Found my dad's weed... HOLY HYPOCRISY

[Punkage]

First I want to apologize in advance if this is in the wrong section.

 

For a while, I've suspected that my Dad smokes pot. My brother told me he caught him with a pipe a few times, but I didn't believe it. Well, today, while working on my bike, I found ashes and roaches in his toolbox. ( I wasn't snooping... I needed a wrench. ) I, myself, smoke weed occasionally so this isn't the problem...

 

What pisses me off is that I have a few friends that smoke, and he knows they do, and he's really weird with them. He always checks me after I get back from hanging out with them, and warns me that if I'm caught doing anything wrong I'll be thrown out of the house. When I'm around the friends I have that smoke, he's gone as far as to even make comments about it in front of them, and it's really embarrassing. Until today, when I found his roaches, that was the reason keeping me thinking he didn't, not to mention the fact that my mom told me he quit when he was a teenager.

 

Anyways, I just wanted some opinions on this. Do you think the fact that I'm 16 means it's not okay for me to smoke, but it's fine for him? Would you say I'm being immature or is there something wrong here?

[Lucky_One]

Bad news. There IS a double standard between kids and adults, and there always will be. And when you are an adult, you will understand it without even knowing why you understand it.

 

Let's face it - you are a kid, and if you get caught smoking pot, it will damage your future a lot more legally than it would him.

 

i drink (not illegal, but hey). If I found my son drinking, I would raise holy hell. If I caught him smoking pot, cigarettes, chewing tobacco, having promiscuous unsafe sex, I would raise holy hell. Just because I may do (or may have done) these things, that doesn't mean I stand by and let him do dangerous or illegal things.

 

That is part of parenting.

 

Sucks, yeah, but that's the way it is. Trust me, soon enough you will be on your own, and wondering how in the hell you are going to AFFORD weed, much less pay for those ramen noodles you have been living off of, and this will be the least of your worries!

[carhill]

In a healthy home there are not double standards. Parents lead by example. It's called accountability.

 

Son, what do you want here? Do you want someone to tell you it's OK to smoke dope since dad does it and lies to mom about it? Do you think that's right? Look into mom's eyes and tell me you do.

 

You're making a choice here which will impact the rest of your life. Choose wisely

[Woggle]

You are only 16 but yeah most moral crusaders are hypocrites.

[carhill]

And a self-aware young person should align him or herself with those who do act as they speak. It's a great lesson we teach here on LS about interpersonal relationships, watching actions and words to match.

 

The OP is now at an age where he can reject ideas and ideals with which he does not agree or finds repugnant, including those of his parents. He chooses. With that choice comes responsibility. Is he ready for that? Unknown.

 

Would you say I'm being immature or is there something wrong here?

 

You're doing something which is likely illegal where you live. If you're arrested, it can affect the rest of your life, and certainly prospects for education and work. Your father has lived his life and made his choices. Now, it's your turn. Be mature and make an independent choice.

[Lucky_One]

I wouldn't be so quick to assume that Dad is really lying to Mom about it. Many parents have a "conspiracy of silence". Dad may know that Mom lost her virginity at age 13 to a group of boys from the varsity baseball team, but he will still tell his daughter that her mother made a responsible decision to wait to have sex until she was in a committed relationship.

 

Accountability is great, carhill, and should be the norm - but it rarely is. We have all screwed up in our youth, and we typically continue to screw up sometimes as adults. We don't really want to hold our screwedup selves to our kids as role models.

 

Nor can we tell the truth, and hope that our children say "wow - what a great honest conversation - I have learned from your mistakes and I will NEVER smoke pot= thanks Dad!". Teenagers usually respond with "HOLY HYPOCRISY! Now I get to smoke weed, and Dad can't rag my ass about it! Wooohooo!!"

[carhill]

Dad could've been a heroin addict when he was young. That's not the point. The point is dad is still smoking dope and lying about it. He's a lousy role model. Own it

[Woggle]

Just remember that your father is an adult and you are a minor. He can also have a beer because of this.

[carhill]

We have all screwed up in our youth, and we typically continue to screw up sometimes as adults. We don't really want to hold our screwedup selves to our kids as role models.

 

I was able to resist such mistakes because I had exactly that, role models who showed a good example and supported my choices. Fighting peer pressure has been an often lonely battle, but I'm so glad I made the choices I did. I'm sharing that right now with this young man. I hope he sees value in a positive role model and will seek one out for himself.

[2sure]

Punkage -

 

I am terrified that someday my daughter may come to me with the same criticism and questions which you have posted. I can only hope that like you, she is able to answer her own question maturely and reasonably.

