james197 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Hi. I've been seeing a girl for 7 months. She cheated on me before, snogged a fella, came clean about it asked for a second chance. She was on a night out lately with the girls. She let on the went to bars only one club which they did not like and then back to a pub. I've found out since they were in a club they did not like but followed this by going to another club instead. In this club I've heard they bumped into a stag party. She has now admitted this and that friends of her this kiss some of they guys. I'm finding it hard to believe that she didn't do the same either. What do ye think? Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 What do ye think? Honestly I think this is why giving cheaters another chance is usually a bad idea. Whether she did it or not, you clearly do not trust her. Any solid relationship has a fundamental foundation of communication and trust. It is likely that you have difficulty trusting things they say after having your trust violated, so it is not inconceivable to think you may no longer have either of those building blocks. Whether I am right about that or not, if you can't trust this person, what they are doing (or not doing) is ultimately inconsequential. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I think she has cheated on you twice, kissing is still cheating, especially when she just begged for a 2nd chance. But you are also to blame, if you are in a relationship why are you letting her go out with the girls when you know they are getting into situations where these things happen. You are not married, so you can't control her, but if she wants to be with you, then her social life needs to be with you. If she wants to go with the girls it should be shopping, or the movies in the daytime. She knew she shouldn't have been kissing these guys, and do you really know for sure she didn't go further. SHE CAN'T BE TRUSTED, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SPEND YOUR LIFE ALWAYS HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT SHE IS DOING AND WHO SHE IS WITH. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 But you are also to blame, if you are in a relationship why are you letting her go out with the girls when you know they are getting into situations where these things happen. What. You are not married, so you can't control her, but if she wants to be with you, then her social life needs to be with you. If she wants to go with the girls it should be shopping, or the movies in the daytime. What. I don't ever remember being informed that paranoia and control were essential in a relationship. You aren't the girl's father/custodian. You should be able to trust your partner enough to not feel the need to even ASK where they are going. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Hey B. That is a crock and you know it, if you have a partner that has already cheated once, and maybe again, how are you going to trust her. Besides IF SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP, WHY DOES SHE NEED TO GO OUT TO BARS AND PUBS WITH THE GIRLS. Have you ever been cheated on by someone you really loved, and have spent time with, if so you know what the pain is like. People IN A RELATIONSHIP do not need to be socializing with singles, they should be with each other, other wise WHY be in a relationship, you get into a relationship to be exclusive with each other, not to act like you are single. Is that enough WHAT for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Hey B. That is a crock and you know it, if you have a partner that has already cheated once, and maybe again, how are you going to trust her. Which was my original point. Besides IF SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP, WHY DOES SHE NEED TO GO OUT TO BARS AND PUBS WITH THE GIRLS.Why does it matter where they go, if you can trust them? Have you ever been cheated on by someone you really loved, and have spent time with, if so you know what the pain is like.I have never been in a relationship I have not been cheated on, so I know exactly what it is like. I've chosen one time to give the person another chance, and that decision was based solely around whether I felt I could place that necessary trust back into my partner. If you cannot, and feel you have to treat your SO like your daughter rather than as another responsible and trustworthy adult, that is where that relationship should end, in my opinion. People IN A RELATIONSHIP do not need to be socializing with singles, they should be with each other, other wise WHY be in a relationship, you get into a relationship to be exclusive with each other, not to act like you are single.Having friends does not mean you are acting single. My best friend, and the guy I asked to be the best man at my wedding (divorced now) is married himself, and by your logic he should never hang out with me again. I don't go clubbing but if I did, what harm is there in wanting my best friend with me to hang out? He isn't going to cheat on his wife, regardless of where he hangs out with me at. I don't see why that trust should be placed in him by his wife, but not in her by him. Is that enough WHAT for you.I understood what you were getting at to begin with. You may have noted there were no question marks attached to those "questions." I was trying to point out that I do not agree with the views as you present them. I'm not saying that you are wrong, but merely that I do not agree. I then said why I do not agree. No offense was intended. I think it would be safe to agree that we disagree here. If you wish to discuss it further however, I'd be more than happy to do so in private messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 She will eventually cheat again if she already hasn't so maybe you might want to cut her loose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author james197 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 The crux of the issue I guess is: She has kissed a guy before whilst out drunk. She bumped into a stag party. Her friends kissed some of them. She was drunk. She lied about her movements that night. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 welcome to this is your life----you and only you can decide your future. Do you go on with this woman who has cheated once, and possibly a 2nd time on you----Right now if you don't like the way thing are turning out with this woman, you can walk away, no problems, no strings, if she becomes your fiance, and possibly your wife, then it becomes a whole different ballgame, YOU CANNOT JUST WALK AWAY----This woman has already caused you pain, you probably have no trust in her. She asked for forgiveness, you gave it, and she messed around again. Right now the pain is there, but will never be as bad, as the pain would be if she cheated on you while married to her, and with kids it would be even a tougher situation. She doesn't seem to think much of you, otherwise HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO YOU TWICE. You have to decide what to do, but your trust in her is already shot, why live a life of doubt and pain, which i think would be your future if you stay with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 The crux of the issue I guess is: She has kissed a guy before whilst out drunk. She bumped into a stag party. Her friends kissed some of them. She was drunk. She lied about her movements that night. I realize we aren't saying what you want to hear, but the answer is not going to change. I feel for you, I really do, but it is what it is. Don't you feel like you deserve better than this? If you don't, you really should. Link to post Share on other sites
