Wolverine117 Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 At my school, I was talking to a friend about issues in the lives of young people. One topic we talked about was incest. She had trouble believing that men do get raped......not just in jail ! and that they dont report it because of fear or societal scrutiny. I talked to her about men and women raping children of both sexes and how it's all about power and control and not really about sex. She is from arabia, where a woman who gets raped would be disowned by her family or even stoned. She is convinced that men are evil. I tell her a rapist can be a man or woman. Usually they look normal and trustworthy. Not the monsters portrayed on television. I like talking to my friend. I find it weird that she was reading a book called Incest Issues, in the need-to-know category. She said it was for a project. I am sorry but i dont believe her so i asked her teacher behind her back. the teacher gave no such assignment. she lied to me. i am besides myself trying to figure it out. she is a single girl of 20. No b/f. My interest in her is purely platonic but i think she is hiding something. Girls her age brag about boys and relationships. she does not and she is usually so quiet. this is for real, folks. what could she be hiding ? Oh, and on unrelted update. today in boston, i saw a black guy hugging his male friend goodbye while his girlfriend looked on, shocked. it was all innocent. two friends saying bye bye. she said this was wrong. she sid the word faggot. I stepped in and said : lady, do you hug your girlfriends sometimes ? she said yes. I asked her if she was a dyke ? she wuz shocked n said no. i said a man hugging a man and saying bye bye does not make him a fag. the guys shook my hand. the girl said i should mind my own biz. i smiled and walked away feeling good. as for the fairy with the staring problem whom i wanted to confront, he wasn't there. oh, and one last thing. at the school library, i was talking to this girl and she said that on weekends she goes home and gets drunk and ****ed. I said nothing. Then i said my life was pretty much the same, except that i dont drink (my mom would kill me, she's a religious black woman) . she asked how my high school days were. I told her that they were like this : high school was a lot like prison. the sex you want, you aint getting. the sex your getting, you dont want. I was joking and said i quoted Eddie Griffith in " The New Guy". she just gave me that look. How badly did i screw up ? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Why do you post here? You don't even make anyone angry, you are not shocking, you don't ask any questions that anyone could possibly help you with. What are you getting out of posting here? I'm really curious - not trying to be mean. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 One topic we talked about was incest. She had trouble believing that men do get raped......not just in jail ! and that they dont report it because of fear or societal scrutiny. I talked to her about men and women raping children of both sexes and how it's all about power and control and not really about sex. Well, men do get raped much less often than women (please show me some stats if you believe otherwise). There're different kinds of rapists - for some, it IS about sex, some have other issues. I like talking to my friend. I find it weird that she was reading a book called Incest Issues, in the need-to-know category. She said it was for a project. I am sorry but i dont believe her so i asked her teacher behind her back. Gee - so much trust in your "friend"'s words! Perhaps she's just interested in these issues. Perhaps she's having problems at home. You can't know unless she tells you. lady, do you hug your girlfriends sometimes ? she said yes. I asked her if she was a dyke ? she wuz shocked n said no. i said a man hugging a man and saying bye bye does not make him a fag. the guys shook my hand. the girl said i should mind my own biz. i smiled and walked away feeling good. Better be careful about interviening into strangers' conversations. This time it was peaceful, another time somebody may get mad. at the school library, i was talking to this girl and she said that on weekends she goes home and gets drunk and ****ed. I said nothing. Then i said my life was pretty much the same, except that i dont drink (my mom would kill me, she's a religious black woman) . she asked how my high school days were. I told her that they were like this : high school was a lot like prison. the sex you want, you aint getting. the sex your getting, you dont want. I was joking and said i quoted Eddie Griffith in " The New Guy". she just gave me that look. well, if that's how highschool was for you - good, you expressed your feelings with a quote. if you were trying to impress her by using a quotation - umm, maybe it didn't work. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 a) Arabian girl does not wish to talk to you about incest b) There is no question to answer - why are you sharing this? Is it sport for you to to see how many people you can offend? c) Do you mean what does she think of you? Not a lot if the look was anything to go by but you could always explain it was a joke and say sorry Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 yes i agree with hokeyreligions... Why do you post here if you dont seek advice or have problems?? Ive seen that most of your posts usually states where you stand and what happened today/yesterday. And why do u, once again, make a post relating to gays/fags/guys getting raped, are you obsessed about gays? I'm asking because I feel you might need to see a shrink or find someone to cope with about your daily activities. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Wolverine - You have referred to your mom. What about your dad? Is he in your life? Are your parents married? You've made a couple of references in your posts on this forum that make me wonder if you yourself have ever been molested or abused by a man. If so, you need to speak to someone about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wolverine117 Posted October 31, 2003 Author Share Posted October 31, 2003 Nah, nothing of the sort happened to me. I'm just your average guy, really. a bit out of it and very bored and curious about the lives of others but nothing so tragic has happened to me personally. No, I am not obsessed with gays though, in my culture (black man from the caribbean), these people are seen differently than here. But thats their business. I'll mind my own. I dont just accept things. I ask questions. I speak up. This is what I do. I am after all new to the USA. I've seen my share of weird things. I've had my share of broken hearts from women and betrayal from guy friends. I've had my insecurities. I have seen things happen to people and quite often felt powerless to stop them. I wish I could make a difference or at least try to have a normal life. I can't. I am trying to balance being at a good private school with trying to find the right girl or at least be a man.....yes, like that. the way men judge manhood. It ain't easy. being hyper alert and a bit too assertive and confrontational doesn't help either. But I am in the city. New place. New friends. No lover yet but i am friendly with a lot of girls and maintain the normal man facade. This is me in all my honesty. I think I'm normal.....sort of. Farewell. 7 : 45 A.M. Somewhere in Ma. Link to post Share on other sites
