Is it weird to hang out with someone of the opposite gender all the time?

[frankie881388]

Well she did say 'about every other day or so'. I dunno, I used to have a guy friend who was my standard hang-out buddy. We met at least once a day either for meals or games. Sometimes other people came along as well of course, but sometimes it was just me and him. I have another male buddy whom I still hang out with pretty often now, and it's usually just the two of us since our circle of mutual friends has left the university. My bf (who's LD) doesn't have a problem with that as long as I don't start crossing boundaries like inviting the guy to my home or stuff.

 

I can quite confidently say I have and had no romantic interest in either of them. They just weren't 'my type'. We had oodles of fun cracking jokes and playing games together but there wasn't any emotional closeness beyond that. Even if they did have any interest in ME, they certainly hid it well enough that it never got 'involved eventually'.

 

If OP's guy friend tells her that he finds her attractive I'm not so sure about the platonicity of his feelings though.

 

You hanged out with him everyday, you guys play games, you guys talk, you guys have meals but he is not your type? Does your type of guy even exist? Let's say your type of guy shows up but he doesn't like to hang out with you everyday, doesn't like doing what you like...would you then change your view?

[frankie881388]

my best friend of close to 28 yrs is a male. We hang out all the time. Work out together, he spends all holidays with my family and we talk every day.

We have ZERO, NIL, NUTTIN, NONE, No sexual attractions to one another. Why? Well it's not because I am not a stunning, wild, drop dead sexy woman

It's because he was my 1st boyfriend when I was 16. We were together 6 yrs and realized we were better friends.

 

I like having a male friend :-)

 

That is different, you guys had been romantic before.

[Phateless]

----

Relationship is complex. It is not as easy as you think. He might admired her and loving her from far away. He might have felt contended just to see her or to do things for her and see her happy. On the other hand, you made it so cut and dry. If everyone is so sure about who they want to get involved with, then there won't be breakups. Also, women do send out mixed signals and they don't even know about.

 

For the most part, it is cut and dry.

 

Admire and loving her from far away, content just to see her happy is only an excuse for FEAR of trying to get closer and being rejected.

 

PEOPLE (not just women) send out mixed signals because they have conflicting feelings. You will never get a flashing neon sign that says "I love you. It's ok to kiss me now, because I won't reject you."

 

People break up for a variety of reasons, mostly because people change and are no longer compatible.

 

If you want something, grow up and take the RISK to go get it.

[Phateless]

Not at all. I was with someone 11 yrs, 2 yrs and now with a guy 4 yrs while always being his friend.

 

That's great. Sounds like it's working for you.

 

What about him? What is his relationship history while you guys have been friends? Are you certain he isn't pining over you?

 

You must sense that something is amiss or you wouldn't have felt compelled to post.

[sveltskye]

You know, I just came to this post and I think I have more perspective. I don't want to date him at all. He's more like one of my best friends, and you know, I don't know if he would consider dating me or not, but I think he just really values our friendship. I actually moved again and we still talk about every day and interact just like female friends of mine act with me, so I'm not actually worried about it anymore. He's actually told me several times that a (now attached) friend of his that I met was interested in me, so I don't think he's really wanting to date me or anything. I think I'm just lucky to have such a good friend.

[sveltskye]

Also, we're both mature enough to pick up signals. I think he knows I'm not interested. I'm pretty straightforward. If I am willing to date someone they know it pretty quickly (unless I'm in a relationship at the time or something). We actually met through a friend that he had feelings for and she pulled them out of him even though she wasn't interested. I would never do that. If he had a problem being my friend, he's smart enough to tell me and we could be more casual.

 

"You hanged out with him everyday, you guys play games, you guys talk, you guys have meals but he is not your type? Does your type of guy even exist? Let's say your type of guy shows up but he doesn't like to hang out with you everyday, doesn't like doing what you like...would you then change your view? "

 

Honestly I'm kind of offended by this. I'm not just seeking guys who are unavailable. I'm seeking someone with whom I'm compatible with and attracted to and is attracted back to me. Its not brain science and I'm not stupid, geez.

[D-Lish]

I have many male friends that I hang out with. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, I think it's healthy to have friends of the opposite gender!

[skydiveaddict]

Most of my friends are male (like me) but I do have some female friends as well. I've never given it a second thought

[FitChick]

Most of my friends are men, some I've dated, others not. I don't have to worry about them sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back! It's only natural that the friendship cools a bit when one is dating others. The lover becomes a priority.

[DreamerGirl27]

Watch 'When Harry Met Sally.'

 

Luke and Lorelai. Bones and Booth. House and Cutty.

 

It's a "surrogate relationship." You get all the comfort of having a SO without any of the obligation.

 

It's a placeholder. When one of you finds someone it will suck to be the other one.

 

I've had several female friends like that, one of which many people assumed we were dating when we weren't. Personally, I really enjoyed the friendship and on some levels wanted to take it further but on other levels avoided taking it further. At the time I wasn't ready for a relationship so the friendship we had was perfect for me. I've also had female friends start showing signs that they want more at which point I had to back off a little. Men and women CAN be platonic friends but it takes a little bit more regulation internally to make sure it stays platonic.