Author james197 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 Not looking for any answer in particular. Thanks all for ye're replieds, needed different opinions/advice myself. I know myself and have done as to what I have got to do. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Hi. I've been seeing a girl for 7 months. She cheated on me before, snogged a fella, came clean about it asked for a second chance. She was on a night out lately with the girls. She let on the went to bars only one club which they did not like and then back to a pub. I've found out since they were in a club they did not like but followed this by going to another club instead. In this club I've heard they bumped into a stag party. She has now admitted this and that friends of her this kiss some of they guys. I'm finding it hard to believe that she didn't do the same either. What do ye think? what do I think? Why is did she cheat, ask for a 2nd chance, then still act like a floosey by going out clubbing til the wee hours of the morning without you? Looks like she didn't deserve that 2nd chance. Whether she cheated again or not is irrelevent. She doesn't seem to willing to earn the 2nd chance you gave her. Time to cancel the 2nd chance promise and can this tart. Link to post Share on other sites
Eoweniel Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I side with jnj express on this one, partially. I understand you should have to trust your partner won't do anything fishy (that's VERY subjective btw) where ever they go, BUT - why should they need to go to those places anyway, especially without their partner. I realize people think different of how relationships should be, and I'm one that thinks nearly everything should be done together as a couple, unless it's outright impossible for both to go to one place. Also, Having friends does not mean you are acting single. My best friend, and the guy I asked to be the best man at my wedding (divorced now) is married himself, and by your logic he should never hang out with me again. I don't go clubbing but if I did, what harm is there in wanting my best friend with me to hang out? He isn't going to cheat on his wife, regardless of where he hangs out with me at. That depends on what the partner defines as cheating, dearest. Just cause something isn't considered cheating by YOU, doesn't mean it isn't cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 That depends on what the partner defines as cheating, dearest. Just cause something isn't considered cheating by YOU, doesn't mean it isn't cheating. The context of what you quoted was that he won't be going to the club under the purposes one might suspect a single person of going, because he is going there to hang out with me, not to do those things. There isno reason for his wife to even suspect that behavior. Definitions of cheating don't really enter into it, unless his wife thinks he is gay for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Eoweniel Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 what do I think? Why is did she cheat, ask for a 2nd chance, then still act like a floosey by going out clubbing til the wee hours of the morning without you? Looks like she didn't deserve that 2nd chance. Whether she cheated again or not is irrelevent. She doesn't seem to willing to earn the 2nd chance you gave her. Time to cancel the 2nd chance promise and can this tart. The context of what you quoted was that he won't be going to the club under the purposes one might suspect a single person of going, because he is going there to hang out with me, not to do those things. There isno reason for his wife to even suspect that behavior. Definitions of cheating don't really enter into it, unless his wife thinks he is gay for me. Oh. I suppose you have a point. Was just trying to say that he might still engage in some things like flirting or oogling, that the woman might not be ok with. And he might not realize it, or might not even care. Link to post Share on other sites
missdependant Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 what do I think? Why is did she cheat, ask for a 2nd chance, then still act like a floosey by going out clubbing til the wee hours of the morning without you? Looks like she didn't deserve that 2nd chance. Whether she cheated again or not is irrelevent. She doesn't seem to willing to earn the 2nd chance you gave her. Time to cancel the 2nd chance promise and can this tart. I agree with this. The chick sounds like a tramp. You are being generous enough to give her a second chance, and she is taking advantage of it. She blatantly has no respect for you, regardless of what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Hey Bejita, I have question for you----You take a married friend out clubbing, If you see that friend starting to cross the line, and becoming tight with another woman that could cause his marriage problems, DO YOU STOP HIM, and tell him he is getting himself into trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Hey Bejita, I have question for you----You take a married friend out clubbing, If you see that friend starting to cross the line, and becoming tight with another woman that could cause his marriage problems, DO YOU STOP HIM, and tell him he is getting himself into trouble. I would not condone that behavior, and I would express my disapproval. It would then be my friend's job to stop themselves, not mine. This would be a constant even were said friend involved with another person on any significant level, not just marriage. I am a friend, not an excuse to go out and behave inappropriately, and I would like to think I've chosen my friends well enough that this will never be an issue. If the behavior persisted, I would probably disassociate myself from that person entirely. The moral dilemma I have never been faced with is whether I would tell a friend's SO of such misdeeds. I would like to believe I have the moral fortitude to do so, but I can be honest with myself and say that is not a certainty. I hope that addressed your question satisfactorily - I am a little scattered of late. Link to post Share on other sites
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