 

I dont smoke pot. I dont drink and drive. I obey all laws. But I didnt always live this way and I suffered REAL consequences. Also, my daughter's dad , whom she visits, does smoke pot and it has been an issue. I dont feel I can condemn him, but I cant tell my daughter its ok.

 

At 16, you're just too young not only to make that decision but also way too young to deal with the myriad consequences of using drugs AND breaking the law.

 

Your Dad is being a good Dad. He is taking care of you. Please don't judge him until you have 16 year old kids of your own.

 

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and it also sounds as though you trust his judgement.

 

You know what? Talk to him. Sounds like you can.

[hey_beautiful]

My dad did the same thing. Guess what? He did it for my own good. Usually parents want their kids to turn out better than they did. So, since my dad skipped school a lot and regretted it, he always made me go, even if I was bleeding from the eyes. My dad smoked pot and got into a lot of trouble for it, (even as an adult) and he did not want me to. That is natural. It's not like he is trying to play up the double standard, he just wants you to make different, and possibly better decisions.

[amaysngrace]

If you find his baggie take it.

 

If he accuses you of taking it ask him in astonishment "YOU smoke POT??!"

[whichwayisup]

Do you think the fact that I'm 16 means it's not okay for me to smoke, but it's fine for him? Would you say I'm being immature or is there something wrong here?

You're 16, and your father is an adult. Big difference.

 

He probably is worried what other drugs you'll do, pot can lead to heavier drugs, depending on if you have an addictive personality.

 

How often do you smoke up? And, is pot the only drug you do? Do you smoke cigarettes as well?

[Punkage]

@which

 

I smoke about once every other week. I have and never will touched any other drugs. I don't drink, and I don't smoke cigarettes. And I'm actually quitting as of 2 weeks ago because I'm planning on getting a job. My grades have been really good through the last school year, and I think weed may have helped that.

 

To everyone else, I honestly don't feel like marijuana is a terrible drug. I'm not bothered that he smokes it... and even more than the fact that I know it wouldn't be okay for me, what bothers me is the lack of honesty. Because I'm a kid I don't deserve the truth? My mom has told me my dad doesn't smoke anymore. Like it's a big deal, why shouldn't I know?

 

edit: Although I didn't directly reply to everyone I wanna thank you guys for your feedback. Every post is helpful, and I read every single one and think on it.

[donnamaybe]

Do you want someone to tell you it's OK to smoke dope since dad does it and lies to mom about it?

 

What makes you think mom isn't just covering for dad?

[donnamaybe]

If you find his baggie take it.

 

If he accuses you of taking it ask him in astonishment "YOU smoke POT??!"

 

Now THAT is a good idea, and funny as hell!

[Punkage]

What makes you think mom isn't just covering for dad?

 

I thought of that... but I just don't see the need to do that in the first place.

[donnamaybe]

I thought of that... but I just don't see the need to do that in the first place.

 

I know you don't, but if dad doesn't want you to know he smokes, mom will cover for him. Please don't try to tell me she doesn't know. You can't help but smell it and see the red rimmed, glassy eyes. I'm willing to wager she's not "new." lol

[Punkage]

I know you don't, but if dad doesn't want you to know he smokes, mom will cover for him. Please don't try to tell me she doesn't know. You can't help but smell it and see the red rimmed, glassy eyes. I'm willing to wager she's not "new." lol

 

Yeah, I didn't mean to imply my mom didn't know. I meant that I had asked my mom before if my dad smokes, and she said he quit as a teenager.

 

I understand that he wouldn't want me smoking, but the way he acts to my friends bothers me too. None of them want to be here. I don't get it... I'm okay with the fact that he smokes in itself, but the way I get treated, without it ever even being known that I do, is crap.

 

Here in California, if I were caught with less than an ounce ( I have never even had that much at a time ) I'd probably just have to do some community service.

[donnamaybe]

Do you feel comfortable trying to talk to him about it? Tell him what you found; that you know he smokes; that you know that, despite the fact that he smokes, he is still a good dad and provider, etc. etc. That yes, you do occasionally, and you have no intention of even TRYING other drugs, nor do you intend to overuse pot. Overuse of ANYTHING can be a bad thing. If you smoke too much pot you get lazy.

 

You sound like you have your head on straight. Some people hark back to the "reefer madness" days and go right to "I would NEVER! It's a gateway drug, blah blah blah" and have absolutely NO experience with it, so they're talking out their you-know-what when they start lambasting you. Oh, and then they'll reach for their alcoholic drink and take a sip.

[mogul]

 

Here in California, if I were caught with less than an ounce ( I have never even had that much at a time ) I'd probably just have to do some community service.

 

The great state of cali. I love it, nor cal or so cal? Yeah, depending on the officers, most of them are really relaxed. I could be wrong, but the limit i think is two ounces which is "intent to sell and distribute". Other than that they usually brush it off. I'm just going off experience.

