kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I've been trying to meet girls lately, and instead of asking for their number, sometimes I just write mine down for them and say hit me up if you wanna hang out. Though several of these interactions have been flirty and I felt like the chicks were digging me, none has called. Is there something about being a woman that makes you not want to ever initiate? Is the chase that important? Would you call a guy you liked if he gave you his number?
alphamale Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 none has called. and none of them will. the game is played like this: you chat her up and if you think you see some interest you ask for her number. if she hesitates to give you her number in any way whatsoever and/or hems and haws or asks you for your number without giving hers then SHE IS NOT INTERESTED, period. The girls that do give you their number MAY be interested. You have to call to find out.
bean1 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I'm a woman. And no, I wouldn't call you either. There is nothing wrong with giving your phone number to a woman, but if you don't ask for hers in return then you are saying "I am lazy and I don't care enough to actually call you". End of story. If you want to meet a lady, you have to call a lady and ask her out on a real date. A lot of people may not agree with that but women who aren't desperate for a(ny) man will not initiate with someone who doesn't even care to ask for her number.
Touche Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Well I hemmed and hawed when my H asked for my number. I didn't give it to him as I had no interest in dating what with being 3 days into my separation from my ex. He gave me his in case I changed my mind. A week later, I found his card in my wallet and thought "why not?" I called him and the rest is history.
lora22 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I've never called a random guy who gave me his number. Just because you think it's fun and flirtatious and you're hitting it off doesn't mean that she feels the same way about the situation, or that she doesn't have a bf, or that she's interested in dating you or getting to know you more. Also, some girls just like the little ego boost of someone flirting with them, so they go along with it even if they're not interested. Second, I don't need to be "chased," but I like guys who take initiative, and I've found that one good way to weed out lazy or indecisive guys is by giving them my number and letting them call me. That also helps us girls gauge a guy's interest - for all we know you give your number to every cute girl you meet and hope that 1 in 100 calls you. Giving your number to a girl is passive, and I don't like passive guys. Personal preference. Of course, that said, if I was seriously interested, I might give you the benefit of the doubt that you're just a nice guy, give you a call and give you one more chance to prove to me you can take initiative (i.e. plan a date).
Touche Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I'm a woman. And no, I wouldn't call you either. There is nothing wrong with giving your phone number to a woman, but if you don't ask for hers in return then you are saying "I am lazy and I don't care enough to actually call you". End of story. If you want to meet a lady, you have to call a lady and ask her out on a real date. A lot of people may not agree with that but women who aren't desperate for a(ny) man will not initiate with someone who doesn't even care to ask for her number. I would have to agree with this. Had my H not asked for my number first and just handed me his card, I wouldn't have called. That used to happen to me a lot when I was single and I never called those men.
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Interesting. Thanks for the responses. I think fear of rejection is what's holding me back; so much easier to say, "Here's my number, call me sometime." But yeah, I suppose it's passive. Ugh. At this point I feel dumb and don't want to ask for numbers, give numbers, or anything. I just want to be free from this game-playing, and being told I'm doing it wrong But I really do appreciate the responses.
bean1 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I would have to agree with this. Had my H not asked for my number first and just handed me his card, I wouldn't have called. That used to happen to me a lot when I was single and I never called those men. Yes, I think your H had it right since you weren't willing to give your number at the time. The OP seems to have a "take it or leave it" attitude in giving his numbers, which most women would find to be a real turnoff.
alphamale Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I've been trying to meet girls lately, and instead of asking for their number, sometimes I just write mine down for them and say hit me up if you wanna hang out. you may as well give your number to a brick wall
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 The OP seems to have a "take it or leave it" attitude in giving his numbers, which most women would find to be a real turnoff. I am not sure what you mean. I WANT them to call and I want to call them. What I DON'T want to to be overeager, which is, yes, a big turnoff. I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't, and it is so frustrating being told that you are essentially a chump.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 kizik, one thing I'd like to point out is that you're targeting women in a certain age bracket. Some, if not all the women responding, including myself, are older than your age bracket. The next time you want female opinion about something as specific as this, target the thread to that age category only.
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 kizik, one thing I'd like to point out is that you're targeting women in a certain age bracket. Some, if not all the women responding, including myself, are older than your age bracket. The next time you want female opinion about something as specific as this, target the thread to that age category only. I'm sure it is all the same, anyway. A 25-year-old guy giving his number to a girl is just as laughable as a 45-year-old doing the same, right?
bean1 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I am not sure what you mean. I WANT them to call and I want to call them. What I DON'T want to to be overeager, which is, yes, a big turnoff. I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't, and it is so frustrating being told that you are essentially a chump. Sorry, I don't mean to say you are a chump. I understand you are afraid of rejection and seeming overeager, but not asking for their number is generally seen as a sign of "disinterest". I suppose this is a classic male vs female difference. It's a fine line to walk. There's nothing wrong with giving your number, but ask for hers in return and call her. TBF: Sorry, I'm not sure how old the OP is. My advice is from someone who is generally young (under 30) but old enough to not understand dating via text Maybe that is over the hill in this case.