Martel Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Unsure of your sexuality? Many male survivors have had, or in some cases still have, issues around their sexual orientation or sexuality, and are confused as to whether the abuse they survived made them straight, gay, bisexual or just unsure of who they really are. The simple answer to that your sexual confusion is based on the knowledge that your sexual awareness was triggered up at an early age, and you had no choice in that, and having been sexually abused, you became aware of what sex was all about, losing the innocence of your childhood. Sexual Orientation is very different to sexuality, in that you can think you are gay, have gay thoughts, but your orientation is straight. Confused? Read on. Sexual orientation is who you are, and who you choose to have sex with, is something you want and choose to do, and does not confuse your feelings sexually with your chosen partners Sexuality is based on how you would describe your sexual 'being' and who you believe yourself to be. Nothing someone has done to you can change you. You are yourself. You are a man who loves women and being raped cannot change that. - Martel. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 so you recently moved from the carribean to USA? it's a BIG culture change. i know carribean people - a lot of their mindset is very very different. so it's natural that it'll take you a while to adjust and learn to live in the American society. but don't worry, you'll do it! it's a matter of finding a balance between your original culture and the new one - it's hard, so don't be hard on yourself. best of luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Wolverine117 Where abouts in the Carribean are you from? I lived in Jamaica for 12 years. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 wolverine - hmmm. i had not thought of this as a cultural issue, that's very interesting. have you tried out other forums at all? what is the response you get on those? i think you have a pretty good sampling of this one's general spirit; maybe you could find a off-beat/road-less-taken kind of place and share your stories there? i have the addresses of some writers's ones/scholars's ones you might find useful which i will send upon request, as i don't want to post one forum on another! do you remember in fight club when he was joining support groups for illnesses in a craven attempt for intimacy? i think the forum proces is like this - you just have to find a suitable hearth to hitch your posts to. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Originally posted by Wolverine117 Nah, nothing of the sort happened to me. I'm just your average guy, really. a bit out of it and very bored and curious about the lives of others but nothing so tragic has happened to me personally. No, I am not obsessed with gays though, in my culture (black man from the caribbean), these people are seen differently than here. But thats their business. I'll mind my own. I dont just accept things. I ask questions. I speak up. This is what I do. I am after all new to the USA. I've seen my share of weird things. I've had my share of broken hearts from women and betrayal from guy friends. I've had my insecurities. I have seen things happen to people and quite often felt powerless to stop them. I wish I could make a difference or at least try to have a normal life. I can't. I am trying to balance being at a good private school with trying to find the right girl or at least be a man.....yes, like that. the way men judge manhood. It ain't easy. being hyper alert and a bit too assertive and confrontational doesn't help either. But I am in the city. New place. New friends. No lover yet but i am friendly with a lot of girls and maintain the normal man facade. This is me in all my honesty. I think I'm normal.....sort of. Farewell. 7 : 45 A.M. Somewhere in Ma. Thanks for that post, Wolverine. It's the best one you've made on this forum to date. I feel like I know you a lot better already. And yes, you sound like a pretty normal guy to me, given your set of circumstances. And a guy with some great qualities, I might add. I like this line especially: "I dont just accept things. I ask questions. I speak up." Cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wolverine117 Posted October 31, 2003 Author Share Posted October 31, 2003 To meanon : I am a Haitian Man. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 I've been to Haiti! Wonderful people...beautiful place. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 i have a friend who is from haiti. it took him a while to adjust, and he still doesn't like a lot about the local culture, but he has learned to live with it, adapting to the local customs as much as he has to, and keeping his background, as much as he can. i personally love carribean men... they're so much fun. and most of them are very cute. too bad many of them are playerish. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 I don't know a lot about Haiti except it's fantastic art and interesting religions. It must be hard being new to a country at your age. I was 16 when I returned to England. Total culture shock even though I had visited here often. Conversations stopped when I spoke. No one understood me and I didn't understand them. The good news is it doesn't last long. You are normal but your entire frame of reference has changed - when people treat you as abnormal try not to let it affect your view of yourself. Appeal to what you have in common with people - you are an interesting guy - look at the response you got when you started talking about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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