naturally they split after that, however, my Uncle knew she was the one and after quite a few months apart they reconciled and have been happily married for 50 Years now - life sentence so might say !!!!! (<- that's an achievement in itself!) Had four children who are all grown up too! May I also add they are the most romantic couple I've ever met, so lovely to see such true happiness! I love them dearly. Couple 2. One of my best friends fell for a guy pretty quickly, he was abit of a 'jack-the-lad' when she met him. He wasn't ready to settle down at the time, he was still wanting to hang around with his mates mostly. Anyhow, my friend wasn't having any of it so she broke up with him started dating someone else for a few months. Then she got back with him for another 4 months or so, told him she loved him - but he didn't reciprocate - it got her mad as she still wasn't getting the commitment off him that she really wanted. Being the diva that she - broke it off AGAIN, got with another guy for a month or so till the one she really loved realised that he missed her and wanted her in his life full-time. They have since been together 8 years now and are getting married this year!! I'm chief bridesmaid Link to post Share on other sites
simonsez Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Not only is no contact one of the important ingredients to getting them to come back, but also dating other people when they break it off with you. In most cases, you will notice that they usually don't come back unless and until you are dating someone new.... Works like a charm.. Leave them alone... Start dating others... BOTH are needed to give yourself the best chance to reconcile. Link to post Share on other sites
caz83 Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Simonsez, I can see that now and wish I had done NC from the start. But I am scared that I have left it too late now and if I stopped contactingn him now I dont think he would even notice. Maybe he would after a while, but I dont know. Its been 2 months since he left me for someone else, but I was so nice to him about it and kept talking to him because I was so heartbroken that he was leaving that I couldnt imagine not having him in my life atall, so I was just happy to have him in my life as a friend. Initially he would text me and if I didnt text back straight away he would call me etc. he would also drop by our apartment to visit me and check I was ok. I was so so sure that it was a phase he was going through and that he would come back thats why I wanted to keep up the contact. but gradually, while I am still as heartbroken and hopeful as ever, he has got more and more distant and is speaking to me less and less and I realise now that I have made it so easy for him to move on without any repercussions. I wish I had just told him to leave me alone right at the start while it was still fresh and painfull for him, then he would have felt the heartbreak that I have felt. But I think that when it comes out of the blue and such a shock, and you are so desperate to get them back, it is a very brave person that cuts all contact. It seems to go against all logic...surely if you want them back you need to stay friendly etc? but I can see now that is so wrong. I just made it easy for him to get over me. I often think what would have happened if I had distanced myself right at the start. But I know I wouldnt have been able to do it. Im just scared that I have left it too late now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Share Posted June 24, 2009 Is it 2 months since you broke up Caz? If you feel like you should initiate NC, don't worry you've not left it too late. It's very tempting to stay on friendly terms with your ex after a break up but unless it was an amicable split, it's not easy to do in the beginning. It took me 3.5 months to get to the point where I could talk to mine without it being uncomfortable for one of us. His distancing himself says it all. I would stop contacting him completely for the time being. If he contacts you, it's up to you whether you want to pick up or not but if you choose to do so I'd keep it very brief, don't answer/respond to every contact and always be the one to end the conversation. There's no need to be rude, but I wouldn't be too chummy either. You just need to let him know that you're not always gonna come running when he needs you, he's not your priority and you have a rich and full life that you're busy getting on with. You could see where backing off and allowing him to contact you takes you. Alternatively you could just ignore all his attempts to contact you and ensure he's not left with a 'plan b'. Being in contact with him after what he's done must be really hard for you and you might need this to heal and get your self respect back. I can't say which way is best, so it's really up to you. It sounds like you're veering towards NC though. I think it's really sh*tty when someone leaves their partner for someone else. Here's hoping it doesn't work out for him. Link to post Share on other sites
caz83 Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 yeah I am veering towards NC, but only because I have tried everything else and I just want to make sure that, if he doesnt come back, I have tried everything I can. I know I havent given him a chance to miss me yet, so thats what I want to try. but its hard. You can read the full story on my original thread, but bascially he met her on his teacher training course that he started in September and I know after doing the course myself last year that it is so intense and you feel really close to the people on it because you feel like you have so much in common and that you are going through this intense thing together...but then when the course finishes you go back to your lives hardly speak to anyone anymore! His course finishes on Friday, so I will be interested to see if anything changes once he is out of that situation. And I think that this would now be a good time to start NC, because he will have more time on his hands and wont have the stress of the course to distract him so he mioght actually have time to think about what he has done...because I dont think he has had that moment yet. I have bout him a congratulations card for passing his course (because I know how difficult it is and how hard he worked) because I still care, so I think I will post it to him on Friday to show I care and then start NC. I know he will text to say thank you for the card....but I have already decided that I wont text back and that will be the start of NC. I am scared that he wont even