alphamale Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I'm sure it is all the same, anyway. A 25-year-old guy giving his number to a girl is just as laughable as a 45-year-old doing the same, right? indeed...the key is to seek out women who may be interested in you and ask them for their phone #. if they give it then they may be interested, if they don't then they definitely are not interested.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I'm sure it is all the same, anyway. A 25-year-old guy giving his number to a girl is just as laughable as a 45-year-old doing the same, right? You would think so but who knows. The more I read on LS from the younger set, the more I think there is a difference in how they view dating. The girls appear to be more aggressive and the men, less so. It's like a rebalance or something. Having said that, I'm guessing that guys who ask women out, who aren't afraid of rejection, will end up with more dates. It's just a numbers game sometimes.
hitzpink Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I MIGHT call, depending on how much we actually hit it off, but I agree with the poster who said that it will make most women wonder if you give your number to everyone just hoping that one of them - any of them! - will call. I think it's best to do a mutual exchange of numbers or just ask for hers. Oh, it also depends on where I met the guy. If it was in a bar, I definitely would NOT call. If it was somewhere random, like a coffeeshop or something, I'd be more likely to consider it.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Never in a million years would I make the first contact. In fact, I rarely initiate contact at all for the first few months, if not longer. Numerous experiences have shown me this is the best way to handle it. The most solid beginning is when he asks for my number AND gives me his, then calls within a few days. If I am interested, he'll get my number.
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 It's a fine line to walk. There's nothing wrong with giving your number, but ask for hers in return and call her. You said it. I'll try next time. Even when I got a girl's number a few weeks back, I called, no answer. Clearly no interest. Just goes to show that even getting a girl's number is one step out of many. I am not sure I have the patience or the guts at the stage to go through this all the time. You see, I get pretty stoked when I meet a girl - hope goes UP. Doesn't pan out - hope goes DOWN. It's a cycle that is painful and exhausting, and I suppose it means, though I have been single for over a year, that I shouldn't be dating, unless every rejection is just another bullet deflected off my vest.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 TBF: Sorry, I'm not sure how old the OP is. My advice is from someone who is generally young (under 30) but old enough to not understand dating via text Maybe that is over the hill in this case.kizik is 25. I wasn't sure how old you were but I'm 34, so my dating experience will be in a different generation than kiziks. Yours might not be, since you're under 30 but I'm not sure how much under 30 and also, how old the men you're dating, are.
Touche Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I'm sure it is all the same, anyway. A 25-year-old guy giving his number to a girl is just as laughable as a 45-year-old doing the same, right? It's not laughable, Kizik. I just don't think that the type of girls you want to date will be the type to make the first move. That's my gut feeling anyway. You're not a chump. Just ask for the number if you feel that you've hit it off and that she's interested. In my case, I really liked my H when I first met him but I just thought the timing was all off for me or I would have gladly given him my number. Upon reflection later, when I found his number in my wallet, I decided to not waste another minute of my life on the ex...and that included the decision to delay dating. So I called. There's no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating, Kizik. And everyone will respond differently to your approaches. Again, I just think the way to go for you is to ask for the girl's number if you think there's something there. Do so in a confident and casual way...not like you're desperate.
bean1 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 kizik is 25. I wasn't sure how old you were but I'm 34, so my dating experience will be in a different generation than kiziks. Yours might not be, since you're under 30 but I'm not sure how much under 30 and also, how old the men you're dating, are. I'm 25, my SO is 31... all friends are married w/kids, graduated, careers etc. plus we have a 5 month old so I'm probalby not in the same mindset as the single girls that kizik is interested in
girl68 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Kinda seems lame if you don't try at all. I mean ask for their number what's the harm... afraid of the rejection. If they say no, ask if you can give them yours. I'd say no, I don't think I'd call unless I asked for him number. Yes, being chased has it's appeal. No, I don't want to chase you.
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 My problem is that life is sh*t most of the time, though I keep a good attitude, and no matter how much I do to be proud of myself for, there is no one rooting for me. I should be posting this on the other thread, "Men need women more..." I've had only a handful of promising interactions with girls over the last year, and I like being able to come to this place for feedback. You are all telling me I have been doing it wrong. While I am sure you are correct, and I really appreciate the advice, it makes me want to go back in time and do it right because by now I might have a GF. I have a lot to offer but I was in a 3-year R and I don't know the first thing about dating. Yes, there are hard and fast rules, and I'm not good at them. Everyone in the world seems to know them, and I don't, and as a result getting a GF does not seem likely, because you have to get your foot in the door with all sorts of complicated orchestration. The more I think about it, the more it exhausts and disappoints me. IF someone really does like you, sure, they'll call. Or they'll offer up their number. This isn't 1895 and we cannot all just blame the guys for not hitting on the girls correctly. While I do think there is still a certain gender protocol for dating, the ultimate truth is that if two people like each other, and it feels good and real, it will work out.
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