deter Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 hey everybody, i just registered here.. found this place looking for smoe info and decided to join.. no here's my dilema.. you people seem to have alot of insightful ideas so i guess ill give it a shot.. well i started college this year, and as you can figure, theres a lot of hot girls there.. about a week ago, however, one girl caught my eye like none other... in my eyes she was gorgeous! well.. today i saw her today after school, and we were glancing making eye contact etc. She was SSorta playing with her hair, and took her hoodie off (great body sigh... ) , so there were some tell tale sign of flirting.. she seemed really nice, fun, energetic, and she has an amazing smile. theres a catch though, she was with a guy however, i dont think there were going out, cause they didnt look like a couple, and he wasnt giving me any dirty looks while i was looking at her, i realy really really wanted to talk to her because he left to get a drink for her, and she looked like she wanted me to i think .. but i didnt problem is.. i guess im really self-conscious and shy, and ive told myself too many times that me which such a girl is impossible... well as you can prolly figure.. she left after a bit.. and im afraid i may have blown my only chance... if it ever even existed... do any of you know how someone like me can changed their way of thinking bout them selves, or thinking about themselves "for" other people?(if that makes sense?). i want to change cause a lot of my life flies by because i dont take chances, and i alwasy keep to myself most of the time, well mostly around strangers, but sometimes my firneds too.. but i still have that fear... maybe its becaise i dont know what to say or how to approach someone i dont even know, have any suggestions about that too? well ti guess that it.. thanks for listening.. hopefully i can get some good advice from some of you and ill be looking forward to it, thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Well I think it is great that you acknowledge that you have some really bad thought patterns. You need to start believing and thinking you can change those. You are aware of them so every time that little man in your head says ‘don’t do it’, ‘you’re not good enough’, ‘she’ll say no’, ‘she can do heaps better’ etc STOP yourself and say…. WHY??? ‘why not do it’, ‘why are you not good enough?’, ‘why should she say no?’. Why are you ANY DIFFERENT to any other person on this earth who has asked a girl out they saw??? How are you any different from anyone who is having a great life??? You see, you create everything in your life… you need to start taking control of that, stop believing that you are too shy, you may be shy but that is no excuse for letting life pass you by. Sometimes I think that shyness is an excuse for being a little lazy to fight for something, or being a little cowardly and not taking a little risk. You said you are afraid that you have blown your only chance??? Why? Will you not see her again? If so well… MOVE ON… if you do see her around collage… MAKE ANOTHER CHANCE. Remember you create everything in your life. If you are scared of rejection, don’t be… girls expect guys to ask them out, and like it a lot at that. If she says no, that’s fine, cant win them all BUT whatever you do, do not pin your self worth on whether she says yes or no, cos if you keep trying at something, it will happen. Keep meeting different girls and asking them out etc… The only way to fail is if you don’t do it. Believe in yourself… you are NO different to anyone else on this earth who has achieved all that they desire… they just had the courage and self belief to do so. NO MORE EXCUSES!!! Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 The problem that I find in general hard to just walk up to someone and say hi or whats up is that i would feel awkward and so would the person. I feel this way because it gives the impression to the girl that I might be trying to hit on her...is that how all girls feel?? which i wouldnt want them to judge me like that anyway if that girl isnt in any of your classes, it might be somewhat difficult to get to know her. one thing i would like to note about experience is that there are girls that are open and dont mind meeting new people, while there are other girls that are closed/protective/suspicious/judgemental where they start wondering what reasons you have for walking up to them and saying hi...does the word "player" come to mind? Link to post Share on other sites
subtitled Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 if you're a decent guy, and it sounds like you are - i'd be flattered to have you come up and talk to me, even if i wasn't interested. Maybe she's not really your type anyway, so you could just be friends, but whatever, i think yeh, build up your esteem and go for it. Don't sweet-talk, just a nice balance of friendliness with something a little bit more.. the X factor hehe... being shy sucks... but it's not a permanent status tell your friends you're trying to get over being shy, and hopefully, if they're not wankers, they'll help you become more confident, giving a bit of pressure here and there to do stuff.. my friends do it with me often, but it's not harrassment, just a bit of "oh come on! just do it!". Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 a simple smile is a good place to start. If she feels encouraged by it, she will approach you because she figures you must be a friendly guy to smile at her. it takes a lot of guts to admit whatever shortcomings you feel you have, and I applaud you for that. but don't get too bogged down by that -- there's more to you than just your shortcomings, you just need to encourage these things along. You won't get it right immediately -- or even every time – but that's okay because none of us are perfect. We all just strive a little harder when we don't accomplish what we hope to ... in the meantime, work on your smile. It's your ticket to meeting new people. Link to post Share on other sites
purecountry Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 I was one of those quiet shy guys who could never go up and talk to a girl until about a month ago. I went out by myself and had met and talked to many people that I did not know and I used to be to shy for that. I decided to work on being more social and open up. It has worked out great for me. My friends help me when I start to act shy again. But I have noticed a difference. I am happier than I was and I havent had problems talking to girls that I didnt know. You just have to go up to her and give it a try. It will help you out even if she says no. My self confidence has grown alot and I have been able to ask a couple girls out. Its all about trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deter Posted November 2, 2003 Author Share Posted November 2, 2003 thanks for the comments, they really made sense.. guess ill have to try some of this stuff out tomorrow.. if i see her again that is.. lol.. or when i see her.. i should see her sometime right? Link to post Share on other sites
tackleboxteddybear Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Originally posted by PurpleAngel Well I think it is great that you acknowledge that you have some really bad thought patterns. You need to start believing and thinking you can change those. You are aware of them so every time that little man in your head says ‘don’t do it’, ‘you’re not good enough’, ‘she’ll say no’, ‘she can do heaps better’ etc STOP yourself and say…. WHY??? ‘why not do it’, ‘why are you not good enough?’, ‘why should she say no?’. Why are you ANY DIFFERENT to any other person on this earth who has asked a girl out they saw??? How are you any different from anyone who is having a great life??? You see, you create everything in your life… you need to start taking control of that, stop believing that you are too shy, you may be shy but that is no excuse for letting life pass you by. Sometimes I think that shyness is an excuse for being a little lazy to fight for something, or being a little cowardly and not taking a little risk. You said you are afraid that you have blown your only chance??? Why? Will you not see her again? If so well… MOVE ON… if you do see her around collage… MAKE ANOTHER CHANCE. Remember you create everything in your life. If you are scared of rejection, don’t be… girls expect guys to ask them out, and like it a lot at that. If she says no, that’s fine, cant win them all BUT whatever you do, do not pin your self worth on whether she says yes or no, cos if you keep trying at something, it will happen. Keep meeting different girls and asking them out etc… The only way to fail is if you don’t do it. Believe in yourself… you are NO different to anyone else on this earth who has achieved all that they desire… they just had the courage and self belief to do so. NO MORE EXCUSES!!! Thats a swift kick to the balls type of reality check.LoL Good call now how do I adapt & quit being so lazy & cowardly though.IM DOOMED Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Originally posted by tackleboxteddybear Thats a swift kick to the balls type of reality check.LoL Good call now how do I adapt & quit being so lazy & cowardly though.IM DOOMED HAVE FAITH... BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!! You’ll only do it if you actually want to. You are not doomed! Stop being so fatalistic! Only you have control over whether you are doomed or not! Get off your ass and get out there! You’ve got NOTHING to lose! Stay Cool!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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