notice that I start NC, so I think that sending the card will be a nice gesture, might make him think about me if just for a second, on then my NC will have more of a chance of having an effect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Share Posted June 24, 2009 His course finishes on Friday, so I will be interested to see if anything changes once he is out of that situation. And I think that this would now be a good time to start NC, because he will have more time on his hands and wont have the stress of the course to distract him so he mioght actually have time to think about what he has done...because I dont think he has had that moment yet. I have bout him a congratulations card for passing his course (because I know how difficult it is and how hard he worked) because I still care, so I think I will post it to him on Friday to show I care and then start NC. I know he will text to say thank you for the card....but I have already decided that I wont text back and that will be the start of NC. I am scared that he wont even notice that I start NC, so I think that sending the card will be a nice gesture, might make him think about me if just for a second, on then my NC will have more of a chance of having an effect. Why wait? If you wanna start NC you might as well do it right away. I don't think he deserves the card from you. It's a nice gesture but it shows that you care and you're thinking of him. By not sending him anything you're showing that you're too busy getting on with your own stuff to care about what's going on with him. Trust me if you stick with NC (not easy as everyone else will tell you) he will notice. It might take a while but I'll bet your absence will be felt even if he doesn't communicate it with you. If you don't stick with it or keep breaking it (I did this a few times), then no he wont notice a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
simonsez Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Im just scared that I have left it too late now. Maybe. Maybe not... Leave him alone.. START DATING. Dating other people is one of the keys. He has to find out you are seeing someone else. I just went through this with my 22 year old daughter... She found out her boyfriend was texting other women. Of course she called me and asked me what to do...... I told her... Tell him that you don't share lover with another person. Stop all contact with him and let him contact you. START DATING IMMEDIATELY... When he calls, be polite, but cut him off quickly and tell him you are busy and will have to call him back. (then get off the phone and DO NOT call him back) Now what happened after I told her this? When she first told him that she wasn't going to share, he denied everything and told her that it was fine with him if they broke up. He didn't call for something like six weeks... WELL.. Guess who called her mom last week and said to her.."how does Dad know this stuff.. What he told me worked" Yes. HE not only called her, but CAME over to her place and apologized. Told her he was sorry and was wrong. Told her he missed her. MADE DINNER for her at HER place........ I have been doing this for years. What I told her has worked for many women that I have helped over the years. When you act like a doormat you will get walked on like a doormat...... Do what works.. Leave him alone and start dating someone new. When and if he contacts you, be nice, but make it short by telling him you were just walking out the door and you will call him back. Then hang up. (then do NOT call him back) This is what works the best for guys like you are dealing with. He is bored and needs a challenge.. (men need challenge in their life) He wants a challenge... GIVE him one. Link to post Share on other sites
Leveller Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 This is good advice I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Dragonfly Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 I will post my own. I have been married for 10 years. We grew apart, and he moved out last November. I was devastated. The why's and how's really don't matter, it could be another woman, too many long hours at work, drifting apart, but a broken bond is a broken bond, no matter what the cause. He wanted out, he was done, I wasn't. I found us a great counselor who's specialty is in rebuilding lost bonds, and then tackling the problems....without the bond, there is no hope of fixing the problems, the marriage just cannot take the strain. He is now back at home, we are more in love that we have ever been. We take time for each other, are learning to communicate in a way that actually accomplishes something, and most of all, we have learned what we really have going for us, and what we almost lost. When the fights seemed to be the only conversation we had, it was easy to forget all the good stuff. We sometimes still have our bad days, but no relationship is perfect. Every day it seems a little stronger as we are still working out the kinks. I am happy. We are happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 27, 2009 Author Share Posted June 27, 2009 ^^^SPAM ^^^ I can't believe I actually read that book when I went through my desperate stage. Not a f*cking useful thing in it. Piece of sh*te that it is. Luckily I just downloaded it so it's not like I'm down any money Link to post Share on other sites
wontgohomewou Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 ^^^SPAM ^^^ I can't believe I actually read that book when I went through my desperate stage. Not a f*cking useful thing in it. Piece of sh*te that it is. Luckily I just downloaded it so it's not like I'm down any money lol, I read the EX2 system 'how to get your ex back'. I decided not to apply it to my life though, I'd rather go NC and though I get lonely, I have been happier. The book did have some useful info about how I changed and stuff. It basically told you to be yourself AGAIN and start valuing yourself once more. Good advice, but wanting to get your ex back is just stupid. I held onto false hope for 6 solid months. I begged, pleaded, called billions of times, did some more stuff, and by June 10th I had enough. I decided to go complete NC and it's been good. It gave me time to reflect on everything she told me after the break up and I decided that I really don't want to be in a relationship with her. The only reason I wanted her back so bad was because she dumped me. I wanted something I couldn't get. Basic human mentality. Regardless, e-books aren't that bad. They do help you become a better person. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts