what is he saying?

[girl29]

my boyfriend of just over a year is really confusing me. when we started dating, i had just gotten out of a lt relationship b/c my ex and i just were heading in different directions. we still loved one another but realized that we needed to let each other spread his/her wings.

 

i met my current boyfriend and his lust for life was invigorating. i was immediately at ease with him; we were constantly having fun in unique ways and he was really pursuant.

 

a bit into the relationship, it became evident that i was less willing to committ than he was, meaning i could not say that i saw a definite future. i was just very interested in enjoying the present and didn't want to complicate it with promises that might be broken.

 

at one point, he was very suggestive that he was falling in love, but, again, i was a little hesitant and the words were never spoken.

 

now things are very different. he has become distant, i feel, and it's creating problems.

 

i don't see why he wants me as a girlfriend. he is not very into sex (and never was...it's just not something he really stresses), so i don't think he needs me physically. i cannot see, from him, what it is that i do for him, or why he wants to have this intimate tag attached to what seems more like a friendship. i ask him these things and he tells me that he just likes being around me and wants to be with me and can explain no further. and that should make me happy, but it confuses me. i really like him, but it's hard because he's become so distant, asks nothing of me, and can't really explain why he wants me.

 

what is he up to?

[meanon]

It is hard to give advice without knowing more but you seem to only want friendship from him and he wants more. This may be making him feel rejected and be the cause if the distance between you. Never mind what he's up to - what are you up to? If you are not ready to settle down maybe it would be kinder to be honest with him.

[RedneckRomeo]

Do us guys have to be in a relationship for sex? I know most guys are very physical - "needing" sex, but there are those of us who sex isn't the biggest thing in a relationship. Call us old fashioned if you wish - but I don't "need" sex.

 

The girl I am currently interested in (same as before) is beautiful - and she has an awesome body - but I don't want to go out with her because of that - I want to go out with her because she has a great personality, I enjoy being around her, she's easy to get along with, just a great girl. I guess you could say that I don't need her physically - but I am really interested in getting to know her - going out with her - and would just love it if one day in the future she would be my girlfriend, fiancee, and eventually - wife. That doesn't mean she doesn't excite me or turn me on... completely the opposite. I am very glad to see her when I do, and she has turned me on at times - but I'm not a ravaging sex maniac like most men are portrayed as. Do I want it? Sure. Will I enjoy it when I get it? Of Course! Do I need it? Nope. Why? Because of the way I feel about her - she is special to me, and I'd rather get to know her instead of getting to know her body. There is a difference.

 

If your boyfriend tells you that he "just likes being around [you] and wants to be with [you]" then he just loves you for who you are and not for your body - which I take as being a very good thing. Maybe he isn't a sex maniac like many men are said to be - maybe he wants to know the real you - and wants to love you for who you are - and wants the same from you.

 

If I were asked what the girl I'm interested in does for me - my answer would be similar. I'd tell her that I love being around her, just getting to see her, talk to her, enjoy her company - is awesome. She means so much to me - just having her in my life - and I dont know what I'd do without her. She has a great personality, is very friendly, kind, funny, fun to be with, just an enjoyable person. It cannot be explained very well how greatly I love her - there arent enough words to tell it. Having her in my life is just the greatest gift I could have ever asked for - and more. She is more than I ever dreamed of, and she is - to me - perfect. Of course she has her faults - everyone does - but they dont matter to me - which makes her perfect for me. My feelings for her can't be described - they're so incredible. I dont have anything to ask of her because she is everything that I have ever wanted, needed, and dreamed of, and more. She is fascinating, and the days without her are hard to get through - but the thought of her always brings a smile to my face. She is always on my mind, and I couldn't get her out even if I tried - believe me, there are times I have tried. What do I want of her? She is perfect the way she is - and I want her because of the feeling I get when she's around. No other way to explain it.

 

The point of all this and summary of my opinion:

Do you love your guy? Because if he tells you he loves being with you and can't explain any further - then he is either going through exactly what I am right now and loves you from the bottom of his heart - or else he is a big fat lier. I doubt highly that he's the latter.

[Infusion]

Nicely said!

 

I couldn't agree more, because I myself am in the same state of mind right now. I love my girlfriend so much and she means a lot to me, so much so that I can't imagine being without her. Same as you, I do not need her physically, like almost everyone I know out there do with their girlfriends, but being with her- even just talking with her all night and being dead tired the day after is worth it. In a way, she's very much like me, not needing me physically either, but maybe a little extreme sometimes. The funniest thing was the time when I found out she broke up with me because she thinks she can't give me what I want in a girl, that she can't hold my hand like I often asked her about. At first I thought it did mean something very valuable to me, to hold her hand, but later on I thought I loved her just the way she is and it's quite inexplicable, but I know that deep inside I really don't care if she can't be like most other girls or be conventional, just as long as she loves me and that I love her too. I was actually quite shocked when she told me that such a simple reason kept us from being together; sometimes misunderstandings can be a funny thing. With that aside and long behind me now, I just have to say I couldn't be any happier now that she is back in my life. So my advice to you is, look down deep inside and ask yourself what you really like about him, and ask yourself if you'll mind if he doesn't need you there for him physically. Try imagining life without him and see how you would feel to get an idea of what he means to you (maybe you take him for granted?)