The girl of my dreams needs "time"... I don't want to lose her if I let her go! HELP!

[thisisnothappening]

I need some help, here goes:

 

My g/f of 2 1/2 years just broke up with me (im 22, shes 20), We had one of those PERFECT relationships, totally in love, thinking of our future together. Honestly, I knew she was the only one for me, and I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life...

 

We were sooooo in love the whole 2 1/2 years, we both love each others family, we both talked about getting married, all the good stuff. Plus, we had ultimate trust and communication. Last year, we made it through my first year of college fine (college is 3 hours away from her), so I thought this year would be even easier to handle, but two weeks after I start college, she says she needs time and that she doesn't know what she wants. I would do anything to keep her, but after a few weeks of thinking about this NONSTOP, I know that I have to let her go. I have been through more than she has, and she needs to learn about life herself, alone, just as I did, but I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE THIS GIRL!

 

Neither of us did anything wrong, we never even fight. This came out of the blue and that is why I dont really know what is going on in her head.

 

Another interesting thing is that LAST year, she had her best friend (who also has a long-term boyfriend) to talk to and hang out with. Well, they stopped hanging out because her friend works all the time, and now my girlfriend found two new girlfriends (WHO ARE SINGLE). These new friends also live in the town where my girlfriends OLD BOYFRIEND is from, so my girlfriend knows everyone there.

 

I want her to grow up, but on the other hand, I am so scared that she wont come back to me...I truly love this girl to death. She is my whole world, I don't even have many other friends or do other stuff because none of that compares to my girlfriend.

 

The hardest part is that this came out of the blue! One week she sends me a cute card saying "Loving You Is Easy Because You Are Beautiful", the next week, she needs to be alone...

 

*** A quick list of the things she has said...maybe someone will understand them:

 

"I love you, but I don't know if you are the one."

"I want to experience other people and other things."

"I need to be alone."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"It has nothing to do with physical/sexual aspect of our relationship."

"I do not know if I will come back."

"I can't talk about marriage/future anymore."

"Please let me do this."

"I changed a lot of things for you, and now I want those things back."

"I want to be free."

"I don't know what I want."

 

I believe everything she tells me, I just think there is something more.

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated...preferably a girls opinion, because I really want to understand what is going through her head.

 

Thx.

[andreautick]

Well, I think it's pretty clear...but hard to face. She needs space, she needs freedom and it is not neccesarily personal. YOu know what they say, if you love something, set it free and if it loves you it will come back. You have to let her go, and if she loves you she'll come back, and if she doesn't come back you'll know that you deserve better. I know it's easier said than done, but you just need to get strong, get really busy so that you don't think about it, and go with it. Give her space, but be sure to drop her a line every once in awhile (maybe ask how much you can contact her) and let her know that you care. This can't be easy, but it will be for the best. Good luck, I feel for you!

[JustaFool]

Whoa! Man, you and I are experiencing nearly the same thing right now. My story. We met in June of 2002. She was 18 and I was 23(now she's 19 and I'm 24). We met and the spark was huge. We fell in love and couldn't stay away from each other. She moved 5 hours away to go to college and we made it through that for a semester. She returned home to go to school locally. She and I spoke many times about the future and my family loves her and her family loves me. Her mother used to tell me that she has never seen her so happy and she loves me soooo much. Fast forward to now: She broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We had been argiung a lot and I was a huge idiot sometimes. See, she is in a very demanding curriculum and also works two jobs. That did not leave her much time for me. I gave her a hard time about it instead of being understanding. Basically she said a lot of the same things only different words:

"I don't want a relationship with ANYONE"

"I don't have anything left to give."

"I lost who I am"

"There's a huge weight off of me since we broke up"

"You've experienced things I haven't"

"I don't know if we'll ever be together again"

"I don't trust you to not hurt me again"

 

These may not sound the same but they are close. She said she needs time. That dreaded word "time". I think the same thing. I don't want to lose her to time. I bothered her after we broke up about getting back. That got me no where. My advice since I am going through the same thing is this....Leave her alone. I know that's not what you want to hear and neither do I, but its true. Let her see what else is out there. My ex is currently seeing that the parties and the single life aren't too great. She was quoted as saying, "Do you know how many perverts I have to fight off?" Time is the only thing that will make her see the light. By stopping all contact, she will miss you. If you call or anything she will know that you are still waiting around for her. I'm not saying go and date other girls. God knows I can't even stomach the thought of that. Let her see that single life sucks. Let her see that there are a lot of guys out there who are pricks and only want one thing. You can't force someone to do something. See, from what I can figure, women that age 19/20 don't know what they want from day to day. What's good today isn't good tomorrow and vice versa. I know how you feel....it's the worst in the world. I don't think there's anything else going on...she just wants to "see what is out there". She'll be back.........