 

Just keep your eyes open as to what it really is. Also, read this article.

 

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it

 

OH...MY...GOD...If I had water in my mouth right now, I totally would've done a "spit take" as they call it in the movies. Only replace all of those things with the guy saying that to the girl. I've been friend zoned hard core by this guy who has sent mixed signals up the ying yang and I am NOT dealing with it well at all. Kudos to you for posting that. That was some incredibly funny shiz right there! LOL

[DreamerGirl27]

I had a brother/sister relationship with a guy once. I will never forget it...I will however, forget certain friendships I had with girls...and guess what. He was a different race...and shorter than me, too. He was not my "type" in the looks department. Shallow as that sounds. Also, guess what else...I hung out with him every other day for hours on end and we had a GREAT friendship. Wanna guess for a third time?

 

I didn't see him for awhile and the next time I saw him I wound up going home crying because I realized how great of a guy he was and how stupid I was for thinking I could be that close to any guy without developing feelings. It wasn't intense, because I did just view him as a brother while we were friends, but the point is...I did feel something at some point.

 

In my experience, guys and girls make crappy friends.

[DreamerGirl27]

I'm gonna take one last stab at this...

 

if it isn't such a big deal, why are you even on a relationship advice forum, asking for advice? If it's on your mind, it's on your mind for a reason.

 

Just sayin....

[Phateless]

OH...MY...GOD...If I had water in my mouth right now, I totally would've done a "spit take" as they call it in the movies. Only replace all of those things with the guy saying that to the girl. I've been friend zoned hard core by this guy who has sent mixed signals up the ying yang and I am NOT dealing with it well at all. Kudos to you for posting that. That was some incredibly funny shiz right there! LOL

 

lol, I think we've all been there and it sucks.

 

I had a brother/sister relationship with a guy once. I will never forget it...I will however, forget certain friendships I had with girls...and guess what. He was a different race...and shorter than me, too. He was not my "type" in the looks department. Shallow as that sounds. Also, guess what else...I hung out with him every other day for hours on end and we had a GREAT friendship. Wanna guess for a third time?

 

I didn't see him for awhile and the next time I saw him I wound up going home crying because I realized how great of a guy he was and how stupid I was for thinking I could be that close to any guy without developing feelings. It wasn't intense, because I did just view him as a brother while we were friends, but the point is...I did feel something at some point.

 

In my experience, guys and girls make crappy friends.

 

I know that feeling... realizing that you've liked someone the whole time but for whatever reason couldn't come to terms with it.

 

It's that sinking feeling when you realize, "oh my god... I've played this whole thing wrong... all that time wasted..."

[TixyTwixy]

its good to have friends of both genders

[blueyedgrl85]

Just enjoy the time you spend with him. I hang out with all girls and it's drama all the time so I wish I had guy friends! Regarding the OP's question- I wouldn't worry too much about it. Sure, down the road things could change, but don't worry about it for now.

[freestyle]

For the record. I'm not against OS friendships, I have a few myself----

 

But OP, have you really thought hard about how it's going to be when either of you starts dating, or gets into a committed relationship?

 

Put yourself in the shoes of that new person.

 

Let's say you start dating a guy, you like him a lot, everything is clicking into place----are you going to be okay with him hanging out with a female friend on a daily basis?

 

Another scenario,let's say your guy friend gets into a serious R---how are you going to feel when he's much less available than he was before?Will you step aside graciously, and accept that the bulk of his attention is elsewhere;or will you get jealous? If you show any jealousy at all towards the new woman in his life--she'll pick up on it.It will cause her to worry. and it will strain their relationship.

 

and vice versa for your guy friend.

 

I'm concerned that if you're too emotionally invested in your friendship with this guy---it will get in the way of you finding a fulfilling romantic relationship

 

Or, you'll end up getting hurt when he gets involved with someone else.

 

food for thought..............

[Phateless]

For the record. I'm not against OS friendships, I have a few myself----

 

But OP, have you really thought hard about how it's going to be when either of you starts dating, or gets into a committed relationship?

 

Put yourself in the shoes of that new person.

 

Let's say you start dating a guy, you like him a lot, everything is clicking into place----are you going to be okay with him hanging out with a female friend on a daily basis?

 

Another scenario,let's say your guy friend gets into a serious R---how are you going to feel when he's much less available than he was before?Will you step aside graciously, and accept that the bulk of his attention is elsewhere;or will you get jealous? If you show any jealousy at all towards the new woman in his life--she'll pick up on it.It will cause her to worry. and it will strain their relationship.

 

and vice versa for your guy friend.

 

I'm concerned that if you're too emotionally invested in your friendship with this guy---it will get in the way of you finding a fulfilling romantic relationship

 

Or, you'll end up getting hurt when he gets involved with someone else.

 

food for thought..............

 

That's exactly what happened with my "surrogate relationship" type friend. I started dating someone, suddenly became a lot less available and she was pretty pissed. We didn't talk for a few months.

 

What's funny is that up until that point it seemed like I was the one who kinda sorta wanted more and she was the one holding back.

 

Now I'm in a R and she's married and we're friends, but we don't talk or hang out nearly as much as we used to.