[Punkage]

Donna-

 

Thanks. I appreciate that. My dad and I get along, but I don't think we're close enough to have that kind of conversation. I want to be, and maybe someday we can.

 

Mogul-

 

So Cal. I've had friends busted with pipes and weed and it's just been thrown away. No ticket, but when one of my buddies did get a ticket he just had like, 25 hours of community service (same amount I got for breaking this kid's nose in a fight I didn't start ). Yeah, I think the limit may be 2 ounces actually, which is a LOT of weed.

[sally4sara]

First I want to apologize in advance if this is in the wrong section.

 

For a while, I've suspected that my Dad smokes pot. My brother told me he caught him with a pipe a few times, but I didn't believe it. Well, today, while working on my bike, I found ashes and roaches in his toolbox. ( I wasn't snooping... I needed a wrench. ) I, myself, smoke weed occasionally so this isn't the problem...

 

What pisses me off is that I have a few friends that smoke, and he knows they do, and he's really weird with them. He always checks me after I get back from hanging out with them, and warns me that if I'm caught doing anything wrong I'll be thrown out of the house. When I'm around the friends I have that smoke, he's gone as far as to even make comments about it in front of them, and it's really embarrassing. Until today, when I found his roaches, that was the reason keeping me thinking he didn't, not to mention the fact that my mom told me he quit when he was a teenager.

 

Anyways, I just wanted some opinions on this. Do you think the fact that I'm 16 means it's not okay for me to smoke, but it's fine for him? Would you say I'm being immature or is there something wrong here?

 

I'm sort of on the fence about this one. Sure, yeah I smoked weed for the first time when I was 15 and continued socially for a good while. Today? Meh. Maybe if I knew the person offering real well and didn't need to worry about what else was in it. I think it should be legalized. I don't think its on the same level of harm as other drug or even alcohol.

 

Will I permit my son to smoke weed? Probably not. He is by far a better student than I was. I was very smart as a kid but pretty bratty when it came to completing assignments. I cannot say how much my partying and peer environment was the cause of that. I'd rather my son focus on his education. I'd rather he place such an importance on his education that he wouldn't make arrogant decisions like drinking or doing drugs while he is under my roof. His father has addiction problems and we don't know what effect his fathers genes has contributed to my son's potential for the same. I'd rather he take an interest in finding that out after he is done with school. Even college if possible.

 

If I do find him smoking weed (among other things) I will not kick him out of my house. Sitting down and having a discussion about it has worked for everything thats come up so far. I have no reason to believe it wouldn't work for this as well. I don't plan to hide that I did things when I was younger. If I did that, how can I expect him to take my part of the discussion to heart?

 

Who would you listen to about the effects of drug use more? Someone who has some experience or someone who knows nothing first hand?

Maybe you should bring it to your dad?

[Punkage]

Not to offend, but the whole I don't want my kids making the same mistakes I did argument seems like a bit of a cop out.

 

I think society has the wrong image of marijuana, and if my dad smokes, why should he have that kind of idea? As much as I'd love to bring it up to my dad, that won't happen for a while, because I know for a fact that if he knew I smoked, it would get violent. I think weed helps him with work, but I foresee him disagreeing with the fact that it helps me with school. The fact is, school has changed from the days when he was in high school.

 

I hate even calling marijuana a drug. At 16, I'm old enough to drive. I'm old enough to work. But I'm not old enough to smoke a few bowls and just relax? Yes, I know it's illegal for ANYONE, but why can't I make that choice? I am fully aware of the consequences, and am a far cry from an addict.

 

I suppose this may belong more in the rants category. I appreciate the replies, everyone. <3

[sally4sara]

Not to offend, but the whole I don't want my kids making the same mistakes I did argument seems like a bit of a cop out.

 

 

I suppose this may belong more in the rants category. I appreciate the replies, everyone. <3

 

I don't feel the way I feel about the subject because of mistakes I made. I feel the way I feel because I don't know if my son will have his father's addictive tendencies. I want him to find that out on his own dime when I am not legally liable for his potential mistakes. Later it will be that I don't want him to get tuition from me and then flunk out from being high all the time. I won't begrudge him the experiences I had for the sake of being the heavy in his life. I'm going to get real mad if I have to pay for his fine and court cost because he got pinched while I am his custodial gardian.

 

And honestly, having had my experiences, the drug in question holds no mystic for me now.....it didn't really bring anything awesome to my life. Didn't bring anything bad (addictions do not run in my family), but still, nothing I couldn't have done without.

 

When your parents cannot get bit in the arse for your choices, then you have an argument. Right now you can only grab yer dad's stash and have the mock reaction he would have from finding your stash to make a point to him that he is being hypocritical.